


Zealot

by Deviant_Trash



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood Fetish, Connor and Niles are twins, Connor hates himself, Demon Sex, Demon!Hank, Demonic Possession, Explicit Sexual Content, Human Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Human Nines, Hypersexuality, I need help, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Original Character(s), Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Please Don't Hate Me, Priest!Connor, Religious Content, Self-Hatred, Sex, Sex Addiction, Twincest, demon/priest AU, questionable relationships, taboo content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2019-10-03 06:16:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 103,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17278640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deviant_Trash/pseuds/Deviant_Trash
Summary: It was starting.It always started as a tickling in the back of his brain, like the feeling one gets just before falling asleep. Faint and barely there. Eventually spreading into a tingling in his legs. Then the voices. Voices coming from nowhere and everywhere at once, both from inside his head and whispered in his ear. Telling him things. Egging on his unholy, devious thoughts. Restlessness. An inability to keep thoughts directed on anything other than the complete, all encompassing need he felt. Cold sweats. And then the burning. The burning was the worst. If he let it go on for long enough, the fantasies bombarding his brain until there was nothing left, it started to hurt. It would start in his lower belly, that all too familiar feeling of arousal, without his brains active consent. Sexual molestation of his own body, by his own body. Then, if left alone, would spread into a full on searing pain that spread from one part of his body to the next, as though it couldn't decide where to set up shop.Typical withdrawal from a typical addict.Sex.That was the long and short of it.Sex was the only thing that made it go away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright.  
> So, this AU idea grabbed me by the balls and wouldn't let go.  
> Please, PLEASE read the tags and consider yourself warned.  
> I'm not kidding.  
> This might be a bit unpleasant for some people.  
> Poor Concon is gonna be dealing with some serious issues through this.  
> So.... Enjoy?

"Welcome home, Father Anderson!"

That's what the banner hanging above the pulpit read, bright, cheery blue paint in neat stenciled block letters suspended from the ceiling, a small trickle of paint trailing down from the 'n' at the end, like it had just been finished not too long ago and hung up in a hurry.

It was all a similar setup to the one Connor had received when he'd left for seminary school almost 4 years ago.

No. Not similar.  
It was all the same.  
The same long plastic tables filled with home made food.  
The same cheap plastic chairs that nobody was sitting in.  
The same lingering, cloying stench of incense and air freshener.  
The same smiling faces patting his back and ruffling his hair and popping confetti poppers by his head, making his ears ring.  
The congregation had been just as riled up when he'd given the news that he was accepted into Harvard divinity school.  
Mom had cried. Looking over at her she was tearing up now, caught up in the emotion of the moment despite the fact that he'd been home for several hours now before they'd rushed him to their church so they could 'celebrate his graduation properly.'

He smiled and shook hands and hugged and greeted people accordingly, saying thank yous and telling people one after another how 'gratifying' the whole experience had been  
Over and over, until he had talked to and touched every person in the room.

He felt like he was going to vomit by the end of it. Or jump out of his skin. Whichever came first.

All of the fake pleasantries and smiles and the touching... God **_damn_** he needed a cigarette.

It wasn't that he was ungrateful. Really. He appreciated the gesture, and the fact that so many people had come to welcome him home was nice but... He only knew the names of half the people in here. The other half were family, friends, or even acquaintances of the people he knew, all just here to join in on welcoming some stranger back and to score some free food.

He wondered how many had been dragged there under the 'there won't be any religion talk' pretense.

Probably quite a few.

By the time he was finally able to excuse himself and slip outside where the world was tinted in a rose gold glow he was completely and utterly exhausted. He'd managed to sneak out as everyone was meandering around while they prolonged goodbyes with idle chatter.

Propping himself up against the wall just off to the side of the back door he pulled a carefully concealed cigarette from his pocket and stuck it between his lips. He let the cigarette just hang there for a second while he let his head rest back against the cool bricks.

The air was chilly, despite it being late May and it caused the exterior of the church to become cool to the touch, seeping through his blue button down and into his bones.

It was nice.

Shaking his head he guarded his lighter from the wind with his hand and lit his cigarette, taking a long, slow inhale while he did.

They'd try to kill the nasty nicotine habit in school. 'Nobody respects a priest who smokes.' his roommate had chastised, throwing his pack into the garbage can in their kitchen with an infuriating 'thump'.

But it was either the shitty cigarettes or he was gonna kill his overly positive roommate, and the cancer sticks seemed like the lesser of two evils. So, in true Connor Anderson fashion, he'd made it a habit to go on runs every evening. To 'lessen the cravings' he'd claimed.

And, while at first he'd had every intention of trying to actually take the exercise seriously, during said runs he'd often find himself hailing a cab after only a few miles. Then he would end up paying the excessive fair to drive a town over so that he could hang out in some slum of a bar _nobody_ he knew would be caught dead in. And there, in that dark, piss smelling hovel, he could be the worthless piece of shit he _really_ was and smoke like a chimney, drink a beer or two and usually end up on the receiving end of more than one unwashed, hastily condom covered cock.

Surprisingly, he'd actually grown fond of the regulars there. After a few drunken sessions, he'd learned most of their names and, after about two months of his escapades he found himself sitting on the sticky bartop, beer in hand with half a dozen half drunk, bulking bears of men huddled around while he spilled his life story. He'd told them all about his homophobic mother. And his restrictive upbringing. His twin. His sexual awakening in high school, which was quickly followed by his sexual repression, which led to his current predicament. Talking about how his body reacted negatively if he went without sex for a certain period of time had earned several throaty chuckles from the men, but they'd been... surprisingly supportive. To the point where they became almost like a second family. They were always happy to see him, though Connor suspected the fact that he was always down for a good fuck had something to do with that. But they were a great support system, and seemed genuinely concerned if he came in to the bar in a bad mood. If nothing else, it was a lot cheaper than therapy. 

_Come to think of it, hadn't Tom said he was a therapist?_

They'd even thrown him a party during his final visit as well. 

Although.... that had been  _quite_ a different party indeed. 

Recalling it gave Connor goosebumps. 

And so it went.

So, for the last four years rather than 'i only smoke when i drink.' His smoking was almost always punctuated with a good dicking. And three drags in and he was already jonesing.

He _was_ a creature of habit.

But this 'want' for sex wasn't a 'need.'

It was an easily ignored want based on a few years of routine.

No. The smoking didn't trigger him, thank fucking god.

All of that damn _touching_ though..

Everyone inside pawing at him like he was some damn prize. Touching his shoulders. Being pulled into hugs against firm chests from semi-familiar school mates. Ruffling his hair. Telling him 'good job'. Lingering glances from familiar faces that, at this point, he couldn't remember if they were familiar because of church, or because he blew them in a bathroom stall at some point.

But that was a lifetime ago at this point, wasn't it?

He couldn't do any of _that_ here. He couldn't risk approaching anyone about it, even if he was 99.99% sure he knew what they looked like naked.  
They knew his family here.

Sneaking away for a quick fuck was easy when he was in high school and he had his brother to cover for him. Now? Now he was alone, with his mom more protective and overbearing than ever.

As he started to tap his foot on the gravel under him he cursed to himself, a slew of colorful, wholly inappropriate expletives coming to mind between one long inhale of smoke and a slow exhale.

It was starting.  
It always started as a tickling in the back of his brain, like the feeling one gets just before falling asleep. Faint and barely there. Eventually spreading into a tingling in his legs. Then the voices. Voices coming from nowhere and everywhere at once, both from inside his head and whispered in his ear. Telling him things. Egging on his unholy, devious thoughts. Restlessness. An inability to keep thoughts directed on anything other than the complete, all encompassing _need_ he felt. Cold sweats. And then the burning. The burning was the worst. If he let it go on for long enough, the fantasies bombarding his brain until there was nothing left, it started to hurt. It would start in his lower belly, that all too familiar feeling of arousal, without his brains active consent. Sexual molestation of his own body, by his own body. Then, if left alone, would spread into a full on searing pain that spread from one part of his body to the next, as though it couldn't decide where to set up shop.

Typical withdrawal from a typical addict.  
Sex.  
That was the long and short of it.  
Sex was the only thing that made it go away.  
Masturbation was a band-aide. As were the cigarettes. They helped, but it didn't go away.  
He hadn't had to deal with his little addiction rearing its ugly head for the past couple of years, save for the seldom isolated incident, since his nightly activities pretty much took care of things. But being back here, in this town he was raised in, surrounded by faces he knew and grew up with and cared for. Surrounded by some people he called friends, and others he knew in passing whom he shouldn't want but found himself lusting after anyway. Being back here where he knew that only a very, very small handful of people knew about his sexual orientation and his little 'problem' and the people that didn't know would never accept it... Well,  
It made things worse.

He jumped a bit when the door to his right swung open and he dropped his hand holding the cigarette down by his side, out of sight. When his dad walked out though he breathed a small sigh of relief and brought the cigarette up to his mouth again.

"You sneak away too?" He asked, smiling as dad pulled out a cigarette of his own and lit up, nodding as he came to stand next to Connor.

"Yeah." He muttered on an exhale of smoke. "Mrs. Murphy started talking about her cats."

Connor made a face. "Yikes. Yeah, better to get out of dodge quick. Glad i left before she pulled out pictures."

"Oh, what. You don't wanna see how snowball ate one of her earrings but threw it up without a hassle?"

"Hm. Tempting, but I think I'm good." As they settled into soft chuckles Connor shuffled from foot to foot, flicking some ash off of the end of the cigarette.  
"Have you talked to Niles?" He asked after a second, breaking the somewhat awkward silence that was settling between them. If he didn't ask now he wouldn't be able to. Mom wouldn't have it.

"Yeah.." Dad nodded, taking another drag as he stared out at the couple of cars parked around back.

"How's he doing?" Connor looked up at his dad, attempting to feign a casual expression and praying the hope he felt didn't show on his face.

"Hes doing good. Real good. Him and Gavin got a place downtown, and he was promoted recently."

"Yeah?"

"Detective. At Central station." Dad nodded again, as though confirming something to himself. "Hes doing good. Even asked about you last time we talked. I told him what you told me. Just 'cause it was divinity school didn't mean it wasn't still, and I quote 'fucking Harvard' and it was kicking your ass. How excited you were to graduate and be ordained finally." He gave Connor a sideways glance and a sly smile. "He called you a pretty choice name that... I feel would be inappropriate to repeat now _Father Anderson._ " He leaned his body over, nudging Connor with his elbow, making him laugh.  
Chuckling softly Connor shook his head a little and dropped his cigarette to the ground, crushing it under the toe of his shoe. He always preferred these quiet moments with Dad over mom. Dad was... More understanding. If they sat in silence for a while it was usually comfortable, and he never badmouthed anyone, which was refreshing.  
Silences with mom just got tense, the air between them filling up with all of the things they didn't say. Things she wanted to ask or comment on but either didn't dare or was afraid of the answer.

And Dad still talked to Niles. And about Niles.

As far as mom was concerned, his twin was basically dead and buried.

"Alright." Connor sighed softly, shaking his head once more and he pulled himself away from the wall. "I'm gonna go wait in the car. Try and get mom out of there sometime this year?"

"Ill go get her." Dad laughed, taking another drag from his cigarette before snubbing the thing out on the sole of his shoe so that he could save the other half before heading back into the building.

In retrospect, sitting in the car by himself probably wasn't the _best_  idea. As his mind began wandering and his palms started sweating he had to close his eyes and try to take deep breaths, rubbing his palms on his jeans.

_Shit._

He jogged his leg and stretched his neck, trying to do something to ease the tingling, anxious feeling that was creeping into his muscles, but it wasn't helping. His ears started ringing, then became hot as he started thinking about that last night out at the bar. He took a deep breath and counted backwards from 10, trying to will his brain to think of something else, but the only thing that was coming to mind was big hands, grabbing him everywhere. The ringing in his ears got louder until it warped into voices. At this point Connor couldn't remember if they were memories of the guys at the bar, or if he was hearing things. It was _so damn_  clear. As he clenched and unclenched his fingers in his lap he could practically feel hot breath on the back of his neck as a deep voice encouraged him.

He pressed his forehead to the cold glass window and took another breath, his heart slamming up into his throat when the drivers side door opened and dad climbed in, apologizing for the wait. He was actually grateful when mom climbed into the car as well and started talking. It gave his mind something to focus on.

_Thank god_.

  
The drive home was business as usual, with dad driving and mom talking and asking questions that he halfheartedly answered.  
When they finally pulled up the long driveway to their two story home Connor climbed out of the backseat and immediately excused himself to trot up the stairs to his room.  
It was like heaven flopping down face first on his bed and just laying there for several long minutes with his nose pressed into the fluffy duvet. Breathing in the familiar scent of his moms preferred laundry detergent really, finally made him feel at home.

After a moment he breathed out a sigh and rolled over onto his back so that he could fish his phone from his pocket. He stared at the picture on his lock screen for a solid minute, watching the numbers over the two identical faces staring back at him tick away the minute as though to remind him why he took the device out in the first place.  
Blinking rapidly he unlocked the thing and dialed the number he knew by heart, putting the phone to his ear and listening to it ring while taking a steadying breath.

Two rings. Voicemail.  
As usual.  
Only now it was changed to something more professional to match his most recent promotion. Short, sweet, to the point. No fluff. Just a simple "You've reached Detective Niles Anderson. Please leave your number and a brief message and I will get back with you as soon as I'm able."  
He sighed while the automated voice took over, instructing him to leave a message after the beep.  
He wasn't surprised. It always rang twice and went to voicemail. It didn't go straight to voicemail, signifying his phone was off. Nor did it ring incessantly until the voicemail picked up, implying he was away from his phone. No. It was a conscious decision to decline the call. Niles was still avoiding him. Had been for the last four and a half years. But his brother didn't change his number. Nor did he ever block Connors. So...

"Hi Niles... It's me. I, um, I'm back home. But i guess you knew that." He stared at his ceiling, imagining his brother chastising him for allowing the vernacular 'um' into his vocabulary. He smiled. "Dad said you were promoted again. Congratulations. I'm sure you're really proud. I hope Gavin's doing well. Tell him I say hi, ok?" He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "School was a bitch, but I'm officially ordained now, so... y'know, if you guys wanna get married you know where to find me." He laughed a little. "God, mom would stroke out at the mere mention, huh? Oh well.... Um... Id love to see you guys some time. Maybe... maybe we can meet for coffee? Or lunch? Let me know, ok? ....I miss you. Love you guys." He set the phone in his lap and hit the end button, sighing and rubbing at his temples until a soft knock on his door frame brought his head up. Mom was standing there, smiling at him while her eyes flicked back and forth between his face and his phone.

"Have you called Chloe? To let her know you're back? I didn't see her at the party."

Connor smiled ruefully, his shoulders slumping a bit despite himself. Mom loved Chloe. More importantly, mom loved the idea of Connor and Chloe together. Which they weren't. And if Connor had anything to say about it they would never be. But she was a nice girl, and seemed to carry a torch for Connor, so if nothing else she was a good distraction for mom.

"No. Not yet." Connor shifted on his bed, crossing his legs and shifting his phone absently from hand to hand. "I will." He assured her when she just smiled and stared at him.

"Why don't you invite her to dinner tomorrow?"

"Sure."

Mom nodded and made like she was gonna walk away but paused after taking a step. "Oh! And Simon, too. I didn't see him tonight either." her smile fell. "I heard his mom took a turn for the worst the other day so he probably could use the company."

Connor nodded.

Mom _also_ loved Simon, because Simon was... Well, perfect. Perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect manners, perfect for what she thought Connors best friend _should_ be. The exact opposite of rude, impulsive, peevish Gavin who had practically lived with them throughout Connor's childhood. _Connor_ however, liked Simon because he was gayer than a may day parade and mom had no earthly idea.

Connor quirked an eyebrow, unable to keep the smile off of his face. "You know if Simon comes over he's going to want to bring Markus, right?" Markus and Simon had been dating for years, unbeknownst to the church or anyone other than their own families and close friends, and they were inseparable on the best of days, but when Simon's mother took ill last fall the two were practically glued at the hip now.

Mom seemed to consider this, but ultimately just smiled. "That's fine! The more the merrier. Why don't you ask if they'd like to invite Mr. Manfred as well?"

"Alright, mom." Connor leaned back against the headboard of his bed. "Could you shut the door please?"

Seeming to take the hint his mom smiled and reached for the doorknob, but paused as she gave the room a once over. Letting go of the door she stepper farther inside and walked over to Connors dresser, much to his dismay.

For a second Connors heart sped up, swearing she had somehow developed X-ray vision and could see the fleshy pink dildo he kept stashed in the top drawer, under his clothes.  
But no, her eyes were glued to the little picture frame on the dresser. The one that held the photo of Connor and Niles when they were six, both of them grinning from ear to ear, so excited that they'd both lost the same first baby tooth.

Connor loved that picture.

She stared at the frame for a second before turning back to Connor with a little sigh, her smile still in place but twisted into something a little sadder.  She crossed the small distance between them and leaned over Connors bed, placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

"I'm so proud of you." She whispered, patting his shoulder before turning and exiting his room, closing the door softly behind her.

Once the door was shut, Connor let his head fall back against his headboard, screwing his eyes shut and letting out a sigh. 

The tingling was back.

A half hour later he was back downstairs in sweats and his running shoes, popping his head into the living room to let his parents know he was going to go for a run before heading out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, thank you so much for giving this a chance!   
> I have no idea how long this will be, but hopefully you stick with it!  
> If you liked it, please leave a comment and let me know!  
> I really appreciate it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... I'm honestly a little overwhelmed by the positive feedback for this self indulgent mess.  
> Thank you all so much!  
> So, ask and ye shall receive.  
> Here we go. Chapter two of this thing.  
> AKA: The fic were Connor is a gay, hypersexed priest and Niles has Sherlock brain.  
> Also, Mild cw for existential crises?
> 
> Enjoy

It was 6AM when his phone finally rang, dragging Connor from a dead sleep.

He blindly patted around for his phone, accidentally knocking his glasses off of the nightstand in the process before finally grabbing the damn thing and putting it to his ear.

"Niles." Even half awake he was on the verge of tears.

"Still sleeping the day away, eh brother?"

Connor squinted at his phone with a scowl. "It's 6:30 in the morning Niles."

"And Gavin was up three hours ago. You're slacking." There was a clink that Connor could guess was a coffee cup hitting a saucer. Espresso, knowing his brother.

Connor smiled. "How is he? How are you?" He sat up and combed his fingers through his messy curls, as though his brother could tell his state of undress over the phone. Like they didn't look exactly the same when they woke up.

"He's well. As am I. But you knew that. There was talk of lunch? I presume you're buying, given your invitation."

"O-of course! W-where would you like to meet?"

"Please consider your words before speaking Connor, you're stuttering."

Connor laughed. "Asshole."

"Such vulgar language for a priest." there was a chuckle, a pause and another clink of porcelain. After a second there was a commotion in the backround and a long suffering sigh from Niles, before "The heathen would like to speak with you... You're on speakerphone."

Connor grinned as Gavin's voice yelled over the speaker. He could practically see his friend leaning over their kitchen table to talk into the phone. "Con! How are you? Do you feel all holy and shit now?"

"I'm... I'm good. I can't really say I feel any different though..." He blinked back tears, staring blindly into the darkness of his room. "Where do you wanna get lunch? My treat."'

"Well in  _that_ case... Babe, whats the most expensive place you can think of?"

"Hey!" Connor laughed. "I'm not made of money guys. Somewhere reasonable, please."

There was a laugh from Niles, followed by some quiet muttering, a kiss, then Niles' voice coming through the phone louder, as if he'd taken it off of speakerphone. "I know a good place. I'll text you the address."

Connor nodded before remembering his brother couldn't see him. "Yeah, ok. Sounds good."

"Alright."

Silence.

"Hey Niles..."

"Mm?"

"Thanks... I.. I've missed you."

The seconds of silence where all he heard was his brothers breathing were agonizing. 

"I'll see you later, Connor."

"Yeah..."

Connor held the phone to his ear for what felt like ages after the line went dead, just staring at the dark shape of his door. When he finally lowered his phone he sighed heavily and pushed the lock screen button without looking, scratching at his scalp. He reminded himself to take the win. His brother had finally reached out to him after 4 and a half years of the silent treatment. He was ecstatic. Really. He knew it would take time to hopefully repair their relationship, and he was willing to do that. But the snub still stung a bit.

He only had himself to blame.

 _He was a coward_.

His brother meant the world to him, and he'd ruined it.

Connor and Niles had been inseparable since birth, as was the case for many twins. Thinking back on everything _now_ , all of his screw ups, all of the moments and gestures taken for granted, only made Connor hate himself that much more.

As kids, when other boys their age were picking on girls, getting crushes and making friends, the twins were only glued to one another. Their teachers had called it codependency, saying it was common for twins to cling to one another, as though anyone outside of their own little bubble were foreign and unwelcome. Which was true, to an extent. If not more so than what adults would probably consider 'common'.

His brother had always supported him. Made excuses for him. Took the fall for him on more than one occasion when Connor did something wrong. He gave Jimmy Peterson a bloody nose in the fourth grade because he'd called Connor a name and made him cry. He  _also_ broke Jimmy's arm in high school because he'd cornered Connor in the locker room and, well... He'd deserved it.

They had both realized they were gay at a young age. And as a result, they had also quickly learned of their parents blatant hate for any and all things different. Talk of 'sinful' or 'disgusting' things coming up casually in conversations or about movies or tv shows, cementing the idea that 'different' was somehow also 'bad' in their parents eyes.

Mom almost had a heart attack at the first mention of Connor having a crush on a boy in school. Dad had talked her down, eventually, but the brief show of hysterics had done the job well enough.

So, the boys had remained in close company with only one another for the majority of their formative years. All the way until middle school, when the rambunctious Gavin Reed came storming into one of Connors classes. He was the first person both Connor and Niles approved of, letting him in to their little bubble. The three became fast friends, but Connor, _being the needy little shit that he was_ , quickly became closer to him than Niles. And while other boys their age were beginning to experiment with girls, talking consistently about who did what, and how far so-and-so went, Connor was experimenting with Gavin, and telling absolutely _no one,_ other than Niles of course.

Through the fumbling awkwardness of discovering ones body to full on first times and straight into 'fuck-buddy' territory throughout high school. Gavin became a major support system to Connor, helping him through so many rough days and nights that Connor lost count. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, Gavin and Niles started getting closer and closer. It was all very subtle at first. Lingering glances, casual touching, shared secrets and whispers between the two that Connor was not made privy to. It was almost like they had tried to hide the courtship, concerned for how Connor would react. And perhaps they _had_ tried, for a while. The two slipped away farther and farther, eventually leaving Connor feeling rather shut out. Consequently, the end result was that Connors little 'problem' really started to get out of hand. Before he knew it, he had a phone full of contacts he barely spoke to, unless to request a quickie. Half of the football team. Several random classmates. Most of the debate team. All individuals he knew would be dtf at a moments notice and wouldn't speak to him afterwards. No one expected anything of him, other than to have a good time, and that was exactly what he wanted. Anything to take his mind off of the numbness that came from thinking of how close school was to ending.

He'd had no clue what he was going to do with his life.

Niles and Gavin both knew what they wanted to do. They had for a long time. It was part of what drew them together. They both had goals, dreams, career aspirations that their parents approved of. Connor had... nothing. He didn't have anything he wanted to do. There was a slew of things he  _could_ do. He was a 'gifted' individual. He was good at... well... everything. Anything he tried he excelled at. He took piano lessons, art classes, guitar lessons, singing lessons(for choir), a few dance classes. Baking, sewing, ceramics. He spoke several languages fluently. He was in advanced classes for every subject available, he was even unusually good at the few sports he bothered trying to get involved in. His list of extracurricular activities was... a little obscene. But he had no purpose. Nothing that really grabbed him and wouldn't let go. No dream that he desperately wanted to achieve. He was just... lost.

So, with everyone around him knowing exactly what they wanted out of life and plans in place for how they would get there, he just sort of... sat there, wondering what he was going to do with himself when he didn't have classes to attend and grades to keep up. He felt as though he were sitting still in a room full of people set on 'fast forward'.

And then there was his parents. 

They were so proud that Niles decided to go into law enforcement. Connor was proud too. He really was. Of both him and Gavin. But the more pressure his parents put on for him to find something he wanted to do, the more lost he felt. It was stifling. And the fact that Gavin and Niles had started to become insufferably close didn't help with his anxiety of feeling left out.

So, he had sex.

And he  _had sex._

_and he had sex._

It was the one thing he was damn good at and enjoyed doing. It was a good distraction. So, whenever he was feeling particularly down, or if he was stressed over something,  _Usually something his parents said,_ he would end up calling up one of the many contacts he'd accumulated in his phone then sneaking out until all hours of the morning to get off. On more than one occasion mom had caught him trying to leave the house late at night, and every time Niles would come to the rescue with some excuse that he knew their parents would buy. He talked their way out of so many possible issues with their parents, at school, and even at church on two separate occasions. Connor honestly didn't know how he did it. Whenever Connor remarked on his brothers fast thinking, Niles would usually just scoff and make some comment about how easy it was, taking a small measure of pride in himself even if he would never admit it.

It was just before starting their senior year that Niles approached him, saying that Connor had a  _real_ problem. He wasn't just a slut, although Niles and Gavin had come to use the term in an almost endearing way. Connor was constantly having sex, to the point where he would miss classes for an opportunity to get banged in the bathroom. His grades had slipped towards the end of their junior year and he rarely wanted to do any of the things he normally found enjoyment in. And if he couldn't? If something stopped him from getting what he wanted, he would start to develop symptoms synonymous with withdrawal. He would become depressed. Wouldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. The cold sweats and the tremors. Niles and Gavin talked to him for what felt like hours that night, trying to convince Connor that he had a problem. Encouraging him to seek help. Thinking back on it, Connor realized it was basically an intervention.

The real issue with Connor seeking help for his problem had less to do with his willingness and more to do with their parents. They were the type that... didn't talk about mental health. And **_definitely_** not about sexual health. While Gavin had urged Connor to seek some form of therapy, Connor had refused, saying that their parents wouldn't approve. Mom would probably take offense, claiming that Connor was blaming her for 'messing him up.'. Start screaming about being a 'bad mother.'

No, Connor didn't want to deal with that.

He also claimed that he didn't see much of a point in putting in all of the extra effort if he had no plan for his future. 

That was what he told himself anyway.

But, neither were going to force him so he just shut up and dealt with it, albeit poorly, his friend and his brother helping him through particularly difficult nights when it was necessary. Anything to keep Connor from ending up the trembling, crying mess they'd seen him as once or twice. But every time he climbed into Niles' bed he felt his twin get more and more disdainful. Connor felt as though he was being pitied more than anything. And that broke his heart. 

Gavin was... always supportive. Understanding. Unassuming and reassuring... and that almost hurt worse.

That year and the few that followed were rough, to say the least. Connor promised to get his grades back up for their last year of school in exchange for Niles making excuses for him about his grades to his parents. And, as usual, his brother had lied flawlessly about why Connors grades had slipped, mom and dad accepting his answer with a disapproving look and a promise from Connor and his brother to bring them back up and keep them that way.

More stress= more sex.

And then school ended. They graduated, and their graduation picture with the three of them smiling from ear to ear in cap and gown, Gavin standing between the two of them with an arm over each twin and the biggest grin on his face, still hung up in their living room. But once school ended, almost all of Connors fuck buddies moved out of town for college. And then Niles started talking more and more about moving out, finding a place with Gavin and starting his career with the DPD. None of which included Connor. And while he smiled and  _was_ genuinely happy for his brother, helping him plan, everything felt like it was crashing down around him and Connor was in hell. No career, no brother, no Gavin. No school to keep him occupied. Just mom, dad, church and a shitty town he would probably die in.

_He was in hell._

And then to cap off his royal shitfest of an existence, Connor managed to screw up once and for all. Screwed up to the point where, if he were Niles, he probably would have disowned him too...

Connor and Niles had planned their coming out to the letter. They were suppose to come out to their parents on their 21st birthday, at the big dinner that they always had with their friends and family. Where their parents couldn't make a big scene, because they wouldn't want to be seen negatively by their family. It was a solid plan. But then Connor ruined that too. Halfway into the meal, Connor panicked. So, true to form, he excused himself to the bathroom, and then had ultimately snuck off to have sex with some stranger he'd met, successfully leaving Niles alone at their birthday dinner.

He came home that night to all of Niles' stuff gone, realizing quickly that what they had both feared had come to fruition. Their parents outspoken homophobia had clearly outweighed any parental instincts they had, and Niles had paid the price for it.

Alone.

_Because Connor was a coward._

He couldn't come out after that. He wasn't as strong as his brother.

So he buried his feelings deep down inside and accepted his fate.

His mom had doubled down on the religious stuff after that, going so far as to excitedly suggest that Connor go to seminary school.

And, well, he didn't have any other plans. Not to mention, he supposed, the only thing he really _did_ enjoy was helping people, so after taking a bit of time to think about it Connor agreed.

He'd called Niles every day for weeks. He called Gavin too, and talked to him once or twice, but it was always the same conversation. 'I'm sorry.' 'No, he doesn't want to talk to you.' 'I'll try to talk to him.' 'Take care of yourself.' Over and over. Until Gavin stopped taking calls too. No doubt because Niles had told him to. 

So, every day turned into once a week. Every other week. Then once a month for the next four years. 

The first several phonecalls had been nothing but tears and apologies. Then pleading. Anger. And eventually just updates on his life, futile attempts at asking the silence of the voicemail how he was doing.

But his brother had finally reached out, and he was going to grab the olive branch with both hands and try his damndest to make up for the unforgivable thing he did. Somehow.

The hours spent before noon when they'd agreed to meet were the longest of Connors life so far. He'd gone for a run (A real run. Just a quick jog around the neighborhood in the chilly morning air), then come home, made breakfast for his parents and went upstairs to shower and unpack his things that he'd never gotten to yesterday. 

He changed his outfit three times, combed his hair twice, and dropped three contact lenses before deciding fuck it and putting his glasses on. 

Looking over his reflection in the full length mirror on the back of his door he turned this way and that, scrutinizing himself for flaws. He looked pretty good, dressed in dark blue jeans and a white button down, topped off with a blue cardigan. Honestly, he wasn't even sure why he was so worried about what his brother would think of his wardrobe. Maybe because he didn't want to show up in a priests collar? 

Shaking his head at himself he grabbed his keys, wallet and phone from his nightstand, saying a quick goodbye to his parents before checking the address Niles had sent him again and heading out.

The little cafe Niles sent him to was a cute little brick building, situated on the corner of a quaint shopping center lined with manicured trees. Gavin spotted him first, his friend jumping up from his seat at the little circular table outside and practically jumping over a chair to get to Connor. He immediately pulled Connor up and off of his feet in a massive hug, which Connor could only laugh and hug him back,  swallowing around the lump quickly forming in his throat.

When Gavin set him down he scrubbed a hand down his face and offered Connor a lopsided grin, his own eyes tinted red at the corners slightly, as though he were fighting back the same emotions. 

"I see I'm still taller." Connor laughed softly, pushing his hands into his pockets as he made a point of looking down the couple of inches between himself and Gavin.

Gavin roared with laughter, reaching out to punch Connors shoulder playfully. "You asshole. First goddamn thing you say to me in person after almost 5 fucking years is that shit? Jesus, you're too much." He flinched. "Shit, should I not say that around you now? Fuck, should I not cuss either? I mean.." 

Connor raised his hands as Gavin looked around frantically. "It's fine, Gav. I'm a priest, not the language police." He winked. "Doesn't really count if you don't believe in that stuff in the first place, y'know?"

Gavin let out a nervous little chuckle, motioning for Connor to sit down at the table he was previously occupying. "True." As he sat down himself he sighed, putting both elbow up on the table. 

Connor looked at the empty third chair and looked around. "Where... um, where's Niles?" He asked, trying to sound casual. Part of him was freaking out, telling him his brother had chosen to not show. 

Gavin nodded towards the cafe entrance. "He ran inside to grab some food. Said you were late, cause you weren't early." He wrinkled his nose. "You know how he is."

"How am I?"

Gavin jumped as Niles spoke up behind him, carrying a tray with three plates over towards them. Connors heart jumped up into his throat and slammed back down, hammering in his chest as he stood to help his brother with the tray. Once the plates were all set down, Connor looked at his brother and smiled a little awkwardly, twisting his hands in his cardigan in front of him causing Niles to roll his eyes and let out a little sigh, opening his arms to allow Connor to come forward and hug him. 

As their bodies slotted together in that achingly familiar way Connor inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and not caring the way his glasses pushed into his nose painfully as he buried his face in his twins shoulder. His brother had always stood a couple of inches taller than him, having filled out a bit more than Connor in their teen years. He'd bulked out a little too since then, firm muscles obvious under his black button down, Connor assumed from working out more now given his job. When the finally pulled away he grinned and wiped his eyes under his glasses before straightening them and flopping down into his chair again. 

There was a beat of awkward silence where they all just stared at one another, as though unsure who was suppose to speak first.

"So...." Connor started, looking back and forth from Niles to Gavin "How's life been, Detective Nines?" He asked, biting his bottom lip a little while he watched Niles' mouth open as though to answer before closing and narrowing his eyes.

"Oh honestly. That? Again?" Niles rubbed at his temples. "One would think you were past such petty torments." He picked up his water and took a sip as Gavin let out a bark of a laugh, and shook Connors shoulder. Niles was exactly nine minutes younger than Connor, and the little nickname had stuck when they were kids, tormenting Niles all the way through middle school. Until he started threatening people. Niles had always hated it and it had always amused Gavin to no end. Of course it didn't help that Connor and Gavin  _loved_ tormenting him. For two consecutive birthdays they put nine candles on Niles' birthday cake. They often did random things in increments of nine; like put nine ice cubes in his drink. Give him exactly nine french fries at dinner. One April fools day they put nine lizards in his bedroom... they only ever found 8 of them. Stupid things that amused them, and caused Niles to put his hands on his hips and tilt his head back and let out that long suffering sigh of his while he resisted the urge to strangle them both.

Good times.

"Oh man, you're gonna love this." Gavin laughed excitedly, reaching over and pushing his hand into Niles' back pocket, earning an exasperated, somewhat undignified gasp from him. He produced Niles' wallet and flipped it open, flashing the badge to Connor with a grin. "His fucking badge number starts with 9." he pointed to the numbers stamped under his name on the badge, grinning triumphantly when Connor laughed.

"See now? Serendipity Niles." he teased, grinning even wider when his brother snatched the badge away from Gavin and smiled a bit himself.

"Yes, well..." He shook his head, pocketing the wallet again. "I'm still taller."

Gavin grinned and smacked Niles' arm playfully. "He said the same fucking thing to me!"

Niles shrugged. "Well, it's true dear. We're both taller than you."

"And you're both assholes." Gavin declared with a grin, grabbing the burger from his plate and taking a big bite.

God, Connor missed this.

Connor picked up a french fry off of his plate and took a little bite, looking back and forth between the two across from him.

He couldn't stop smiling.

"So... how have things been?" He asked again, looking between the two of them. 

Gavin nodded with a mouth full of burger but Niles spoke up, no doubt to stop his significant other from doing so. "We've been well. You know about the recent promotion. I don't suppose dad mentioned that Gavin was promoted as well?"

"No!" Connor beamed looked at his best friend, who was busy wiping his mouth off on a napkin. "Congratulations! Do they let you guys work together?"

Niles sat back and crossed his legs, resting one arm over the back of his chair casually. "Of course. We work very well together. There aren't any fraternization rules, but regardless we went into our positions already engaged in a long term relationship, which everyone we work with is well aware of so there's no chance for miscommunication on the subject." He shrugged. "And even if they weren't already aware, it's not like there would be any risk of favoritism or special treatment."

"Yeah no shit." Gavin laughed, rolling his eyes. "A: We're  _partners_ asshole. It's not like you're my superior or some shit. and B: Even if you were you'd be harder on me than anyone else anyway, so not like it'd matter." He waved a hand dismissively as Niles smiled.

"You're correct." Niles picked a bit of lint off of his pant leg. "Although that is only because I am aware of your full potential and I won't settle for anything less. It's because I believe in you, dear."

"Mhm." Gavin gave him a sideways glance and smirked a bit, slouching over the table to take another bite which earned him a kick to the shin by Niles. "Ow! What the hell!"

"Please sit up straight. You look like a caveman."

Gavin scowled and slouched even more, taking a bite of his burger and raising a challenging eyebrow. Niles just raised both eyebrows in turn and nodded, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as he shrugged his shoulders a bit and turned his attention back to Connor, letting Gavin enjoy his food. Watching the exchange had Connor blinking and heat prickling up the back of his neck. His brother had always been the more dominant of the two of them, but apparently the whole dynamic between the two had changed quite a bit in the past few years, cementing into something much more... entertaining. He could only imagine the sort of unspoken promises that were sizzling in the air between the two of them during that brief exchange. 

"Connor?"

At his brothers tone Connor blinked rapidly and looked into Niles' eyes, trying to decipher by his expression what he might have missed while his mind had wandered.

"I-I'm sorry. What?" 

Niles sighed, uncrossing his legs and setting down the half of a sandwich he'd picked up. He'd taken two bites of it at some point apparently. Probably when Connor had zoned out imagining the sort of fun the two probably got up to.

 _Idiot._  

"I  _said,"_ Niles gave him a pointed look. "That I heard from dad that you finished your Masters. Despite not agreeing with the path you chose, I do hope it was one you chose on your own." 

The look on his brothers face said he knew it wasn't.

But Connor smiled anyway, stretching his arms out in front of him and tapping his fingers on the tabletop while he stared at his own sandwich. He couldn't meet his brothers eyes. It was the only difference between their identical faces. While Connor had warm brown eyes that he'd often heard were puppy-like, his brother's were a bright grey-blue, and at times like this, where he was practically staring into your soul, they took on an icy glaze that sunk into your bones and made lying while looking into them almost impossible. 

Probably made him a good interrogator. He was pretty fucking intimidating when he wanted to be.

"Mom suggested it." He muttered, picking another fry from his plate. "I agreed with her though. If nothing else, the one thing I want to do is help people, and I can make a difference doing this." He nibbled on his fry, meeting his brothers gaze.

Niles actually scoffed. "So mom talked you into it." He summized. "Typical. Honestly, if you wanted to help people Connor you could always join the academy. You'd do a hell of a lot more good there."

Connor shook his head. "I don't want to do that."

"You don't want to because it's what i'm doing."

"That's not true." Connor glared, his tone becoming defensive. "I may not be a Detective or a police officer but I can still help people. There's a lot of good i can do here. Some people... some people only have their faith. Ive seen so many people already turn their lives around just because of the support system they get from their church. And if I can reach even one person through that faith and help them through a rough time in their life then it's worth it... It's not glamorous or anything but..." Connor shrugged, staring down at his hands clasped in his lap now. 

He looked up hearing Niles sigh again. "Alright." He muttered, relenting and shrugging his shoulders. After a second he leaned an elbow against the table, resting his chin on his knuckles. "Are you happy at least?"

"Yes."

_No._

"Alright then." Niles nodded again, sitting back and glancing at Gavin, who had finished his burger and was sitting there looking like he was going to boil over wanting to say something. "What?" He asked with a little laugh, closing his eyes even as he said it, as though he dreaded what was going to come out of his partners mouth.

"I gotta ask!" Gavin blurted, the words spilling out of his mouth all at once as though he'd been holding them in the entire time. He wrinkled his nose in that way that makes the scar on the bridge crinkle and leaned a bit more towards Connor. "D'you ever, y'know, use the priest shit in the bedroom?"

"Jesus, Gavin." Niles groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

Connor looked at him for a second and shrugged, picking up his glass and taking a sip.

"Oh come on!" Gavin laughed, encouraging. "You gonna sit there and tell me you don't get off on the whole 'Father' thing being twisted?"

"Not really." Connor shook his head, taking another drink then glancing sideways at Gavin and smirking behind his glass. "It'd be a little weird anyway, since I'm usually the one yelling 'Daddy'."

Gavin barked out a laugh and clapped his hands once triumphantly. "I fucking knew it!"

"Honestly." Niles just shook his head and sighed heavily as Gavin grinned at him.

"Well, if we're already talking about kinks.." Connor grinned, leaning towards Gavin and slipping a finger under the collar of his shirt. He hooked his index finger around the thick silver chain he'd glimpsed there during their hug and pulled it out, dropping it once he freed the small padlock from under Gavin's collar, letting it flop down with a nice little thud against his collar bone. Even at a glace it was a nice piece, with a sturdy lock that clearly required a key. Not the kind of cheap thing one could yank off easily. 

And the fact that Gavin actually blushed a little, the tips of his ears flushing a pretty pink, made the little reveal so much better. 

"You guys have been busy." he commented, his tone nothing but good-natured as he smiled at them and took a couple more bites of his food.

"Not as busy as you, I'm sure." Gavin snorted, his eyes following Niles as he leaned over and tucked the lock back into Gavin's shirt, smoothing his hands around his collar before pulling away and sitting back again. It was kind of cute, really.

"Yes, how busy  _have_ you been Connor?" As Niles crossed his legs again Connor's smile dropped a bit, knowing his brother was getting to the question he undoubtedly had wanted to ask since they sat down. 

Connor sighed, knowing there was no getting out of the conversation, and reminding himself not to say something stupid since he was trying to  _fix_ things with his brother, not make them worse. His brother knew about his issues better than anyone, so it wasn't like he had anything to hide..

"Busy enough." He muttered, shrugging his shoulders.

_Idiot._

"How many sexual partners have you had over the last four years?"

Connor closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.

_Keep talking, Connor.  Don't fuck this up._

He tried to think back to the bar, recalling all of the guys names and how he'd come to fuck them each for the first time. He rubbed his forehead. Other than them, there was a small handful of individual cases. Drunken one night stands that he could hardly remember. "Um... about two dozen or so. Half of that regularly, on a rotating schedule." 

Gavin's soft 'Jesus' made him cringe at himself more than Niles' stare did, his brothers eyes widening a fraction before narrowing.

"Have you been tested?"

"Jesus, Niles." Connor sat back, picking his hands up and dropping them back down in his lap in a show of exasperation. "What is this, an interrogation?"

His brother just stared, hands folded neatly over his knee. "Does it need to be?"

Connor groaned.

"Have you been tested?" He repeated

" _Yes._ Regularly, ok? I'm good. I almost always use protection, anyway. Shit, it's not like I'm sharing dirty needles or some shit."

Niles eyebrows drew down a bit. "I'm aware you're being hyperbolic Connor, but I'm still going to stress to you the importance of this. You're fully aware than STDs are--"

Connor held up his hands, taking a deep breath to steady himself. "I-I get it, Niles. I know. But please, give me some credit. I'm not completely irresponsible, ok?" He dropped his hands and trailed a finger through the condensation on his glass. "Can we just... enjoy our lunch without the third degree please?"

Niles seemed to consider for a second before his expression softened and he nodded, uncrossing his legs and scooting his chair in towards the table a bit more. "Alright. I'm sorry. I just suppose I've been worried for you." Connor watched Gavin reach over and set a hand on Niles' knee, his thumb stroking gently.

"Thank you." Connor offered him a smile. "Really. I appreciate your concern, honestly. I'm just... being back home is... stressful."

Niles nodded. "I believe it. And actually, I'm glad you brought that up." 

Connor picked up half of his sandwich and took a bite, raising an eyebrow curiously as Niles continued.

"Gavin and I discussed it the last time I spoke with dad and, we decided it would be acceptable to offer and invitation to you.. To move in with us, that is."

Connor almost choked on his sandwich, Gavin having to reach over and smack him on the back before he stopped coughing. "I'm sorry, what?" He croaked, blinking at his brother. "I-I mean.... I don't wanna look a gift horse in the mouth here Niles but... you won't even answer my calls for four years, and now you're saying you want me to come live with you? Forgive me, but I'm getting whiplash over here."

Niles just shrugged. "We originally had a roommate when we got the apartment, but they moved away recently and we were looking for someone else to fill the slot. For obvious reasons I'd much rather it be someone who is... familiar with our lifestyle. And, past transgressions aside, I would like to help you out as well. Mom and Dad have always been a trigger for you, and I'd rather you attempt to get some form of control over your life in a less stressful environment. It could be a mutually beneficial arrangement, I think." He took a sip of his drink, offering Connor a small smile. "You're welcome to think about it, of course."

"Yes! I-I mean I'd love to. That would be amazing. Thank you." Connor felt like his cheeks were gonna pop from smiling so wide. He'd hoped for a second chance, but  _this.._ he could hardly believe it.

_You're gonna fuck this up, kid._

_He was going to ruin this too.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting somewhere.
> 
> If youre enjoying things so far, feel free to leave a comment and let me know!  
> Or hop on over to my lonely little discord and say hi!  
> Love all of you! 
> 
> https://discord.gg/tmyqh2v


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand chapter three.  
> Im so happy so many of you are enjoying this!  
> Not much to say here, but thanks for sticking with it.  
> Enjoy!

Connor arrived home that evening just as all six people that he'd completely forgotten were joining them were sitting down to dinner. The sky had started shifting from pinks and purples to black a little over an hour ago, and the look on his moms face as he walked inside said his guests had arrived some time ago. 

He hadn't bothered checking moms voicemails, despite the fact that she'd left four of them, since he'd assumed they were the usual overprotective nonsense. Turns out, she was calling to remind him he had company.

Oops.

As he walked through the door, he was quickly pulled aside by mom, who proceeded to hiss about how he was late, and how rude it was to keep guests who had come to see him waiting. He'd made up an excuse, about how he'd gone to see a few friends from school and lost track of time, which she'd begrudgingly accepted before ushering him quickly into the dinging room so that he could greet everyone and make his apologies.

He couldn't, of course, tell her the truth. Which was that he had spent several hours at that Cafe with Gavin and Niles, just talking and catching up on things. There was a lot to go over after 4 and a half years  after all. And how, after a ten minute argument of Connor insisting that he pay Niles back for lunch and Niles adamantly refusing, they all took Niles' car back to their apartment so that they could give Connor a tour and show him his room. Which then, of course, turned into Gavin showing off _their_ bedroom, which was like a bizarre mix between a better homes and gardens magazine, and a damn BDSM dungeon.

It was fitting, knowing the two of them.

He'd stayed at their place for a few more hours, the three sitting on the couch and just talking absently, Connor enjoying the peaceful atmosphere as he sat there, lounging against one end of the couch with his feet up in Gavins lap, who was leaning back against Niles on the other end. By the time Connor realized what time it was, he had six missed calls from mom, which earned a rather aggressive eye roll from Niles before his brother offered to drive him back to the cafe where he'd left his car while Gavin stayed behind to take a shower.

He appreciated the opportunity to be alone with his brother for a few minutes, and could only assume by his friends understanding smile that that had been his intention.

When Niles pulled up behind Connors car on the street and put his in park Connor took off his seatbelt and shifted a little in the seat, turning more towards his brother with a small smile, keeping his hands clasped in his lap. After several seconds of silence, only cut by the rumbling of the engine under the hood, Connor looked up at his brother, wringing his hands in his lap. 

"Niles... I." He sighed. "I know I've said it enough times to last a lifetime, but... I'm sorry. About everything." As Niles went to put his hand up and interrupt, Connor shook his head. "No. I need to say it. To your face. Otherwise I'll never be able to live with myself." He sat up a little straighter, kicking his chin up in determination. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for our 21st birthday. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find out where you went. I'm sorry for anything you may have had to go through after they kicked you out. I'm sorry I'm... such a fucking coward that I couldn't take your example and get the fuck out of there." He felt wetness on his cheeks and heard his voice shake a little, but he wasn't going to stop until he got it all out. "I'm sorry I was a shitty brother and I know it'll take a thousand lifetimes to make up for all of the astronomical shit I put you through growing up, but I swear to God I'm going to do everything in my power to make it up to you and I'll understand if you can never _really_ forgive me. But I'm going to try so... just..." He shook his head and pulled his glasses off, scrubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his cardigan. He couldn't see anyway through the tears that refused to listen to him and stop, so he just set his glasses in his lap. Before he could say anything else he was being pulled across the center console, a strong hand pulling him by the back of the neck to rest against his brothers chest.

All he could do was close his eyes and settle into the familiar warmth, his hands moving to wrap around his brothers torso. 

He felt more than heard his glasses slip off of his lap and onto the floorboard by his feet, but he didn't care. He was going to stay like this for as long as his brother let him. 

Too soon though Niles pulled away, putting both hands on Connors cheeks and leaning down a bit more to kiss the tears under his eyes, making him smile, then just resting his forehead against Connors. When he could finally open his eyes and see, his tears almost stopped completely, Niles was smiling tenderly at him, his eyes full of a warmth that he'd almost forgot was there just under the surface. 

Niles stroked his cheek with a thumb gently. "It's alright Connor. Gavin and I have talked about it... fairly extensively, and really I just want you to get better. I won't mislead you and claim I have not been bitter and angry but..." He sat back in his seat, righting the water bottle in the cupholder he'd upended hugging Connor. "In all actuality, seeing you again after all this time... I'm not angry anymore Connor. I just want to help you."

Connor just nodded. It was all he could do with the lump still in his throat. If he tried to speak, he'd probably start crying all over again. He reached down between his feet and picked up his glasses, taking a moment to hold them up to the light from the streetlamps and wipe them off on  his shirt before putting them back on. When he turned back to Niles, his brothers face a thousand times clearer now, He smiled and sniffled a bit. 

"I love you, Niles." 

Niles smiled softly, putting his seatbelt back on and pressing the brake so he could put the car in reverse again. "And I love you Connor. Now please exit my vehicle before I kick you out." He looked at him sideways, still smiling.

"Alright, alright." Connor laughed a little, climbing out of the car and leaning down into the doorway. "See you later Nines."

Niles held up his middle finger as Connor laughed and shut the door, patting the roof of the car as Niles pulled out from the parking space and started down the street, leaving Connor smiling in the red glow from his tail lights. 

It had been.... a much,  _much_ better evening than Connor had hoped for.

Now, walking in to the formal dining room Connor stood a bit straighter, mentally preparing himself for the barrage of physical affection that was undoubtedly going to come his way. He had to remind himself that he wouldn't let it ruin his good mood. Not tonight. 

Sure enough, the groups around the table all stood, smiling as they greeted him. He made his way around the table to meet everyone, partly to save them the trouble of having to come to him. Mostly to avoid being crowded by everyone, few people as it may be.

He hugged everyone, pointedly ignoring the grin that spread across moms face when he hugged Chloe, the blonde pulling away with a nervous little smile and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

It was a shame Connor had zero interest in women, really. Chloe was incredibly attractive, and honestly a genuinely good person. She always came to church and volunteered for community outreach programs as much as she could. Connor had heard that after high school she'd joined an organization for helping women from abusive relationships regain their autonomy. It almost made him feel bad when he went to shake hands with her older brother and found himself immediately picturing what that slender hand would look like around his cock. 

_Almost._

Elijah was only a couple of years older than both of them, and Connor had met him a few times prior to this. Apparently, he owned his own company doing something with computers Connor couldn't hope to understand and was reasonably successful. He was also notoriously... Fluid with his sexuality from what Connor had read and he had always given Connor a bit of an odd vibe the few times he'd been in a room with him. Like he was being undressed by those eyes. He was handsome, dressed well and spoke eloquently, so Connor couldn't help but feel a small pang of attraction to him. The fact that Elijah gave him a quick up and down look before letting go of his hand didn't help matters, either.

Hugs from Simon, Markus and even Mr. Manfred were enough to brighten Connors mood though and remind him that this dinner wasn't such a terrible idea. The fact that they all knew about his orientation helped ease his woes about any possible dinner conversations going too far south. 

And he honestly loved Mr. Manfred. Despite being wheelchair bound after an accident several years ago the man still gave the biggest, warmest hugs and it was one of the few times Connor could honestly say the physical attention didnt make his skin crawl. Plus he was always quick with a joke, he had a habit of steering conversations away from inappropriate or potentially upsetting topics, and, naturally he had fully supported his adoptive son through his coming out in high school. 

He was a good guy. Connor almost wished he could have him at  _every_ family dinner. 

Sitting down opposite his guests at the table, Connor looked around at the food mom had prepared. Never one to give up an opportunity to show off, she really outdid herself. There was a veritable feast set out for everyone, and Connors stomach growled audibly looking at it all. 

So, mom fixed him a plate of all of his favorites and set it in front of him before sitting back down so Connor could say grace. He rushed through the blessing, his stomach now wondering why he wasnt putting the food in front of him into it RIGHT NOW, it having now been almost a full 8 hours since he ate lunch.

He, unsurprisingly, had to take several annoying breaks in between bites to answer questions and make small talk. Pointless chatter that all blended into the same nonsense of 'how was school' 'any fun stories?' 'Its good to have you back' 'when do you plan on giving your first sermon?' All different variations of the same things over and over. He was incredibly grateful when Mr. Manfred took control of the conversation by asking Chloe about her work, the girl quickly launching into several excitedly animated stories of recent women she had helped.

While he listened and _was_ interested in the work she did, really he was, he found himself... Preoccupied as Elijah continued to stare at him, making it increasingly harder to pay attention. He had to stop himself from flinching as a foot found its way up his leg from across the table, sliding up and down his calf gently.

The only two within reach of him were Elijah, and Mr. Manfred, and considering Mr. Manfred's condition ruled him out as the owner of the sock clad foot, Connors eyes shot to Elijah. He could only guess the man had been attempting to gague his reaction to such an attack for the majority of their meal, and had picked a moment when the attention was not on Connor or himself to strike. He narrowed his eyes a fraction and shook his head minutely, only to be rewarded with that foot making its way up into Connors crotch.

As long toes pressed up against his cock Connor had to focus intently on cutting several pieces of chicken, keeping his eyes on his plate and off of the intense stare across from him. 

Why did he have the worst luck? 

 

By the time the dinner was over Connor was ready to scream. He had to use every ounce of his willpower not to end up with a ridiculous erection, subtly pushing Elijah's foot out of his lap and ignoring the way the man simply smirked and turned his attention to his food as if he'd done nothing out of the ordinary. Because it was _completely_ normal to stick your foot into a priests crotch at a dinner table with his parents. It was... Infuriating.

He just couldn't seem to catch a break. 

Of course as he said his goodbyes he wasn't surprised when Elijah slipped a piece of paper into his palm while they shook hands.

"I hope to be seeing a lot more of you, Father." Elijah said with a perfect smile, as he clasped Connors hand in both of his.

Once the older man let go, Connor immediately shoved his hands into his pockets, smiling politely as he dropped the paper that undoubtedly contained a phone number on it into the depths of his pocket. "I'm sure you will. You'll be joining us for Sunday mass, wont you?" 

"I may have a previous engagement, but I'll certainly try to be there." He reached out an arm for his sister, who slipped into the little half hug easily. "Of course Chloe has been trying to drag me along for ages now. Its just so hard to find the time."

"You should make time for the important things, Elijah. Isn't that what you're always telling me?" Chloe gave her brother a little half smile and quirked an eyebrow, earning a laugh from him. 

"Shes got me there." He chuckled, shaking her shoulder a bit before turning and heading down the driveway towards their car with a wave. 

Simon and Markus were next, picking up Carl's wheelchair to carry him down the two steps down from the porch. Once Mr. Manfed was on the ground again he turned to Connor, spinning his chair around and opening his arms to offer Connor a hug. 

Connor accepted happily, hugging the old man, then Simon and Markus before taking a step back. 

"It was good to see you all again." He rested a hand in Simon's shoulder. "Simon, please let me know if there's anything at all I can do for you. Of course we will all be praying for your moms quick recovery."

The blond smiled back and nodded, placing his hand on top of Connors. "Thank you. I appreciate it." 

Connor nodded and put his hands in his pockets again, stepping back and saying his final goodbyes to the group as everyone went to their respective vehicles. 

As the cars pulled out of the driveway and started down the road Connor sighed and stood there on the stoop for a minute, listening to the crickets chirp quietly in the distance. When the noise started to sync with the pounding behind his eyelids he sighed and pushed his fingertips into his lids.

He stood there until the ringing in his ears became deafening before turning and hopping up both steps to push his way back into the house. 

"Mom," he called out, poking his head into the dining room. "I'm gonna go for a run."

His mom paused, looking up at him with a plate in each hand and a worried expression. "Now?" She asked, looking out the bay window at the dark sky.

Connor offered her a smile and shrugged his shoulders, already taking the stairs up to his room two at a time. "Its this or cigarettes!" He called back down, grinning as he heard her sigh in defeat. 

Connor was changed and out the door in no time flat, keeping to a simple pair of black leggings that he was pretty sure was meant for a woman, but they made his ass look amazing, and a loose fitting workout t-shirt. He jogged halfway around the neighborhood before he pulled out his phone and called a cab.

 

The club he chose was easily the busiest one in downtown Detroit. While he would have preferred something less crowded and definitely less loud, music pounding over the speakers at a deafening volume while countless bodies moved and writhed on the dancefloor, this place served multiple purposes. It was relatively safe, since he was pretty sure noone in his congregation would be in a place like this, and if they were the place was crowded enough to avoid them if he spotted them. 

So, with singleminded determination he waded through the masses of bodies and bellied up to the bar to order a beer, having to shout over the music in order for the bartender to hear him. Once he had the liquid courage in his hand he turned and surveyed the crowd, first looking for anyone who looked remotely familiar, then for someone who looked like they were looking for the same thing he was. 

He spotted a handful of potential candidates. Guys who looked either too drunk to care, or just gay enough that he could probably convince them into a quickie in the bathroom or even outside in the alley. He wasn't picky.

And then he spotted a big figure making it's way through the crowd, and Connor found his eyes following him, current goal completely forgotten, despite the fact that his head felt like it would explode at any second. Completely ridiculous as it was, Connor couldn't take his eyes off of the man, and the fact that he seemed to be coming straight for him certainly didn't help the feeling of anxiety that was sinking in with every step closer the man took.

He wasn't anything special. The same type Connor had been with a million times over. Tall, middle aged, with a gray beard and gray hair that hung down just below his chin. He had a bit of a gut, but nothing too bad, hidden mostly behind the large coat he was wearing and arms that looked like he could easily scoop Connor up off of his feet and snap him in half if he squeezed too tightly.

And fuck, if that didn't get him going for some twisted reason.

He was exactly Connors type on the best of nights. He'd fucked and sucked a dozen or more guys who's faces all, ultimately, blurred together until they were all a slightly different version of the same man.

But there was... something about him. Something Connor couldn't quite put his finger on.

Something that stole the very air from his lungs and caused his face to burn with a heat that had nothing to do with the temperature in the room or the burning in his veins.

As the man came to stand next to him at the bar, leaning against the polished wood and raising a hand lazily to get the bartenders attention Connor sipped his own beer absently, carefully keeping his eyes down.

Which really didn't help matters any since all he could see with his eyes downcast was that pair of massive hands on the bartop. Big palms with long, thick fingers that could probably wrap around his neck and overlap.

The thought sent another wave of heat through him, and he ended up swallowing a little too much beer at once, causing him to cough.

When ocean blue eyes looked down and locked with his, Connor was suddenly VERY aware of how much taller the man was.

_Fuck. He wanted to climb him like a tree._

He smiled nervously and turned away quickly, drumming his fingers in his beer bottle as he looked out and surveyed the crowd.

He needed to be careful about this... Men like that... If he was right and the man was indeed interested in men, well, Connor could be very persuasive. But if he was wrong...

Best case scenario he got an awkward smile and a brush off.

Worst case, he got a nasty remark, maybe a shove for _daring_ to be attracted to another man.

 _Absolute worst Case_ scenario, Connor would find himself being taken outside and beaten within an inch of his life.

He'd been involved in the absolute worst case scenario more than once, unfortunately.

The first time, his brother had come to the rescue before things got too bad. The second, many years later, he hadn't been so lucky, and spent the night in the hospital.

He ran his tongue over the porcelain crowns where his real front teeth use to be. Thank god for insurance and parents who didnt ask questions when you just told them a bigot beat you up.

 When the bartender finally came over to the man next to him, Connor stared out at the crowd and tried not to let it show how intently he was listening, trying to hear what the man sounded like.

 "Just a beer, thanks."

Connor felt like he was going to faint. He was going to keel over right there, and with any luck this man would be certified in CPR.

_Shit, he could make out with his corpse for all he cared at this point._

The mans voice was a loud, booming rumble that carried easily over the music in the bar. It was deep and a bit gravely with a sureness in the tone that only came from years of experience.

It was the sexiest fucking sound he'd ever heard.

As if all of that wasnt bad enough there was... Something else there.. Something completely foreign and yet as familiar as Connors own heartbeat. As if he'd been listening to that voice his whole life.

Something told him he didnt mind that idea.

As the man moved to reach for his wallet in his back pocket Connor made the slightest shift to his right, so that the mans arm bumped his elbow roughly just as he went to take a drink, causing him to jerk and spill his beer down the front of his shirt.

To really sell the 'accident' Connor started cussing, turning towards the bar and setting down his bottle as he reached for the stack of napkins.

The man did the same, mumbling out a sloppy apology as he picked up some napkins and pat at the wet spot on Connors shirt.

Even through the shirt and the napkins in his hand, the slight contact made Connors skin burn. Heat radiated off of the man, sinking into Connors muscles and making him relax in a way that was both bizarre and pleasant at the same time. 

When those impossibly blue eyes met his once more, he found himself feeling hot and cold all at the same time. His skin prickled with waves of heat before it would back off and leave him feeling cold and empty, like the most intense goosebumps he'd ever experienced. 

He saw those lips move, but his ears were rining now, drowning out everything and he couldn't hear whatever he was saying. He blinked, watching his mouth move and desperately trying to make out. The words.

_Pay attention. Pay attention. What's wrong with you?_

"I'm sorry, what?" Connor hollered, using the thumping music as an excuse for his body losing its everloving shit.

And then that big body leaned in and he was suddenly feeling unfairly soft beard hair brush his cheek as the man spoke directly into his ear, causing his heart to do flips.

_Oh fuck..._

If he werent leaning againt the bar already he would probably fall over as the hot breath tickled his ear.

"I said sorry 'bout that kid. Lemme get you another drink."

_Right. Ok. Perfectly normal._

Connor blinked and nodded, swallowing as the man pulled away. "Alright. T-thank you."

Connor wasn't sure what all came over him. 

What was wrong with him?

Well... That was a bit of a loaded question. There was a lot wrong with him. But at the moment, he had no clue why his body suddenly decided to go completely fucking haywire at the sight of this man. 

He'd often seen it in movies, or read in books where some sorry sap would wax poetic over seing someone for the first time. A 'love at first sight' sort of thing, where the lights seemed to dim and everyone around but that person seemed to disappear. Connor had always thought it was all just overly romanticized bullshit, but shit if that wasn't exactly what was happening to him now.

Taking a deep breath through his nose to steady himself he turned back to the bar fully and leaned against it, offering a small smile and a muttered thank you as he took the new beer from the bartender. 

He'd intended to get the mans attention with the little stunt, but now that he had it he was at a complete loss for words.

And then, just like that, he was walking away. The man offered Connor a little smirk, clinked their bottles together before raising his in a little semi-toast then turned to disappear into the crowd, leaving Connor in an open mouthed state of  _Wait, What?_

Connor felt frozen in place until the man was completely out of sight, and suddenly everything came rushing back. The noises in the bar seemed to take on a physical presence and crowd him, making him feel claustrophobic and nauseous. He took another look around the bar, unsure of what his next move should be as he drummed his fingers on the bar top. Flexing his fingers he realized he was shaking.

_Lovely._

With a sigh he put down the beer and exited the bar in a hurry. Before he'd realized what he was doing, a voice was speaking in his ear and it took him a moment to realize it was his phone. He'd called someone. 

Blinking and focusing, he recognized the voice.

"I was hoping to hear from you." 

He'd called Elijah. 

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a Hank chapter!  
> Maybe half Hank, half Connor? Not entirely sure yet.  
> Hopefully you're still on board, even with my blatant lack of sex in a story about a sex addict! XD building up to it, I swear. 
> 
> Anyway! Leave a comment if youre enjoying things so far! Id love to know what you think! Or come talk to me! <3 
> 
> https://discord.gg/tmyqh2v


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo~! Hank Chapter!  
> Enjoy!

 

How many times had he done this? Played with a human life. Pulling string after string until they unravel on themselves and fall to useless little pieces. It had been SO LONG since he'd been challenged.

This boy...

This boy was a challenge.

Hank, as he'd chosen to call this current form, had spent a very, _very_ long time studying this boy.

_His_ boy.

And before this one, there had of course been others. Boy, girl, man, woman... So many countless, nameless, faceless distractions that they all ran together.

It was the same every time. Humans were such fragile creatures. The barest hint of suggestion, a whisper in the ear at the right moment, the slightest nudge in the _wrong_ direction and they came apart. They were easily manipulated and, ultimately, once their souls were taxed beyond belief they would give themselves up to him freely with no fight left and he would move on to the next meal.

It all got rather boring after a while.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere there was... What he could only describe as a light. Almost like a beacon, illuminating the otherwise dark corners of his endless existence.

Most human souls were slightly different variations of the same thing. Some of his kind preferred them innocent. Others wanted them twisted. Hank liked them _broken._ Innocent beings shattered past the point of no return. They were all still the same, but if nothing else it made playing with his food more enjoyable.

And then this boy came into the picture.

Pure, inncoent, easy. A clean soul with a slew of problems lurking just under the surface. From the first suggestion Hank knew this boy would be different. Most humans, when pushed, would push back a little, sure, but with every subsequent nudge their souls would lose that previous luster. They would dim and distort over time until, ultimately, they would submit to him completely.

But it was different with his boy. No matter how many times he pushed, no matter how many terrible thoughts he put into his head, breaking him down physically, wounding his self esteem, feeding him doubt... Nothing dimmed the purity of that soul.

Even the addiction that festered deep within his bones, seeking the connection of flesh on flesh did aught to dampen it.

Hank of course didn't _put_ the addiction there. He never did, with any of his victims. That wouldn't be any fun. He just... Made it worse. Humans were weak to suggestion, after all. But he'd observed the boy for what felt like an eternity before getting involved, just to see what made him tick. Watching and waiting until he decided to finally start playing his little game.

With every push he gave, the boy just seemed to push back, and, damn it, Hank hadn't had this much fun in _ages._

By the time he finally decided it was time to show himself, he... Honestly didn't have much of a plan. For the first time in an eternity, Hank was completely winging it, just to see what would happen, and it was incredibly exciting.

He had tried a female body first. Some big-titted, tiny waisted monstrosity. It had gotten several males attention, but not the one he wanted.

No. The boy had no interest in that form.

So, he backed off and watched a bit more.

Humans, while predictable, were incredibly picky with their preferences. While he could easily put them under and _make_ them do whatever he pleased, there was no enjoyment in that. The response was much more fulfilling when it came about naturally.

Then, over a year later, he tried someone like the guys he saw the boy surround himself with from time to time. Young, fit, handsome. Broad shouldered and barrel chested with a head full of wavy blonde hair.

It had done the trick, and the lust had rolled off of him in waves, but no. That still wasn't right. He didn't want lust. The boy lived with lust permanently embedded in his being.

No. He wanted something deeper.

He needed infatuation.

He needed longing.

He needed... He needed for the boy to be _obsessed_ with the idea of him.

That was what he needed if he was going to break him...

And he _was_ going to break him.

He couldn't take his soul without his consent, so breaking him down was necessary. Well.. He _could._ Technically. But ripping a soul from a live human being was messy, and honestly more trouble than it was worth. And he wasn't a complete _monster_. Making them give themselves freely was part of the fun, anyway.

When he finally settled on a form, a middle aged male with graying hair and a large, imposing frame, it was obvious the boy took notice. After his little stint at that god-awful school Hank had come to realize the boy seemed to have a type when left to his own devices, and he'd done his best to emulate that type with this form. 

And it had worked. From the moment he walked into the nightclub and made his way towards the bar, it was obvious the boy was staring at him.

It was probably the cutest he'd ever seen him, mouth agape and wide eyed, a light flush dusting his cheeks as he tried to pretend he wasn't gawking.

Adorable.

And then he'd attempted to get Hanks attention by 'accidentally' causing Hank to spill his drink and making a show of it. As he started cursing and dabbing at the wet spot on his shirt, Hank has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing.

When Hank bent down to help, he could swear the boy was going to implode. His face flushed and he was pretty sure he stopped breathing for several seconds.

When it became clear the boy was too flustered to speak or maintain a proper train of thought, Hank grinned and decided to put him out of his misery, making his exit just as quickly without so much as an introduction.

Seeing the stunned look on the boys face before he rushed out made it entirely worth it, though.

That was the thing about humans. When you inserted yourself into their life without their knowledge for so long and then decided to show yourself their reactions could be... Unpredictable at times.

Whether they responded positively or negatively was always a gamble. Were you the stuff of their nightmares, or greeted like an old friend?

He was glad to see that his boy was simply stricken speechless as his thoughts turned perverted.

It really was a best case scenario, and now Hank was willing to bet that the boy would be thinking about him for several days to come, at least.

He watched as the boy rushed outside and, seemingly in a trance, put his cell phone to his ear. He talked for a few minutes, laughing nervously a few times and pacing restlessly before finally nodding and agreeing to something.

Approximately 15 minutes after, a rather expensive looking car was pulling up outside and he climbed in with a nervous smile.

Well...it looked like his night wasn't over yet, after all.

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

Connor removed his shoes before stepping foot into Elijah's grand entrance. It just... Seemed appropriate. Everything was shiny, strictly up-kept polished perfection. He was willing to bet there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. Even on the chandelier that hung from the ridiculously high ceiling. It... Was a little overwhelming.

He had of course been to the Kamski's family home a couple of times in high school, for projects and such, but _this..._ Apparently Elijah had done better for himself than Connor had realized.

When he looked back over to the man in question he was watching him intently, that... Predatory look back in his eyes. He was honestly a bit intimidating, even just standing there looking relaxed with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"So..." Connor started, offering an awkward little smile.

_Shit._

_What was he doing here?_

As the telltlale restlessness settled into his muscles, causing him to fidget uncomfortably with the hem of his shirt, he couldn't help the bitter laugh that escaped him.

_Oh, yeah._

As though his seemingly nervous movements only served to amuse him more, Elijah laughed softly and took a couple steps towards Connor. "No need to be so nervous, Father. I don't bite... unless you'd like me to, of course." He walked right on past Connor, ignoring the dark blush that crept into the boys cheeks, coming to stand in front of the massive windows on the opposite side of the large open concept living space.

Connor sighed softly, hugging himself. "Please don't call me that." He muttered, focusing up on the ornate chandelier above him and purposely ignoring the biting comment.

He heard Elijah turn. "I'm sorry. Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"Well, no. Not usually.. I'm just.." He laughed a little, pushing a strand of hair off of his forehead. "I'm sort of... off duty y'know?"

Kamski chuckled. "Is there such a thing?"

Connor turned, shrugging his shoulders as he walked towards the windows to stand next to him. "Well, yes. I don't need to be so... Completely pious and whatnot 24/7. I'm always a priest, but there's no need for formalities all the time. It would be ridiculously unrealistic to assume _anyone_ could be perfect all the time, and that includes me. To Err is human, after all." He looked up just in time to see Elijah glance at him sideways and smirk.

"Indeed it is." He muttered.

They stood there in silence for a moment, both just staring out at the scenery beyond the windows. Elijah lived just outside of the city, so his view was nothing short of impressive. Miles of trees stretched as far as the eye could see, a lush landscape of greens freckled with browns from the trees that hadn't quite regained their color after a particularly harsh winter.

Connor had no doubt in his mind that every inch of the land was owned by Elijah.

"It's a lovely view." He muttered, hugging himself once more.

He was suddenly very, _very_ self conscious about being here. God damn it.

_He should leave._

This man was his friends _brother_ for fucks sake. Not some random hook up. It was too risky.

_He didn't want to do this._

He picked at a loose string on the arm of his shirt, wrapping the thing around his fingers then yanking it until it snapped, then proceeded to weave it in and out of his fingers, just for the sake of something to fidget with. He stared out at the scenery, keeping his eyes straight ahead even as Elijah moved to stand behind him.

He couldn't bring himself to move.

"You didn't come here to talk about real estate, Connor." Elijah muttered, moving to stand directly behind Connor until his chest was bumping Connors back.

Connor closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. God, he smelled fantastic. He bit his bottom lip when hands moved into his peripheral vision and came up to rest on either side of the glass in front of them, caging Connor in. Goosebumps prickled his skin and he said a silent prayer as Elijah leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the back of his neck.

_Fucking hell, he wanted this._

_He shouldn't, but he did._

"I know about you." Elijah's voice was barely a whisper, ghosting over Connors neck. "You were... Quite the legend in school, if I'm not mistaken." His left hand moved away from the window to grab Connors chin, the fingers now cool to the touch from the glass as he tilted his head a bit and proceeded to press feather light kisses to the side of his neck. "I was rather disappointed that I graduated well before you started making the rounds. Is it true you cant go without it?" His other hand moved now, off of the window and over the front of Connors leggings, the restrictive fabric doing nothing to hide his steadily filling out cock. "Sex, that is." He clarified with a chuckle.

Connor was breathing heavily now, his eyes screwed shut as he pushed his hips back against Elijah's and nodded once.

"I find you fascinating, Connor." He nipped at Connors shoulder, and Connors knees almost buckled as he let out a whimper in response. "You know a rather alarming percentage of doctors still refuse to acknowledge that sex addiction is legitimate? A shame really." He trailed kisses up Connor neck again before running his tongue up the shell of his ear. "I'd love to study you... Perhaps we could make a routine of it."

When teeth sunk into Connors ear lobe he groaned and turned quickly in Elijah's arms, wrapping his arms around the taller males neck and pulling him down into a violent kiss.

When he pulled away for air he shook his head. "We can talk about your weird research later. Right now, all I want is for you to fuck me. "

Elijah grinned, as if that had been exactly what he'd been waiting for the whole time and nodded, reaching down to grip Connors ass.

One moment they were kissing, the next Connor found himself being spun around and pressed against the window, a slender, surprisingly strong hand pushing him down so that he was bent over, forearms pressed against the glass and ass on display. Elijah made quick work of pushing his leggings down and there was a telltale click of a bottle cap opening.

With a smirk Connor folded his arms over one another on the glass and rested his cheek on his arm, looking back at Elijah and quirking an eyebrow.

"You make it a habit to carry around lube?" He asked, watching the man slick up the fingers of one hand from a tiny, pocket sized bottle.

Elijah just grinned, capping the little bottle and slipping it back into his pocket. "Don't be ridiculous." He chuckled, leaning over Connor to bite on his ear again and pressing a slippery digit to Connors twitching hole. "We both knew what this was when you called me. I wanted to be prepared..." His finger circled Connors rim  teasingly, pulling a soft groan from the boy. "Unless you'd rather i go in dry?" He added, quirking an eyebrow.

Connor swallowed, shaking his head quickly and resting his forehead against his arms, hiding his face. He was no stranger to rough, dry fucks, with nothing more than a pathetic bit of spit to act as lube. Condoms that came pre-lubed helped, but only marginally. So, given the choice he definitely wasn't going to turn down some  _proper_ preparation for once. 

When Elijah finally slipped that finger in, Connor let out a breathy sigh, the familiar feeling coming as an almost instant relief. The first blissful hit of a much needed drug. He sagged a little when he put in another finger, working them in and out with careful precision. By the third finger Connors back was bowing a bit under Elijah's other hand that was still pressing firmly against the small of his back, and he was biting his own hand to stop himself from moaning as he fucked himself back in the other mans fingers.

Elijah's hand slid up Connors back and tangled into his hair, mussing his carefully combed curls and gripping hard. Connor couldn't care less at this point and allowed his head to be pulled back, off of his hand, and closed his eyes, his face red hot at listening to his own unobstructed noises.

When Elijah pushed two of his own fingers into Connors mouth he sucked on them eagerly, whining a little around them when the other hand retreated, leaving him feeling empty.

The sound of a belt buckle caused his heart to flutter though, excited for what was inevitably to follow. The sound of a zipper was followed by fabric rustling, then another click of that lube bottle. A bit more rustling.

Connor was ready to scream in frustration when something hot and a lot thicker than a couple finger pressed against his hole and he whimpered around the fingers still in his mouth. The familiar slightly inhuman feeling of slicked up latex pressing against him made the small part of his brain still functioning grateful Elijah _was_ prepared.

Luckily Elijah seemed just as impatient, pushing into him steadily until his hips were pressed against Connors ass. The slight brush of denim against his skin only served to make Connors own erection that much worse, the idea that the man behind him was still fully clothed while he fucked him against this massive window seeming like something from a wet dream.

Elijah gave him a moment to adjust before beginning to move, setting a brutal pace that had Connor whimpering pathetically around his fingers.

After several hard thrusts Elijah pulled his fingers out of Connors mouth and gripped his hair again, Connor groaning at the feeling of his own saliva wetting his scalp. Elijah's other hand moved to grip his hip with bruising force, the lube still left on his fingers leaving a shiny trail on Connors skin. With his head pulled back, Connor glimpsed himself in the reflection on the glass and had to close his eyes, the lewd image of himself, drool dripping down his chin while he moaned loudly, Elijah's hips slamming against him roughly causing him to jerk with every thrust, his own cock bouncing and dripping precum onto the floor at his feet was almost enough to make him cum.

He felt Elijah stiffen a little, shifting the hand from Connors hair to wrap cautiously around his neck as he leaned over him, hips moving a bit slower.

Lips pressed to his ear, Elijah's own breathing ragged. "Say my name." He whispered, kissing and sucking on the sensitive skin under his ear.

"F-Fuck!" Connor whimpered, dropping his head onto his arms again, embarrassment burning up to his ears.

Elijah wasn't letting him out of it though, apparently, since that hand found its way to Connors hair again, yanking his head up once more.

"Say it." He ordered, his hips stilling long enough for him to reach around with that other hand and grip Connors cock, running his thumb over the tip.

"Oh, fuck... Elijah..." Connor breathed, closing his eyes and shuddering, stretching his arms out so that he was almost upright, his back curved dramatically and hands pressed flat to the glass as he leaned back and stole a kiss from the other man. "Please fuck me, Elijah." He whispered against his lips, rolling his hips in encouragement for him to keep going.

And that was all the encouragement he needed, because he wrapped one arm around Connors chest, holding him steady as the other hand began pumping his cock, his hips resuming their previous pace, forcing breathy moans from Connor.

It didn't take long before Connor was cumming, moaning out Elijah's name loudly as he spilled all over the mans hand. When Elijah stiffened and moaned, biting down on Connors shoulder, he could only assume he had reached his limit as well, his movements slowing then stopping all together.

They stood there like that for several long moments, Elijah pulling his softening cock out of Connor slowly, standing there for a minute before pulling away completely and crossing the room. He walked into what looked like just another section of wall, but turned out to be a door that, going by the sound of running water led to a bathroom.

While Elijah washed up Connor regarded his flushed expression in the window, sighing softly. He ran his fingers over his slightly swollen lips, pushed his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame it again, pulled his leggings back up, making a mental note to wash them before mom tried to touch his laundry...

Once his heart started to calm down he looked around again, really taking it in.

_What was he doing here?_

_This had been a bad idea._

He bit his bottom lip and hugged himself.

_This man had power and connections._

_This man could ruin him if he felt like it._

As Connor barely fought back the panic clawing at his throat Elijah came out of the bathroom, now dressed in a blood red bath robe and pressing what Connor could assume was a cold rag to the back of his neck with a heavy sigh. He smiled, coming to stand in front of Connor. "Would you like to stay the night?" He asked, leaning over and kissing Connors cheek with a tenderness he hadn't been expecting.

Surprised, Connor just blinked. "Uh.. N-no. No, thank you. I should really be getting back home."

Elijah looked him over once before nodding running his hands over his pulled back hair, smoothing down a few flyaways.

"Alright. Well, at least let my driver take you home. I can't in good conscience make you pay for a cab when it was my idea for you to come all the way out here." He pulled his phone from the pocket of the robe and started typing quickly.

Connor just nodded, his eyes traveling around the room absently. He jumped when a hand landed on his hip, feather light. When he looked back up Elijah was smiling at him softly again.

"I meant what I said, Connor. Despite... Obvious occurrences I'd like to try and help you. I don't have a Ph.D in clinical psychology for nothing." He smirked as Connors eyebrows went up.

"I... Thought you worked with computers?" He muttered, earning a smug grin from the other man.

"I have several degrees." He said with obvious pride, jogging his eyebrows as he led Connor over to the door. "Just think about it, ok? My doors always open to you. Even if its just for another round." He winked as he opened the door, causing Connor to blush and look away, out at the dark walkway.

"I'll think about it." He muttered, forcing himself to look at the other man and smile. "Thank you."

Elijah just nodded, pushing one hand into the pocket of his robe. "Good night Connor. Eddy's waiting for you at the end of the driveway. I'll see you around."

"Good night." Connor nodded as he pushed his feet into his shoes and stepped out of the house, waiting until the door was fully shut behind him before letting out a long sigh and starting down the walkway towards the vehicle that sat waiting for him.

_This had been a mistake._

But what else was new?

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

"Did you enjoy the show?" As Kamski folded his arms across his chest he turned and smirked at Hank, quirking an eyebrow as the demon walked out of the shadows.

"You're a complete asshole." Hank grunted, crossing his own arms with an annoyed expression. He let his eyes travel up and down the slender body in front of him. Bathed in soft blue moonlight from the floor to ceiling windows behind Hank, it was almost deceiving, the power that lurked underneath the surface in that body. "How long have you been in that vessel?"

Kamski adjusted his robe, shrugging his shoulders and having the gall to look bored as he turned fully away from the door. "Off and on for several years." He held his arms out, motioning to the home around him. "He wanted to be successful, and I've done that."

Hank scowled, stepping forward once more. "What are you playing at?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean." The other demon laughed, walking over to the bar on the far wall and pulling a glass from under the cabinet.

Hank let out a growl, a low rumble that percolated up from his chest without permission.

"Don't bullshit me. What are you doing with my boy?"

"Oh _your_ boy?" Kamski paused, grinning as his eyebrows lifted in amused disbelief. "I'm sorry, have you claimed him?" He pulled a bottle off of the top shelf behind him and poured it into the squat glass on the counter. "Because, forgive me, but I do believe it was my name he was calling just a moment ago, wasn't it?" He looked up and smirked, his lips quirking up at the corners wickedly.

Between one blink and the next Hank was on top of him, launching over the bar and slamming the other demon against the shelving behind him. Bottles rattled and teetered dangerously close to the edge of their shelves, threatening to topple.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing? I've had my mark on that boy for _years_. You don't seriously fucking think you can just weasle your way into my territory and get away with it?"

The other male just grinned, his lips spreading far further than a humans should, giving him a twisted appearance that was definitely _inhuman_. "Come, now. You didn't _really_ think you'd be the _only_ one after that precious soul, did you?" He placed his hands on top of Hanks, not pushing him away, just resting there. "To find a human who's mind and body have been through so much, yet the soul remains intact.." He let out a dark chuckle. "That's a special find indeed."

"Aren't you under contract right now?" Hank snarled, his upper lip curling back to show off sharp teeth.

Kamski just shrugged again, his expression infuriatingly nonchalant. "Technically, yes. But this one wont be up for quite some time. Figured I'd have some fun in the interim." He gripped Hanks hands tighter, leaning in close and lowering his voice. "By the way, if you get the opportunity, he's _delicious."_

Hank growled again and let him go with a shove as he took a step back. The demon hit the shelves again, causing a bottle to fall this time, which Kamski easily reached out to catch mid-air before it shattered.

"You stay the fuck away from him." Hank warned, pointing a finger into the demons face before taking his leave.

Holy FUCK, he hated that guy..

It was the work of a moment to find himself back at the boys home, and he stopped outside, staring at the lighted window of his bedroom for several long moments. Part of him wanted to check on him, but Hank could feel the self loathing from where he stood and, for once, he didn't want to make matters worse.

Not when it was due to that asshole. 

Cursing to himself Hank left, already formulating a plan for his what his next move would be.

It was beginning to look like he needed to get this boy under contract, and _soon_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for myself.  
> Mischievous laughter is a good response, right?
> 
> Leave a comment and let me know what you think!  
> Love all of you!
> 
> Link to my discord, if anyone is interested :)
> 
> https://discord.gg/tmyqh2v


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright.  
> Chapter got delayed by a couple days due to drama at work, but here we are.  
> Dialogue heavy chapter here.  
> Mild cw for twincest, so if that's not your thing, steer clear.  
> Otherwise, Enjoy! ♥

Over the course of the next two weeks Connor steadily moved out of his parents house. With every box he took out of his room he felt lighter and lighter. Like each item that left was a weight being lifted from his shoulders.

When he'd first approached mom and dad about moving out, they'd been mildly apprehensive regarding the whole ordeal. Mom had asked a million and one questions, demanding how far away he was moving, why, who was he moving in with? Of course, when they'd pressed for information he'd avoided telling them the truth, instead skirting around it by making generalizations that were neither a lie, nor the whole truth.

Because telling his homophobic mother that he was moving in with his gay brother and his boyfriend would be a fantastic idea.

After freaking out for two days straight mom finally relented and simply offered to help him pack, Connor was sure in no small part due to dad talking her down. 

Connor did let them help him pack a little, after having immediately packed up every trace of his sex toys before anything else, labeling the box 'miscellaneous' and loading it into his car before mom could even think to offer.

He did things slowly, moving a couple boxes at a time and claiming he was in no hurry in order to avoid mom, dad, or even Gavin or Niles offering to help him actually move in. With how mom was he wouldn't put it past her to insert herself into the situation and if he told her where exactly he was moving she would probably show up unannounced at some point and... No. Connor didn't want that.

And knowing Niles, his brother would probably say fuck it and let himself into the house to help, taking the opportunity to make a snarky comment to their mother, causing all kinds of problems.

Just a whole lot of landmines Connor would rather avoid, if he could help it.

It also made for a good lie to his parents when he slipped away in the evenings, claiming he was 'setting up' his new place. Being able to leave freely in the evenings made was nothing short of a miracle, and Connor quickly found several bars downtown that he could alternate between in order to get what he wanted.

Luckily, after the first week the questions stopped, and Connor was free to move bit by bit until his room was completely moved out of his parents house and set up at Niles' apartment.

Now, standing in the center of his new room looking around all Connor could do was sigh.

It was.... Weirdly comforting already. The feeling of already being 'home' was bizarre and unexpected, like just having all of his things in this room made it suddenly his.

The apartment in Cambridge had been nice, but it hadn't ever felt like this. Maybe because he'd hated his roommate? _Maybe_ because of what he was going to school for, studying a subject that he was not only unsure of, but had been the source of so many problems in his life.  But whatever it was Connor could never shake the feeling that he didn't quite belong there.

But this felt... Different. Like he belonged here. It was probably in large part due to the fact that his brother, whom he had assumed would never speak to him again, had not only welcomed him back into his life, but into his home, and Connor was overjoyed.

Smiling a bit to himself, Connor grabbed his notebook from where he'd set it on his dresser and walked out into the living room to flop down on the couch. He opened the book and balanced it on his knee, tapping his pencil gently on the page as he tried to pick back up on his train of thought from where he'd left off last. Writing his own sermons was something he'd committed to doing immediately after enrolling in seminary school. While some of his classmates were all too happy to use regurgitated, canned speeches that they tweaked to fit their needs, Connor found that most of the readily available ones were... ironically enough, too _preachy._ The last thing he wanted to do was make anyone uncomfortable or feel as though he was passing judgement. That wasn't his job. His job was to guide, to teach and to help those who needed it. Leave the judgement to a higher power.

Connor scribbled down ideas as they came to him, stopping once or twice to grab a drink from the kitchen before resuming his writing.

By the time he looked at the clock again, Connor was a little shocked to see he'd been at it for over 2 hours, the sky having started to darken already taking on a dusty purple color.

Yawning and tossing his notebook aside, Connor stood stretched, his spine popping in several places in protest after being hunched over for so long, then went back into his room to collect his phone from where he'd left it on his bed.

4 missed calls from mom.

Of course.

He dialed her number, putting the phone to his ear and sitting down on his bed with a sigh. Gone less than 24 hours and she was already freaking out. She hadn't even acted this badly when he'd moved for school, but he guessed something about the finality of this move had caused her to panic.

They talked for a good 20 minutes, with mom asking how he was getting on in the new place, if he'd settled in ok, making sure he was still planning to give his sermon on Sunday(as if moving would somehow change that?) and going on about her usual nonsense.

By the time he hung up the phone all of the ease he'd felt earlier had practically drained away, leaving him an anxious mess.

_God, he hated this._

_He hated that he let her get to him every damn time._

Even moving out he couldn't escape her overbearing mother hen instincts. It was as though as soon as Niles came out she put all of her helicopter parent nonsense into Connor. Like if she let up for a second he would become corrupted and go down some dark path like his brother.

The very idea made him roll his eyes.

He moved his phone from one hand to the other, chewing on his bottom lip.

_Well._

One of the good things about moving out, he supposed, was that he didn't have to account for every one of his actions and pretend he was going somewhere else if he wanted to get some action.

And, another big bonus was that since he was just a stones throw away from downtown now, he could basically walk to several of his usual haunts.

Smiling a little he stood and grabbed his shoes, pulling them on and locking the door behind himself before heading out.

It took less than 20 minutes to walk to his usual bar. It was probably the loudest one, even so early into the evening, and the one where he typically had the most success in finding hook ups.

And, not for the first time, even just walking into the bar had Connors heart pounding, thinking about that man he'd run into the night he'd gone to Elijah's.

_God he was exactly Connors type_.

So much so that he found himself immediately searching the crowds for him as soon as he walked into a bar these past couple weeks.

The fact that he'd been so out of his damn mind he hadn't even asked his name drove him mad.

So, for tonight, Connor settled on the next best thing: some man in is early 40s, graying at the temples, business suit, shadow of a wedding band on his finger and staring at Connor like he was a right meal.

It took all of 10 minutes before Connor was able to convince him to leave with him, the man even offering to drive them back to Connor's place to avoid the walk.

Sitting in the passenger seat of the mans car, a car that smelled like cigarettes and a womans perfume, Connor could tell the guy was nervous. He tapped his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel and kept giving Connor funny little glances. It wasnt anything new to Connor though. Men like this, who were clearly outside of their comfort zone and felt blasphemous for wanting a young thing like Connor... It honestly just made him harder. Even the idea that, if they only knew what Connor did for a living, that not only were they fucking a boy easily 20 years younger, but that he was a  _priest_ to boot? It was an incredibly amusing thought. So, to keep him from getting cold feet Connor had made a show of palming himself through his pants, making obscene noises for a moment, before leaning over the center console and trailing kisses up and down his neck.

They were up in the apartment quickly, Connor only fumbling with the key in the lock once, accidentally putting his old house key in before realizing it was the wrong one, and then making a b-line for his bedroom, pulling the man along by the lapels of his jacket as he kissed him.

He smelled like smoke and tasted like cheap beer, but Connor couldn't be bothered to care. Honestly the very prospect of being able to have sex _in his own bed_ was enough to have him hard right now.

They hastily stripped out of their clothes and Connor backed himself up onto the bed, the man following and climbing on top of him while muttering something about not usually doing things like this that Connor didn't care to listen to.

As soon as a big pair of hands slid their way up his torso, agonizingly tender, Connor immediately found himself thinking of that other mans hands. Even just from the glance he'd gotten on the bartop that night, they seemed like one of them could probably span the width of his waist if he pressed his palm flat.

And _fuck_ he wanted to find out.

When a mouth found its way to his cock Connor sighed heavily and pushed his fingers into the salt and pepper hair, spreading his legs more. Being this close he could tell his hair was dyed this way, no doubt him being the type of man to believe only a _little_ bit of gray was distinguished, but was too vain to let it grow out that way, and Connor just found himself wishing there was more of it to grab onto.

The actual sex was... Lackluster. Despite being a man into his forties, he _clearly_ wasn't lying when he said he didn't do this sort of thing often. It was agonizingly short lived and nowhere near the level of intensity Connor usually went for, but he'd been through enough subpar one night stands that he was still able to get off in large part due to his imagination.

Once finished, they laid there for a bit, catching their breath before the man slowly got up to pull his clothes on.

Connor pulled on some pajama bottoms and let the guy out, smiling a bit when he leaned down to kiss Connors cheek before walking out the door without another word. Locking up behind him, Connor sighed and stretched a bit, heading in the direction on the bathroom so he could get a shower and wash the smell of smoke out of his hair. He almost made it, too, before the front door opened again and Niles was calling for him.

_Shit._

_He knew that tone._

Groaning inwardly Connor took a step backwards and looked down the hall at his brother as he dropped his keys on the table in the entryway and turned to take off his jacket. Sighing when he realized his brother wasn't going to come to him, Connor walked back down the hall to greet him, offering a nervous smile when Niles only shot him a look.

"I'm not going to chastise you, if that's what you're waiting for." He said after a moment, walking past Connor and into the kitchen as Gavin entered the house too. "You're an adult and you can do what you want." Niles moved around the kitchen, grabbing a mug from one of the cabinets and starting the electric kettle. "All I'm going to ask is that you don't bring your random sexual conquests in to our home. If I don't know them, I don't trust them, and Gavin and I have far too many valuables around the house for random strangers to be gallivanting around."

"Ok. I'm sorry." Connor nodded moving the stand at the kitchens bar that separated it from the rest of the living room, guilt settling in his gut. Gavin dropped his coat by the door and came to stand behind Connor, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder.

Niles dropped a little tea infuser into his mug and sighed, bracing his arms against the counter while he waited for his water to finish heating up. "It's ok, Connor. I would just rather err on the side of caution, that's all."

"Y'know, not to mention that guy looked old enough to be your dad. So... Gross." Gavin smirked at him, making Connor scoff and shrug him off of his shoulder as he turned to head back towards the bathroom.

"Alright, I get it." He laughed, shaking his head as he disappeared into the bathroom.

He showered and shaved quickly, feeling no need to lollygag around, then headed back into the living room after drying his hair and putting his glasses on.

"Where'd Niles go?" He asked, heading into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea and glancing over at Gavin, who was sitting cross legged on the couch flipping through channels on the TV.

"He usually disappears for a half hour or so after work. Says he needs to decompress, so I usually just let him do his thing."

Connor nodded, heading over to the pantry and looking inside. It made sense that Niles would be the type to want some peace and quiet after work. Their job was stressful, and Connor could only imagine the types of things they saw on a daily basis.

Deciding he wanted a snack, he grabbed a bag of popcorn and the designated bucket, and tossed the thing in the microwave to pop while he finished up his tea. Once everything was set he made his way into the living room, plopping himself down onto the other end of the couch with his popcorn and mug.

He sipped at his tea and watched while Gavin tried to decide on what he wanted to watch before he finally settled on some reality show and turned the volume down.

Looking over at Connor he smiled and quirked an eyebrow. "So. Daddy issues, much?"

Connor laughed, popping some popcorn in to his mouth. "Oh shut it. You of all people aren't allowed to kink shame me."

Gavin turned more towards him, grinning. "But seriously? You could literally have any guy you want, and you're going after middle aged dudes?"

Connor just shrugged, rubbing his jaw and trying to stop himself from blushing like an idiot. "What can I say? I have a type. Once we got out of high school and I wasn't limited to just what was readily available to me it became more and more apparent that I just prefer older men." He turned on the couch, pulling his legs up with him and resting the popcorn bucket in his lap. "They just.... Know what they're doing, they usually have their shit together, and.." He couldn't help but grin and chew on his bottom lip a bit. "I guess a part of me just likes feeling.... Young? Like I'm the hot little trophy wife they leave their boring life behind for." He laughed, shaking his head as Gavin snorted back a laugh as well. Now he really _could_ feel his neck burning in embarrassment.

"I mean..." Gavin muttered, lolling his head to the side and folding his arms across his chest. "Its not a bad fantasy." He laughed.

"Thinking back on it, I honestly just took whatever I could get growing up." Connor made a face, shifting his attention to the popcorn in his lap.

"Gee, thanks" Gavin laughed, his tone shifting into one of sarcasm.

Connor stretched a foot out and nudged Gavins knee gently. "Hush, that's not what i meant. Everyone _but_ you, asshole."

Gavin leaned back a bit, resting an elbow against the back of the couch and resting his forehead on his knuckles. "How many guys _did_ you fuck? Like, throughout middle and high school. From hand jobs to fucking, do you know how many?"

"Oh... Jesus, Mary and Joseph." Connor laughed, relaxing a bit more and looking up at the ceiling as he tried to calculate it "Lets see, not counting you and Niles, there was...." He huffed out a breath, puffing out his cheeks as he started counting. "Only 4 guys in middle school.... Then after grandpa died I hit a low point and things started picking up so... From our graduating class probably 14 or 15? Give or take a few people who moved away."

"Oh man... Didn't you fuck the UPS guy once too?" Gavin laughed, stretching out, kicking his feet up into Connors lap and leaning back against the arm of the couch.

Connor sighed and, before he could answer, Niles laughed as he walked past with his mug, finally having emerged from their bedroom and heading into the kitchen.

"That was a dark day in the Anderson household." He chuckled, glancing at the two as he walked past.

Connor glared at his brother, a pout pulling at his lips. "Don't be so damn dramatic. Its not like mom or dad found out."

Niles laughter was drowned out by the sound of the water in the kitchen running as he rinsed his cup. He shook his head as he exited the kitchen. "Yes, brother dear, but you aren't the one who had to stall them while he sneaked out of the bedroom window." He walked back behind the couch, so as to not get in the way of the tv, and reached down to lift Connors chin. "And then subsequently had to shoo the poor man away whenever someone in the house would dare order something online." He leaned down and placed a kiss on his twins forehead, making Connor scowl. "I do believe he may very well have fallen in love with you." He chuckled, straightening and ruffling Connors hair.

Connor huffed and slouched more into the couch, hugging his popcorn bucket to his chest. "Yeah. Story of my life, they all fall in love with me." He winked at Gavin, grinning as he popped a bit of popcorn into his mouth. "That's why you settled for my twin, huh Gav?"

Gavin just scoffed and chucked the little pillow behind him at Connor across the couch, causing him to laugh and spill popcorn all over his lap and the floor as he tried to block the projectile.

Niles sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "You're _both_ cleaning that up, Ill have you know." He stated, already making his way back to their bedroom, leaving Connor and Gavin just sitting there grinning at each other as the sound of the shower starting momentarily filled the silence.

The two sat there for several minutes before getting up off of the couch and cleaning up their mess, Connor then gathering up his now half empty popcorn bucket and flopping back down on the couch.

"So..." Gavin started, absently flipping through channels again before settling on some cartoon and muting the TV, then settling back on the couch. He grabbed the little nail file from the kit on the coffee table and beginning to clean the dirt from under his nails while half focusing on Connor. "Did you actually know that guy who was here earlier?"

"Nope." Connor shrugged, putting more popcorn into his mouth and chewing for a second to avoid talking. "Just met him tonight. With any luck, Ill never see him again."

Gavin shook his head, casting him a mildly disapproving look. "So that's what you're doin' now, huh? You've finally found your 'type' but insist on continuing with these halfhearted, get off and get out situations."

"Honestly, Gav, it just makes things easier. And half the time I really don't even realize who I'm fucking until they're leaving." Connor stared into his popcorn bucket, sighing softly. He knew... How he was, and why, and how it happened, but he didn't like it. And he sure as shit didn't like talking about it. He shifted a little, uncomfortable, and thought about all of the times he lost control and found himself somewhere he hadn't originally intended. Like that night he wound up at Elijah Kamski's home...

It was only two weeks ago, but it seemed like a lifetime. He hadn't even intended to call Elijah. He had just panicked and called someone hoping to get his rocks off, and that someone had been Elijah. He hadn't called him since. That train of thought of course led him to thinking, again, about the man that had landed him in that frenzied state of mind. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing back the curls that had fallen down onto his forehead without the help of any sort of gel or pomade to keep it in place. "I... just get so out of it sometimes it's not until I've finally cleared my head afterwards that I realize I have a problem."

"Whats it like... When you get like that?" Gavin glanced up, pausing with the nail pick under one of his fingernails. "I mean... I've seen the aftermath, so I known what you get like if you don't get off, but I've been curious about how it starts out. I've seen junkies and tweakers and shit aplenty, but you aren't like that all the time.."

Connor paused, a piece of popcorn halfway to his mouth. "I... No. Its kind of hard to explain." He popped the thing into his mouth and chewed while taking a second to think. He shifted a little on the couch, sitting up a bit more. "Its like..." He sighed. "Its not like I always want sex 24/7. But theres almost always something that triggers it... Usually something will make me feel stressed, or anxious, then my mind will start trying to find other things to focus on, and then one thought leads to another, then another, until before I know it Im trolling for dick in some bar somewhere." He rubbed his forehead, shrugging his shoulders a bit. "More often than not it just sneaks up on me out of nowhere. The other day, for example.." He sat up a bit straighter, taking a sip of his tea then setting it back down on the coffee table. "You remember Jeremy Thompson?"

Gavin made a face. "Varsity?" Connor nodded. "Yeah, I remember him. Big, bulky guy? Didn't you two--"

"Yup" Connor nodded again, smirking before shaking his head. "Regardless. I saw him in church the other day and found myself just... Staring at his hands." He lifted his own hands, turning them forward and back as he stared at them, a far away look hazing over his vision. "Which of course led me to thinking about everything he use to do with those hands. Which turned into what he could still do with them, then how long it would take to convince him to sneak out back with me, how much we could do before his wife noticed he was gone..." He sighed, slouching in defeat and resting his head back against the arm of the couch. "I'm fucked. I have _no_ control over my thoughts sometimes."

Gavin just shrugged, seeming completely unbothered by the situation.

"You have a problem, Connor. Always have." He paused, scraping the last bit of dirt from under his finger nail then tossing the file onto the coffee table. "Have you looked into therapy at all?"

Connor groaned, pushing his fingertips into his eyelids. "I _cant_... Honestly even if they could help me, if it got out that Im seeking help for addiction, and especially _what_ my addiction is I could be excommunicated."

"Jesus." Gavin made a face. "Would they really do that?"

"People have been kicked out for less."

"Aren't you guys suppose to be all about, I dunno, forgiveness and shit?"

"Forgiveness is for God. People suck, no matter what they believe." Connor grumbled, Gavin tsking is response.

Connor slumped a little in his seat, sighing softly as he stared blankly into the popcorn in his lap. "Can I ask you something?" He muttered after a moment, glancing up at Gavin again.

"Shoot."

"When... When did you realize you were in love with my brother?"

"Oh... Shit...well." Gavin shifted, pulling his feet out of Connors lap and palming the back of his neck nervously. "That's, uh, kind of a loaded question... I mean... I can't really say. It just sort of happened over time, y'know? Id say.." He shifted again, pulling one knee up onto the couch. "If I had to put a timeframe on it, Id say... Right about the time I started to be able to tell you two apart..." When Connor only cocked his head, Gavin laughed. "I know, it sounds weird, but hear me out. It use to be that if I wasn't looking at your eyes, I honestly couldn't tell you two apart. Your voices, your faces, even a lot of your mannerisms, everything was completely identical. Even before we started fooling around, you and I were always closer than me and Niles, but, honestly, if one of you said something from behind me, I had to look to know who was talking. And One day... You just... stopped being Connor and Connors twin, and started being Connor and Niles... And then... it turned into Niles and Connor. And before I realized it, I could pick either of you out of a crowd and tell you apart like it was the easiest thing in the world." He laughed, shaking his head and shrugging. "Shit, at this point you could probably blindfold me and stick both of your cocks in my mouth and Id be able to tell who's who."

"Oh _really?_ " Connor laughed, raising his eyebrows.

"I mean, probably." Gavin laughed, leaning over to grab a handful of popcorn from Connors bucket and eating some.

Once he finished the handful he wiped his hands on his pants and looked over at Connor again, quirking an eyebrow. "Why you asking all of a sudden?"

Connor just shrugged, hugging his popcorn a little closer. "Just... wondering really." He muttered without much conviction, attempting to smile and probably failing. He heard Gavin sigh softly before he reached over and pat Connors knee, then standing from the couch just as Niles came out of their bedroom in pajama bottoms with a towel around his shoulders.

He pat Gavin on the back and sat down on the couch with a sigh, occupying his previous spot. "Your turn, love."

"Alright, alright." Gavin laughed softly, waving a hand dismissively as he headed in to their room, already pulling his shirt over his head.

After a beat of silence, only broken by Niles methodically scrubbing at his wet hair with the towel, his twin glanced over and offered a small smile.

"What were the two of you gabbing about?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

Connor sighed and set his popcorn bucket onto the coffee table before curling up onto his side, laying his head in his brothers lap.

"Oh, just my miserable existence." He laughed, earning a huff of a laugh from his brother as he reached for the remote and unmuted the TV.

He watched as Niles surfed through channels trying to find something of interest for him, and smiled when his brothers free hand found its way into his hair, his long fingers combing through the strands tenderly.

When he finally settled on a news station Connor heard him set the remote down onto the arm of the couch and relax a bit more, his body seeming to sink onto the cushions a tad making Connor realize just how... controlled his brother always was over his movements.

As the news anchor babbled about some shocking news story they'd be telling after yet another round of commercials, Niles sighed softly and his fingers stilled in their movements in Connors hair.

"Connor I feel as though theres something I should confess."

Connor smirked, tilting his head a bit to look up at Niles. "Y'know people usually start that with 'forgive me father, for I have sinned'. Don't you remember how confession works, Niles?"

Niles scoffed and pushed the back of his head, forcing his attention back to the tv.

"Thats not what I meant, smartass." There was an audible sigh, as though he were preparing himself to say something. When he felt him stiffen a bit more, Connor rested his hand on his brothers thigh, stroking the soft fabric of his pajama bottoms gently in an attempt to encourage him. "Gavin and I got married." He said finally, keeping his eyes on the tv in front of them.

" ** _Wait, what??_** " Connor shouted, bolting upright to stare at his brother in disbelief. When his brother just stared at him and didn't offer any more explanation Connor made a flailing motion with his hands. "When??" He pressed.

Niles rolled his eyes and sighed, reaching over to grab Connor by the back of the neck and forcing him to lay back down in his lap, ignoring the petulant grumble-muttering coming from his twin.

"It'll be two years in November." He sighed, returning his hand to Connors hair as Connor glared his frustrations at the TV.

"Jesus. I mean... I get that you didnt invite me, but shit Niles... That might've been something to tell me when we met for lunch! Or, I dunno, over the last few weeks." he threw a hand up in exasperation.

"I made Gavin promise not to tell you."

"Thats why that little asshole looked lile he wanted to pop when we met up." Connor snorted.

Niles laughed softly. "No. Thats just Gavin. He was honestly just happy to see you."

Connor returned his hand to Niles' lap, plucking at a loose thread on his knee absently while he listened to the newscaster talk gravely about some multiple murder down at the docks. Niles changed the channel quickly, no doubt not wanting to deal with negative media on things he probably already knew about.

"So..." Connor sighed. "Did you guys have a ceremony, or..?"

"No." Niles carded his fingers through Connors hair, massaging as his scap every so often. "There was no ceremony, no rings, no unnecessary fluff or nonsense. We filled out the appropriate paperwork and I got Gavin his collar. Thats all."

Connor shot a look up to his brother. "Leave it to you to treat marriage like a fucking business transaction."

Niles just smiled and shrugged. "We agreed on it. We've been together for a very long time, and would be together even if we didn't have the paperwork. But given our line of work, anything could happen, and I'll be damned if some... Doctor tells me I cant see him on his death bed. Im being overdramatic, of course, but you get the point."

Connor nodded, then smiled a little, quirking an eyebrow. "I love how you assume he's gonna die first."

"Of course." Niles grinned. "He's an accident prone moron."

Connor laughed, shaking his head. "You're not wrong."

Now that the proverbial cat was out of the bag Niles reaxed a bit more and sat back, changing to another news station and turning up the volume on the TV a little.

They sat in silence for several minutes while the news droned on about some pointless fluff piece, and while Connor had no interest in what was happening on the TV he was trying his damndest to pay attention as Niles continued stroking his hair.

As his brothers hand slipped a little lower, long fingers digging in and massaging at the base of his skull and trailing up and down the back of his neck Connor closed his eyes and sighed heavily.

He nuzzled into Niles' lap a little more, curling up. When his brother curled his fingers, scraping his nails gently up the back of his neck Connor shuddered, goosebumps instantly prickled all up and down his arms. He heard Niles huff out a little laugh above him and tried to keep his attention on the TV, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

_Niles knew what he was doing._

The bastard knew Connor better than anyone and, fuck him, he knew any sort of contact with the back of his neck left him putty in the other persons hands. It was so _goddamn_ sensitive.

"You're an asshole." He whispered, clenching a fist into the pant leg of his pajamas.

"That so?" He could hear the laughter in Niles voice. "Hm. No. Id have to disagree.." Connor stiffened, feeling Niles' hand shift so that it was resting on his shoulder. He didn't trust the weight of it, almost bracing. "No... _this_ would make me an asshole." Niles' other hand moved to hold Connors head still, pressing him down into his lap as he leaned down and sunk his teeth in at the nape of Connors neck.

Connor, if asked, would probably deny the rather high pitched squeal that came out of him as Niles locked on to the skin on the back of his neck. He bit down hard, only pausing long enough to suck and run his tongue over the sensitive skin before biting again, turning Connor into a writhing mess.

By the time he pulled away, Connor had squirmed his legs up under him so he was on his knees, one hand gripping the fabric on Niles' pajama bottoms while the other pressed against his brothers bare side.

When he was sure Niles was done he exhaled shakily, keeping his eyes closed. "I fucking hate you." He whispered, squirming his hips a fraction as he tried to adjust his now hard cock pushing against his own pajamas.

Niles only laughed, running his palm down the curve of Connors spine before gripping his ass and giving it a little shake. "Oh please. Don't tell me seminary school made you stop being any fun." He teased, giving Connors bottom a little slap.

"Y'know... Technically it _really_ should have." Connor laughed, letting out a soft groan when Niles' palm made contact with his ass again. "Somewhat non-sequitur, but it may interest you to know.." He shifted, chancing a look up at his brother "Gavin said he could probably tell the difference between our dicks if he were blindfolded."

"Oh did he now?" He watched Niles' face break into a smirk and grinned a bit himself, somewhat glad the attention was off of him for the moment. "That _is_ interesting." Niles leaned down and kissed Connors cheek. "We'll have to test that theory at some point." He laughed, his hand rubbing circles in the small of Connors back with his thumb until Connor sighed and crawled up into his lap. 

Draping his arms over his brothers shoulders, Connor smiled a little, cocking his head to the side. "I missed you." He whispered, one hand moving to rest on the back of Niles' neck and stroking his thumb along the short hairs there.

Niles just smiled back and rested both hands on Connors thighs, his fingers digging into the soft flesh. "I know."

Connor shifted his hips a little, pushing his erection up against Niles' toned stomach, the thin fabric of his pajamas not doing much to dull things. He let out a shaky little sigh and looked down at his brother with half lidded eyes. "Didn't you miss me?" He asked, leaning down to kiss along Niles' jaw.

When his brother only laughed a little in response Connor pouted a little, leaning back to look him in the eyes. "Oh don't pout." He chuckled, sliding one hand around to grip his ass. "Of course I missed you. Once I stopped being mad at you, that is." When Connor continued pouting Niles raised his eyebrows and slid the hand on Connors thigh upwards, towards his hip, brushing his thumb against the side of his erection, making Connor shiver.  "You know, you seem awfully tense for someone who just got laid." He leaned forward, pressing his lips to the underside of Connors jaw. "Was the poor bastard unable to satisfy you? Or are you just that needy these days?" 

Connor shudderd, pushing his hips forward again with a little whine. "Pretty much." He breathed, laughing slightly. "Yes to all of that."

Niles grinned, the hand on Connors ass gripping hard. "Oh, so you're admitting to being a needy bitch?" When Connor just swallowed and nodded, cheeks flushing, Niles hummed softly in approval  and shifted a bit, lifting Connor up slightly so that he could reach down between them and push his pajama bottoms down just enough to free his half hard cock. 

Once done with that he reached up and removed Connors glasses, folding them up and tossing them onto the coffee table then relaxed back and rested both arms along the back of the couch. Half blind, Connor could barely make out the self satisfied smirk on his brothers face. With a sigh he leaned down and placed several kisses to Niles' collar bone, a soft whimper escaping him as he pressed his hips down against the hardening length now pressing against his ass. 

He kept grinding down against him, becoming increasingly more and more desperate with every slide of his cock against the soft fabric of his pajamas. Even more infuriating was Niles' utter lack of response. He'd hear the occasional sigh from his brother, but were it not for the now incredibly hard dick pushing its way into the cleft of his ass Connor would almost question whether or not he was enjoying any of this.

They'd talked about the taboo of their incestuous activities when they were younger, and old enough to question such things. It wasn't uncommon for boys to 'discover' themselves at a very young age, and Connor and Niles having been practically glued at the hip since birth, it was only natural that they'd discovered one another as well. So, by the time they were in their teens seeing or touching one anothers bodies was as natural to them as breathing. 

It wasnt until Gavin entered the picture and expressed surprise at the twins willingness to engage in activities together that the two started to ask themselves if it was really ok. But, ultimately, the three decided that as long as all parties involved were willing participants then no harm done. 

Sitting in his brothers lap now though, with Niles' barely participating, Connor sat back  biting his bottom lip in thought. If his brother was only doing this because he felt bad for Connor, he wouldn't be able to go through with it, consequences be damned. He was married now, and maybe that changed things?

"Niles, if Gavin's not gonna be ok with this, we dont have to--"

"Oh, don't stop on my account." 

Connor jumped when the jerk in question spoke up from directly behind him and pressed what seemed to be his naked body against Connors back. As strong arms wrapped around his shoulders and Niles let out a laugh Connor pouted, pushing against his twins chest playfully.

"For fucks sake. How long was he standing there?" He grumbled, trying to shake Gavin off as he laughed and attempted to nibble on Connors ear lobe.

"Long enough to hear that you're a greedy little bitch who wants my husband's cock." 

Connor groaned deep in his throat, leaning forward to rest his forehead on Niles' shoulder. "I hate both of you." He muttered, causing Gavin to laugh. 

"Sure ya do, babe." He laughed, peppering the back of Connors neck with kisses as he snaked a hand around his front and gripped his cock through his pajamas. "Thats why you're hard as a rock, grinding your ass against your brothers dick." 

Connor couldnt hep but shift his hips, pushing his cock more into Gavins hand with a little whine that he attempted to hide behind his hand.

He was, sadly, so use to fumbling romps with dudes who didnt know what they were doing that literally being in the hands of two individuals who not only knew what they werw doing , but knew  _him?_ Every sweet spot Connor had being blatantly obvious to the two, leaving him completely at their mecy.

_He was already a mess._

As Connor tried to muffle his noises behind his hand, Gavin mercilessly fondling his dick through his pants, Niles let out a soft laugh and reached out to grab both of Connors wrists. He pulled his hand away from his mouth and held his arms up a bit. Connor was confused until Gavins hand retreated from his dick and he took hold of Connors hands, muttering a soft ''c'mon.'' as he helped Connor to stand up on the couch, feet on either side of Niles' legs. Gavin guided Connors hands to the back of the couch on either side lf Niles' head, making sure he was steady before helping him out of his pajama bottoms. 

Now fully exposed Connor chewed on his bottom lip and tried not to fidget too much, not wanting to compromise his precarious position on the couch cushions. Until of course Niles hands found his ass again and pulled him forward, pressing a kiss to the leaking head of his cock making him gasp and grip the back of the couch.

His shoulders bunched up and he hung his head, letting out a shuddering sigh as Niles slowly guided him into his mouth. And just before he could ask himself what Gavin was up to a series of wet kisses were being peppered all around his lower back and over the swell of his ass.

His eyes damn near rolled into the back of his head when Niles' hands spread him open, just to have Gavin lean in and lick a slow stripe from his perineum to his twitching hole. 

"Oh, fuck..." Connor gasped, wanting to buck his hips but unsure in which direction. Niles seemed to solve that for him though, using his grip on Connors ass to push him further into his mouth, his tongue working the vein on the underside of his cock. As Gavins tongue swirled around his rim and Niles sucked on him, Connor was so overwhelmed from all angles all he could do was grip the couch and spout random obscenities. He couldn't even think properly, but apparently Niles didnt see this as a problem, his brother gripping his hips with enough force to bruise as he moved Connors hips for him.  

Then, Niles pulled him forward once more, pushing Connors cock down into his throat and pushing his tongue out to lick along Connors balls, just as Gavin leaned down and did the same along the other side, his fingers pushing into him carefully. As Niles swallowed around his cock, his tongue still lapping at his balls, he felt Gavins hand come up, fondling them gently before pulling one of them into his mouth and sucking gently, his own tongue then coming out to lick along the same spot as Niles, their tongues overlapping just as he hooked his fingers, pressing against Connors prostate.

It was all too much, and Connor came down Niles' throat with a loud, shuddering moan, his hips jerking a bit as he tried to avoid letting his legs give out. 

Gavin was right there though, wrapping his arms around Connor and pulling him back, then helping him sit back down on Niles' lap. Before he could even think about what was happening, he felt Niles pushing up into his spit coated hole. All Connor could do was follow Gavins hands, leading him to lean back against his chest, arms locking around his torso. 

When Gavin leaned him back a bit more as Niles fucked up into him, the angle caused him to brush up against his prostate with each thrust, making Connor let out breathy little whimpers. Gavin shut him up by kissing him, pushing his tongue into his mouth and the taste of his saliva and cigarettes mixing with the taste of himself was so obcesne, coupled with the relentless pounding of his prostate Connor was hard again in record time.

Niles just kept right on fucking him, gripping Connors hips and moving him because he didn't have the strength to move himself. Connor came again right as Niles was cumming inside of him, hot liquid pumping into him as he spilled all over his and brothers stomachs. 

They sat there for a few minutes, Connor just resting with his head on Gavins shoulder as his friend whispered soothing things and played with the cum on his stomach. He brought one of the fingers up to Connors mouth, Connor being more than happy to suck it clean in his blissed out state.

When the world started coming into focus again, Gavin kissed his forehead and smiled sweetly at him as Niles sat there, running his hands up and down Connors thighs gently.

"Feel better?" His brother muttered with a grin, quirking an eyebrow.

When Connor only nodded the other two laughed, Niles then patting Connors thigh. "Well good. Think you can stand?" Connor nodded and did so, a little too quickly, Gavin having to reach out and steady him so that he didn't fall backwards into the coffee table. 

When he was sure he was good he stepped away and smiled at the other two, cheeks flushing a bit as Niles just laughed. 

"I need another shower. You should get some sleep, Con." His brother said, reaching out to touch his cheek then leaning down to kiss him softly. 

Connor just nodded as they parted, his mind still wonderfully empty after having had multiple orgasms for the first time in a long time. All he could do was smile and watch Niles lead Gavin to their bedroom, shutting the door behind them. 

Yawning and stretching a bit he washed himself up with a washcloth in his bathroom before heading to his room and collapsing onto his bed. 

He smiled, pulling his pillow close to his chest and curling up to it, exhaustion settling in and pulling him down into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie dokie!  
> There we have it!  
> Halfway done here.  
> Things are gonna start picking up after this, so prepare your butts!  
> Thank you to everyone still reading this and encouraging me to continue.  
> Jen, you da real MVP! <3
> 
> Leave a comment and let me know what you thought, or come say it to my face lol
> 
> https://discord.gg/tmyqh2v


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, chapter 6!  
> TW for mentions of sexual assault/rape.  
> Nothing gratuitous.
> 
>  
> 
> Please Enjoy! ♥

Connor could feel his heartbeat behind his eyelid.

The one that was surely swelling shut with every second he lay there, staring blankly up at the dark sky above him, framed by the buildings on either side.

He'd say he wasn't sure how it came to this, but that would be a lie. Of course he knew. It happened the same way everything else did. Due to his own stupidity.

It had started just like any other night. He'd flirted with a guy at the bar, and he'd seemed to take the bait, allowing Connor to lead him out into the alley while they made out. He was in his late 20s/early 30s. Young by Connors usual standards, but he was cute with a strong upper body that made Connor think that he'd be able to hold him up against the alley wall, no problem.

Things had been business as usual, leading him out into the alley, making out, Connor finding himself pushed up against the cold bricks with more force than was strictly necessary. And then the other voices had reached his ears, followed by several pairs of feet coming towards them, kicking aside empty beer cans and old wadded up newspapers.

When the guy he'd been kissing a second before stepped back and started talking to the others, Connor had tried to play it off. He'd made a joke about being fine with an orgy, but maybe they should go somewhere more comfortable?

That had earned him the first punch to the gut. The one that he was pretty sure hit a rib and bruised something, bringing him to his knees.

Of course, being the incorrigible asshole he was, he made another joke about being on his knees, which had earned him the hit to the face that had split his upper lip.

They started talking, asking about money or valuables, to which Connor just laughed and turned out his empty pockets. He knew how this game worked. This was the other risk with following strangers around. If it wasn't a hate crime, it was a mugging and Connor learned early on not to bring anything of value with him when he went out in the evenings. He had his phone, which he promptly handed over, and a little cash and his ID tucked in his shoe, which wasn't going anywhere.

He listened to them talk carefully, hanging on to their every word while weighing the possibility of running, and instantly didn't like the direction their conversation was going. Especially as the original guy he'd come out with palmed himself through his pants, making a snide remark.

Now, laying here on the disgusting ground Connor was acutely aware of everything.

How cold the concrete under him was, seeping through his clothes and somehow exacerbating the soreness in his muscles. The pounding behind his eyelid and down his cheekbone. The taste of copper in his mouth. The way the cool air outside hit his wet cheeks. The soreness of his jaw and the persistent pain in his rectum.

As the seconds ticked on he stared up at the sky and watched the clouds crawl by, just counting each cloud that passed until he either found the strength to stand or passed out. He didn't care which came first.

He didn't know how long he laid there. An hour? Two? Everything hurt and that was all he could focus on.

It wasn't until a shadow darkened his vision and he was being pulled up off of the ground that he started trying to focus again. The world started spinning and he had to close his eyes as he was being switched from one strong pair of hands to another and then loaded into the back of a vehicle. He was vaguely aware of Gavin cussing from somewhere above him as a gentle hand smoothed his hair back.

There was the rumble of an engine and the world started vibrating as who he could only assume was Niles drove them towards home.

What seemed like a lifetime later, Connor looked up at his brother, sitting in their kitchen, holding an ice pack to his stinging right eye. The ice almost burned against all the busted blood vessels, but the longer he held it there the more mercifully numb it got.

As Gavin came over to pull the pack off and examine his eye, Connor watched Niles, his brother in the process of drying his hands on a paper towel and looking at his knuckles with an annoyed expression.

They were busted and raw, stained slightly red, and Connor was willing to bet it wasn't just from his own blood.

"How did you find me?" He croaked at last, his voice hoarse and so damn tired.

Niles jogged his eyebrows a little, reaching to his back pocket and producing what Connor instantly recognized as his lost cell phone. His brother tossed the device onto the table, it's screen cracked and chipped on one corner.

"I called. And when it rang and went to voicemail, twice, I tracked it. Imagine my surprise when it led me not to you, but those three wastes of space..." He sighed, dropping his weight into the free chair and dabbing a bit of Neosporin onto his busted knuckles, then grabbing a roll of bandages from the first aid kit and attempting to wrap up his hand. When he fumbled once Gavin reached over and did it for him, clearly biting back a sarcastic remark as he looked up at him with a little smirk. Niles looked back at Connor and shrugged his shoulders a bit. "Of course my surprise was clearly rivaled by theirs. They looked as though they'd seen a ghost." He nodded his head to the side, making a face. "It _is_ rather convenient not to have to show pictures of you when inquiring as to your whereabouts. So, naturally I assumed something had happened, and going by their shocked reactions I assumed the worst." He sighed, mumbling a thank you to Gavin when he finished wrapping his hand and flexed his fingers.

"What....what did you do?" Connor asked, giving Niles as worried an expression as he could with one eye.

Niles just shrugged again, getting up from the table and walking to the fridge. "I used nonlethal force to get them to tell me where you were." He cracked open a water bottle and drank half of the thing before making another face. "Excessive perhaps... but nonlethal."

"Ah..."

Gavin sat back in his chair, pushing his hands through his hair with a sigh."They'll live. If anything they're just lucky we didn't find you first. They probably woulda gotten a lot worse if he'd seen how they left you."

Tears filled Connor vision again and he swallowed around the lump in his throat, doubling over on himself and pressing his forehead to his knees. "I'm sorry." Was all he could whisper, guilt and self hatred flooding his system until all he could do was cry.

Because worst of all, he knew this wasn't going to stop anything. It never did. He knew once he healed up he'd be right back on his bullshit, effectively negating his brothers good will.

_He didn't deserve Niles or Gavin caring about him._

When hands reached for him and landed on his back he flinched on reflex before letting himself be pulled into Gavin's arms. The tender contact only made things worse, causing him to choke back a sob.

_He hated this._

This wasn't the first time he'd found himself a tattered mess, sobbing into his best friends shirt as he tried to pick up the discarded remains of his self worth.

Last time... hadn't ended well.

Gavin and Niles ended up cleaning Connor up, helping him into the shower and washing him gently before bandaging his wounds as best they could and leading him to their room.

He didn't remember crawling into their bed, or cuddling up to his brother and Gavin. He didn't know how long it took him to pass out, or how long Gavin was stroking his hair for.

All he knew was that he woke up the following morning with a migraine from hell and Gavin still curled up to him, both arms locked tight around him with their legs intertwined.

Gently pulling himself away from his friends death grip, Connor sat up and looked around, squinting in the dull early morning light. Everything was fuzzy, and going by the fact that he couldn't see anything out of his right eye he was willing to bet it was still swollen. He caught a glimpse of a dark shape off to the side that he could only assume was Niles, propped up in his armchair by the bed. He patted around a bit for his glasses then paused, unsure if they had even been brought in here.

"Nightstand." Niles whispered, breaking the otherwise peaceful silence in the room.

Reaching over to the aforementioned nightstand Connor grabbed his(?) glasses and put them on, then looked up at his brother again.

"What time is it?" He whispered, running his fingers through his hair and being mildly surprised when they passed through the curls with little resistance. He'd half expected his hair to be matted and gross considering that was exactly how he woke up feeling: Gross. His whole body had settled into a dull, consistent ache and he just felt... Wrong.

But... He supposed being mugged, sexually assaulted and left in an alley to rot could do that to a person.

Niles glanced at his watch, placing a finger in between the pages of the book he was reading. "A little after 8AM."

Connor glanced down at Gavin, still snoozing away next to him. He'd rolled over and taken a good chunk of the covers with him totally unperturbed by the dim sunlight filtering in through their sheer curtains. "I'm sorry." He whispered, swinging his feet off of the bed. "You guys should be at work, not taking care of me." Not only did he feel physically awful, but now his actions had caused his brother to skip out on work, soiling what was undoubtedly prefect attendance previously causing him to feel even  _worse_ about himself.

"Its fine. We took the day off." He set his book down on the arm of the chair and leaned back a bit, a smile softening his features as he looked over his partner. "Besides, Gavin rarely gets to sleep in, so I'm sure he's relishing the opportunity."

Connor, unconvinced, just shook his head moving to stand from the bed, only to have his knees buckle under him. He hissed in a breath between his teeth as pain bloomed all up his lower back and throughout various other parts of his body. Luckily, Niles was quick to jump up to catch him before he faceplanted on the carpet, saving him from _that_ humiliation at least.

"Well that's new." He muttered, blinking rapidly.

Niles just nodded, as though unsurprised, and led Connor out of the room quietly. He deposited him on the couch gently then went back to the bedroom and closed the door softly, taking care to be as quiet as possible.

Walking back he bypassed the couch and headed into the kitchen, the sound of his bare feet on the tile floor oddly comforting. "Coffee?" He asked, already rummaging around in the cabinets.

"That would be wonderful, thank you." Connor sighed, shifting a bit on the couch trying to find a comfortable position to ease the stinging in his backside. He finally managed to pull his legs up under him and shift a bit so that his weight was more on his hip than his bottom, easing the pain somewhat.

His brother eventually came back over with two cups of coffee, a tiny saucer sitting on top of one. He set both onto the coffee table and picked the saucer up, holding it out to Connor. Sitting in the center was a single tea bag, looking like it had been recently wet, going by the little puddle around it. He looked at it and back up at Niles, quirking an eyebrow. "Am I missing something? Usually the tea goes _in_ the cup Nines."

Niles scoffed and nudged the saucer towards him again. "For your eye, dumbass. The caffeine should help reduce the swelling a bit."

Connor looked at him skeptically but took the teabag anyway and, removing his glasses, placed it on his swollen eye. It was cool, as if it had been in the fridge overnight, and it did feel good, if nothing else. Sighing, Connor leaned forward and grabbed his mug as Niles set the saucer down and did the same.

They were quiet for a moment before Connor swallowed some of his coffee and smiled. "Guess I should trust you with matters of swelling and bruises, huh?"

He glanced at his brother who smirked. "You should." He replied simply, sipping his own coffee and crossing his legs.

Connor raised his eyebrows, letting the silence between them stretch for several seconds, before letting out a little laugh. "A Saint Andrew's cross, huh?" He asked, glancing up at him again. He'd spotted the piece of equipment in their bedroom before leaving, just tucked away in one corner of the room like any other piece of furniture. He hadn't seen the thing on his original tour, which led him to believe it was either a new purchase, or had been tucked away somewhere and brought out recently.

Niles just shrugged, unphased. "Don't knock it until you try it."

Connor laughed a bit, flipping the tea bag on his eye over to the other side that was still a little cool. He took another sip of his coffee, glad his twin still remembered how he liked it, and leaned his head against Niles' shoulder. "How long do I have to keep this on?" He asked, resting the mug on his knee.

Niles glanced at his watch. "About 5 more minutes. Then you're going to want to do it again a few times today."

Connor nodded, a yawn forcing it's way out of his mouth as he snuggled a bit closer to Niles.

When his brother rested his head on top of Connors he smiled and closed his other eye, enjoying the quiet moment.

"I think... I'm gonna call Elijah..." He muttered after a minute, opening his good eye and staring blankly at the television.

"Elijah Kamski? Chloe's brother?" Niles lifted his head and gave him a skeptical look, as though trying to decide what exactly got knocked loose in his brothers head.

"Yeah... He said he wanted to help me." Connor let out a little laugh, removing the teabag from his eye and leaning forward to set it on its saucer again. "Pretty sure he just wants to study me, but... If it helps.." He shrugged, staring into his coffee cup. "D'you know he has a degree in clinical psychology, apparently?" He raised his eyebrows, a meek smile tugging at his lips, as though that would help  explain away the otherwise odd statement.

Niles took a sip from his mug, shrugging. "As I don't make it a habit of knowing everything about our old classmates, I can't say I did. But he was always ambitious, so I'm not surprised." He was quiet for a second, then "Need I ask how you came to possess this knowledge?" He shifted and leaned an elbow against the back of the couch, resting his temple on his knuckles, the look on his face saying he already knew the answer.

Connor still blushed anyway, sipping his coffee and averting his gaze.

Luckily though, he was spared having to answer as Gavin emerged from their room with a loud yawn, drawing both of their attention to the bedroom door.

"Well good morning." Niles laughed, his expression softening considerably as Gavin shuffled over to the couch. He pat Niles on the shoulder, urging him to scoot over more then flopping down in between the twins.

He instantly wrapped his arms around Niles' left one, snuggling in against him and glancing over at Connor.

"You look like shit." He mumbled, cracking a smile.

"Thank you for that astute observation, dear," Niles laughed, picking up the remote from the arm of the couch and handing it to Gavin. "But I don't think Connor needs you reaffirming that."

Gavin shrugged, turning on the tv. "I'm jus' sayin'." He grumbled.

Niles smirked, raising his free hand to scratch at the top of Gavin's head. "Shut up and watch your cartoons. You're being unhelpful." He laughed, resting his chin on Gavin's head so he could look at Connor.

Connor grinned as Gavin turned to a channel where some old cartoons were playing and made a sour face, mocking Niles as he set the remote on his lap.

"Was it your dream to marry a toddler, Nines?" Connor laughed, grinning at his brother over Gavin's head.

Niles just grinned, pecking the top of Gavin's head with a kiss. "Absolutely."

Connor shook his head, leaning forward to grab his glasses again and standing with a grunt. He took his mug and the little saucer into the kitchen, stifling a yawn behind his hand as he deposited them in the sink.

"I'm gonna get dressed." He sighed, smiling at the two idiots on the couch as he headed down the hall towards his room.

Finally looking at his reflection in the mirror above his dresser he.... Really did look like shit.

He could finally see clearly out of both eyes, and his right one wasn't as swollen anymore, but still a bit bloodshot. Swollen lip. Hair a mess..

He looked like he'd been seriously rode hard and put away wet.

Gross.

He suddenly wanted to take another shower.

He settled for brushing and styling his hair, then getting himself dressed, striving for some form of normalcy. Looking over his reflection, these were definitely Niles' glasses, the red frames a little jarring against his skin. He went over to his nightstand and grabbed his own glasses, swapping Niles' red frames for his own blue ones, figuring there was no way he was getting contacts in, then sat on the edge of his bed with a heavy sigh. Wincing a little he shifted his weight a bit more and reached for his phone on the edge of the nightstand. Niles had plugged it in at some point, and the cracked screen lit up and unlocked when he placed his thumb on the sensor. Sighing, he looked the device over, assessing the damage and figured he could wait a little bit before shelling out the money for a new one. He pulled up Elijah's contact info and opened a new text message, chewing on his lip a bit as he stared at the keyboard on the screen, trying to decide what to write.

He ultimately settled for a simple. 'Would you like to grab a drink later?' and hit send, locking the device and setting it down next to him on the bed before he could stare at the screen like an anxious loser, rereading his own message a million times while waiting for a reply. He... wasn't sure what to expect. 

He didn't know what exactly Elijah was looking for, and he didn't know what he was looking to get out of it all. Did Elijah just want to experiment on him? Was he like a guinea pig for Elijah's mild fascination about his addiction? Did Elijah genuinely want to help? Was he actually interested in Connor as a person? Did he...  _like_  him? Connor had no idea. But... if nothing else maybe he was a safer alternative to Connors usual nightly activities.

He jumped when his phone vibrated, a text popping up from Elijah far quicker than he would have anticipated for someone a busy as him. He picked at the little excess bit of skin on the cuticle of his thumb briefly before picking up the phone and opening it.

Elijah had responded with a simple 'absolutely.', making Connor smile and let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He was... a bit nervous, honestly. It was an incredibly nerve wracking situation. Connor made it a point to never get attached to anyone he fucked, even if it was regularly like the guys at the bar for the past few years.  Sure, he fucked them regularly but he'd never... gone out with any of them. It was always a 'if we run into each other' sort of situation. Gavin had been the first and only friend he'd had who had stuck around even after their fuck buddy days were (sort of) behind them, and that was largely because he was a friend first and fuck buddy second. Someone like Elijah Kamski, who not only did he know personally, but he knew his family. They were active members of his church. And the fact that he was willingly going to see him again with the knowledge that he had already had sex with him once, _and_ that his sister had a huge crush on him... Yikes. 

Shaking out his nerves, Connor exchanged a few texts back and forth with Elijah, confirming where they would meet and when. Given Elijah's busy schedule he couldn't meet anywhere until later that evening, which worked out fine for Connor. Hopefully the swelling in his face would go down more throughout the day and he could make himself somewhat presentable beforehand. 

He had to remind himself that Elijah was getting into this, whatever this was, with the knowledge of how Connor was. He understood that Connor had a problem, and was wanting to help him with it. What exactly that entailed, Connor had no idea. Maybe they would set up therapy sessions or something? Or maybe Elijah actually wanted to start some sort of relationship? 

Connor chewed on his bottom lip, mind racing with what-ifs and outlandish scenarios. In all of his 25 years he'd never been in a relationship. Even while Niles had dated guys in secret(and a couple of girls that didn't last long) Connor had never even entertained the idea of dating. He didn't even know how it worked. Didn't see the point. He doubted he could keep himself to one guy, and even if by some miracle he found someone who was into the 'open' relationship thing, he still doubted they'd be able to handle that sort of thing to the extent Connor would take it. He would only end up hurting the poor guy, or worse, if by some sick twist of fate he did end up contracting something he'd either end up giving it to his partner, or the guy would leave him because of it. Just bad all around.

 _Shit._  

Connor checked the calendar on his phone for his next doctors appointment. He realized with a sickening sense of dread that he should definitely get tested ASAP after last night. Laughing a bit at himself as another text came in from Elijah, he shook his head as the realization struck him that he was planning what was basically a date while simultaneously planning his next STD checkup. He tried to reassure himself that it was the responsible thing to do, and that it didn't make him a terrible person, but the self encouragement only went so far. 

Sighing, he stood from his bed and headed back out of the bedroom, having left his phone on the nightstand. Walking back out into the livingroom he sat down on the couch again, having to pick up Gavin's feet and put them in his lap when he sat down in order to fit since Gavin had stretched out and was laying with his head in Niles' lap. They spent the majority of the day just hanging out and talking, eventually ordering pizza and putting on a movie to watch and Connor almost forgot about all of the shit hanging over his head for several blissful hours. He'd missed these two so much more than he could express over the last four years.

By the time Connor had to leave to meet Elijah he was already mildly panicking that he was going to be late. He got up off the couch and stretched, the credits of the sixth episode from the first season of Mad Men rolling while Niles' muted the TV. After they'd finished their movie, Connor had started going through their entertainment center, looking over the movies and TV shows the two owned, and Niles and Gavin had been appalled that Connor hadn't watched the show. So, they'd sat him back down and insisted on binging as much of the show as possible, Niles' apparently enjoying the drama and setting of the show, while Gavin would constantly made snide remarks about characters choices and going on tangents about all of the things he would let John Hamm do to him, making the twins laugh. They'd gotten almost halfway through the first season when Connor had realized the time and announced that he had to leave, earning a suspicious look from his brother.

"And where, Prey-tell do you have to be at 6 o'clock at night, brother dear?" Niles sat back, draping his arm over the back of the couch and raising an eyebrow at Connor.

"I--"

"Because I hate to break it to you, but all things considered, and especially given your current condition you should probably be laying off the 'activities' for a while, don't you think?" Niles raised both eyebrows, waiting for a response as Gavin sat up and started gathering up some of the garbage on the coffee table from their snacks and drinks. 

"I-I'm not." Connor mumbled, forcing himself to look his brother in the eyes and keep his gaze steady, despite the fact that he'd started picking at the threads on one of the sleeves of his cardigan. "It's not that. I got in touch with Elijah, remember? He wants to meet me for a drink, so we're just gonna meet at a place down the road."

Gavin dropped some trash into the trash can under the counter and straightened to stare at Connor, giving him a funny look as he made his way back over to the couch. "Elijah? Like, Creepy Kamski?" He laughed, dropping down on the couch and leaning back against Niles. 

Connor glared at him, pouting as he headed towards the hallway to his room. "He's not that bad."

Gavin made a face, snorting back a laugh. "Ok, Con. Whatever you gotta tell yourself. But the guys always given me the creeps." 

"He always did give off a bit of a creepy uncle vibe, didn't he?" Niles laughed a little, looking down at Gavin, who grinned back at him.

"That's totally it!"

"You guys both suck." Connor laughed a little, going into his room and grabbing his phone from his nightstand then heading out towards the front door. 

"Connor." Niles looked over the back of the couch as Connor opened the front door. "Please be careful." He cautioned, frowning at Connor as he opened the door. Connor just nodded, offering his brother a small smile as he exited the apartment and locked the door behind himself.

The walk down to the bar and grill that Elijah had decided on took only a few minutes, giving Connor more than enough time to properly convince himself that this most certainly  _not_ a date, and that Elijah had no ulterior motives for agreeing to come out with him tonight. He had offered to help Connor with his problem, and that was what they were going to talk about. There was nothing to be worried about, and he didn't need to try to hide anything as if he were trying to impress someone.

Until of course he walked into the sleepy little bar and Elijah immediately slid out of the booth he was in with a big smile, successfully shattering any resolution Connor had about _not_ flirting. He came over and gave Connor a warm hug, pulling him in close against his chest and holding him there for a moment before pulling back to look him over. 

"I feel like there's a story behind all this.." He said, not unkindly as he led Connor over to the booth an motioned towards his face.

Connor, having  _almost_ forgotten the state of his face, slid into the booth chewing on his bottom lip. "Uh, yeah." He muttered softly, smiling nervously. 

"Well, before you start with that, this place has pretty good food. Would you like anything? My treat." Elijah smiled at him, sliding the bars little menu across the table. Connor took a second to flip through the little book, the thing of course being 2 pages of various wines, beers and mixed drinks, then a single page of food. It was mostly standard fare, a couple of burger and sandwich options, fries, onion rings, and a few other simple options. Connor ultimately decided on just a basket of fries and a beer, and Elijah waved over their server and put in their order, getting a beer for himself as well.

Connor took the second of silence to look around the place, having never been in here before. It was a nice establishment, with a bar on the back wall and several sets of tables and chairs in the middle along one side, sets of pool tables and a few high top tables on the other, like whoever designed the place couldn't decide between the two aesthetics. But it was relatively quiet with only a few groups eating, a single couple sitting at the bar and a couple of groups crowded around the pool tables.

"So," Elijah started, leaning his elbows on the table and smiling at Connor. He briefly thanked the server when she brought their fries and drinks over, then raised his eyebrows at Connor across the table. "What sort of trouble did you manage to get yourself into?" He asked, picking up a fry and eating it while he waited for an answer. Connor shifted a little uncomfortably, taking a long pull from the neck of his beer bottle before he recounted the events last night. He considered leaving out the bit about the sexual assault and imminent self loathing that had followed, but figured if Elijah was looking to be a counselor of sorts then there was no point in hiding anything. By the time he had finished Elijah's slight smile had completely fallen, leaving behind nothing but a look of concern and what Connor could only assume was barely concealed outrage.

"I'm so sorry, Connor. Did you... catch any names? Or file an official police report, or something?"

Connor just shook his head, swallowing more of his beer. "No. None of that. I don't know who did it, I only got a first name and it probably wasn't even his real name. And..." He shrugged "Considering the blood on Niles' fists after he found me I'd say we're probably even. They're probably worse off than me." He tried to smile a little, but was pretty sure it came out halfhearted. 

"Well..." Elijah leaned back, taking a sip of his own beer then setting the bottle down and crossing his arms. "Thank goodness you're alright, all things considered."

"Yeah." Connor sat back, munching on a couple more fries to occupy his mouth while he tried to think of what he wanted to talk about. "So.." He wiped his hands on a napkin and tilted his head a little. "You said you wanted to help me. I'm assuming that offer still stands?" He stretched his hands out on the table, trying for his most charming smile.

Elijah smiled back, reaching for his beer again. "Of course." He polished off the last of it and waved the server over to order another. Once he had it in hand he looked Connor over, an odd gleam in his eye Connor couldn't pinpoint. "You should really try to relax Connor. I know this is all very odd for you. We were never close, and I know how most of Chloe's friends see me." He said suddenly, causing Connor to blink.

"Oh, no, I-" 

Elijah just laughed, holding a hand up to stop him. "It's fine. Creepy Kamski, right?" Connor flushed. "Again, it's alright. I can honestly say it's never really bothered me. My story is most certainly one of those ones your teachers tell you about. How you shouldn't pick on the nerds in school because you'll probably be working for them one day?" He grinned, leaning back in the booth and winking at Connor. "People don't know how to process how charismatic I am."

"And so humble." Connor laughed, resting his chin on his palm while propping his elbow on the table causing Elijah to laugh and shrug.

"I think I earned a bit of bragging rights, after everything." He laughed, his tone a playfully defensive.

"Ok." Connor bit his bottom lip. "This _is_ a little weird. I... never would have thought I'd be out at a bar willingly with Elijah Kamski."

"Oh, so you assumed it would be unwilling?" Elijah frowned, patting around his pockets. "Well damn," He grinned. "Sadly I left my chloroform at home."

Connor smirked, batting his eyelashes as he leaned forward on his elbows a bit more. "Damn.. how will I ever get through the evening?"

Elijah smiled, leaning forward as well and raising his eyebrows. "Settle for another beer?" When Connor laughed and nodded he ordered Connor a second beer and picked up the check. After he signed the bill he leaned back and relaxed into the seat a bit, beer in hand as he crossed his arms. "So. Back to the topic at hand, yes. I'd still very much like to help you Connor. However I can. If that means being your therapist, fuck buddy and confidant, I'm more than happy to fill one or all three of those roles. But I'd like to record my findings and study you, if I may." As Connor chewed on his bottom lip and weighed his options, Elijah smiled, setting his beer down and leaning forward again. "I don't mean to expose you Connor. I know you're concerned about your position with the church and with your family, and trust me, I understand. I'd never want to do anything to jeopardize that. I simply want to learn from you... and... if that also means I get to spend more time with you, on a regular basis, well I can't say that would be an unwelcome outcome either."

Elijah reached over the tabletop and placed his hand over top of Connors, catching him off guard. It wasn't so much the contact, but the jolt that went through him at the touch. Like a jolt of pure electricity that traveled all the way from his hand up his arm and down his spine, heating up his cheeks and the back of his neck. He was suddenly... Very hot. His breathing sped up a bit and he knew his cheeks were turning red. Why the slightest touch cause such a visceral reaction from his body, he had no idea.

It was... Bizarre to say the least.

Similar to how he'd responded to that man in the bar, but more... Unintentional. At least with that man he'd been in a fucked up state mentally as well, so it wasn't unheard of for his body to respond in such a way. But this... It was as if Elijah was the first guy to pay attention to him in weeks and his body was just drinking it up, but this time he was still perfectly cognizant.

"What a fuckin' cheap shot!"

Connors heart squeezed violently at the sound of that all too familiar voice. He knew that voice. He'd heard it in his dreams every night for weeks.

Tearing his attention from Elijah Connor looked off to his right, in the direction of that voice, and suddenly found himself wondering how the hell he hadn't noticed him before.

Off at one of the pool tables, towards the back of the establishment, was that man from the bar all those nights ago. The one who'd stolen his breath and spilled his beer on him.

Connor sat up a bit straighter, trying to get a better view. And fuck, any view was amazing. Across a dingy nightclub full of people. Standing next to him looking bored as he ordered a drink. Leaning over a pool table in a quiet bar like this, lining up a shot with a ridiculous amount of focus. Hell, the view Connor _really_ wanted was of this man leaning over _him_ like that. Or, if Connor was on his knees, looking down at him from his much taller vantage point. God, there was so many ways that Connor would love to see him.

The man set his pool cue violently down on the edge of the table, seemingly annoyed with whomever he was playing, and proceeded to pull what looked like a hair tie off of his wrist, with his fucking teeth. Then he carded those large fingers through shaggy gray hair and tied it up, out of his face before picking up the cue again.

Connor shifted a little in his seat. 

He was NOT getting hard just watching this guy put his hair up. Nope. Not happening.

When he bent over the pool table again to take his shot, Connor found himself with a glorious view of his ass. Even with his partially impaired vision he could tell it looked amazing.

Until of course Elijah cleared his throat across from him, pulling Connors attention back to their table.

"I-I'm sorry." He muttered, pushing a hand through his hair and offering Elijah a little smile. He hoped it hadn't been obvious he was staring, but considering his jaw was more than likely on the floor as he'd watched the man, he'd only be trying to fool himself.

Elijah just smiled softly, a world of understanding that Connor didn't deserve in his eyes. "Its alright. I get it, Connor." He reached out and pat the back of Connors hand again before returning it to his beer.

Weird. No reaction that time.

Connor chewed his lip slightly, trying not to feel too guilty, then scooted out of the booth slowly. "Excuse me a second. I'm... just gonna run to the restroom." He smiled as Elijah nodded, folding his hands patiently on the tabletop.

Connor made his way across the room towards the mens bathroom on the opposite side, passing by the pool tables and chancing a glance at the other man on his way there.

He was standing there with a hand on his hip, waiting his turn as Connor walked past, and for a brief moment he could swear their eyes met before Connor panicked and stared down at his shoes.

In the relative quiet of the bathroom Connor took a second to look at himself in the mirror over the row of sinks. He paid special attention to fixing his clothes, straightening the tie under his cardigan and combing his fingers through his hair with a sigh. Anything to avoid looking at his fucked up face.

Most of the swelling had gone down by now, thanks to Niles' little tea bag trick, but his top lip was still obviously split open recently, and his eye was still a gross bluish purple all around his orbital bone.

Sighing, he shook his head and walked over to the urinals to do his business so he could get back to Elijah.

Too long being left alone with his thoughts was never good.

Hearing the door swing open and shut briefly made him jump, the sudden rise and fall of noise from the crowds outside breaking the silence for just a second.

He kept his eyes ahead, listening as the person came to stand at one of the urinals nearby, unzipping doing his business.

When the stranger sighed softly Connors heart squeezed again, a slew of curses coming to mind as he realized who the large figure in his peripheral vision was.

He shifted his stare up a bit, a mantra of 'Don't look. Don't look. Don't look' repeating itself in his brain.

Of course, having _zero_ self control, Connor looked.

Just the slightest flick of his eyes down and to the left, for not even a full second. And...

Oh, _Sweet baby Jesus._

When the man next to him sputtered out a laugh Connor flushed up to his ears. _Shit. Had he said that out loud??_

_"_ Oh my god... I'm so sorry. I didn't-I wasn't..." Flustered, Connor groaned, shaking off and zipping up, hurrying past the man with his head down, washing his hands quickly and rushing out of the bathroom.

_He was such a fucking idiot._

Elijah stood upon seeing Connor coming back to their table, face ablaze.

"Are you ok?" He asked, worry furrowing his brow as he reached out to touch Connors shoulder.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine." Connor stuttered, unconvincing.

"Hey!"

Connor flinched.

_Shit._

This was it.

He was gonna turn around and get socked in the nose by the man of his dreams cause he'd been stupid and perverted enough to peek on him using the damn bathroom.

_Good fucking job, Con. You managed to fuck this up to._

And then a big palm landed on his shoulder, heavy and warm, and Connor was being turned around. He screwed his eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable blow.

When nothing happened he cracked open one eye and looked up at the man. Even leaning down to look over Connors face the man was still taller. His alarmingly blue eyes were searching over Connors face, no doubt cataloging the bruises already there. He looked... Surprisingly concerned.

And then he straightened to his full height and Connor had the most confused, terrified boner of his life. The mans eyes flicked over to Elijah, instantly hardening in an accusatory glare, and Connors brain finally started firing again.

"There a problem here?" He rumbled, keeping his eyes on Elijah.

Connor stepped back, putting a hand up to his bruised eye. "Everything's fine!" He rushed out, then, realizing he was probably being more suspicious, smiled a little. "Honestly. He didn't do this. I.. I was mugged last night."

The mans eyes slowly shifted from Elijah to Connor, and the immediate shift from steely and cold to soft and caring made Connors heart do flips. "That right?" He asked, hands moving to rest on his hips.

Connor nodded emphatically.

He looked unconvinced, but nodded anyway. "Alright." He muttered, raising his eyebrows slightly.

Elijah's hand came to rest on the small of Connor's back, stepping a little closer to him as he looked at the man in front of them suspiciously. "Is this a friend of yours, Connor?" He asked quietly.

"Uh, no. I..." Connor looked back and forth between them, swallowing when the man in front of them folded his arms across his chest, the flannel he was wearing rolled up to his elbows showing off his trunks for forearms beautifully.

Connor had to stop himself from salivating. "No." He repeated, tearing his eyes away from those arms and smiling at Elijah. "We did meet a few weeks back. He, uh, spilled my beer and bought me another as an apology. But I don't really know him." Connor laughed nervously, glancing up at the man in question. "I don't even know his name."

"I see." Elijah smiled and removed his hand from Connors back, offering it to the man politely. "Well, lets remedy this situation. I'm Elijah Kamski."

The man sighed before unfolding his arms, as though it were a pain, and shook Elijah's hand. Going by the slight twinge in Elijah's eyebrow when their palms met, Connor was willing to bet his grip was as strong as it looked.

"Hank." He grunted, pulling his hand back and turning his attention to Connor.

Connor was downright giddy.

_Finally._

_He finally had a name to put to his mystery mans face._

"I'm Connor." He blurted before he could stop himself, reaching out to shake Hanks hand as well.

Hank grinned at that, revealing an endearing little gap between his front teeth that Connor instantly loved. "I know." He laughed softly, dropping Connors hand and pushing his hands into his pockets. Connors heart flipped for a brief second, wondering how Hank knew his name, before he grimaced at his own stupidity. Elijah had _just_ said it.

_Great. Now he thinks you're dumb_ _**and** _ _perverted._

"Well." Elijah interrupted "While I appreciate your misplaced attempt at being Connors Knight in shining armor Hank, as you can see things are fine, so if you'd--" he paused,  making a face and reaching for his back pocket as his phone started vibrating. As he glanced at it, a frown creasing his brow, Connor took the opportunity to chance another glance at Hank. He wasn't paying Connor any attention and sniffed once, then rubbed a finger under his nose to scratch it as he looked back to the person he'd been playing pool with. He waved a hand dismissively as the guy made a gesture, opening both arms as though questioning what was going on.

Elijah sighed, regaining Connors attention, and pocketed his phone again, shaking his head. He turned to Connor and offered a little smile, shrugging his shoulders.

"Unfortunately, Connor, duty calls."

"You need to leave?" Connor didn't want to admit that the idea of being left alone with Hank, or as relatively alone as they'd get in a place like this, made his heart flutter.

"It would seem so. But be sure to call me next time your free, alright?" He reached out and squeezed Connors hand gently, before nodding once to Hank then turning to the booth and grabbing his coat to leave.

Once he was gone Connor had to yell at himself, scolding his body for instantly wanting to fidget with the hem of his shirt. He looked up at Hank again, and before he could open his mouth to say anything Hank nodded towards the bar, smiling with a confidence that made Connors knees weak.

"Lets go talk, Connor."

It wasn't a question, but Connor was certain that even if it was, the answer wouldn't have been no in a thousand years.

"K." Was all he could squeak, his voice quiet as he ducked his head and hurried over to the bar, eager to find just where this night was going to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hank: *exists*
> 
> Con: hnnnggg Daddy B I G.
> 
>  
> 
> Side note: Hanks original outburst WAS due to Kamski. Not the pool game. >w>


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wellp.  
> Here we are.  
> I'm most certainly going to Hell.  
> Blame discord for encouraging this.  
> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
> 
> Enjoy!

Connor had always been bad about overanalyzing _everything_. It was... Just something his anxiety made him do. So, sitting here at the end of the bar while he waited for Hank to come back, Connor couldn't help but replay the last 20 minutes on a loop in his head, cursing himself over and over again when he recalled every stupid thing he did and said.

 _Great_ _first impression._

Hank had ordered them both beers before excusing himself briefly to talk to his pool partner while Connor sat there and lamented. By the time Hank came back over, Connor had already finished half of his beer, and he couldn't tell if it helped or not considering the way his heart skipped a beat when Hank approached him again and started talking.

All Connor knew was that if it didn't cut that shit out every time this man opened his mouth he was gonna end up going into cardiac arrest.

When Hank was leaning closer into his face Connor could swear he could hear his heart hammering against his ribs.

"I-I'm sorry. What?" He asked, blinking rapidly when he realized that Hank had said something that he'd missed.

 _Again_.

Hank just sat back on his stool and smiled a bit, his eyebrows going up in a look of amusement. "If I didn't know any better, kid, Id wonder if you were hard of hearing." He smiled and shook his head. As Hank took another drink of his beer Connor found himself staring at his throat as he swallowed, transfixed by the little bob of his adams apple before he blinked rapidly and reminded himself to _pay attention._

"I said," Hank laughed a little, setting his bottle on the bar top again and looking down at Connor. "This town is going to shit." He motioned towards Connors face. "D'you just get jumped, or was it that you pissed someone off in the john?" He leaned an elbow on the bar and smirked as Connor flushed, clearly finding his humiliation amusing somehow.

"I..." Connor swallowed some more beer, trying to shake off his nerves and get his damn voice box to cooperate. "I was just mugged." He shrugged. "Guess attackers don't take too kindly to you not actually having anything of value on you." He shifted on his seat and pulled his phone from his pocket, dropping it onto the bar top and motioning to the cracked screen. "Only thing they really got was my phone, and luckily my brother got that back."

Hank made a face looking at the device and shook his head. "Damn shame." He muttered, bringing his beer up to his lips. "Was your brother there? He jacked or something? Fight em off?"

Connor shook his head, a laugh escaping him at the mental image of Niles being absolutely ripped. "No. I mean, hes fit, yeah. Definitely more so than me. But... he's a cop. He, uh, tracked them down when i didnt come home." Connor glanced down at his phone as an email popped up, briefly illuminating his lock screen. Which, would have been fine, had it not taken him a second to register that it was clearly visible to Hank and that meant the photo on his lock screen was clearly visible as well. And he had just recently changed said lock screen to a rather embarrassing black and white photo of some random, albeit incredibly attractive, bear daddy of a man sitting on an ornate high backed chair with his elbows resting on his knees and smirking directly into the camera. It had been some random picture Connor had found that he'd instantly loved, so... Here it was.

Snatching the device off of the bar top Connor groaned and took a long drink from his beer, his face on fire as Hank just looked at him and smirked.

"Well... Remind me to get you home at a decent hour then." Hank chuckled suddenly, making Connor almost spit out his beer.

"Huh?" He squeaked, mind now completely torn between the embarrassing daddy photo on his phone and the possible implications coming from the one in front of him.

"So when _is_ your bedtime, kid?" Hank teased, leaning towards Connor a bit more, making his heart do flips. "Maybe I can come tuck you in.." He whispered, the amusement only too clear in his voice.

Connor felt like he'd been punched in the gut. With the look in Hanks eyes and the perpetually amused tone, Connor couldn't tell if he was being played or if Hank was legitimately interested. "Ok, first off," Steeling himself he placed a palm flat on Hanks chest and pushed him back, kicking up his chin with a look of indignation. "Stop calling me kid. Its demeaning and i don't know you well enough to tell if you're joking or not." He folded his arms, forcing himself to speak with a confidence only fueled by the alcohol in his system. He didn't want to assume the worst, but he'd dealt with guys like this too often who thought getting Connor riled up was just the funniest thing in the world. Maybe he was just jaded and in a bad headspace right now, but he couldn't help but have a hard time believing that this man he'd been fantasizing about for weeks was suddenly into him. It was too good to be true, and Connor just didnt want to get his hopes up. "Secondly, if you _are_ going to mock me I'd much rather it be directly to my face, not... Whatever this is you're doing leading me on. Frankly, it's just rude."

Hank stared at him for a second, mouth stretched thin in thought and likely shock before he smiled again and shook his head, tossing back the rest of his beer.

He laughed a little as he set the bottle down, leaning against the bar again.

"You're somethin else, you know that?" His eyes flicked up and down Connor unapologetically as he ran a hand over his jaw, gently scratching at the hair there.

"Excuse me?" Connor muttered, trying to ignore the way the indignant fire in his belly completely died as Hank stared at him like that. He could feel his cheeks flush and tried to hide it by drinking down the rest of his own beer.

Hank just smiled, waving over the bartender for a couple more drinks then returning his attention to Connor. "You're not the only one with a type kid-- Sorry, _Connor."_ He rolled his eyes, as though annoyed with having to correct himself. Connor ignored the way his stomach clenched again at the sound of his name passing through Hanks lips. "Anyway, I ain't mocking you. I thought... Well, with how you were eye fucking me that night at the bar, I figured you might be into guys like me." He shrugged those big shoulders and watched Connors expression closely, searching for something Connor couldn't identify. "I was hoping I'd run into you again."

Connor chewed on his bottom lip, unable to look directly into Hanks eyes and staring instead down at his beer bottle, absently picking at the label. He didn't know how to respond to that. He'd been prepared for a slap on the back and a snide remark about how Connor could take his daddy issues elsewhere, but _this..._ He didn't have anything prepared for this.

Then Hank leaned against the bar, his lips quirking up at one corner in a downright wicked smirk that Connors poor heart was not prepared for.

"So I'm just gonna assume from your silence that I'm not wrong, and move right along. So you can put the claws away." He turned on his stool so that he was facing outwards and leaned back against the bartop with a sigh. Connor almost panicked, thinking that he'd screwed up and Hank was going to get up and walk away. But he just took another swig of beer and glanced sideways at Connor, lips still set in an easy little smirk. "So what do you do, Connor?"

Connor _did_ spit beer at that, coughing and sputtering a little in surprise as some of the liquid went down wrong. He quickly grabbed for some napkins and wiped down his mouth and chin, then cleaning up his mess on the bar top with an apologetic smile directed at the bartender.

Hank just laughed, a loud, pleasant sound that had Connor grinning without realizing it. "WELL. Going by that reaction its gotta be somethin fun you don't usually talk about in bars, eh?" He scratched at his chin, thinking for a second as Connor dabbed at his shirt with a napkin. "Lets see... School teacher?" 

Connor made a face. "God, no." He scoffed, sitting up a bit to look over the bar, then standing on the foot rest of his stool so that he could lean over the bar top and drop his mess of napkins in the trash can behind the bar. He suspected, as he stretched his body over the bar top, that Hanks eyes followed his ass the whole time, and when he sat back down he was a little glad when he made no attempt to hide it.

He just smirked, slowly letting his eyes travel back up to Connors face and shrugged. "Not a teacher.. Hm..." He looked out at the pool tables again, cocking his head a little in thought. "Police officer, like your big bro?"

Connor smirked at that, shaking his head. "He's technically my little brother but either way: wrong. Try again."

"Ok.." Hank nodded, as though cataloguing the information and scratched at his beard. "So..." when Connor opened his mouth to give him a hint Hank held up a hand, grinning. "Wait don't tell me, I can get it... You're... a priest."

Conor took a long pull from his beer in response, jogging his eyebrows and finger-gunning with his free hand in Hanks direction, earning a laugh from the other man.

"Holy shit, seriously?" Hank snorted, spinning back around on his stool and giving Connor a pat on the back. "Yeah... I'd be drinkin if I were you too."

Connor grinned, setting his beer down and shrugging his shoulders. "It's not that bad, really."

"Howd ya get roped into something like that? God talk to you or some shit?" Hank rested an elbow on the bar, laying his cheek on his knuckles.

Connor snorted, shaking his head and waving a hand. "Nooo." He turned a little more towards Hank. "I mean, yeah, Priesthood is suppose to be a calling, but not like that. Theres specific interviews put in place to weed out crazy people who think like that."

"Huh." Hank shook his head once more, taking another drink and staring straight ahead.

Connor rested his elbow on the bar, watching Hank closely. "And what about you?" He asked, tilting his head curiously.

"Oh, is it that time already? I should be getting back." Hank looked at his wrist, where a watch most certainly _wasn't_ , and put one foot on the floor as if he was going to hop off of his stool, only to have Connor gape at him and laugh. He reached out and grabbed Hanks arm, gripping the fabric there and stopping him.

"Oh hell no. I told you my dirty little secret, so out with it."

Hank pulled a face, straightening again and snorting back a laugh. "Did you though? I sort of guessed it. And even so, if _thats_ your 'dirty little secret' we've got some work to do."

"Don't change the subject!" Connor grinned, lowering his hand so that it rested on Hanks forearm on the bar. "Out with it."

Hank looked down at his hand but didn't make a move to remove it, which made Connor smile.

He took another drink before shrugging. "Nothing special, honestly. I do odd jobs here and there."

Connor blinked, woefully unimpressed by the shockingly boring answer and put his chin in his hand, huffing out a little breath and pouting. "How noncommittal."

"Alright, _Father_ we can't all lead such exciting lives." Hank laughed, giving Connors thigh a little swat with the back of his hand. It was an easy, playfull gesture, but even still it made Connors pulse pick up.

_Fuck, why couldn't he even enjoy a simple moment?_

Now all he could think of was one those massive hands coming down on his bare ass or gripping his thighs hard enough to leave bruises and it had him squirming in his seat again. 

_God, with Hanks large, calloused hands, those bruises would be amazing. Substantial and likely to stick around for quite a while. Connor could easily picture himself pushing his own fingers into them through his pants, digging in and feeling that sweet ache, undoubtedly making them worse and causing them to last longer._

He drummed his fingers lightly on the beer bottle, the soft tap, tap, tap on the glass mildly pleasant as he tried to focus his thoughts on something other than the way Hank reached up and pulled the hair tie out of his hair then combed his fingers through it.

He _had_ to know how sexy he was, right

Going by the way he smirked, looking at Connor sideways as he took another drink of beer, Connor was willing to bet that he did.

Connor sighed, rubbing a hand up and down his thigh, pushing the heel of his hand into the muscles as he laughed a little and shook his head. "Well, Hank, you're a real piece of work, you know that?"

As Hank opened his mouth to respond Connor nearly jumped out of his skin, his phone going off in that infuriatingly familiar ringtone. He pulled the device out of his pocket and looked down at the screen, groaning upon seeing 'Incoming call: Mom' on the screen.

"Shit.. I--" he looked back and forth from Hank to his phone, slight panic clearly showing on his face. If he didn't answer she wouldn't stop calling, he knew that much, but a large part of him wanted to just turn the damn thing off and just suffer the consequences later.

Hank just laughed and finished off his beer before hopping down from his stool. "It's cool, kid. I'll see ya around." Hank clapped Connor on the back, his hand lingering there for a second as his thumb brushed along the back of his neck, giving Connor goosebumps. Then, with a smile that suggested he knew exactly what was going through Connor head, he waved over the bartender to close out the tab, leaving Connor panic stricken still clutching his phone.

"Wait! I.. Can I at least get your number?" He asked softly, glancing down at the phone in his hand as his voicemail picked up.

Hank just smirked shrugging his shoulders and already backing up towards the exit. "Sorry. No phone."

Connor blinked, watching him walk back with dread as his phone started ringing again.

He silenced it. "How will I find you then?"

Hank winked, turning away. "You'll figure it out. You should get that, before she freaks out." He lifted a hand over his shoulder in a wave, then pushed his way out the front door.

Looking around quickly, and before he could think too hard about what the fuck he was doing, Connor grabbed one of the napkins and scribbled his church's address on it then crumpled it in his hand and hopped off of his stool, rushing for the door.

Pushing his way out onto the street Connor  immediately spotted Hank, the man having only walked as far as the curb before Connor rushed up behind him and grabbed his arm.

Swallowing down the raging panic in the back of his brain yelling ' _what are you doing??'_ Connor pushed the napkin into Hanks hand and offered a hopeful little smile. "Will you come see me tomorrow?" He asked, his voice a lot louder than he had intended. He didn't know what the fuck he was doing, inviting a potential hook up to his fucking church? All 'hey, I like you and I know this is totally fucked, but wanna come to my sermon on Sunday?' But...there was a big part of him that just kept saying that any chance to see Hank again, even if it was at fucking church, would be a good thing.

Hank glanced down at the address on the napkin with an odd expression that Connor couldn't quite decipher, and then smiled, raising his eyebrows. "Maybe." Was all he said before Connors phone went off again, earning a laugh from Hank and a sigh from Connor.

Connor watched Hank fold the napkin neatly and slip it into his pocket before he finally put his phone to his ear and turned away. "Hi mom." He sighed into the reciever, trying not to let the way his heart was hammering in his throat show in his voice.

As mom started droning on about some nonsense he wasn't paying attention to he sighed and chanced a look behind himself, only half surprised when Hank was already gone, no doubt having gotten in a cab.

He let mom go on for a minute before finally bothering to answer some of her questions, already rubbing at his temples as he debated on staying out for a bit more or getting his own cab home. Ultimately he decided  to just start walking, and with any luck she'd be done talking by the time he got home. No sense in paying for a cab when it was less than a 5 minute walk.

It just so happened that he was just managing to hang up the phone by the time he was putting his key into the front door. Which, as Connor opened the door, slipped his phone into his pocket, and started hearing the sounds filling the living space, he was eternally grateful.

Pausing in the doorway, Connor took a second  to let his eyes adjust to the dark apartment, the only light coming from the crack under Gavin and Niles' door. He blinked as he shut the door softly behind himself, straining his ears as he tried to pick up on the noises coming from his brothers room.

Was that.... a whip?

Taking a few slow steps into the living room, Connor listened carefully and... yeah. Even if it wasn't a whip it was something that packed a wallop. There was a telltale thwack of leather hitting skin, followed by a soft hiss then a muffled groan.

God he couldn't catch a break tonight, could he? He woke up feeling like shit, he didn't get laid by _either_ of the men he was interested in,  he'd  had to deal with mom for far longer than he would have liked, and now he was going to have to listen to his brother and Gavin getting up to all sorts of shenanigans  for probably the better part of the night.

Part of him debated on poking his head into their room to take a peek at what exactly was going on, but he decided against it, figuring they'd more than likely want their privacy. 

So, he stood in the center of their dark living room for a moment, just fidgeting with his keys and listening to intermittent noises coming from Niles' room. There were occasional moments where there was nothing but silence, broken only by the soft hum of the AC, and every time Connor almost worked up the courage to go to his room by himself and lay down he found himself frozen, his hands unable to keep still as he chewed on his bottom lip.

He was... kind of lonely, honestly.  

And not in the usual way where he just needed someone in his bed for the time being, he was use to that having dealt with that particular brand of hell his whole life. But in a way that settled into the pit of his stomach and made his heart clench uncomfortably. Now that he had somewhat started thinking about relationships he was beginning to wonder if he'd been missing out on something important?

He'd never wanted the hassle of a relationship, assuming things would end poorly for both parties but... maybe that's what he'd been missing all these years? Gavin and Niles were so happy,  and neither of them gave a flying fuck what anyone else thought. Maybe... that wasn't such a bad way to live.

Sighing and deciding on a plan of action that didn't involve sleeping right away, Connor went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of the cheap wine he'd tucked into the back of the fridge. It was the bottle that Niles had been appalled had entered his house, his twin having made a snarky comment at the time that made Connor laugh.

He made his way to the bathroom with his glass, figuring that if he couldn't get laid, he may as well run himself a nice bath and relax.  Realistically he knew that it was for the best. He shouldn't be sleeping with anyone until he got tested, and as he slowly lowered himself into the hot water in the tub and winced a bit he remembered  _that_  little issue, too. He let his head rest back against the tile wall and sighed heavily, closing his eyes and just listening to the quiet slosh of water in the tub. At least he couldn't hear Gavin and Niles as loudly in here, and that was a small mercy.

This was all such a mess.

By the time he finished the glass, his water had turned cold, and the noises from his brothers room had quieted completely, so Connor decided to take it as a sign to get out and head to bed, all of the alcohol in his system making him pleasantly floaty. 

Luckily it also caused his thoughts to stall, leaving him singlemidedly focused on depositing his glass in the kitchen, going back to the bathroom to dry his hair and wash his face, then head to his room and collapse into bed with a yawn.

He was asleep before he had time to think about any more of the depressing bullshit that filled his life.

The following afternoon Connor woke up before his alarm even went off, the light coming in through his curtains hazy and dull, as if the sun were blanketed by clouds and being just as lazy as he was. He sat up with a yawn and immediately reached over to his nightstand, swallowing down two advil in an attempt to cut off the impending headache that was already surfacing. 

Reaching for his phone and turning off his alarm, he put his glasses on and laid back down, scrolling through his messages absently. It was just after 3pm, and he'd been able to sleep through most of the day, thankfully. He felt much better than he had yesterday, despite the hangover looming in the back of his brain. 

He scrolled through emails and then through social media for a few minutes, just overall avoiding getting out of bed. He was holding the evening service, thankfully, so he didn't need to be ready until later. With his church being one of the few in town that still held services in the evenings it afforded Connor the ability to catch up on some much needed sleep.

The house was quiet, Gavin and Niles no doubt out and about for the day, leaving Connor alone to be a lazy mess and roll around in bed for as long as he damn well pleased. He couldn't remember the last Sunday he hadn't been up at the crack of dawn to go to breakfast and the morning service with his parents, and it was... really nice. 

He had several texts and calls from mom of course, asking where he was which Connor strategically ignored. He'd call her later, if only to avoid her filing a damn missing persons report, but for now, he just wanted some quiet time.

He ended up going through each of his social media accounts for several minutes before he decided to take advantage of the empty house and masturbate while he could turn up the volume on his porn as much as he wanted.

While he wasn't worried about Gavin or Niles judging him or his taste in porn, there was still that part of him that, after having lived with mom and dad for so long,  then his fucking saint of a roommate during college, was still ashamed of such things. So, swallowing down any shame his upbringing may have burdened him with, he put on some of his favorite porn and got comfortable, letting himself relax and get into it.

Of course,  watching the big bear daddy in the porno fucking some helpless twink into the mattress and cumming all inside of him and over him only served to make Connor start thinking, once again, about Hank. 

About his large hands and long hair and that cocky fucking smile that was the biggest turn on ever. God, it was so easy to picture what it would be like if it were him and Hank in place of the two in that porno, especially now that he had even more interaction with the man to go on. That voice was burned into the back of his brain, to the point where every time the daddy in the porno would whisper something to the boy under him, Connor could swear he heard Hank instead. 

It didn't take long before he was cumming into his hand, then immediately having to fight off the sleep that threatened to drag him back down under the covers. Instead of succumbing to his body's sudden need to sleep, he forced himself to crawl out of bed and clean up, heading into the bathroom. 

Just as he was finishing up and leaving the bathroom, face and hands washed, teeth brushed and hair fixed, the front door opened as Gavin and Niles entered the apartment  carrying on some conversation. When they spotted Connor down the hall, Gavin smiled,  heading into the kitchen with the ridiculous amount of grocery bags dangling off of each arm. 

"Well good afternoon, sleeping beauty." Niles commented, shutting the door behind them and bringing his single handful of bags into the kitchen as well. 

Connor made his way down the hall as the two started rifling through the bags, beginning to put items in the fridge and the cabinets. 

"I see you guys have been productive." Connor laughed a little, leaning against the kitchens bar as he watched them sort through the groceries. 

Gavin grinned up at him, pulling a box of granola bars from a bag. "Well yeah. We cant all sleep the day away." 

"I'm surprised you didn't go to church this morning." Niles spoke up, putting a carton of milk in the fridge. "I'm sure your mother had some rather opinionated things to say about that."

Connor sighed. "She'll get over it. I'll see them in a couple hours anyway." He leaned over the bar and grabbed an apple from one of the bags, taking a bite and shrugging his shoulders. 

"Did you sleep well at least?" His brother rounded the bar, coming to stand next to Connor and reaching out to take hold of his chin. He turned Connor's face to the side to get a better look at his black eye, humming softly to himself. "I didn't hear you get in last night."

Connor smiled, chewing his apple. "You wouldn't have. The two of you were pretty... engaged in whatever it was you were doing."

Niles lips twitched into a smile, jogging his eyebrows a bit as he let Connor go and went back into the kitchen to finish putting things away. "Ah. So you came home in time for that, huh?"

"Eh. I didn't overhear much." Connor shrugged,  grinning at the pink tint that crept up the back of Gavins neck as he put some cereal away in the pantry. "I slept like a log though which was nice."

Niles nodded, then gestured to Connors face. "How are you going to explain that to everyone?"

Connor reached up and touched his bruised cheek bone gently, pursing his lips a bit "Well, I was actually hoping one of you kinky bastards might have some makeup or something?"

Gavin snorted, stuffing several of the empty grocery bags into the little bag holder under the sink. "Hate to break it to you, babe, but makeup's not gonna cover that."

"Well I know it won't cover it completely. But... at least make it a little better?" Connor watched as Gavin rounded the counter and came to stand next to him, examining his face like Niles had done.  

He made a face, tilting his head a bit. "We might be able to do something." He muttered, shrugging a bit.

Connor let Gavin lead him to their bedroom, going into the master bathroom and rummaging in the cabinet under the sink for a second while Connor took off his glasses and set them on the counter. 

When he straightened back up Gavin had a little black bag in his hand that he emptied onto the counter and started rummaging through.

Connor looked at the contents on the counter and tilted his head a bit. He didn't know what most of it was, but it was definitely more than one would think a guy would have for the Express purpose of covering up bruises. 

"Why do you have lip gloss?" He asked, unable to keep the snicker from his voice.

Gavin flushed.  "None'a yer damn business, that's why."

Connor smirked as Gavin kept rummaging through the pile, grumbling something under his breath. "Well... we wouldn't match, but I think we got something for Niles a while back when I gave him a black eye--ah. Here we go." He pulled a little tube from the mess on the counter and turned to Connor with a smile. When he noticed Connor's  bewildered expression he scowled. "What?"

Connor just raised his eyebrows.

Gavin blinked. "Oh. I kicked him."

"Oh, that explains it  _perfectly._ " Connor laughed, throwing his hands up, earning a laugh from Gavin.

He opened the little tube and started dabbing bits of the concealer onto Connor's cheek. "Well, more like I kneed him. Total accident. Fucker thought it'd be a good idea to tickle me, and I won't be held responsible for shit that happens as a result."

"He hold you responsible?"

"He held me responsible."

Connor grinned and closed his eyes, letting his friend try to cover up his bruising. He felt him pat all around his eye with the concealer, listened to him put the cap back on then grab something else from his little pile and tapped something soft all around the same areas. He pulled away completely after a moment and there was silence, at though admiring his handywork, before he started putting stuff back into its little bag. 

"It ain't perfect, but it's better." He muttered as Connor opened his eyes, put back on his glasses and regarded his reflection. 

It was definitely better, no longer angry purple, now just looking like it was much farther along in the healing process.

"Thanks." Connor sighed, nodding and fixing his hair a bit in the mirror. This would be a little easier to explain away. If his mom had seen him the other night... yikes.

He glanced at his watch and cursed softly, hurrying out of Gavins room and to his own so that he could start getting ready.

He decided to call mom while he was getting ready, putting her in speakerphone while he dressed carefully so as not to mess up Gavins cover up job.

By the time he was dressed and got mom off the phone he  _really_ needed to leave. He stopped off in the kitchen for a bottle of water, ignoring the jeers from Gavin and Niles about his collar and left with a quick goodbye.

He sped most of the way to church, ending up being a bit late, but helping to set up for the service where he could.

All things considered, things went surprisingly well. Mom freaked out of course, seeing his bruised face and lip, but he explained it away as a simple mugging, and even managed to work it into his sermon.

Sure, it was a little unsettling knowing that each of his stories and lessons were riddled with hypocrisy and irony,  but when he managed to swallow down the guilt of it all, he liked to think he was possibly helping some of them. Providing inspiration in a setting where he had previously found none. 

During his sermon, he also couldn't help but scan the crowd for Hank, looking around at each familiar face and becoming more and more dejected as he realized he definitely wasn't there.

When everything was finally over with and he'd said his goodbyes to everyone, talked to a few people individually and managed to talk mom out of trying to baby him over his face, Connor dropped his weight into one of the pews and sighed heavily, the sound echoing around the otherwise silent church. It reverberated back at him, only solidifying how ridiculously _alone_ he felt at the moment. He rested his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together leaning forward and pressing his thumbs to his forehead.

He was an idiot.

He'd been foolish and hopeful enough to think that just  _maybe_ Hank had liked him enough to seek him out. Even if it was at church. 

But of course he didn't. They hadn't even known one another a full day. They'd hardly held much of a conversation. There was also the issue of the substantial age gap. And Connor was stupid enough to have some semblance of hope that maybe, just  _maybe_ the older man had felt the same kind of spark that Connor had. He knew it was a stupid thing to get hung up on, but he had been really looking forward to the possibility of seeing him again and he wasn't even entirely sure why.

He was an idiot.

Sighing, Connor rubbed his now sweaty palms on his jeans and stood, deciding he would at least go have a cigarette before he finished cleaning and locking up for the evening. 

Pushing his way out into the dark parking lot, Connor pulled the cigarette from his pocket and placed it between his lips, taking a look around the empty street while he lit the thing.

He leaned back against the wall by the door, letting out a sigh as he pushed a hand through his hair. 

What the hell had he expected.

If anything he'd only scared Hank off. The poor guy thought he'd found himself a cute twink, and Connor had come at him with 'join me at church, won't you? I'm a priest.  Praise the lord, hallelujah.' 

He laughed bitterly at himself, flicking some ash off of the end of his cigarette. 

As he went to raise the cigarette back to his lips he looked across the street, towards the little park that was situated across from the church, and stopped in his tracks.

There, leaning up against the fence that surrounded the parks meticulously manicured grass, stood a tall, broad figure, standing just outside of the glow from the streetlight. There was a brief glow of orange, no doubt from a cigarette of his own, that illuminated silver hair for long enough for Connor's heartrate to pick up.

He pushed himself off of the wall of the church and crossed the street, unnecessarily looking both ways before he made his way across and came to stand in front of Hank. 

"You came." He breathed out lamely, feeling as though he'd run across the street at full speed rather than a measly jog.

He caught the flash of a smile in the dim light as Hank took another drag from his cigarette.  "Little late. Sorry."

Connor shook his head violently. "No. It's fine, really." He moved to stand next to Hank, propping one foot up behind him on the fence and flicking the lingering ash from the end of his cigarette before taking another drag himself. "I'm honestly just... kind of happy you came at all." He muttered on the exhale. "Sorry if the whole church thing was weird."

Hank hummed a little, not really responding to the statement and speaking volumes.

Yeah, it was weird.

Connor felt like an ass.

"That's a good look on you." 

Connor's head snapped up to look at Hank. He was sure his cheeks were flushing bright pink, and he wasn't entirely sure how to respond. 

"Um... thank you?" He tugged at his collar nervously.  He'd never really considered someone might actually like the way he looked in it. 

There was a beat of silence where they both just stood there, the only sounds being the periodic inhale if nicotine from either of them.

When Hank finally spoke up Connor had to do a double take, unsure if he'd heard correctly.

"You believe in God?" He asked, flicking ash from his cigarette with a borderline bored expression. 

Connor leaned away from him, his tone becoming defensive. "What kind of question is that?"

"What kind of answer is that?" He retorted, looking down at Connor sternly.

Connor bit down on his bottom lip, staring out at the church across the street. It was quiet, unassuming. Just a building, really. A fancy building with fancy windows. But it held so much significance for so many people. Connor stared at it, as though waiting for it to reach back out and give him some kind of sign on what the right thing to say was.

"I..."

Hank flicked some ash onto the ground. "How are you gonna preach the good word if you don't believe in God?" He shrugged, watching Connor closely.

Connor pulled away from the fence, and pushed a hand through his hair. "Its not that I don't believe. I... " he sighed "I guess I just... believe differently." He scuffed the toe of one of his shoes on the sidewalk, looking around the empty street for a moment before he shook his head and leaned back against the fence. He tried to think of any of the scripture he would normally quote in situations like this, but something told him Hank was honestly just asking, and that he didn't care about the answer one way or another. "Honestly... I don't know what to believe. Is there a higher power out there? Maybe. God, the devil, it's all relative,  really. I just know that I dont want to drone on about all of the usual stuff. I don't want my sermons to be boring and filled with proverbial nonsense." He watched the smoke from his cigarette float upwards around the streetlight and disappear. "God or not, I... want to make a difference somehow."

Hank hummed softly again, exhaling smoke before nodding slightly and running a hand down his jaw.  "I get it." He muttered, looking down at Connor.

There was a moment of silence before he reached out and touched Connors cheek, making him flinch at the unexpected contact.

"You put something on this?" He asked quirking an eyebrow, his tone becoming surprisingly softer as he brushed his knuckles under Connor's cheek.

Connor blinked and brought a hand up to his face. "Oh... uh, yeah. Just a little makeup so I don't look like a total train wreck tonight... does it look bad?"

Hank smiled a bit and shook his head.  "Nah. Looks fine. I don't think you'd look bad in anything, really, let alone a little makeup."

Connor chewed on his bottom lip, sure his face was flushing. God damn it, he both hated and loved the way this man seemed to be able to get into his head so easily. It really wasn't fair.

"Why did you come tonight?" He asked, looking up at Hank. Sure, he'd missed the service  but he'd still come to see Connor and that alone was enough to give him butterflies in his stomach.

Hank smiled easily, glancing down at his cigarette.  "I wanted to see you. That so hard to believe?"

Connor laughed a little and shook his head, dropping his cigarette and snuffing it out with his shoe. "A little, yeah." 

Before he could think about anything else he caught a glimpse of silver hair leaning down, Hank stooping down so that their faces were level and getting dangerously close to kissing him.

And while his heart slammed up into his throat, Connor panicked, reaching out with both hands and pushing the other man away as he took a step back, his face on fire. Hell, his whole body was hot now, despite the slight chill in the air.

When Hank just looked at him in concern  Connor blinked rapidly. "I'm sorry... i was just surprised. " he mumbled, his eyes darting around the empty parking lot in front of them as though searching for some excuse as to why he was panicking.

Hank's mouth twisted into something mildly amused as he leaned back against the fence and took another drag from his cigarette.  "Nah,  ** _I'm_** sorry. Didn't think you'd be so opposed to a kiss."

"I-im not. It's just..." Connor sighed, leaning back against the fence himself and pushing both hands though his hair while he tried to calm his racing heart.

Hank exhaled a cloud of smoke and looked down at him, quirking an eyebrow as Connor stared off into the distance, chewing on his thumb nail nervously.

"Look, if you don't wanna--"

"That's not it!" Connors head snapped up, looking up at Hank with a panicked expression. "It's just..." He motioned with his hands toward the building in front of them. "We're right in front of the church. Im not exactly **_out_** in case you didn't realize." He tugged on his collar lightly for emphasis then let out a little sigh, folding his arms across his chest as he tried to think of what to do.

He wanted this. He wanted Hank. And he could only assume Hank wanted him too by the way the older man kept watching him like a hawk.

But they couldn't go back to his apartment since Niles would undoubtedly lose his shit. And Connor really wasn't feeling up to a quick back alley fuck at the moment, given what had happened last time. So that left..."We... Could always go to your place?" Connor muttered sheepishly, looking up at him with a small smile. He'd made it a point over the years to never go to anyone elses house. That was how you wound up the subject of cold case files as far as Connor was concerned, but despite the little voice in the back of his head telling him not to, he felt that with Hank he wouldn't mind breaking his own rule just this once.

Something about him made Connor feel safe, and that in and of itself was nothing short of a miracle.

"We could." Hank conceded, nodding once as he stepped away from the railing and dropped his cigarette. He crushed it under his shoe, orange embers scattering briefly, then pushed his hands into his pockets and smirked, nodding his head back towards the church. "Or theres a perfectly good building there."

Connor just stared at him, disbelief twisting his face before he barked out a laugh. "I'm sorry. Were you absent for the 'not in front of the church' converstaion we _just_ had?"

"I'm just sayin.." Hank looked behind him, scanning the area for a second. To be fair, there wasnt a soul around, everyone having already cleared out quite some time ago. There was nothing but empty road in both directions, the empty park behind them and the quiet church in front of them, it's lights shining silently onto the dark street. Not a single person anywhere around to justify Connors paranoia. But when Hank stepped forward and leaned into Connors personal space again his heart still hammered violently in his chest, panic warring with the arousal he was feeling, trying to fight some sense into him. Then Hank took hold of his hand and brought it forward, pressing it up against his crotch.

When the flat of his palm came into contact with the hardening length hidden under all that denim a heavy exhale forced its way past Connors lips, his eyelids fluttering shut for a split second. "Im just sayin," Hank repeated, his voice dropping to a low rumble as he pressed his hand over top of Connors. "I don't really feel like waiting that long. Do you?"

"Where...where should we.." Connor couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Every muscle in his body was screaming, set into overdrive as Hank forced his hand along the length of him through his pants. God, he was _impressive_. He bit his bottom lip and let out a soft noise as Hank squeezed himself via Connors hand and let out a low chuckle.

"Y'all got a confessional in there, right?" Connor just nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment. Hank leaned in a little more. "Is it one of those fully enclosed numbers.

Another nod.

Hank brought up a hand, stroking at Connors cheek gently again making him jump and causing Hank to laugh. He moved both hands to rest on either side of the railing behind Connor and leaned in until their lips were practically touching, until Connor had to close his eyes to avoid going crosseyed. And, god damn it, that deep voice seemed so much louder with his eyes closed, almost like it was inside his damn head. "You wanna fuck me in there?"

Connor shuddered, digging his fingertips into his thighs and kneading the muscle there trying to ease some of the tension he was feeling. He wanted to reach out and touch him so badly it hurt.

Hank only leaned his body in closer still, lifting one massive hand to rest at the base of his throat, his thumb pushing Connors chin up slightly. A thick thigh pushed it's way in between Connor's and applied the slightest amount of pressure to his groin and Connor let out a small noise, despite himself. He was going to lose his damn mind if this kept up.

"Connor..." Hank whispered against his lips, his voice having dropped to a low rumble that made Connor's legs tremble. "D'you wanna fuck me or not?" 

Connor opened his mouth to respond,  his bottom lip trembling a bit, just as Hanks tongue slipped out of his mouth and flicked slowly across Connor's bottom lip. And, _holy fucking shit,_ just like that, Connor's resolve snapped like a damn rubber band. His eyes flipped open and he looked over the other man's face, both hands coming up to rest on his chest.

That tongue... Hank had a fucking bifurcated tongue, and holy shit, if it wasn't the hottest thing ever on the man. How the hell hadn't he noticed before?

Well... to be fair he was rarely paying attention to the _inside_ of the guys mouth.

Connor looked up at Hank, letting out a shaky sigh as he let his hands travel up his chest, feeling the firm muscle there, until he could wrap both arms around his neck.

_He was already in this deep, so fuck it._

Smiling, Connor pushed his body up against Hank's, shifting his hips down to press against his thigh a bit more. 

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to fuck you." Connor smirked as Hank laughed, both of those large hands travelling down to grip his ass.

"I think I have an idea." He whispered,  finally bringing his lips all the way down on to Connor's. 

And fuck, if it wasn't the most intense high of Connor's life.

It was everything he had hoped for and more. Hank was solid and firm, his lips surprisingly soft and sure as he claimed Connor's mouth. By the time he slipped his tongue inside, Connor was already dizzy. That damned tongue only made things worse somehow, exploring every inch of his mouth.

When he pulled away Connor actually  _whimpered,_ already missing the sensation of Hanks lips on his. His head was swimming, his lips were tingling like crazy and he couldn't get his brain to catch up to the situation, even as Hank took his hand and lead him towards the church. He didn't come back to his senses until Hank ushered him into the confessional booth and was pulling him into his large lap.

Connor opened his mouth to ask a question, his brain briefly becoming coherent enough to remind him he shouldn't be doing this, and trying to ask Hank if he had a condom on him. He normally always had one, just in case, but of course today would be the one day he didn't. Before he could get the words out though, a large hand wrapped around the back of his neck and pulled him down into another kiss, successfully silencing any possible protests.

He moaned softly into Hanks mouth as those hands moved down to his ass once more, squeezing the soft flesh of his bottom through his pants and pulling his hips forward a bit more. The friction only made Connor sigh and roll his hips again, breaking their kiss so that he could lean back a bit affording his already aching cock more friction. 

Hanks hands worked surprisingly quickly, undoing Connors pants and pushing them down until Connor had to lift himself off of Hanks lap long enough so that they could be pushed all the way down. The little booth was cramped and awkward,  only giving Connor minimal room to shift so that Hank could remove his pants and boxers. It was of course only made worse by Hanks hulking figure taking up a good portion of the space.

Once he was seated half naked in Hanks lap, though, he let out a soft whine, burying his face into Hanks shoulder. A soft chuckle traveled through his chest as Hank reached up and undid the little button on the back of his collar, pulling the stiff strip of fabric out of his shirt and dropping it alongside his pants. 

"God, you're beautiful kid." Hank whispered, slowly undoing the buttons down the front of Connors shirt.

Connor squirmed a bit uncomfortably, shaking his head while keeping his face buried in Hanks shoulder. "Please dont call me kid." 

"Oh right." Hank laughed softly, popping open the last button on Connor's shirt then pushing it off of his shoulders and leaning forward to press kisses along his chest, pushing Connor back in the process so that his back was arched and he had to place his hands on to Hank's knees for support. "What would you like me to call you then?  _Father_  do it for ya?"

Connor groaned unhappily, then let out a soft gasp when Hank's lips wrapped around one of his nipples and started sucking. He shook his head again, because he didn't trust his voice to speak without trembling like crazy.

"Then what?" He trailed kisses over Connor's chest, gently nipping at his collar bone. "What would you like me to call you? Baby? Princess?" He kissed up Connor's neck, hands gripping at his hips harshly. 

Connor was gonna lose his damn mind. Sure, there had been guys in the past who called him baby or other shit in the heat of the moment, having not bothered to learn his name, and it had always felt like a throwaway sort of phrase. But coming from Hank... Connor had goosebumps.

Hank kept kissing his neck, sucking and nipping at the skin at the base of his neck until Connor was sure he was going to be hiding hickeys under his collar. "How about Little one?" 

Connor felt his cock twitch in excitement, earning a laugh from Hank as one of his hands moved to wrap around the flushed head of his dick, making Connor let out a soft moan and push his hips forward a bit, greedily seeking more attention. "There it is." Hank's lips were right next to his ear, whispering into it before sinking his teeth into the lobe gently. His other hand found it's way around to Connor's bottom, slipping his fingers between his cheeks and massaging around his hole experimentally, causing Connor to flinch and hiss in a short breath. It didn't hurt nearly as bad as it had a couple of nights ago, but things were still a bit tender, causing him to let out a little whine and rest his forehead against Hank's shoulder.

Hank hummed softly, stilling his movements briefly. "Got a bit more than mugged, huh little one?" He muttered, the softness in his voice enough to make Connor's eye sting as he exhaled heavily and nodded. 

He felt Hank's beard brush against his skin pleasantly as the man placed a lingering kiss between his neck and shoulder. Connor swallowed a bit, assuring himself he wouldn't cry, and sat up to look Hank in the eyes. He tried to look as sure of himself as possible despite being naked in Hanks lap, blushing like crazy with a rather obvious, if not somewhat flagging erection. "Maybe we--"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as Hank gripped his bottom with both hands and lifted him up off of his lap to stand, leaving Connor to just stand there and blink. He looked amused at Connors confused expression until he pat his thigh gently and motioned for him to turn around.  

Connor did as instructed, hesitantly, as he continued watching Hank curiously. And then all he could do was gasp and grasp at the walls on either side to try to steady himself as Hank gripped his hips hard enough to bruise and just fucking... lifted him. No grunting, no wobbling, just a steady upward lift as if Connor was as light as a damn feather. He placed each foot on either side of Hanks lap on the little bench, his body now bent completely at the waist to avoid hitting his head in the small space, arms braced precariously on the door in front of him. 

"Oh my God..." he breathed, looking back at Hank, sure he was red up to his shoulders by this point. "How are you so strong?" He laughed softly, biting down on his bottom lip as Hank leaned forward and placed a couple of tentative kisses along his thighs and up his ass.

"Please." He snorted, one hand coming up to squeeze the meat of Connors ass. "You don't weigh nothin'."

"I could correct you on the double negative there, but-- oh,  _fuck."_ He hung his head, his neck completely giving up supporting the thing and just letting it loll down from his shoulders as Hank's mouth came into contact with his hole, tracing around the rim with his tongue slowly. There was a brief moment where the contact stung, but the feeling quickly ebbed as Hank's tongue ravished him.

"S'what I thought." Hank chuckled, that damn tongue lapping at him lazily. All Connor could do was whine and try not to push his hips back against Hank's face too much while also trying to keep his legs from buckling. 

He was acutely aware of the faint drip of precum from his cock onto the wood floor, the thing practically begging to be touched. Every noise was basically amplified in the cramped space, only serving to worsen Connor's embarrassment. 

God, how many men had he been with over the years? In bathroom stalls and cars and supply closets. All sorts of places far more cramped than his.  But for some reason Hank seemed to take up so much space, even if not physically, his very presence was enormous.  And while most of his other exploits were fumbling awkward exchanges usually by men too drunk to have any sort of technique, very few of them were especially spectacular.  

Hank... was exactly what Connor would have expected. Thorough and precise, every movement of his hands, running up and down Connor's legs, squeezing his ass, gripping his hips and sliding up his back. Everything was deliberate and exactly what Connor wanted, when he wanted it. There was nothing more frustrating than a guy who didn't know what to do with his hands, either resting them lamely on his ass, or, even worse, just sort of hovering over his skin, as though afraid to touch him. Half the time all Connor wanted was a good squeeze here, a slap there. Something  _solid_ and meaningful.  And Hank was  _so solid._

He didn't even notice that Hank had slipped a finger into him until the digit was curling and pressing against his prostate. He had to bite down on his hand to stop himself from crying out, which apparently Hank found to be the most amusing thing ever going by the deep chuckle from behind him.

Connor was pretty sure he was drooling by the time Hank pulled away, removing his fingers and squeezing Connors ass with both hands with an appreciative hum. One of his hands slid up to rest on Connor's chest, steadying him as he helped him down off of the bench. 

"I gotchu." He muttered as Connor shakily stepped down and practically collapsed back onto Hanks lap. He felt a large hand on his cheek, turning his head, and then Hanks mouth was on his again. Pushing his hips back he realized that Hank had, at some point, undone his own pants, his cock resting heavy against Connor's  ass as he pushed back against him. The knowledge that he was completely naked, sitting on Hank's lap while the other man sat there fully clothed, in the confessional booth of  _his own church,_ had Connor losing his goddamn mind.

Connor let out a pathetic little whimper unable to help himself, reaching back to wrap a hand around the back of Hanks neck and lifting his hips so that he could feel Hanks cock slide between his spit slicked cheeks.

With the attention to his cock Hank let out a soft groan and the noise only served to encourage Connor as he continued grinding his hips against him. One of Hanks hands tangled into his hair, completely ruining the work he'd put in taming the damn curls, and pulled his head to the side so that he could sink his teeth into Connor's shoulder, making him let out a moan that was much louder than he'd intended.

He clamped a hand down over his own mouth, whimpering as Hank sucked on the surely bruising flesh, running that forked tongue over the raised marks from his teeth. He rolled his hips back again, this time reaching back to grip Hanks cock, slick from his spit and precum, and lining it up with himself.

When the head pushed against him Connor mewled around his hand, letting his head fall back against Hanks shoulder while the older man gripped his cock and teased his thumb around the slit.

He was going to fall apart if he didn't get Hank inside of him  _now._

"You sure you can take it?" Hank chuckled from somewhere a million miles away. Connors ears were ringing and even with Hank right in his ear, he was having trouble hearing.

He managed a little laugh, tilting his head to look at the man behind him. "Hi. Have we met?" He whispered sardonically, already lowering himself slowly down Hank's shaft.

When his ass met Hanks hips Connor let out a breathy sigh, just letting his head rest back against Hanks shoulder and enjoying the feeling of being so  _full._ Hank was so big. Much larger than any of the men he'd been with recently, and while Connor wasn't one to discriminate based on size, something about Hank filled him up in every way possible, pressing against his prostate easily from the angle and making his head spin. 

It was wonderful. 

He rolled his hips experimentally, pleasantly surprised when there was almost no pain, and lifted his chin a bit to kiss the underside of Hanks jaw, his hand moving up to run his fingers though the silver hair.

"Well, Hank..." Connor laughed a little, just now realizing that his glasses had been lost somewhere when he tried to look at the other man and couldn't see very well. He rolled his hips again, groaning softly at the friction against his prostate. "You might just turn me into a size queen after this."

He felt Hank grin against his shoulder. "Bold of you to assume I'm letting you fuck anyone else after this." His cock twitched in Hanks hand, something about the statement making the hairs on his arms stand on end and somehow making him even harder.

"Oh?" Unable to resist, Connor bat his eyelashes at Hank, grinning. "You gonna claim me all to yourself, huh daddy?" He purred, then huffed out a little laugh, rolling his hips once more.

"Yer damn right." As Hank practically growled in his ear Connor shuddered, grinding his hips down once more before a large hand wrapped under his left knee and lifted his leg, pulling it up to rest on the edge of the bench, forcing his hips to shift and managing to push Hank even deeper.

He used the leverage on the bench to start moving himself up and down along Hank's shaft, moaning helplessly. Hanks deep groans in his ear only served to egg him on, encouraging Connor as he bounced himself with increasing urgency.  The relentless pressure on his prostate had Connor a whining mess unable to hold back the moans forcing their way out of his throat until Hank decided to kiss him again, successfully muffling his cries. 

As one hand stayed wrapped around Connors knee to steady him, the other remained wrapped around his cock, teasing the precum that slipped out of him and stroking him slowly every so often. It was agonizingly perfect, his touches more like teasing than actually stroking him off, and with every slow movement of that large  rough palm up and down his cock Connor could only make pitiful noises into Hanks mouth, his whole body beginning to tremble after a little while.

When Hank broke the kiss again and continued his attention on Connors bruised shoulder, he leaned his head back on Hanks shoulder and stilled his hips, closing his eyes and taking a second to catch his breath. He was quickly rewarded by Hank shifting his other leg out wider so that Connors thighs were forced even farther apart, then Hank grabbed his other thigh and lifted it as well, pulling both legs up to his chest and basically just holding him there for a minute. 

"Oh my God.." All Connor could do was exhale heavily and reach behind his head to grip Hank's shoulder as he was now completely at the man's mercy. 

A chuckle rumbled up Hanks chest as he shifted himself a little, gripping Connor's thighs a bit tighter. "That's right.. you keep on praying little one." He whispered before beginning to move his hips. He moved slowly at first, an almost agonizing pace of pulling almost all the way out then slowly pushing back in, alternating between moving his hips and using his grip on Connor to maneuver him like a ragdoll. 

By the time Hank picked up the pace,  beginning to slam into Connor mercilessly he was on the verge of tears, to the point that all he could do was grip Hank's shoulder, sure his nails were digging in to the skin and keep his nose pressed into his neck as soft whimpers escaped him.

It didn't take long of Hank manhandling him before Connor began to feel that all too familiar buildup, the relentless attention to his prostate forcing him closer and closer to orgasm. 

"Oh, fuck, you're gonna make me cum.." he breathed before letting out a dejected noise when Hank seemed to do the  _opposite_ of what he wanted and slowed down, eventually lowering Connor completely down onto his lap. He groaned in mild annoyance,  grinding his hips back slightly in an attempt to regain that friction,  only to have Hank wrap a large arm around his torso holding him still and wrapping the other hand tightly around the base of his dick, successfully stopping his impending orgasm in it's tracks.

"No, no no no." Connor whined, struggling weakly against Hanks hold. "Whyyy?" 

He heard Hank laugh and wanted nothing more than to punch him. The bastard was cool as a fucking cucumber,  barely a damn hair out of place. Were it not for the thin layer of sweat coating him and his rock hard cock Connor would have half a mind to wonder if he was enjoying it at all. 

"I'm not done with you yet, little one." Hank practically cooed into his ear, dousing any anger Connor had previously felt and turning him into a puddle in the mans arms.

He took a shaky breath to steady himself and arched his back as much as Hanks grip would allow him. "What do you want?" He whispered,  looking back at him and licking his lips. 

Hank grinned, his eyes twinkling with a mischievous glint that Connor wasn't sure how to feel about, but simply leaned forward and kissed him, the arm wrapped around his torso moving to place a hand tenderly on his cheek. "Oh, I want you to cum. Don't get me wrong.." 

"You just wanna torture me first." Connor groaned, rolling his hips again.

"A bit. Yeah." 

"I fucking hate you." Connor laughed halfheartedly, closing his eyes and trying to lift his hips a bit, desperate for that sweet friction again.

"Oh really?" Hank laughed, the hand still on Connors cock giving it a few languid pumps, pulling a moan from his throat. The hand on Connors cheek shifted a little, so that his thumb was pressed right over the bruise, pressing down gently on top of the sensitive flesh. 

Connor flinched a bit at the sting but kept his eyes locked with Hanks, rolling his hips periodically as Hank continued the lazy attention to his cock.

And then Hank leaned forward again, gently dragging his tongue over Connors top lip before kissing him softly. It was probably the most chaste kiss yet, and Connor couldn't help but let his eyes slip closed right before Hanks teeth sunk into his upper lip, irritating the healing split there. It was gentle, just the slightest tug, just enough to inflict a twinge of pain, while the thumb on his cheek pressed in at the same time.

Connor clenched his teeth and flinched slightly at the sudden dull ache being brought to the surface, but made no move to stop him. In the most bizarre way Connor couldn't help but feel like Hank was... claiming him. Taking the wounds inflicted by a random act of violence and making them  _his,_ removing the negative associations and replacing them with something more... tender. Almost reverent.

When he finally pulled away he flicked his tongue over Connors lip once more,  licking up the bit of blood that he'd pulled from the split in his lip that had apparently been reopened.  Connor reached up and touched his lip gently, furrowing his eyebrows as he watched Hank curiously. 

"W-what was that about?" He muttered, as Hank stoked his thumb tenderly across Connors cheek before dropping his hand. Despite how  _he_ felt about what had just transpired,  Hank was an odd one, so he didn't want to jump to any conclusions.  Maybe the other man was just a sadist?

Hank grinned though,  pushing a hand through his long hair to get some of it out of his face and pecked Connor with another kiss. "No more of this, ok?" He tapped Connors cheek once with his index finger for emphasis, momentarily distracting Connor by running the thumb of his other hand over the tip of his dick.

When he was done shuddering,  he blinked at Hank, trying to get his brain to focus. It was currently too busy being torn between the hand on his cock, the cock still buried in his ass twitching every so often,  and the outlandish request coming from a man twice his age who was practically a stranger.

Hank didn't know what he was asking.

He probably had an idea, but he couldn't really know. Connor barely comprehended the weight of the request. It was ridiculous, and a conversation they would inevitably have to have at a later date.

The very idea that Connor was planning a 'later date' was a whole other box of worms to unpack.

It was ridiculous.

"Ok..." 

Even as he whispered a response,  Connor didn't understand what it was that made him want to give in to it. Every reasonable part of his brain that was still functioning was screaming at him to get a grip, but he couldn't seem to make any of those thoughts stick.

The only thing repeating itself on a deafening loop in his skull was that he would do anything and agree to anything if it meant Hank wanted to see him again.

"That's a good boy.." Hank grinned, a ridiculously self satisfied grin that showed off the gap between his front teeth and had Connor smiling too.

And then he started moving again, shifting his hips in that way that made Connor shut his eyes and moan deep in his throat before he could stop himself. 

When his moan stopped echoing, Connor had just enough sense left in him that he just barely registered the loud thud that barely drowned him out. It took him a moment to place the noise, at first trying to pinpoint what the hell might have fallen, before he realized what it was.

The church's front door.

He'd fucking forgot to lock it when Hank had brought him inside, and apparently someone had wandered it.

He didn't know what time it was. Barely remembered his own name for that matter, but every muscle in his body stiffened as he reached back and placed a hand over Hanks mouth, shushing him. He strained his ears while trying to think of who the hell would have come in to a seemingly empty church. 

A couple people lived fairly close, so it was entirely possible a member of the church drove by, saw that the lights were still on and had come to investigate.

There were shuffling footsteps followed by some incoherent grumbling, half of which was slurred beyond recognition leading Connor to believe the man was drunk beyond belief. He didn't recognize the voice either, which was promising. 

When the shuffling stopped there was a long groan and some rustling, which Connor assumed was the man laying down somewhere.

He had to resist the urge to laugh and breathed out a shaky sigh of relief before looking back at Hank with an apologetic expression. When he opened his mouth to speak though, Hank moved his hips once more, forcing a low moan from Connor that was quickly muffled with a large palm over his mouth. 

"Sorry _Father_." Hank whispered into his ear, now moving his hips in that agonizingly slow rhythm again. "Looks like we got some company. Better try to keep quiet, huh?"

Connor whimpered and nodded as Hank started to stroke his cock again, earning a low chuckle from the other man. 

"God, damn you feel so fucking good.." Hank groaned right into his ear as he steadily picked up his pace, moving his hand in time with his thrusts causing Connor to slam his own hand over top of Hanks and over his own nose to muffle the noises trying to rip free of his throat. He arched his back and bit down on Hanks hand, earning a gruff moan from the other man that had Connors legs shaking as he tried to keep himself steady under Hanks brutal pace. Then Hank licked up the shell of Connors ear and slammed up into him a few more times before he came, filling Connor up to the point of overflowing and pushing him over the edge so he came all over Hank's hand, his shout only muffled by the palm still clamped like a vice over his jaw.

It took him several minutes to come down from the high,  his body shivering as the sweat cooled on his skin. When Hank finally peeled his hand off of Connors mouth he signed heavily and let his head fall back to rest on his shoulder,  a small,  contented smile tugging at his lips. 

When he finally calmed down enough to move,  Hank was stroking his hair out of his face tenderly, smiling down at him before pecking his forehead with a kiss.

"Think you can stand?" He asked softly,  taking Connor's hand and helping his off of his lap. 

He felt his face flush as he felt the slick trail of cum dribble down the back of his thigh, but made quick work of pulling his clothes on, Hank helping with the buttons on his shirt when his fingers trembled too much to do them up himself.

Once dressed he peeked out of the confessional and saw the drunken gentleman sleeping soundly stretched out on one of the pews. He breathed a sigh of relief and exited the confessional with Hank following behind him and looked at the drunk man, screwing his mouth up at the corner as he contemplated his options.

He was also slightly avoiding looking at Hank.

This was the part he hated the most. Where all of the words said and promises spoken and kisses exchanged meant nothing. Normally it was par for the course. They'd zip up and part ways easy peasy, and Connor always reminded himself afterwards that he didn't _really_ care. It was just the dopamine flooding his system telling him he needed someone to hold onto. It would go away in a while and he'd be back to normal...

He jumped when Hank fingers laced with his and his hand was being brought up to the other man's mouth, where he placed a soft kiss on the knuckles. As he looked up into Hanks brilliantly blue eyes, Connor reminded himself, for the second time that night, that he was not going to cry. 

"Whatre you gonna do with that?" Hank asked, nodding to the drunk man while still holding Connor's hand.

Connor blinked, coming back to his senses and forcing his attention away from Hank. "Oh, um... theres a motel down the road I'll put him up in." He scratched the bridge of his nose where a bead of sweat had tickled under his glasses. "Hes either homeless or didn't wanna go home for some reason."

"Yeah.  I probably wouldn't wanna go home piss drunk either. " Hank laughed softly, letting go of Connors hand as he moved to wake up the drunk man. "You gonna be ok?" He asked as Connor helped the man to sit up, still half asleep.

Connor blinked in surprise but smiled a little. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll lock up here then head home after. You don't have to stick around."

Connor asked the man a couple of questions, trying to get a coherent answer, before looking up at Hank again. 

He... seemed to be hesitating,  standing there with his hands in his pockets just watching Connor. When he raised an eyebrow Hank smiled a little crooked smile and took a step back towards the door.

"You'll be seeing me around, little one." He said turning with a wave, causing Connor to grin so wide his cheek hurt, relief and something else flooding his chest.

"You know where to find me." He called after him, watching the door swing shut with a thud.

Connor couldn't wait until next Sunday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has encouraged this so far!  
> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok.  
> Here we go.  
> These are only getting longer, and I can't really say I'm sorry about it lol  
> Enjoy!

A typical morning for Connor was a gamble.

More often than not he never knew if he would wake up normally, slowly drifting out of sleep blissfully given several moments of peace before his body started to hate him again, or with a start, his body already aching, begging to be touched before his brain even fully had time to grasp what was happening.

This morning… wasn't typical.

He hadn't expected to wake up more peacefully than he had in years, his body blissfully sore when he stretched. He felt... different. Changed somehow by some immense force he couldn't pinpoint. He couldn't tell what changed, he just knew he felt... lighter somehow, and as he slowly sloughed off the weighty feeling of sleep, he found himself throwing a silent prayer to the heavens that this feeling, whatever it was, wasn't just some fluke brought on by his half-awake state and that it somehow lasted long enough for him to enjoy it.

Connor blinked in the dim light of his room and stared at the ceiling, watching his ceiling fan spin in slow circles as though in a trance.  
He wasn't sure when he started crying.  
Once he realized the wet tracks on his cheeks were there, pooling on his pillow and dampening the hair at his temples, he was powerless to stop it.

He rolled over onto his side, curling his naked body around his pillow and hugging it close as he let the tears fall, his breath hitching quietly every so often.

He felt as though, for the first time in his whole 25 years of being alive, he could take a deep breath and simply.... relax. As though for the first time ever his body wasn't strung tight and aching. It was freeing, just to feel so… _normal_ .

Once the tears finally ebbed, Connor took a steadying breath and sat up, slowly slipping his feet out from under the covers and onto the floor.

As his toes pushed into the well worn carpet he closed his eyes and sighed, feeling slightly more grounded. He took a moment more to compose himself before standing and heading into the bathroom for a quick shower.

Stepping under the almost scalding hot spray Connor pushed both hands through his dripping hair and stared up at the shower ceiling for a moment, trying to decipher what brought on this sudden wave of emotions. He hadn't done anything out of the ordinary yesterday, other than get the dicking of his life... in the confessional at his church by a guy easily 20 years his senior.

Except, one would think he would be punished for that sort of thing, not rewarded.  
Once cleaned up he stepped out of the shower and toweled off, sighing as he glanced at his reflection in the foggy mirror. He didn't look any different. He swiped a hand through the condensation on the mirror and squinted at himself, his reflection still fuzzy without his glasses. Nope. Still the same mess of brown curls on top of his head, same brown eyes, bruised around the socket of one, same smattering of freckles and the occasional mole all over his face and down his neck and body. He looked down at his shoulder, tenderly running his fingers over the angry purplish marks left there from Hank's teeth.

Before he could think about it he pressed his thumb into the tender skin gently, a sigh escaping him at the slight sting. It only served to bring more memories from last night to the surface, making him flush.  
Humming softly to himself he dried his hair and headed to his room, striding across the hall naked since he knew Gavin and Niles would be gone for work by now.  
He got dressed and managed to get his contacts in before attempting to tame his hair. Now, getting a good look in the mirror at himself Connor blinked a few times, comb paused halfway through his hair.

 _Huh_ .

He reached up with his other hand and touched under his eye gently, noting how the bruising had faded significantly overnight. More surprising, the split in his lip was almost completely gone too. Connor looked over his expression for a minute before shaking his head at himself and continuing with his hair.

Once fully dressed, hair combed and reflection scrutinized, Connor headed to the clinic where he had scheduled his checkup. It was nice having his regular physician back. He'd been seeing the same woman since high school and he'd always liked her. She was older and didn't ask questions.  Just smiled and asked the questions she needed to, all polite, non judgmental professionalism, and he appreciated that. When he'd moved, the doctor he'd started seeing in Cambridge was kind enough but always had that… air about him. Like he wanted to ask Connor why he got checked out so often, or wanting to offer advice and it always made his visits uncomfortable.

Once everything was said and done, Connor decided to head down to his favorite little coffee shop on the corner in an attempt to calm his nerves. He hadn't been back there since coming home, and had just the other day realized how close he now lived to the place after passing by it on his way to meet mom for lunch.

It was a small family owned shop, and as Connor stepped through the front door the little bell above the door chimed pleasantly and he was instantly greeted by the heavenly smell of coffee, pasties and old books. Half of the space was filled with squat little bookshelves, each lined with hundreds of books both new and old that could be purchased for dirt cheap if one felt so inclined, but were mainly there to serve as entertainment for the patrons. The rest of the shop was occupied by sets of tables and chairs, as well as more cozy armchairs with small coffee tables in between. The entire atmosphere was calm and inviting, and Connor was glad it stayed as moderately busy as it did. He'd spent many a study session in high school here, and he would have been heartbroken if it had gone out of business while he was away.

Standing in line, Connor scrolled through his phone absently while he waited, silently debating on what he wanted to drink. The place was fairly busy for this time of day, with several groups of college students sitting around the little tables on their laptops and talking quietly amongst themselves.  
Connor was vaguely aware when someone came to stand behind him in line, getting a little too close into his personal space for comfort. He let it be though, successfully ignoring the person and busying himself with his phone for a second, right up until a hand found its way to his ass and squeezed gently, causing Connor to jump in surprise.

It wasn't like an accidental brush of knuckles, with awkward apologies that Connor would have to play off like no big deal while screaming internally. This was a full on grope, and Connor had to admit he was proud of himself that his gut reaction, rather than immediate arousal, was one that was far more rational for a person who wasn't completely fueled by sexual impulses.

He spun on his heel, anger flaring in his gut as he turned, fully prepared to hit whoever thought something like that was ok, only to come face to face with a pair of familiar blue eyes.

"Hank." Connor breathed, dropping his raised fist down to his side and blinking, his cheeks heating up as the events from the previous night came back to him in quick succession. Hanks large hands squeezing into the meat of his thighs, his cock buried deeper inside of him than anyone had been in a long time, his breath in Connor's ear and his teeth against his shoulder.

He noted vaguely, somewhere in the back of his brain, that while an unexpected barrage of such thoughts would normally leave his ears ringing and his palms sweating, Connor just huffed out a little surprised laugh and blinked up at the man towering over him. "What are you doing here?"

Hank grinned, holding his hands up in a surrendering gesture. "Easy, tiger. I just spotted you in the window and wanted to say hi."

"That's one hell of a hello. You're lucky I didn't clock you." Connor glared halfheartedly, glancing over his shoulder as the person in front of him moved up to the counter to order.

"Uh huh." Hank snorted, disbelieving, and put his hands on his hips. "Isn't resorting to violence a little... out of character for you **_father_**?"

Connor scoffed. "Not when it pertains to being molested in a coffee shop in broad daylight, smartass." He turned his attention to the menu above the counter and clasped his hands behind his back, rocking back on his heels absently. "Buy my coffee as an apology?" He suggested, looking back over his shoulder at Hank with a grin.

Hank laughed and nodded, fishing his wallet from his back pocket and moving up to the counter with Connor. "Guess I can do that."  
The girl behind the counter smiled pleasantly upon seeing him, her eyes lighting up with recognition. "Hey! Connor, right?"

Connor blinked briefly, surprised for a second before finally recognizing her. She had worked at the shop since Connor was in high school and was always friendly and remembered all of her regulars orders. Her hair had gotten substantially longer in the years he'd been gone, now sitting in a long braid over her shoulder, and she'd changed her style quite a bit from the goth-punky styles she use to wear to something much more mainstream, so he almost didn't recognize her.

"Hey! Uh... North?" He squinted, hoping he remembered right, to which she smiled and nodded, leaning against the counter.

"Its been a while. How've you been?"

"Good, good! I finished school and.. well... now I'm back." He shrugged his shoulders, laughing at himself for the lame explanation.

"How about you? Still stuck here I see."

She grinned and straightened, shrugging her own shoulders. "Yeah. I just can't seem to get rid of the place" she laughed, tapping her fingers on the counter top. Throughout high school she had always complained about her job when Connor came in, swearing she was going to work somewhere else 'very soon', but as she looked around the little shop her eyes filled with a fondness that belied her true feelings, making Connor smile.

Turning back to her register, she squinted at Connor, her fingers hovering over the touchscreen as she considered something. "Caramel macchiato?" She guessed, arched eyebrows going up.

"Yes, please." Connor smiled and nodded, pushing his hands into his pockets. As Hank went to pay, she finally seemed to take notice of him, blinking for a moment with a mildly shocked expression as though trying to figure out how she hadn't noticed him before now.

She rang out his drink, writing his name with a little smiley face on the paper cup before handing it over to the barista and waving goodbye.

Once he had his drink in hand, Connor moved to sit in one of the more comfortable looking armchairs by the window, Hank following close behind and sitting opposite him.

The chairs were as comfortable as he remembered, really more suited for someone's livingroom than a coffee shop. As he sank down into his with his cup and took a wonderful sip Connor looked across the little coffee table between them at Hank, debating on how to break the ice.

Before he had a chance to say anything, Hank grinned and leaned back in his chair. "So what's on your agenda for today, little one?"

Connor almost spit his coffee, his heart jumping up into his throat at the pet name. Once sure he wasn't going to die of a heart attack, he attempted to smile, forcing himself to meet Hanks eyes. "I.. um. I had a doctor's appointment this morning. But other than that not much else."

Hank nodded, tapping under his own eye in reference to Connor's cheek. "Gettin' this looked at?"

Connor nodded a little, holding his cup in both hands and blowing into the steam coming out of the drinking spout. "Yeah... among other things."

Hank's eyebrows went up for a second, letting out a simple "Ah." In understanding, causing Connor to sigh and rub at his temples. “So what's the verdict?”

"I… I won't know for a couple days when the tests come back.. “ he chewed his lip nervously. “I'm sorry. I... really should have told you before we started anything.." He muttered, guilt constricting his throat as he set his cup on the table and clenched his fingers together.

What was he supposed to say right now?

It wasn't like something like this hadn't happened before. But with Hank being involved almost immediately after...  
He had no idea what was going to happen with the tests, and he didn't want to be pessimistic about the situation, but... maybe Niles was just getting into his head. He _had_ been extremely lucky so far. That luck was bound to run out eventually. And now Hank was in the picture, and Connor couldn't help but feel like... if Hank wanted to stick around for a while he wouldn't really mind..  
But depending on his test results, he didn't know if Hank would be on board for something like that.

Connor hung his head, a heavy sigh escaping him as he shook it back and forth. "Shit, I'm sorry." He repeated. "This is all my fucking fault I should have said something before, and it was stupidly irresponsible of me to let you just--"

"Hey.. hey hey. It's fine." Hank reached out and pushed that stray curl off of Connor's forehead as he looked back up, smiling with a tenderness and hint of amusement that the current situation did not warrant.

"How is it fine?" Connor muttered, trying not to pout as he took his coffee in both hands again and took a sip while keeping his eyes on Hank. He couldn't believe the man was being so cool about the situation and he found himself searching for any micro expression that would give away any possible feelings of unease or irritation.

Hank just grinned, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs, ankle over knee. "Eh. I've lived a full life." He laughed, shrugging his shoulders somewhat melodramatically.

Connors eyes bugged out of his head, setting his cup down on the table again and leaning towards Hank, unable to keep the smile off of his face. Hank's easygoing attitude was so at odds with the current conversation, he couldn't help but find it amusing. "That is not funny."

Hank wrinkled his nose, winking and sending Connor's poor heart aflutter. "It's a little funny."

He stretched back out, shrugging again and palming the back of his neck. "Seriously though. It is what it is. We can't go back and change anything, and you don't even know for sure if anything is wrong so no use in beating yourself up over it. Not like you meant for that shit to happen to you." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and smirking at Connor. "At the end of the day, you're stuck with me little one. And I certainly don't regret it. Do you?"

Connor chewed on his bottom lip, having to look away from Hank's intense stare and picking his cup up again, trying to hide his blush behind it as he shook his head.

There was a beat of silence, where Hank sat back again and let Connor finish his coffee, his eyes going around the little shop in a bored kind of way as he watched everyone. Connor watched him while he looked around the shop, a million things going through his brain as he sipped at his macchiato, the most primary thought being how lucky he was in this moment. Hank was... so damn handsome. And why the hell he was interested in a screw up like Connor, he had no fucking clue.

"Hey."

Connors attention snapped back to the man across from him as Hank sat there staring at him with that intense expression. "Yeah?"

"Wanna go shopping?"

Connor blinked. "Uh... sure?” He shrugged seeing no problem in accompanying the man on a few errands. “What did you need to get?"  
Hank laughed, shaking his head. He leaned forward a bit more and raised his eyebrows, his expression saying 'listen closely'. "Let me rephrase: **_I_** am taking **_you_** shopping."

Connor blinked, his eyebrows drawing closer together as he tilted his head.

_What?_

He felt like he was missing something, like he'd missed a whole part of this conversation and Hank was just carrying on, despite his ignorance. Given his track record where Hank was concerned, he wouldn't be surprised. "But... i don't need anything.." he muttered lamely.

Hank hung his head and let out a sigh, the large grin still in place on his face. When he looked back up at Connor he scooted forward in his chair a bit, his easy grin turning into more of a smirk. "That's not the point, little one. The point is, I'm taking you to get a few things, because I _want_ to, not because you _need_ them."

There was silence as Connor just blinked, feeling like the wheels in his head were slowly starting to turn, then set his cup down quickly to avoid dropping it as the realization hit him. He leaned more towards Hank, lowering his voice as he gripped the edge of the squat table with both hands. "Is this like a sugar daddy thing?" He whispered frantically, his ears becoming hot with embarrassment.

Hank laughed, loud and bright, as he raised one hand in a sort of half shrug before resting his chin between his thumb and forefinger, leaning his elbow on the arm of his chair. "If you wanna call it that, sure. But really it's more like I'm just a perverted old man who wants to dress you up in disgustingly inappropriate things." His grin spread as Connor started shushing him, holding his hands out and looking around as though everyone had started listening in to their conversation at that very moment.

"You're terrible." Connor mumbled, rubbing both hands over his face while Hank just laughed.

Once through with his coffee, Connor sighed and stood, grabbing his empty paper cup to throw out, and waving goodbye to North on his way out the door.

Hank climbed into Connors car, reaching down into the passenger side door and pulling the little lever up to push the seat all the way back before folding his large body into the passenger seat of his car. Once comfortable, Hank directed them to the nearest shopping mall easily enough, turning down the radio and drumming his fingers on his thigh as Connor navigated through the afternoon traffic.

They didn't talk much while Connor drove, and the comfortable silence was a welcome change of pace. It was nice, not feeling like he needed to fill the silence with idle chatter.  
Normally, when left to his own thoughts, and especially when in the company of daddy material like Hank, Connors brain would be bombarded with thoughts of what had happened last night. What his hands felt like against Connors skin. What that damn tongue of his would feel like on his cock..  
And normally, such thoughts would be driving him absolutely insane by now.  
But... while such things _were_ pushing their way into his brain Connor found, surprisingly, that he was able to push them aside.  
He wasn't dwelling on them. His ears weren't ringing. He still felt as loose and as relaxed as he had felt that morning, and that thought alone was almost enough to make him want to cry again.

When his attention was brought back to Hank, now getting out of the car, Connor sighed a bit and gripped the steering wheel tightly for a second before getting out himself. He felt like he wanted someone to pinch him, just to prove he wasn't dreaming.

"So where to?" He asked with a smile, pocketing his keys and folding his arms on the top of the car as he looked over the roof at Hank.

Hank just smiled and hummed softly to himself as he walked around towards Connor, reaching out to place a hand between Connors shoulder blades and proceeded to steer him in the direction of the mall entrance. All Connor could do was follow, unable to think of anything other than the warm weight between his shoulders, even as they entered into the little lingerie boutique and Hank steered him towards and table of women's undergarments. He barely had time to process what was happening before Hank was gently pushing a handful of items into his hands and pushing him into a dressing room.

So, he stood there, pile of lacy things clutched to his chest while Hank waited just outside, his instructions of 'put something on and come out and show me' ringing in Connor's ears.

_What?_

_How did his life come to this?_

Connor stared at himself in the mirror for a moment, eyes flicking between his own red cheeks and the heap of ‘disgustingly inappropriate’ clothes he was holding, his ears straining to listen for any voices that sounded remotely familiar.

When he could find no real excuse to panic and let his anxiety get the better of him, he set the bundle down on the bench in the changing room and sighed as he started to remove his clothes.

It was awkward at first, digging through the garments trying to find a matching set from what Hank had picked out then attempting to slip his body into the items without laughing at himself.

The closest thing he'd worn to women's clothing was the solitary pair of leggings he owned, that he'd purchased for himself, under the guise of ‘they're for working out. Nobody will ever see them’.

_Yeah, ok._

That tune had quickly changed when he'd worn them once while going out and noticed the attention they got him(and his ass)

But, _this,_ getting women's lingerie for the Express purpose of wearing _for_ someone. This was another beast entirely, and he wasn't completely sure how he felt about it.

Sure he felt a little ridiculous,  but… looking over his reflection in the mirror once he clipped the final garter strap closed on the top of the stockings and looked over his reflection he also felt… kind of sexy?

He'd had to tighten the straps of the little bralette all the way so that the already nonexistent cups didn't gape on his flat chest, but once that was done and he did a little turn in the mirror… he didn't look half bad.

The bright blue lace of the panties hugged his ass perfectly, and while he felt a little silly wearing a matching bra when he clearly didn't need it, it did pull the whole look together.

His first instinct was to take a picture to show Hank, until he remembered, much to his dismay, that Hank didn't have a phone.

_He didn't really expect him to walk out there in this, did he?_

Connor chewed on his bottom lip, toying with the edge of the garter belt that lay just under his belly button, unsure of what to do next. When he heard Hank shuffle outside he sighed and moved the curtain aside, just poking his head out and looking around the dressing room.

When his eyes fell on Hank again, the man was smiling. “There's no one out here, little one. Let's see it.”

Connor made an unhappy noise in the back of his throat and closed the curtains again, clutching them closed in his fists while he tried to work up the courage to step out, his heart fluttering like a hummingbirds.

It wasn't until large hands wrapped around his through the curtains that he realized they were shaking. He swallowed thickly and squeezed his eyes shut when he felt Hank gently pull the curtains back.

When he opened his eyes, Hank was looking directly at him. Not traveling over his scantily clad body, but boring into his eyes, unwavering as he just smiled down at him.

“You're beautiful.”

Connor let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, somehow feeling as though the world had been lifted from his shoulders with two simple words.

How the hell Hank managed to disarm him time and again without even trying, Connor had no idea.

Without thinking, he reached up and wrapped his arms around Hanks shoulders, standing on his tiptoes and kissing him with a sigh.

With Hank's mouth on his and a large palm resting against his lace covered hip, Connor almost forgot about their semi-public setting, his head getting that increasingly familiar dizzy, pleasantly floaty feeling.

It wasn't until his ears picked up on a familiar female voice that the panic sunk back in and he pulled Hank into the dressing room, hastily closing the curtain behind them.

“Whoa now.” Hank laughed, wrapping both arms around Connor's waist as he shuffled into the little room. “I mean, I hadn't intended for this to be the end game here, but if you're down--” he was cut off by Connor's hand over his mouth, muffling him.

He strained his ears, listening again while giving Hank a dirty look as the other man just grinned against his hand.

_Yeah. That was definitely Chloe somewhere out there._

He gripped Hank's arm a little tighter with his other hand, suddenly finding it much harder to breathe, as though the room had shrunk twelve sizes. It wasn't until Hank was forcibly removing his hand from his mouth and placing his large palms on either side of his face that he realized he'd started to hyperventilate.

“I need to leave.” He whispered as Hank started kissing his forehead. “I shouldn't be here. I need to get out of here.”

“Hey. Hey hey. Shh.” Hank pressed a soft kiss to his lips, keeping his body flush against Connor's.  He didn't give him any room to move or protest, just kissing him and stroking Connor's bottom lip with his tongue until he relented and opened up, letting out a whine into Hanks mouth. “Its alright.” Hank laughed between soft kisses. “Nobody knows you're here, so as long as you don't go around yellin’ it from the rooftops, you'll be fine.”

Connor nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly as Hank placed another kiss to his temple.

“Look, If you're really tore up about it we can head out.” Hank offered, looking down at him and raising an eyebrows questioningly.

_He was right. Of course he was right._

Connor managed a small smile and nodded a bit, turning away from Hank to face the mirror. He reached up his own back awkwardly with one hand, unable to completely grab the strap hooked back there, and glanced at Hank pitifully.

“Wanna help a guy out?” He muttered, getting back a mumbled ‘yeah, sure.’ In response.

When the other man made no move to actually help though, Connor looked at him in the mirror, quirking an eyebrow as Hank just made an appreciative noise in the back of his throat, eyeballing Connor's backside with a lecherous expression.

Unable to stop himself, Connor let out a little laugh, reaching down to snap one of the garter straps against his thigh. “That's hardly helping, ‘case you didn't realize.”

Hank grinned, palming himself through his pants and licking his lips. “Oh, it's helpin’ something.” He chuckled, earning a laugh from Connor, as he stepped forward and put his hands on his shoulders.

Connor faced the mirror again, but instead of Hank assisting in releasing him from the lacy lingerie, there was the telltale _snap_ of tags being yanked off of the garments, making his eyes widen. He looked back at Hank, the surprise clearly showing on his face as Hank winked as he straightened back up, folding the tags in one palm.

“Get dressed and skedaddle. I'll go pay for these and meet you outside.”

He didn't wait for a response. Just turned and left the dressing room leaving Connor to stare at the curtain as it closed behind him.

He blinked a few times before starting to get dressed hesitantly. Pulling his pants up his thighs and buttoning them slowly he had to swallow down the thoughts bubbling up the to the forefront of his mind. It was… weirdly erotic, having to slowly pull his clothes on over the lingerie, knowing full well that Hank would be the only one to know it was hiding under there.

One finished buttoning his shirt he smoothed his hands down the front, feeling the lace underneath, and smiled a little to himself. Luckily, his blue button down was a shade or two darker than the bra he was wearing, because he had a sinking feeling the bright blue would be pretty visible if he'd chosen to wear white today.

He finished dressing, fastening his belt and slipping on his shoes then stared at the socks in his hand for a second before stuffing them awkwardly into his pocket before looking over his reflection.

 _Ok_.

The only visible thing was the sheer blue of the stockings peeking out from between his pant leg and shoes when he moved.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself he reached for the curtain and listened carefully. Not hearing anything other than quiet conversations and the music from the shops speakers, he poked his head out and glanced around before making a b-line for the entrance.

It wasn't until he was out of the store, and sure that no one had seen him, that he breathed a small sigh of relief. He paced for a second, anxiously waiting for Hank to come out, before sitting on a nearby bench while he waited. He figured it was probably more suspicious if he was pacing around anyway, rather than just sitting there trying not to draw attention to himself.

It wasn't too long before Hank walked out, a little shopping bag hanging from one hand. When he came over Connor stood and peeked into the little paper bag, blinking at the few things wrapped in tissue paper nestled in the bottom.

“What did you get?” He asked, looking up at him in surprise.

Hank just grinned and winked, shifting the bag to the opposite arm and wrapping the now free one around Connors shoulders,  steering towards the exit. “Gonna have to wait and see.”

He led Connor out to his car, keeping the little bag resting on his lap while Connor drove. He wasn't sure how or when he decided to head in the direction of his apartment, but lo and behold, several minutes later Connor was parking outside and chewing on his bottom lip as he turned the car off. Gavin and Niles would be at work until later that evening, at least,  _if_ they didn't stay late to make up for the time they had taken off due to Connor, so the likelihood that one or both of them would come home and find Hank there was slim to none, but Connor still felt a little pang of guilt for bringing Hank around. 

His brother  _had_ said no 'random sexual conquests'... and  _technically_ Hank wasn't really random anymore. He... didn't really know  _what_ Hank was at this point. He looked over at him, heart pounding as Hank just leaned back in his seat and watched him. 

"You gonna invite me up? Or are we gonna get it on in the back seat?"

Connor was beginning to wonder if his heart would ever get use to the way Hank talked. Or looked. Or moved. Or just  _Hank being Hank._   ** _Or_** if his brain would  _stop_ telling him to respond to every question with 'Yes Daddy' That would be  _fantastic_ as well. 

Taking a deep breath Connor nodded and forced himself to remove his keys from the ignition and get out of the car, ignoring the way his hands were shaking as he put them into his pocket. Hank waited patiently on the other side of the car with the little bag in his hand for Connor to come around and lead him up the steps to the apartment. He managed to not fumble with his key long enough to get the door open and lead Hank inside.

He breathed a small sigh of relief when Niles and Gavin, of course, weren't anywhere to be found, and took his time dropping his keys on the little table in the entryway. By the time he turned back to look at Hank, the other man, instead of looking around the apartment like one would expect, was just standing there watching Connor with his hands on his hips, a small smile on his face.

He opened his mouth to speak, only to have Hank step forward and place both hands on either side of his face, leaning in to kiss him gently, successfully cutting off any useless thing Connor may have said. The longer Hank kissed him for, the more Connor had to struggle to not let his knees give out under him, his whole body wanting to just melt into Hank's touch and allow himself to be supported by those large arms. He knew Hank could lift him, no problem. He'd proven that much in the confessional last night. But part of him still wanted to test it. Depending on how long Hank could hold him up for, there were...a number of possibilities. 

"You gotta relax, kid." Hank whispered against his lips, laughing a little when Connor gave him an unamused look at the name. "Sorry. Can't help it sometimes."

"Mm-hmm." Connor hummed, stepping away from Hank before he could get too swept up in anything and heading into the kitchen. "Can I, uh, get you a drink or anything?" He opened the fridge and bent down to grab a bottle of water from the door, taking a second to enjoy the way the cool air hit his flushed face.

" _Anything_? That's a bold offer, little one."

Connor looked back at him, grinning and quirking an eyebrow as he shut the fridge. Hank had propped himself up on the arm the couch, the little bag sitting next to his hip as he folded his arms across his chest and smiled back at Connor, as though waiting for an answer. 

Connor jogged his eyebrows, taking a drink of water before leaning against the counter, folding his arms against the countertop as he watched the man across the small living space. "Sure." He laughed a little, giving Hank a challenging look.

_How bad could it be?_

"Shoot. What would you like?" He smirked a bit as he watched Hank laugh, rolling his head back before cracking his neck with a sigh.

"Oh man.. You almost make it too easy." He chuckled, shaking his head once before lifting himself off of the arm of the couch and walking the short distance to where Connor stood. He leaned against the bar top, keeping his eyes on Connor as he reached out and took the bottle of water from him. Rather than drinking from it though, he simply set it aside and took Connor's hand, leading him around the counter between them and pulled him close so that their bodies were flush against one another. Even through the thick fabric of their jeans, Connor could feel Hank filling out in his pants, and the thought alone sent a shiver through him.

He was practically salivating by the time Hank leaned down and kissed him again. And somehow,  _every time_ Connor managed to be surprised by the heat that came off of him. It made him dizzy and had him panting as Hank pulled away. 

"I could think of a few things." Hank whispered, opening his eyes and sighing softly as he reached up to push a stray curl off of Connor's forehead. "But right now, all I want is to dress you up like the pretty little doll you are and fuck you into next Tuesday."

Connor swallowed, unable to take his eyes off of Hank. "I-It's Monday." Was all he managed, making Hank's grin only spread wider before a large palm landed with a sharp slap on Connors ass, pulling a gasp out of him.

"Smartass." Hank growled, leaning down to grip Connors ass with both hands and lifting him up so that he had to wrap his legs around Hank's waist.

Chewing on his bottom lip and trying to ignore the fact that his face was undoubtedly red as a tomato by this point, Connor wrapped his arms around Hanks neck and looked off in the direction of the little bag still perched on the arm of the couch. "You... uh... gonna tell me what's in there now?" He asked, chancing a sideways glance at Hank.

Hank only smirked, that forked tongue coming out to lick his lips briefly before disappearing again. "You gotta ask nicely." He stated, now walking with Connor over to the couch and effortlessly stooping down slightly to hook his pinky finger around the handle of the bag, then straightening and walking in the direction of Connors room. 

Connor almost had half a mind to ask how Hank knew which room was his, but part of him figured that the other man simply didn't care, and with a 50/50 shot at guessing right, Connor was just lucky he chose correctly. Especially as Hank entered the room, kicked the door shut and dropped him down on the bed, clearly having no intention of letting him leave any time soon. As Hank turned and locked the door, Connor watched him with anticipation, his heart hammering as Hank dropped the little bag on his dresser and leaned back against it. He folded his arms again, crossing his ankles out in front of him and giving Connor an expectant look that had him damn near whimpering for  _some_ kind of attention. 

Part of him wanted to crawl on his knees and just beg Hank to screw him, whatever was in that bag be damned. Then again... remembering what he was wearing under his clothes at the present moment, he decided fuck it; he was going to do just that.

Sighing as though it were a chore, he stepped out of his shoes then undid and removed his belt, tossing them aside before starting on his pants. He shimmied out of the jeans, his smirk widening as he slowly pushed the denim down his legs revealing the sheer blue stockings underneath then kicked them aside. Once naked from the waist down he slid off of the bed onto his knees, purposely keeping them spread farther than was strictly necessary, and started unbuttoning his shirt.

He slipped the last garment off of his shoulders and tossed it aside with with his pants, then crawled on his hands and knees over to Hank, brown eyes locked with blue all the while. Once in front of the other man he sat back on his heels, keeping his hands in his lap while Hank reached out and gripped his chin gently.  
  
A rough thumb stroked over Connors bottom lip, and he responded by tilting his head slightly and pulling the digit into his mouth, keeping his eyes on Hank.  
  
"God damn, look at you." He chuckled, pressing Connors tongue down with his thumb and grinning when he wiggled it free and swirled it around the tip.  
"You look so good on your knees for me."

Connor practicaly glowed at the praise and sat up a little straighter, closing his eyes and sucking on Hanks thumb with a soft groan. He wanted Hank to think he was pretty in the things he'd bought for him. He wanted Hank to call him a good boy again. 

Connor just...  _Wanted._

And that was probably the most astounding thing about this whole situation. Connor _wanted_ this. He didn't _need_ it. He was making a conscious choice based on his own wants, not his body telling him he needed it and it was... empowering.

Sighing, Connor slid his hands up Hanks thighs, letting out a soft noise around the thumb still in his mouth at the feeling of the other mans muscles under his clothes. God, he was so solid.

_He wanted to see him without clothes._

Taking strength from his newfound conviction, Connor bat his eyelashes up at Hank and reached for his belt, only hesitating long enough for Hank to quirk an eyebrow down at him before he undid the belt and pulled it free from it's loops then thumbing open the button on his pants.

He had to stop himself from laughing in triumph as he dropped Hanks belt and undid his zipper, downright giddy that the other man seemed to have no plans to stop him. 

Emboldened, Connor let go of Hank's thumb, trailing soft kisses along his palm while he busied himself with not just freeing Hank's steadily hardening cock, but taking the extra step to start pulling his pants down his thighs. 

When it became abundantly clear Hank wasn't going to stop him, Connor smiled and shifted back a little, taking a second to lean down and kiss the toe of Hanks shoe before sliding each of them off of his feet.

Hank chuckled softly when Connors lips came into contact with the well worn loafer, and when Connor looked up at him as he helped him out of the shoes Hank was smirking, giving his unattended cock a couple of lazy strokes. 

"Hmm. Remind me to buy some new boots later." He chuckled, earning a raised eyebrow from Connor.

"Oh?" He laughed a little, sitting up more to push Hanks pants and boxers down all the way and off of his feet, tossing them aside with the rest of their growing pile of clothes.

Smiling triumphantly,  he ran his hands up Hanks bare thighs, loving the soft scratch of the hair there. When Hanks hand reached down and gripped his chin once more he blinked innocently up at him, offering his best smile.

"Yeah." Hanks thumb stroked his bottom lip again, pulling the soft flesh down ever so slightly. " 'Cause part of me really just wants to see you at my feet. Maybe make you cum all over 'em, then get you down there licking some leather to clean it up." Hanks hand moved from his chin around to the back of his head, gripping the hair there gently and leading him forward, towards his cock. As Connor happily planted kisses along the wiry hair at the base of his dick, Hank let out a sigh, the hand in his hair loosening to stroke at his scalp gently. "You'd like that, wouldn't you little one?"

Connor shuddered " _Oh_ , yes, Daddy." He whispered before he could stop himself, already sucking the head of Hanks cock into his mouth by the time he felt his neck heat up in embarrassment. 

By the time he was almost halfway down on the shaft Hanks head was tilted back, his hands massaging at Connors scalp encouragingly as he tried to breathe evenly. 

"Fuck, that's it." Hank looked down at him, the hand at the back of his head urging him forward a bit more as a groan escaped him. "Such a good boy.... you wanna be a good boy for me don't you?" Connor whimpered around the cock in his mouth, gripping at Hanks thighs and looking up at him as he carded the fingers of both hands through Connors hair, pushing the curls back. "Take as much as you can, little one. Oh, fuck, there you go." 

He managed to get a little more than halfway down before triggering his gag reflex but managed to breathe his way through it as Hank groaned and continued stroking his hair, encouraging him to continue. Every moan Hank made and every little hitch of breath only served to encourage him further, until Connor was sucking in earnest, taking Hank almost all the way into the back of his throat before having to pull off again. While he was no stranger to deep throating, with Hanks size it was going to take a bit of working up to it. 

And boy, was he willing to put in that work. 

No sooner was he drooling all over his lace covered lap and enjoying every second of it, Hank pulled away, reaching down to cup Connor's chin gently. 

He looked up at Hank, his eyes a bit glazed over and his breath coming out in shallow pants. He was fairly certain in that moment that he would have been perfectly content to stay like that, on his knees with Hank in his mouth, for as long as the other man would let him.

Hank, however,  seemed to have different plans as he leaned down and hooked both hands under Connors arms to help him up.

Hank reached down, grabbing two handfuls of Connors ass and lifting him effortlessly to carry him over to the bed. Once he deposited him onto the comforter he took a step back and began undoing the buttons down the front of his shirt, smirking down as Connors eyes followed each bit of exposed skin hungrily. 

Connor swallowed down the excited laughter that threatened to escape him at finally getting this man completely naked and propped a foot up on the edge of the bed. He tilted it back and forth absently as he trailed a hand down his stomach to his lace covered crotch. The thin material barely covered him at this point, his hard cock straining the lace, and he let out a breathy sigh as he pushed the fabric down and took his cock in hand, giving it a few lazy, unhurried strokes. 

Letting out a throaty chuckle Hank reached down, slowly sliding the panties down Connor's thighs and tossing them aside before crawling up onto the bed, settling himself between Connor's thighs. With the others weight on top of him, naked and _so_ warm, Connor's eyelids fluttered shut briefly, a blissful sigh escaping him. Hank pushed a hand through his hair and kissed him slowly, pulling a soft noise from Connor as he shifted his hips a little, hard cock brushing against Hank's. 

By the time he was whining and gyrating,  Hank pulled away with a smirk, humming softly in approval as he trailed his finger through the slick that had coated their stomachs, both from Connors spit that still coated his own cock, and from the precum steadily leaking out of Connors. He palmed Connors cock gently, earning a small groan from him before he let go and climbed up into the bed.

He sat back against the headboard as Connor quickly climbed up into his lap, grinding his hips down against Hanks so that his cock pushed against his hole. 

When the head pushed up into him, making Connor shudder, Hank pulled back, laughing low and warm when Connor whined at the loss.

"Easy, little one. There's no rush." He whispered, kissing along Connor's neck, making him unintentionally tilt his head with a sigh. Connor pulled his bottom lip between his teeth but nodded, wrapping his arms around Hank's neck and peppering his jaw with soft kisses as Hank's hands slid up his back, slowly and almost reverently before tracing little patterns in between his shoulder blades. All Connor could do was close his eyes and enjoy the feeling of Hank's hands on him, big and warm, rough palms sliding up his sides effortlessly. He took up so much space, both physically and inside Connor's mind. All he could think of and feel was just  _Hank_  as the other mans hands traveled every bit of his body he could reach, tracing each freckle and mole, as though memorizing every little part of him.Looking down at those large hands had him shuddering again, watching with fascination as both of those palms slid down to halfway circle around Connor's stocking clad thighs and squeezed gently. The clasps from the garters bit into his skin under Hank's hands, making Connor bite back a little moan, his cock giving an involuntary twitch before Hank's hands moved back up his torso, up to his shoulders then resting at the base of his throat. Connor couldn't stop moving his hips if he tried, a slow, methodical grinding against Hank, that impressive cock just slipping between his cheeks, back and forth as he moved slowly. 

When Hank seemed to pause briefly, hands barely circling his throat, Connor looked down at him again, a small smirk twitching the corner of his mouth as he reached down behind himself and guided Hank inside of him finally. He sighed and arched his back a bit, slowly sinking down little by little. "All of the debauched things you talk about wanting to do to me, and you're gonna pause  _now?_ " Connor breathed out, giving Hank a challenging look and tsking a little when the others hands moved away from his throat. "Didn't take you for a _coward_ , Hank-- oh  _fuck."_ Connor was caught completely off guard when Hank surged forward, hands completely coming away from his neck. Instead, one arm locked around his waist, crushing their chests together as the other moved up to his hair and yanked his head to the side. In the same moment he buried himself up to the hilt inside of Connor with one harsh upward thrust as he sunk his teeth into the soft flesh between his neck and shoulder, a noise Connor could only liken to an animalistic growl coming out of him. He squirmed uselessly, a high pitched half-whine half-moan escaping him as Hank mercilessly bit and sucked on his flesh, hips squirming despite himself, causing Hank to brush against his prostate. 

The intense pleasure mixed with the pleasure/pain of Hank's teeth at his throat had him digging his nails into Hank's shoulders, unable to hold back the noises tearing themselves from his throat as he squirmed against the hold on him, rocking his hips until he came all over their stomachs. By the time Hank let go of him, licking at the little droplets of blood he pulled from Connor's skin, his thighs were shaking, his hands were trembling and it was all he could do to not pitch forward onto the other mans chest, a shaky laugh forcing it's way out of him. 

"Point taken." He muttered breathlessly, resisting the urge to go boneless on top of him and instead leaning back a bit and resting his hands on Hanks thighs for balance. They both looked down between them, Hank's hand moving to run his fingers through the mess Connor had left there. He stared at it for a moment, watching it string between his fingers before bringing the digits up to his mouth and licking them clean, keeping eye contact with Connor all the while. "Fuck, why are you so hot?" Connor muttered, more to himself than Hank, who just smirked and quirked an eyebrow at him, looking pleased with himself.

Hank shifted a little, still hard cock shifting inside of Connor causing him to let out a pleasant sigh and grip Hank's thighs a bit tighter. It took him a second to register that Hank was talking again, completely missing what he had said until a hand landed with a smack on his thigh, making him flinch in surprise. 

"What?" He asked, watching Hank cock his head lazily, self satisfied smirk still in place on his face.

"Turn around." Hank muttered in that slow, 'I'm repeating myself' sort of way, his smirk only growing as Connor pouted. 

"What if I want to see you?" he protested, grinding his hips down once more for emphasis and smiling when it caused the other man to rest his head back against the headboard and let out a little sigh. 

"Wasn't a suggestion, Connor." He laughed a little, oblivious to the way Connors heart leapt up into his throat at the sound of Hank saying his name. 

He chewed at his bottom lip for a moment before shifting his hips one more time, then lifting himself up off of Hank's lap and turning himself around to face away from him. He straddled his lap and Hank guided himself inside of him easily once more, the other man letting out an appreciative groan and groping Connors ass with both hands as Connor sighed in contentment at having Hank inside of him again. Leaning back against Hank's chest, Connor laughed a little, kissing the underside of his jaw.

"Gotta admit.." He muttered, shifting his hip with a smile. "This is much easier when we're not cramped in a confessional."

Hank laughed, the sound rumbling through Connor's back and making him smile even more, as one hand smoothed up his chest to his jaw and tilted his head back so that he could kiss him.  

His smile slowly faded as Hank's tongue slipped into his mouth, exploring hungrily and moving his hips slowly, making Connor moan softly into his mouth. It wasn't long before they picked up a rhythm, Connor's little moans turning into louder, uncontrollable ones as Hank fucked him, slow and deep, clearly in no hurry to reach any sort of climax. Connor ended up just laying his head back on Hank's shoulder, enjoying the slow rhythm and the full feeling that he was sure no one would be able to compare to. While their previous conversation in the confessional had seemed like a heat of the moment sort of thing, with Hank asking him, no  _telling him,_ not to go about his usual activities that could lead to him being hurt again it seemed... the more he had Hank inside of him, the more he was starting to believe he could very well be happy with not fucking anyone else. 

_And fuck, that was something, wasn't it._

Swallowing around the lump suddenly forming in his throat, Connor opened his eyes to look at Hank who sat there, his own eyes closed and brow furrowed a bit in concentration as he left lazy kisses along Connors shoulder. He reached up and pushed hand through the long silvery strands, drawing his attention to him. As their eyes met again, Connor smiled a little before pulling him down for another kiss, mind going a mile a minute with possibilities. 

Did Hank know what he was thinking?

Did he know the impact he was having on Connor, mind, body and soul?

Could he possibly understand?

He let out a little whimper against Hank's lips as he picked up his pace, moving from the slow, leisurely pace he'd set before to something much more hungry. He had to break away for air, moaning shakily as his cock gave a valiant twitch, already trying to get hard again as Hank pounded into him chasing his own orgasm.

Hanks hands gripped at him roughly, struggling for purchase with his sweat slicked skin for a moment before finally wrapping his hands tightly around his slim hips and using the hold to move Connor on his cock, clearly growing impatient. As he was manhandled like a rag doll, all Connor could do was writhe and let out breathless little whimpers, his body feeling as though it were on fire from the inside out in the best way possible as Hank fucked up into him.

Hanks lips were right against his ear, groaning softly in his throat before letting out a little chuckle as Connors dick gave yet another involuntary twitch. “You wanna be my pretty little fuck toy?" He whispered, sending a shiver down Connors spine. "Just a glorified fleshlight I can use however I please?” 

Connor just nodded slightly, reaching back to wrap a hand around the back of Hanks neck, as though searching for some point to anchor himself. As he tilted his head back, one of Hanks hands came up to wrap gently around his throat, the other releasing his hip to wrap all the way around his waist, holding him flush against his chest. 

"Look at you.." he breathed, planting his feet on the mattress. "So fucking gorgeous. All you want is this cock inside of you. Want me to just use you... fill you up and toss you aside til I'm ready for you later. S'that what you want, little one?" 

Connor whimpered as Hank stilled his hips a bit, giving Connor room to rock his own against him, causing Hanks cock to brush against his prostate and making him shudder out a soft moan. "Fuck." He groaned, keeping his head tilted back onto Hanks shoulder. "Yes." 

He felt Hank grin against his shoulder as the hand around his throat tightened briefly. "What was that little one?"

Connor shifted his hips a bit more only to have Hank tighten his grip around his waist, Connor left practically mewling as tears pricked the corners of his eyes, his hips desperately seeking the friction Hank was strategically keeping from him. "Fuck, Daddy, please." He whimpered, still trying to move his hips which only succeeded in making Hank chuckle and lick along the crescent shaped bite marks along his shoulder. "Please. Please, Daddy, fuck me. Use me... ah!" Hank picked up his pace, fucking him mercilessly until his hips stuttered briefly, warmth filling him up as Hank buried himself to the hilt and came deep inside of him, letting out a noise that was half groan, half growl. 

Connor wet his dry lips, shuddering as he felt Hank's cum fill him up to the point of overflowing, and looked back at him with a contented little smile. Half focusing, his heart stuttered a little as he watched Hank blink a couple of times before shutting his eyes completely and kissing along Connors shoulder tenderly, one of Connor's hands moving back to push a bit of hair out of his face as he did so. For the briefest of seconds, he could almost have sworn Hank's eyes had gone black. And not in a 'blown pupils' kind of way, but more of a 'no more white left, pitch black' sort of way. 

_A trick of the light, no doubt._

Chasing off the goosebumps that prickled his skin, Connor kissed Hank's forehead gently, smoothing his hair back a bit more and offering a smile when he looked up at him, eyes as blue and clear as could be.  Hank smiled back and leaned up to kiss him again, letting out a contented sigh against his lips before one of his hands wrapped around Connor's incorrigible hard on. When he pumped his fist once, Connor shuddered and grabbed at his wrist, stilling him.

"Y-you don't have to do that." He laughed a little, shivering again when Hank only smirked and brushed his thumb over the oversensitive head of his cock. 

Without another word, he slid his hands up Connor's sides again, then up around his back, gently patting him between the shoulder blades and giving him a soft push, only applying enough pressure to Connor's back so he got the message and slowly lifted himself off of Hank's cock and leaned forward, until he was laying on his stomach on top of the comforter. He felt Hank shift behind him, before a pillow was being moved for him to rest his head on, his arms wrapping around the fluffy thing and propping it up enough so he could look back at Hank. 

Before he could figure out what the other was up to, warm hands were sliding up his back slowly, thumbs applying pressure to either side of his spine all the way up, causing Connor to let out an involuntary groan as his eyes practically rolled back.

"Wish you'd make that face when I fuck you. Must be slacking." Hank laughed, ignoring the glare it earned him from Connor, and instead continuing massaging at his tense shoulders until Connor felt completely boneless laying there, every bit of tension slowly worked out of him by Hank's hands. He wasn't sure what else to expect when Hank leaned over him and placed a soft kiss to the nape of his neck, making Connor shiver. 

He blushed as Hank gently ran his fingers over the still healing bruise left there by Niles, making a curious noise in the back of his throat. 

"Didn't see this last time..." He muttered, fingers tracing the bruise with surprising tenderness before he leaned down at did the same with that forked tongue, causing Connors hips to buck against the sheets a little. "It's almost healed too, so must've just been too dark... Wanna tell me who else got their teeth in you, little one?"

Connors heart stuttered and he buried his face into the pillow under him, letting out a soft whine as he tried to hide that his face was undoubtedly ridiculously red. Of course hiding his face did nothing to hide the fact that his shoulders and ears were probably just as bad. Really kind of sucked being so pale when you wanted to hide the fact that you were red as a tomato. 

_Fuck._

_Why had he never anticipated having **this** conversation?_

_Well, probably because he'd never been with someone enough for them to realize or care about his other... escapades._

As Connor cursed himself and tried to think of a viable excuse, Hank hummed softly in his throat, one hand absently snaking between Connor and the bed to drag his fingers along his already stiff cock, making him swallow thickly. "I... I don't remember." He whined softly.

"Tsk." Hank gripped his cock, teeth grazing Connor's nape as he leaned over him. "You're a terrible liar." He muttered, giving Connor a couple slow strokes. "Oh well..." He nipped at Connor's neck as his hand released Connor's dick and slid around to grip his ass roughly, making him buck his hips once more. 

With a slightly over exaggerated sigh, Hank shifted again, coming to kneel behind Connor and grabbing his hips roughly, fingers digging in. He lifted him up onto his knees, ass on display in the air as he kept his face buried in the pillow under him. Connor had expected Hank to fuck him again, so when, instead of his cock, Hank's tongue came into contact with his still dripping hole, Connor gasped and instinctively pushed his hips back, his eyes screwing shut as every bit of his attention went to what was going on behind him.

As he felt what was left of Hank's cum drip out of himself, immediately chased by the mans tongue, Connor moaned into the pillow, gripping it tightly at the mental image of the lewd act of Hank licking his own cum out of him forced it's way into his brain. 

His cock was still rock hard and already leaking by the time Hank pushed two fingers into him, immediately pushing them in to the knuckle and curling them to press against his prostate, making him mewl into the pillow and push his hips backwards as pleasure bombarded him unexpectedly.

"Fuck.." he groaned, rocking his hips back against Hanks hand as he continued that steady pressure on his prostate. He reached down between his legs to take his own cock in hand, only to have Hank smack the hand away, earning a confused, somewhat pitiful look from Connor in return. Hank just responded by smiling and gripping Connor's ass with his free hand, placing a soft kiss on the plump cheek while his fingers still worked in and out of him relentlessly. 

Groaning, Connor twisted his fists in the fabric of his pillow case again, trying to not rock his hips too much against Hank's fingers. And despite, or quite possibly  _because of_ , the whining under him, Hank kept right on with that same torturous rhythm, mercilessly massaging his prostate while Connor writhed and mumbled curses and praise directed both at Hank and at his own body.

As his second orgasm finally punched it's way out of him, Connor gripped the pillow under his chin so tightly he feared he may rip it in half. He was drooling everywhere and he couldn't care less as Hanks fingers were pulling him apart and putting him back together with every movement they made, milking every drop he could out of him until he collapsed on top of the comforter, not caring about laying in his own cum, his trembling thighs unable to keep him up any longer.

His skin tingled everywhere as Hank leaned over him and planted several kisses along his shoulders and neck, brushing sweat covered curls out of his face and kissing the corner of his eye where a tear had slipped out. 

"You did so good..." He whispered, thumb rubbing circles around Connors shoulder blade before settling back on the bed and giving him space to cool off.

"I hate you.." Connor whined softly, burying his face in the pillow under him.

"That so, little one?" Hank muttered, leaning back against the headboard and looking down at Connor with nothing short of amusement.

Connor tried not to pout, and, going by the grin that spread across Hanks face as he looked back at him, failed miserably.

"Yes.." He muttered, voice muffled by the pillow he held close under his chin. He could feel his cheeks heating up as he slowly sat up, feeling his skin stick to the comforter a bit before sitting back against the headboard as well and glaring up at the man next to him.

"Alright." Hank shrugged his big shoulders and moved like he was going to crawl out of the bed, causing Connor to gasp and sit up as Hank moved around him and swung his feet off of the bed, already reaching for his clothes.

"The fuck you think you're going?" He asked, reaching for one of Hanks biceps.  
Hank already had his pants in hand, one foot slipping into one of the legs. "Well I'm not gonna stick around if you clearly hate me so much."

Connor scrambled up onto his knees, quickly draping his arms around Hanks neck and nuzzling into him. When Hank shifted a little more towards him he took the opportunity and crawled into his lap, curling up there with his arms still around his neck. One of those big palms came to rest on Connors bare thigh, the skin there burning from the touch making Connor shudder.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Connors ear, his other hand coming up to rest on the back of his neck. "I thought you hated me." He chuckled softly, voice rumbling through Connors whole body.

"Maybe I don't... Completely hate you." He muttered, keeping his face buried in the crook of Hanks neck.

"Oh, not completely?" He teased, pinching Connors thigh.

Connor squirmed a bit. "Only a little."

Hanks thumb stroked the spot where he'd pinched gently before his palm came up and landed back down with a slap, causing Connor to jump.

Hank laughed a little as Connor just snuggled into him more, wrapping both arms around him and just holding him close for a minute. “You usually this clingy after a good dicking?” He laughed, running his fingertips up and down Connors spine.

Connor just shook his head, keeping his face buried in the crook of his neck and letting out a sigh when he felt Hank shift a bit to look at him better.

“What? I just special or something?”

“Something like that.” Connor pushed his hair back off of his forehead and sat back finally, shifting off of Hanks lap and flopping down on his back against the pillows.

Hank followed suit, laying down on his side and propping his head up with his hand to look down at Connor with a curious look clearly expecting some sort of explanation.

He reached out and trailed the fingers of his other hand down Connor's neck, then continued tracing around the healing bruise on his shoulder.

“Well, come to think of it, you're… the first man in my adult life who I've _voluntarily_ slept with more than once because I genuinely _wanted_ to.” He reached out and took Hanks hand from his shoulder, spreading his fingers and flattening their palms together, as though comparing size.

“Kinda a lot to unpack there, little one.”

“Yeah.” Connor let out a bitter little laugh, running his fingertips up and down Hanks palm. “I've… got some real problems. I've been with… _so_ many men, Hank. More than I can realistically count..” he took a steadying breath. “I remember most of them. Not all of them. A few were… involuntarily.  A few were buried in a drug-fueled haze. I'm pretty sure I blocked out a couple.. It was worse when I was younger, when I was still struggling to come to terms with everything… I..." He sighed and shook his head, letting go of Hanks hand and pushing it through his hair instead. "I fucking hate saying it, because even I think it sounds like bullshit, but... I'm a sex addict..” He shrugged and ran both hands through his hair, picking a spot on the ceiling to focus on. "One minute I'm fine, and the next something happens, and my body freaks out and I  _need_ it.. I can't fight it. I've tried. If I try to resist, my body freaks out like you wouldn't believe..." Now that the floodgates were open, might as well go ahead and get it all out there. "The, uh, mark on my neck... i-it." He shifted a little uncomfortably, refusing to meet Hank's stare. "It's from my brother. My twin." He chewed on his bottom lip, sure the thing was going to be raw at this point. "We.. uh, we've been fooling around since we were kids. It just... kind of happened, and we've never really thought twice about it. I mean, we have, of course we have, but.. we've never seen it as gross, or weird... it's never seemed like a big deal, you know? " He laughed a little, knuckles turning white with how hard he was gripping the blanket in his lap. He chanced a look up at Hank, scared to meet his eyes, only to find Hank was just watching him, quietly listening while be talked, and Connor couldn't tell if his silence helped, or made matters worse. He closed his eyes and sighed again before looking back at Hank and trying to smile a little. “Sorry. I, um... I get it if you wanna take off now. Probably not quite what you signed up for."

Connor half expected Hank to do just that, bracing himself for Hank to get up again and resume getting dressed so he could leave. At the very least he expected him to make a face or comment on Connors fucked up sex life. 

So when Hank just laughed softly and shook his head, all Connor could do was blink and stare at him with a confused expression, swallowing around the lump forming in his throat and barely repressing the urge to fling himself at Hank in relief.

“I don't get you kid.” he muttered, sitting up a bit more. 

“W-what do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, sex stuff aside, just, _you._ One minute you're…  bright and confident and sassy, rolling with the punches and then something happens and you're right back to..." He motioned vaguely in Connor's direction. "This anxious mess. It's like… you suddenly remember who you're _supposed_ to be, and it freaks you out.” he poked Connor right in the center of his forehead, smiling a bit as he raised his eyebrows. "I'd love to get in that head of yours."

Connor glared at him before sitting up against the headboard and stretching out with a groan. "Whatever old man." He teased, smiling at hearing Hank chuckle next to him. He knows hes brushing it off, but... what else can he do? Admit that Hanks right? That he hates himself more often than not, and lately the only time he feels free, really and truly is in quiet moments like this with him. Admit that Hank makes him feel... so much more than just a desperate need for a connection of flesh against flesh, but makes him lightheaded and confident in a way he's never experienced before.

No. He couldn't admit that.

"God, I need a cigarette after all that." He laughed, sinking back against the pillows, a heaviness taking hold of his muscles. Hearing the telltale click of a lighter, Connors eyes flipped open, looking up at Hank in surprise as the man was lighting a cigarette of his own. "Shit! Not in here!" He gasped, reaching for the cigarette hanging from Hanks lips as the other looked at him with a surprised expression. He must've pulled the thing from the pocket of his pants when he'd grabbed them a second ago.

_How did he not notice that?_

Before he could get his fingers around the stick though Hank,  _Fucking Hank,_ did something that stopped Connor in his tracks and caused a full body shudder to go through him. He leaned away from Connors outstretched hand, then that godforsaken tongue of his came out and flipped the cigarette up and into his mouth, a barely audible hiss sounding as the lit end was extinguished followed by a much louder gulp as he swallowed the damn thing.

Connor stared at him in shock for a fraction of a second before his entire body convulsed as he tried to shake off his goosebumps. "Oh my God! Why would you-- just oh my God!" He shook his head flopping back against the pillows and looking up at Hank with a grin. "Talk about a fucking party trick. What the fuck? Didn't that hurt?"

Hank just laughed and shrugged, settling back against the pillows as well. "Nah."

"You're a monster." Connor laughed, snuggling closer to Hank's chest and stifling a yawn.

Hank chuckled, pulling the covers up to Connors shoulders and placing a soft kiss onto the top of his head. "You have no idea."

Connor looked up at him, sleep tugging at his eyelids as he settled into the warmth of Hank's chest. "You gonna tell me what was in that bag now?" He asked with a soft laugh, earning a more animated one from Hank as he shook his head and tilted Connor's chin up to kiss him softly. 

"Just sleep." He muttered, Connor barely hearing it as a yawn escaped him. 

_Didn't have to tell him twice._

"So..." Hanks voice barely registered as sleep threatened to pull Connor under, only managing to raise his eyebrows in response. "Your twin, huh?" There was a beat of silence where Connor cracked an eye open to look up at him. "Hot." He chuckled, smirking down at him.

Connor snorted out a laugh, more relief than actual amusement, and smacked Hank on the arm before yawning again and letting sleep claim him.

By the time Connor woke up, his room was pitch black, the only light coming from under his door. There were soft voices coming from somewhere in the apartment, no doubt from Gavin and Niles, causing Connor's heart to do a flip as he panicked, sitting up and reaching for Hank. When his hand met the cold pillow next to him, he blinked and turned on his bedside lamp, blinking for a second while his eyes adjusted. He looked down at the floor, where their clothes had been thrown earlier, and _yeah,_ Hank's were gone. 

_Looks like he'd left after Connor had passed out, thank God._

_He didn't have to explain anything to Niles._

Immediately following the relief that washed over him came panic again. Mixed with a sickening amount of guilt and shame as he recalled the conversation they had had just before Connor's body had decided he really needed to pass out. Connor chewed on his thumb nail as he listened to the soft voices, coupled with the slight clink of pots and pans in the kitchen, his eyes surveying the room as he tried to convince himself that the possibility of Hank never wanting to see him again after his confession was one he had prepared his heart for.

_So why was it aching so much?_

Just before he could sink further into his self hatred, his eyes landed on the little bag from the lingerie store, still perched carefully on top of his dresser. 

It seemed to be in the same place Hank had left it earlier, only now, right on the front in clear view for Connor, was a bright blue post-it note with something scribbled in black ink. He had to force himself not to fling the covers off of himself as he got out of bed and walked over to it. Reaching out slowly, as if it were a skittish animal that would disappear before he could grab it, Connor plucked the little note from the front of the bag and read it.

He had to read it twice before he really grasped what it said.

In admittedly lovely cursive, lopsided on the note, was a simple message of: 

_For next Sunday._

_-Hank ♥_  

Connor chewed on his bottom lip, not caring that the damn thing was sore by this point, his eyes seeming to only want to focus on the sloppy little heart drawn next to the name on the little note. Trying not to smile like a moron, Connor reached up to his mirror and stuck the post-it to the upper left hand corner, his fingertips lingering on it for a second before he reached down into the bag and pulled the contents out.

Not surprisingly, nestled in between the little sheets of tissue paper, was another set of lingerie, this time a sheer black one piece with what looked like plastic boning all through the torso that would undoubtedly pull in his curves even more, complete with little garters already attached to the skirt of the piece. There was even a set of black panties and black stockings in the bag and the thought that Hank wanted Connor to wear these items under his clothes, to church, during his sermon, made Connor actually squirm a bit in excitement before packing the items carefully in his top drawer and folding the bag up and dropping it into the little garbage bin by his door. 

He thew on some pajamas and set about pulling the comforter off of his bed to wash, then headed into the kitchen to say hello to his brother and Gavin and grab some dinner, his body more relaxed than he had even been that morning. 

The next couple of days passed by without incident. Connor went about his daily duties, helped with the preparations for Simon's birthday party at the church, attended several meeting and generally kept pretty busy. He even had lunch with mom and then just... went about his day.

No tingling.

No burning.

No urges he could barely swallow down forcing him to make bad decisions. 

It was... liberating.

For the first time in his life, Connor felt as though he had control over his own actions, and each night he crawled into bed and didn't feel the burning urge to get back up and go get his rocks off, he almost wanted to cry. 

By the time he told Niles, the hope and excitement that he was somehow gaining control over his little problem being too much that he desperately wanted to share, he was fairly certain something had changed. While he couldn't pinpoint what exactly, the fact that he'd gone two days, two  _stressful_ days, without sex, and without having to fight his body screaming in protest for the release he wasn't getting... 

It was a miracle. 

Niles was hopeful things were improving, his brother remaining cautiously optimistic about the situation and making Connor promise to continue to stay in for the next few nights, to see if it would keep up. Connor had promised, of course, saying a silent prayer that he wasn't jinxing himself and that he was indeed getting better; that this wasn't just some freak chance causing his relief.

On top of the stressful events that would normally trigger him, he hadn't seen Hank for the two days, either, which was, quite frankly, a bit of a bummer. Connor went about the same routine he normally did, hoping he would run into the other man, his heart leaping in hope whenever someone would call out to him, only to fizzle out in disappointment when that person was not in fact Hank.

But... even without Hank around, and without the constant amazing sex, he still felt right as rain. 

Things were... good.

Until they weren't.

Tonight, for no apparent reason, as he went to his room after a quiet dinner with Gavin and Niles, Connor suddenly felt as though he'd been punched in the gut. He was so caught off guard, the feeling so entirely and completely overwhelming that he stumbled a little on his way to his room, his vision tunneling briefly before everything came back into focus.

Slowly, the tingling started. 

He ignored it, thinking maybe it had been the food. He went outside and had a cigarette, thinking the shaking in his fingers was from nicotine withdrawals, maybe. 

The cigarette helped, briefly, but sure enough, it came back.

He didn't know how long he sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor as he tried to come up with something.  _Anything_ that would explain what was happening. Anything other than what he knew it was.

The burning wouldn't go away.

He paced around his room like a caged animal, unable to calm his pounding heart. His whole body was on fire, that all too familiar feeling. The perpetual burning itch that started in his lower belly and traveled over his whole body, down to his toes.

_He could always..._

_No._

He shook his head at his own thoughts, digging his nails into his arms while he paced.

He wouldn't do this.

_No._

_He promised._

_He had promised Niles._

_He had promised Hank._

_He had promised himself._

He cursed loudly, the sound echoing around his empty room.

He had already taken a shower, turning the water up to scalding to the point where his skin was red for a solid 10 minutes afterwards.

It only helped until the stinging from his raw skin started to fade.

He'd masturbated twice, once in the shower and once when he went back to his room and that had taken the edge off a little, but the burning only came back afterwards, worse than before.

He had attempted to lay down for sleep twice, but to no avail. All he could do was toss and turn, unable to let rest find him.  
He'd even tried praying, getting down on his knees and clasping his hands on top of the bedspread so tightly that his knuckles turned white. After what felt like an eternity, with his eyes squeezed shut as he begged and pleaded with a higher power he wasn't even convinced was there for something, _any_ sort of release that didn't come from what his body was aching for, his mind started to wander to less than holy ideas.

Naturally, given his current position and the subtle aching in his knees, his mind eventually found it's way back into the gutter.  
He dug the heels of his hands into his thighs, massaging the tight muscles with a grimace before flopping over onto his butt and leaning back against his bed. Slipping his hands around his thighs he squeezed at the backs of them, feeling the bruises Hank had left there and digging his fingers in, hoping for some relief.

It didn't work.

It only made the stinging behind his eyes worse.

So, finally, after seemingly exhausting all other options, he went to his dresser and, hesitantly, pulled out the little bottle with the label that had been picked off years go. The pills inside were new. The bottle he'd had for years. He kept the little bottle of sleeping pills stashed at the bottom of his sock drawer, hidden from view of both himself and his brother. He didn't really like leaving them out in the open on principle alone, but the sight of the bottle made his stomach churn uncomfortably, unwelcome memories instantly coming back to him from that night so many years ago.

The feeling of his brothers fingers cramming themselves down his throat in a desperate attempt to induce vomiting was always the most vivid part of that particular memory.

He didn't want to use them unless absolutely necessary.

And it was pretty necessary tonight.

He hadn't had a night this bad in a long time.

Or maybe it had always been this bad, but the brief relief of the past few days had somehow made it seem worse.

He grit his teeth and sat on the edge of his bed, dropping his head between his knees and taking several deep breaths.

_He thought he was getting better.._

When his right leg started jogging impatiently he shook his head and stood, pushing both hands through hair hair with an annoyed groan.

He was on the verge of tears at this point, and even with the promise of medicated sleep teasing the back of his brain the overwhelming need for human contact was enough to coerce him into a split second decision.

He chewed on his bottom lip and grabbed his pillow from his bed, cutting off his bedroom light as he left his room and headed out into their shared living space. He padded softly across the apartment, his bare feet almost silent on the old carpet, through the living room. He could hardly see in front of him, the great room dimly tinted a sickly yellow from the light over the stove in the kitchen.

He paused in front of Niles and Gavin's door, taking a steadying breath before knocking softly.

It was just the lightest rap of his knuckles on the cheap wood, almost as if he didn't want his brother to answer the door.  
Maybe he didn't, subconsciously. But his body was screaming at him with other ideas, and he knew having his brother and best friend sleeping soundly next to him, their weight comfortable against him, was probably the only way he was going to be able to stop himself from making a mistake tonight.

He knocked once more, a little louder this time, and hugged his pillow to his chest as he listened to the soft rustling on the other side.  
It took a moment before there was shuffling and a click, his brother had locked the door, before Niles opened the thing a hair and peeked out, squinting at Connor.

No doubt he couldn't see very well either without his contacts in.

"Con, whats up?" Niles whispered, his voice thick with gravel from sleep. He reached up and scratched at messy brown waves, blinking slowly as he tried to get his eyes to focus.

Connor squeezed his pillow tighter. His legs were starting to get that telltale tightness that came from the medication starting to work its magic. "I... Can I sleep with you two?" He whispered back, looking over his brothers face, searching for signs of annoyance, disdain, rejection. Anything that would tell him to turn around and go back to his room to deal with his misery alone.  
Niles only took on a mildly exasperated expression, dropping the hand on his head down to his side with a sigh. He stared down at him for a second, no doubt noticing the way Connors leg had started to bounce, tapping his big toe on the ground anxiously behind him.

Connor chose that moment to realize Niles still had his other hand on the door, keeping it open barely a crack, just enough for his own body to be shown, but strategically so that Connor couldn't see into the room if he looked over Niles' shoulder.

He knew Gavin slept in the nude. Nothing he hasn't seen before. Nothing he hadn't touched before. But the implication that Niles was being protective in his half awake state was still enough to sting a little.  
Not that he could see anything in the pitch black anyway.

"Connor.. What..?"

"Just for tonight... Please, Niles." The way his tone pitched up at the end didn't go unnoticed, his eyes still stinging slightly as he looked down at his brothers bare feet, avoiding that blue stare now. He hated begging. "I.. I took some pills, so I'll be asleep before you know it. I just.... I don't want to be alone right now."

"How many--"

Connor almost dropped his pillow at the sudden harshness of Niles' tone, his brother instantly waking up more at the mention of Connor turning back to the sleeping pills.

"Just one!" He answered quickly, before Niles could even finish his sentence, his head snapping up to look at him again. "I only took one. I promise... I just..." He inhaled shakily, screwing his eyes shut to avoid the disappointed look his brother was surely giving him. "Please?"

He heard Niles sigh, then mumble 'hang on' while he leaned back into the blackness of his room. There was soft mumbling amidst him and Gavin, some rustling, no doubt Gavin throwing on some boxers, before Niles swung the door open and motioned for Connor to come in.

He wasted no time, shuffling inside while purposely ignoring the way Niles looked down at him from his naturally taller stature.  
The relief that washed over him when Gavin reached a hand out was immediate.

"C'mere babe." He whispered, giving Connor his usual soft smile as he took the hand that was offered and crawled into the bed.  
Gavin never judged him. Never had, and Connor dreaded the day that he inevitably started to. Even his own brother resented him sometimes. He could see it in his eyes.  
Connor set his pillow down and laid down next to Gavin, curling up on his side so that his back was pressed against his friend, their bodys spooning together easily. The stinging in his eyes only got worse, a lump now forming in his throat as Gavin wrapped his arms around Connors shoulders and held him tightly, placing a soft kiss on the back of his head. He had to squeeze them shut and take another deep, somewhat shuddering breath as he tried to shove down all of the inappropriate thoughts forcing their way into his head.

_No._

_That wasn't right._

_He thought he was getting better!_

He felt the bed dip down a bit as Niles climbed onto the mattress with them, scooting in close and draping one of his long arms across the both of them, his hand resting on Gavin's back.

When his brothers other hand moved to the waistband of his pajama bottoms Connor jumped a little and shook his head violently, reaching between them to remove it.

_No no no._

_Fuck, he wanted it._

The burning returned, outweighed only by the medication forcing his limbs to begin feeling heavy.

"No.." He intertwined his fingers with Niles', bringing the hand up to his lips to kiss his brothers knuckles tenderly. "No... Thank you. I'll... I'll be asleep in a minute. It's ok."

He could feel his brother shift a little, no doubt sharing a meaningful glance with Gavin over his shoulder, but nodded anyway, settling back down and pulling them both a little closer.

Connor wasn't sure how long he lay there with his body sandwiched between his best friend and his brother, their legs all intertwined and their arms around him acting like anchors, keeping him grounded. Saving him from himself. But by the time sleep finally claimed him he was acutely aware of the cold wetness gathering on his pillow, unable to stop his tears even as his body steadily lost its fight with his brain.

_God, he hated himself._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM sorry about the world of hurt coming your way though *finger guns*  
> It'll be ok. But, as I've said before, its gonna kinda hurt getting there.  
> Feel free to yell at me in the comments! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took way longer than I'd planned.  
> I went through a major emotional rollercoaster writing this chapter and rewrote and reworked it so many times. I just REALLY wanted to do it justice. I finally had to make myself stop, or it would never get put out XD  
> I'm sorry if it sucks. 
> 
> Please Enjoy!

The morning following his relapse, Connor was, for once, grateful for his sporadically busy schedule. He had a full day ahead of him, including a meeting with one of the couples from church who wanted to speak with him, followed by a visit to the hospital to check in with Simon's mom, then lunch with dad, and then rounding out his evening with a meeting with various members of the church, including Markus and Chloe, to plan details for Simon's upcoming birthday party.

Running around like a madman for a better part of the day didn't give him time to lament in self pity, and he was glad for the break from himself.

The lunch with dad was a pleasant break from everything going on as well, and a good chance to get caught up for the first time since Connor had moved out. Thinking about it, it seemed like they hadn't really had much of any opportunities to be alone and just... talk since Connor had come back from school. Either mom was around, which severely limited the range of subjects they could discuss, or they were having simple conversations in hurried moments in between everything else going on in their lives so it left much to be desired on the 'catching up' front.

When Connor was younger, and mom was a bit less strict, dad took his 'bonding' time with his sons rather seriously. Throughout middle school dad had made it a tradition of sorts for the three of them to go camping once a month, and Connor could honestly say he looked back on those weekends, laying on a blanket under the stars with his brother and his dad, just talking about everything and nothing, with a nostalgic kind of fondness. So, seeing as how they wanted a moment for just the two of them, they had specifically chosen today to meet up, since mom was busy with work and wouldn't be able to join them.

It was a little underhanded, sure, but sitting across the table from dad, laughing easily while he made jokes about pointless nonsense, Connor was glad for it.

“How _is_ your brother?” he asked after a minute, wiping his mouth with his napkin briefly and raising his eyebrows at Connor across the table.

Connor had, of course, confided in his dad about moving in with Niles, his father seeming unsurprised by the fact.

Connor nodded, taking a sip of his drink before answering. “He, uh, he’s good. Still Niles.”

Dad smiled around his own glass. “Still bossing Gavin around?”

“Of course. The day we get through a meal without him telling Gavin to take his elbows off of the table will be a miracle.”

Dad laughed and shook his head, finishing his food while Connor twisted the napkin in his lap, debating on asking the question that had been prodding the back of his mind since they had sat down. It was something he'd wanted to ask since before he'd moved out; since before going away to school even, but had never managed to get up the courage to do so.

“Dad.." he started, trying and failing for a casual expression when he looked up from his plate "Can I ask you something?"

Seeing the look on Connors face, dad put his fork down and met Connors nervous gaze with a serious one. " 'Course, Con."

"Why… why didn’t you say anything? When mom kicked Niles out?"

Dad sighed, jogging his eyebrows in a sort of 'oh' expression before he raised a hand in a half shrug. “Honestly, Con, I did. Often." he sighed, focusing his attention on the glass in front of him for a second before meeting Connors stare again. "I don’t want you boys to think I wasn’t pulling for you, every step of the way. Because I was. Your mother and I, we didn’t see eye to eye on… a lot a things while you were growing up." he laughed a little, the sound coming out more defeated than anything, poking at a tomato on his plate absently.

"I mean… honestly, with how meticulous the both of you are with planning… what happened?" Connor frowned, setting his napkin on top of his empty plate and folding his hands in his lap to stop himself from fidgeting. "Didn't you guys… I don't know… talk about how to raise your kids? As much as I want to, dad, I can't _just_ blame mom for everything. Your lack of involvement is honestly almost as bad."

Connor couldn't deny the pang of guilt that shot through him when dad put his head in his hands, and almost apologized when the silence stretched for a second, before dad pushed both hands through his hair and straightened a bit more, nodding as though confirming something with himself. "I know, Con… We did talk though. We didn't agree on everything even then. But… things happen. Life happens." He tapped his fingers nervously on the tabletop and shrugged, returning his gaze to Connor across the table. "I don't wanna make excuses for her, but... She… was different, before the pregnancy." He picked up the napkin from his lap and set it on his own plate. "We, uh, never told you, but you boys were originally triplets."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah." His mouth drew into a thin line and he rubbed his forehead, looking tired. "One of you was malformed and posed a risk to the other two, and your mother, so..." another shrug. "We chose to reduce the pregnancy from triplets to twins. It was difficult. We talked, and prayed and got second and third opinions, but ultimately we decided it was the best course of action."

Connor let out a breath, slumping back in his seat. "Holy shit…"

"Yeah…. It was hard on me, but she was devastated. She... still asks for forgiveness for it. But after that, she became… militant in her beliefs and it just… warped her into a different person. After she kicked your brother out, we.. uh, we fought. A lot…" he picked his straw wrapper up off of the table and twisted it between his fingers absently. "Truth be told, I almost left. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Despite everything I do still love her. And in all honesty she seems to be doing… better, now that she sees she doesn't have to worry about you 24/7. But back then, I couldn’t leave you alone with her at a time like that. Niles… he has a good head on his shoulders. As much as I disagreed with the situation, he was an adult, with a solid career path in motion, so I knew he would land on his feet. I sent him money every week, until he could get settled somewhere... probably just to settle my own guilt. He actually sent me a check to pay me back after he got promoted. I knew he’d be fine." Dad nodded, as though confirming with himself that the relief that had settled into his shoulders was justified. "But… troubled as she may be you shouldn’t think too ill of your mother, Connor. She has her problems, we all do, but she means well. You know that, right?"

“Yeah… yeah I know… I just wish... well, I don't know. Do you think she'll ever get over it?”

Dad sighed, shrugging his shoulders a little and crumbling the straw wrapper in one fist. "Honestly? I don't know. I'd like to think so, though."

There was a beat of silence where the two just stared at each other, Connor opening and closing his mouth a couple of times before the words finally managed to tumble out, albeit quieter than he'd intended. “Dad…. you know I’m gay too, right?”

Another moment of silence, before dad breathed out a little laugh, shaking his head slightly and reaching across the table to rest his hand on top of Connors. “Yeah, Con. I know. Truth be told, I think your mom’s known for a while, too. She just refuses to acknowledge it, of course..”

Connor sighed once more, blinking rapidly as his shoulders sagged. There was… so much more he wanted to say, but he didn't trust himself to speak anymore. He wanted to tell dad everything. Confide in him all of the problems that had plagued him since youth. Get some guidance from someone other than his brother for once.

But he settled with a lingering hug, smiling a little when dad hugged him tighter as a little sniffle came out of him.

They said their goodbyes slowly, Connor making sure to thank dad for answering his questions before the two parted ways, and Connor headed to the church, still being a tad early to the birthday planning meeting.

Markus showed up shortly after he did, helping Connor set up a collapsible banquet table in one of the church's back offices that acted as a meeting space so that they could accommodate everyone comfortably.

They set out some snacks and paper plates that Chloe had brought as everyone slowly arrived and took their seats around the table to hash out the last of the preparations for the party. It was honestly the most productive Connor had felt in a while, and he couldn't tell if it was because Markus was genuinely excited for his boyfriends birthday and the excitement helped to light a fire under everyones ass and helped to get stuff done, or if he was simply riding the high left over from an entirely selfish wave of relief that had come from his conversation with dad. Probably a combination of both? But Connor wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, figuring he may as well use the productive energy while it was there.

It was late by the end of their meeting, the sky outside already shifting to a deep shade of purple as Connor said goodbye to the group and headed back into the office to finish cleaning up.

Underneath his still present feeling of relief, he was undoubtedly thoroughly exhausted. He busied himself with cleaning up after everyone, gathering papers with notes on who was in charge of what aspect of the party and a few sign up sheets for food and gifts, pointedly ignoring the telltale tingling in his muscles that had set up shop.

As he leaned over the table to grab a few papers from the other side, he became acutely aware of someone entering the office and coming to stand behind him. The sudden heat from a familiar body coming up behind him and leaning over him accompanied by the faint brush of a beard against his cheek made him smile, and he almost opened his mouth to say hello when Hank's voice beat him to it, whispering directly into his ear, driving a shiver down his spine.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”

He turned to face him, a smile quickly spreading across his face as he reached up to wrap his arms around Hank's neck.

“Mmm, and how long, exactly, since your last confession?” he laughed, letting Hank lean down to kiss him as hands moved to grip his ass, making him giggle and sending a giant wave of 'thank God' through his aching body. “I've missed you.” he muttered against his lips, stealing another kiss.

In all honesty, Connor wanted nothing more than to just have Hank fuck him right here on the table and be done with it, but he bit his lip and settled for pressing against him a little more, figuring it'd be rude to follow up a 'hey how areya?' with 'sex now?'.

Right?

“Likewise.” Hank chuckled against his lips, giving his ass a good squeeze before lifting him up onto the table behind him, making him all kinds of giddy. “And truth be told, I've never confessed. But you wouldn't want to hear my confession, little one.” he kissed him one more time before pulling away enough to look him over.

“Oh no?” Connor laughed, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Hank's ear, ignoring the chorus of 'fuck me, fuck me, fuck me' repeating in his head. “And why is that?”

“Oh, so many reasons.” Hank grinned, pulling away finally and looking around at the papers around the table. “And what have you been up to?”

“Oh.” Connor looked back and, with only a mild twinge of disappointment, hopped down off of the table, continuing to gather the papers and tucking them into his bag. “We're planning for Simon's birthday party.” He walked over to a chair off to the side and set his bag down, using the proximity as he made his way back to the table as an excuse to touch Hanks chest. “We're… not sure if his moms gonna be around for another one, so we're trying to go all out.”

“Ah.”

Connor sighed, raising his eyebrows a bit as he started to remove the plastic tablecloth from the meeting table. “Yeah, it's… been hard on him. But they haven't given up hope. They're still praying for a miracle.”

Hank snorted back a laugh, causing Connor to glance over to where Hank stood, raising his eyebrows curiously with a smile.

“Do you not believe in miracles?” While, admittedly he didn't know Hank _that_ well, he wasn't entirely surprised that the other man would be a skeptic of acts of God.

Hank, instead of answering, just hummed softly in thought then leaned back against the table next to where Connor stood, crossing his ankles out in front of him and folding his arms across his chest.

Connor had to stop himself from staring at those large forearms.

"Tell me, What does your good book teach you about demons, little one?”

Connor looked up at Hank, quirking an eyebrow as he folded the tablecloth in his hands. “Well…” he shrugged. “Not much…. And a lot.” He laughed a little shaking his head, reminding himself that Hank was Hank and that he didn't need to censor himself. “Obviously most people don't take that sort of stuff literally. But If you ask me, the whole concept was just born from a general sense of paranoia. Blaming otherworldly entities for the problems of man. Things that couldn't be readily explained. Blaming Satan and demonic entities for things like mental illness and physical deformities…” he turned, setting the folded tablecloth down by his side then leaning back against the table and folding his arms across his chest. He stared blankly out across the empty meeting area and tilted his head in thought as Hank watched him with a little smile.

Connor sighed. “Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water. And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him.” He palmed the back of his neck, eyes going up to the cross that hung above the door with a sigh. “Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me. And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour*.” he crossed his arms again sighing and shaking his head before looking at Hank, smiling tightly in a way that he knew didn't reach his eyes. “If only it were that easy, right?” He dropped his eyes to the table behind him, his smile faltering as he rested a hand on the folded tablecloth. “And you know what I've always found funny about that? When the disciples ask Jesus why they weren't able to heal the boy, he tells them it's because they don't have _enough faith._ That if they just had _enough_ faith that they could move mountains.” He laughed humorlessly. “Faith is all it takes, and yet… you get people in here, day in and day out, praying, giving everything they have and… it's never enough… Guess I just don't have enough faith, huh?” he sighed, going over to the large cabinet in the corner of the room by the door and tucking away the tablecloth. “Sorry. Guess I got a little off track there. Why were you asking about demons?” he laughed a little at himself before turning to face Hank. His smile faltered a bit though at seeing the look on the other mans face, instead twisting into one of confusion and mild concern. “Is everything ok?”

Hank… looked like he was ready to start laughing, a wide smile having spread across his face. “What if I told you there was some truth in between all of the religious babble.”

It was Connors turn to snort out a laugh, walking back to the table and looking at it, debating on the best way to turn it over in order to fold the legs in so it could be stashed away. “Yeah, ok. Like demons are just casually walking among us, preying on the weak and afflicted? I think you've seen one too many fantasy movies, Hank.”

Hank shifted closer, moving to stand behind Connor once more. Large arms wrapped around his waist, making Connor smile briefly as the other man proceeded to talk against the back of his neck.

“Have you ever _seen_ a miracle, little one?” Hanks head tilted slightly. “Things happening suddenly, against all odds. A loved one, coming back from the brink of death. Fame or success, achieved suddenly. Quarrels resolved despite the lack or actual resolutions achieved?”

Connor thought for a second, looking back at Hank. “Well, yes, as a matter of fact.”

Hank smiled. “And what happened afterwards? How often after these so called ‘miracles’ did the other shoe drop?”

Connor raised his eyebrows, his smile faltering. “Well… that's all a matter of luck and superstition. How does that have anything to do with--”

“Miracles, as you call them. They're…well, for point of fact, very unlikely. Realistically, they're far more likely to be the work of demons than your God, little one. Haven't you ever wondered why your ‘God’ chooses to perform miracles for some and not others? As though some of his children are unworthy of such things?” Hank chuckled, the tone taking on a dark edge that makes Connors skin crawl. “Your miracles are possible. Don't get me wrong. But the truth remains that it is _far_ more likely that these sudden acts of God are not acts of God at all, but that of a demon, granting a humans fleeting wish in exchange for their soul.”

Connor pulled away from Hank, backing up until his ass hit the table and giving him a look that was all kinds of confused. He… didn't know how to respond to something like this. Sure, he and Hank had never blatantly talked about beliefs in the supernatural or anything of the sort, but _this._ This was some next level ‘I see dead people' kind of bullshit.

“... you're starting to freak me out.. maybe you should go home and get some sleep.” he muttered, trying to laugh off the goosebumps that had quickly spread up and down his arms. “You can't seriously tell me you believe in _demons_ . Like… beasts from hell? Horns and tails and shit? I mean, ghosts are enough of a stretch for me, but angels and demons and _whatever…_ ” Connor turned away from Hank, leaning down to flip the table onto its side and shaking his head. “Look, if you're a… satanist or something, that's cool I guess, but we should probably leave religion out of whatever this is.” He motioned with a finger between the two of them and straightened, looking at Hank with a challenging expression. “Alright?” He urged.

Hank just smiled, walking over to the chair where Connor had set his bag and pulling out one of the pages to look at. “How did you enjoy your little reprieve?” he asked suddenly.

Connor blinked. Where the hell had that come from? “What are you talking about?”

Hank shrugged, looking bored as he looked over the page in his hand. “That was… what? 32 hours? Less than two days blissfully unperturbed by the ailments of flesh.” He smiled, his eyes shifting up to Connor, lips spreading a bit farther than should have been normal, driving a chill down Connors spine. “Great, wasn't it?”

All Connor could do was blink, feeling as though he were rooted to the spot. “I…”

Hank dropped the paper on top of his bag, turning to face him fully. “Can't you imagine it, little one? Living a life without that little ‘problem’ of yours?”

Connor shook his head, having to swallow before he trusted himself to speak. “Hank, I… you're not making any sense.”

Hank laughed a little, rolling his eyes. “Oh, I'm making perfect sense. You, my dearest little priest, are just refusing to listen. You should really learn to” Between one blink and the next, Hank was in front of him. Connor didn't see him move, could barely register the motion before Hanks fingers were right in his face, snapping loudly and making him flinch at the sudden ‘crack’ that echoed around the room far louder than it had any right to be.“-pay attention.” Hank lowered his fingers, that devilishly sexy smirk Connor was so fond of in place on his face as he reached out to him and brushed a fallen strand of hair from his forehead. “You're… really pretty awful at paying attention, you know. I know it's hardly your fault. You can't help but get distracted. But you need to listen to me carefully, little one.” Hank leaned into his face more, pale blue eyes on fire with an excitement Connor couldn't place.

He… suddenly felt… very vulnerable. As though he were a rabbit caught in a trap, just waiting for his inevitable fate, unable to move or do anything other than listen to the hammering of his own heart.

“Just think about it.” Hank lowered his voice, speaking softly and resting a palm against the small of Connor's back, pulling him forward. “I could make that happen for you. The last 32 hours… how free you felt, unburdened by this illness you were so unfairly cursed with. That could be your life. I can give you that.”

Connor barked out a laugh despite himself, humorless and loud, the sound reverberating off of the high ceiling. He rubbed his temples, letting out a sigh as he tried to formulate… what on earth to say.

He… didn't know what to say about any of this.

Except--

“Of fucking course.” he groaned. Of course this was his luck. He finally found someone who he could honestly say he liked, and… some shit like this was happening. He didn’t know who he was more mad at, Hank, for throwing him for a fucking loop like this, or himself, for actually having begun to entertain the idea that maybe something could have happened between the two of them. Something more than just the random, meaningless fucking he’d filled his life with until now.

He finally managed to regain control of his limbs for long enough to push away from Hank. Trying to laugh off his nerves and ignore the feeling of wanting to crawl out of his own skin, Connor stepped back and away from Hank, shaking his head as he reached down for one of the legs on the table to collapse the thing. “I seriously don't understand a damn thing you're saying.” He muttered.

Before his fingers could touch the metal though, Connor had to jump back as both sets of legs snapped shut all on their own, the table then lifting itself off of the ground then throwing itself with a violent smack against the far wall before sliding into its proper place against the wall behind the cabinet.

Connor floundered, his blood running cold as he stared at the table for several fluttering beats of his heart, then shifted his gaze to Hank. He stood with his arms crossed, looking… almost annoyed with Connors dismissive attitude.

“What..?” was all he could manage to get out.

Ok.

This was _officially_ insane.

The table…

_Connor was losing his mind._

_Had to be._

All he could do was blink, taking a couple of steps backwards towards the door. There, in the pit of his stomach, steadily rising over the fear tugging at his muscles to get the fuck out of there, was anger. It bubbled up without Connor being able to stop it.

He looked around the room for a second before his eyes rested on Hank again, shaking fists balling at his sides as he tried to formulate how the hell to respond to whatever the fuck was happening right now.

“So… what?” Connor shook his head, throwing a hand up in frustration. “You're… some… **_thing_ ** that eats people's souls? Is that what you're trying to tell me?” He laughed again, the sound coming out more pained and desperate than he'd intended. “And you're saying… that you can make my addiction just… _go away_ . For… for what? The cost of my damn soul?” what was he saying? He couldn't believe any of this. He _didn't_ believe any of this.

“Eventually.” Hanks tone was level, unwavering and certain, making the hairs on Connors arms stand on end. He blinked and shook his head, pushing his hands through his hair.

Hank continued, unperturbed. “A contract. That's how these things are typically done. Terms are set that both parties agree to. You could set the terms you see fit.. I'm not unreasonable…”

Connor laughed again, his eyes going wide as Hank just kept talking.

“Some of my kind prefer to set the terms to suit their own needs. Give their prey a year. Maybe a handful if they're generous. I couldn't care less as to the specifics. You could live out the remainder of your short existence oblivious to my kind and never see me again, forget about me completely if you should so choose. Or… you could stay by my side, free of any and all burden until you decide your time on this miserable rock is done.” Hank shrugs again, taking a step towards Connor.

Connor took another two steps back, grabbing for the door handle behind him.

Hank stopped as Connor’s hand touched the metal, his eyebrows drawing down.

 _Why the hell did_ **_he_ ** _look upset right now?_

“Little one--”

Connor held out his hand to silence Hank, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He took a second to compose himself before clenching his fist and dropping it to his side. “No. Just… stop. I… i need some time to.. fuck, I don't know. Process this? Whatever _this_ is.” he motioned with both hands towards Hank before blinking rapidly and opening the door to step out. “Just… stay away from me. F-for a bit. Please.”

Hank stood there for a second, hands resting on his hips as he looked at Connor with an expression he couldn’t readily identify. He sighed after a moment, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders. “Very well.”

Connor left quickly, not caring that he left his bag and all of his papers behind.

_What the fuck was happening??_

Several hours later, Connor sat on the couch at home, bible laying open in his lap as he stared blankly across the living room. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, staring into nothingness. Didn't know what he'd been trying to read before spacing out. All he knew was that the sky had opened up to a violent downpour at some point, the heavy patter of rain on the window and roof only serving to punctuate his dreary state of mind with a poignant soundtrack.

He was eventually snapped out of his trance like state by the sound of Niles’ keys in the door, his brother entering the apartment with a sigh and flipping on the lights as he shook off his wet coat and hung it by the door.

_Oh. Connor hadn't realized he was sitting in the dark._

Apparently seeing Connor sitting on the couch in the previously dark room, Niles rounded the sofa and looked at him in concern.

He pushed a bit of wet hair off of his forehead. “Connor?” His eyes flicked back and forth between the bible in Connors lap and his face. If his expression portrayed how empty he felt inside, he was sure his brothers look of concern was warranted. “Is everything alright? You… look as though you've had a crisis of faith.” He lowered himself down onto the couch next to Connor.

Connor closed his bible, keeping the book in his lap and running his fingers over the leather cover. He… had never been the most devout person. He knew that. But… this… it was insanity, and he was still reeling.

This… threw everything on its head. It wasn't even so much the possible existence of demons that had him feeling as though the world were crumbling around him. It was the implications of… _everything else_ that such a revelation left room for. If there were real and actual demons in the world, if what Hank had said was true and such things did exist, didn't that leave room for angels, and subsequently God and Lucifer as well? Like… could this be considered definitive proof? And if that were the case, what else was real? Vampires? Werewolves? Ghosts? The fucking chupacabra?

His holy book of proverbial nonsense was suddenly… much more than that, and Connor couldn't help but wonder if everything he'd built his unique brand of faith on was in fact wrong, and the far more religious zealot types were actually the ones in the right? To some degree or another?

“What… what do you do when… something happens that changes everything you believe in?” He muttered, looking up at his brother with a pleading expression.

Niles made a face, palming the back of his neck and looking thoughtful for a second. . “Well… the way I see it, you have two options. You can hold steadfast to what you currently believe and try your best to ignore the change. Or... you adapt to the change that's rocking the foundation you stand on and use it to grow as an individual.” he raised his eyebrows, giving Connor a curious look. “What exactly happened? Would you like to talk about it?” he reached over, setting a hand on Connors thigh.

Connor chewed his bottom lip for a moment, considering actually confiding in his brother, but quickly decided against that.

 _He_ was skeptical enough of the whole situation. His straight laced, normally skeptical, realist of a twin would probably assume he'd lost his mind if he told him what had happened in the church earlier.

He shook his head, sighing and instead scooting closer to Niles and resting his head on his shoulder.

_God, what had he gotten himself into?_

_More importantly, what was he going to do about this whole thing? What did Hank want, exactly?_

He sighed, curling in against his brother and was grateful when Niles wrapped his arms around him in turn, offering the comfort he was seeking.

“I just… don't know what to do. It's… _really_ complicated.”

Niles laughed a little, pressing a kiss to the top of Connor's head. “Things with you usually are. Are you sure it's nothing I can help with? I can be objective when need be, you know. Even when it pertains to you.”

“I know.” Connor offered him a smile, sitting back on the couch as Gavin entered the apartment, noisily closing his umbrella and cursing about the rain.

“It's ok though, really. I appreciate it, but honestly this is probably something that would be better for everyone if I figured it out on my own.”

“Alright.” Niles gave a little half shrug, getting up from the couch and heading in to the kitchen. “But just remember we're here if you need anything.”

“Yeah.” Connor smiled and nodded, leaning forward to set the bible on the coffee table and going over to the kitchen bar to watch Niles make his tea. “Thank you, Niles.”

Niles muttered out a small ‘mhm’ as he started the electric kettle, sparing a glance over at Gavin as he made his way across the living room and towards their bedroom muttering something about needing a hot shower.

He shuffled off into the bedroom, the sound of the shower running filling the living area as Connor turned back to Niles. “So… how was work?” He muttered, picking at the skin on one of his cuticles as he attempted to change the subject.

Niles, never one to miss one of Connors nervous ticks, just smiled, pulling another mug down from the cabinet and plopping a couple of extra sugar cubes and a tea bag in it before filling both with water. He handed the sweeter of the two to Connor over the counter and came around the bar with his own, walking over to the couch to take a seat. “I doubt you really want to talk about my day, but if you must know, it was entirely uneventful. Which is all you can hope for some days. Just a lot of paperwork, mostly.”

Connor nodded, taking his cup to the couch and sitting down next to his brother again, folding his legs up under him.

He found himself staring at the bible sitting on the table while absently bouncing his tea bag in the water and had to force his eyes away from the damn thing and instead stare into his cup, easily becoming transfixed with watching how the liquid slowly changed colors.

_What did Hank want?_

_He’d mentioned his soul… that demons fed on them, but how often? Did they_ **_need_ ** _them? Was his being a demon… did it make him inherently bad or evil? Or just another species? Surely he'd taken other souls before, but were they like him; sad, broken people? Was it malicious? Or were they willing? If they were willing, did that make them victims? Or was it more of an… assisted suicide sort of thing? Given a fleeting moment of happiness before having their otherwise miserable life ended. What was in it for Hank if Connor agreed to his contract? Grant any extravagant wish he wanted, just for… some kind of snack? And he’d turned around and said that he would take it ‘eventually’. What did that even mean? A few years? A few months? Would Connor know when it happened? And that **would** mean he’d die right? He wasn’t afraid of dying. That wasn’t the issue. But if Hank was indeed a demon, then what happened to his soul after Hank ate it? Was that just the end? Blackness, nothing, no afterlife? Did that mean there _ **_was_ ** _definitely_ _an afterlife? Would he be missing out on some grand paradise if heaven did exist? Shit, would he even be going there at this point? Lord knew he’d sinned enough in his lifetime to damn him either way. Maybe Hank’s offer was a best case scenario for someone like him._

**_Fuck, what was he thinking?_ **

Niles laughed from somewhere next to him, pulling Connor from his panicked thoughts, and he blinked as he looked up, seeing Niles sitting there, mug in hand, leaning back against the arm of the couch watching him.

“What?” He muttered defensively, taking a sip from his mug. It had gone lukewarm in the time he'd been spaced out, apparently, and Connor made a face in surprise before sighing and taking another sip. 

Niles shook his head. “I forgot how amusing you are when you’re wrestling with something. You make so many faces and don’t even realize it.”

“I do not.”

“You really do. You’re panicking, Connor.” He shook his head, taking a sip from his own mug. “What? Did your mother ask you to take a vow of celibacy or something?”

“Oh, God no.” Connor grimaced. “She asked if I was going to, like halfway through seminary, but I told her no. She never asked after that.” He snorted. “I think she just doesn’t wanna think about sex to begin with…. Honestly It’s a wonder she was even was able to screw dad enough to have us.”

Niles laughed, his eyebrows going up. “Wow. You’re _extra_ catty today. Clearly something got under your skin.” Niles raised a hand defensively when Connor glared, the smile not leaving his face. “But I know, you don’t want to talk about it, so I won’t pry.”

Connor muttered out a ‘thank you’, the two falling silent again as they sipped their drinks, the sound of the shower layered over music blaring from Niles and Gavin’s bathroom being the only noise between the two.

He finished his tea and took his and Niles’ cups to the kitchen while his brother headed towards his bedroom, no doubt to join his significant other in the shower, leaving Connor alone with his thoughts once more. He washed both cups and set them on the rack to dry before sighing and just leaning against the counter.

_God damn it, he couldn’t keep his thoughts straight._

Shaking his head, he blinked as his phone vibrated in his back pocket, the sudden feeling taking him by surprise. Furrowing his eyebrows he pulled the thing from his pocket and glanced at the screen.

The only people who ever messaged him were Niles, Gavin, and occasionally mom and dad. Very rarely Simon or Markus. So seeing the ‘unknown number’ pop up in his messaging inbox was more than a little offputting.

He let his thumb hover over the message for a second before finally clicking on it.

 

 _Unknown number[9:10pm]:_ are you done throwing your tantrum yet, little one?

 

Connor blinked at the screen for a second before letting out a grumbled curse as he dropped the phone onto the counter and pushed his hands through his hair.

 

_Jesus H Fucking Christ, This asshole._

 

“Whoa, language there, princess.” Gavin teased from somewhere behind him, making Connor jump and curse again.

 

_How long had he been there? When did the shower stop? How long had Connor been standing there spaced out?_

_What was wrong with him??_

“Oh shut up.” Connor snatched his phone off of the counter, his voice carrying more venom than he’d intended. It wasn’t directed at Gavin, of course, but with his friend being the one standing there, he was the one who took the brunt of it.

“Jeeze. What’s got your panties in a twist today?” Gavin asked, his eyebrows drawing down as he twisted the cap off of the soda he’d pulled from the fridge.

“Sorry.” Connor mumbled, fidgeting with his phone and dropping his eyes to the tile at his feet. “Just… not myself today.”

Gavin made a small noise and walked past, ruffling Connor’s hair as he went. “Well get it in check. Being an ass doesn’t suit you.”

Connor just nodded, watching him go into the living room and flopping down on the couch as Niles came into the room and sat down as well, the two getting comfortable and turning on the TV.

Connor stared at his phone. “I’m… uh, gonna grab a shower too, then I’ll make dinner.” He announced, earning mumbled responses from the other two before he headed towards his own bathroom.

He shut the door behind himself and cranked the water as hot as it would go before turning to his phone again and pausing, his thumbs hovering over the screen.

 

_Did he want to respond?_

 

 _Connor[9:15pm]:_ I thought you didn’t have a phone.

 

Hank[9:15pm]: I didn’t

 

Connor[9:16pm]: How did you get my number?

Connor[9:16pm]: nvm. I don't want to know.

Connor[9:16pm]: I thought I told you to leave me alone.

 

Hank[9:16pm]: Technically, you told me to stay away from you.

Hank[9:16pm]: I am.

Hank[9:16pm]: Just wanted to make sure you’re alright, is all. You left in a hurry earlier. Am I not allowed to be concerned?

 

Connor let out a humorless little laugh, leaning back against the sink as he stared at his phone.

 

 _Connor[9:18pm]:_ Fuck off.

 

 _Hank[9:18pm]:_ Rather cruel of you. Have I done anything to make you distrust me? Have I done anything you didn’t want or readily ask for, little one?

 _Hank[9:18pm]:_ If I have, please, enlighten me.

 

Connor sighed through his nose, anger bubbling up in his stomach. He should stop responding. Put his phone down, take a shower and leave it be. Gim himself time to think.

He doesn't, of course.

_Because that would be the sane thing to do._

 

Connor[9:19pm]: Are you fucking kidding me? You pull some ‘oh btw I’m a demon, can I have your soul?’ bs on me, and just expect me to be cool with that?

 

Hank[9:19pm]: Would you have believed me if I had told you right away? Would you have come near me?

Hank[9:19pm]: More likely you would have brushed me off as a crazy person and never given me a chance.

Hank[9:20pm]: I would be remiss if I hadn't gotten the chance to get close to you. I hope you believe that.

Hank:[9:23pm]: I’ve merely confided in you my true nature and given you a choice to end your suffering. Nothing more.

Hank[9:25pm]: If it helps, think of me as just another species. Something other than human. You wouldn’t begrudge a wolf it’s need to hunt. Why would you begrudge me mine?

 

Connors hands were shaking. Messages kept popping up from this man.. this thing, and he had to read them twice before his brain actually grasped what he was saying.

_And he hated that he actually sort of made sense._

He cursed, lowering himself onto the floor and resting his head between his knees for a second.

He didn't want to be pulled in again. He wished like hell he could be normal and brush it off as some bullshit spouted by a crazy person. Hank had offered as much, hadn't he? That he could make that a part of the 'contract'. That he could live a normal life. But… the thought of forgetting Hank was… somehow worse than the knowledge that he was something _else._ In the short time he'd known him Hank had been… everything he'd wanted and needed in a partner. He'd inserted himself into Connors life so effortlessly, which Connor was sure was by design, honestly. But it didn't change the fact that the demon made him feel and think about things he'd never considered before..

When Hank was around, he felt… safe. He felt loved.

He felt like _himself_ , comfortable in his own skin in a way he didn't think was possible for someone like him.  
When his phone buzzed again, he sighed before looking at the screen.

 

Hank[9:26pm]: I’m sorry. I had assumed that you enjoyed my company enough to not be so shaken by this. I was mistaken and should have taken your faith into account.

Hank[9:26pm]: If you would like me to erase your memory of today, I would be more than happy to, if it is causing you this much stress.

Hank[9:26pm]: You won’t have to see me again.

 

_He was being manipulated._

 

Somewhere in the back of his brain, Connor knew what was happening. Hank was trying to manipulate the situation in his favor, acting like he had Connors best interests at heart. But… he desperately wanted to believe that was indeed the case, and Connor’s damned heart still squeezed uncomfortably at the thought of never seeing Hank again.

 

_God, he was so fucked._

 

He paused for several seconds before typing out his reply, letting his thumb hover over the send button for a moment before pressing it.

 

Connor[9:27pm]: I don't want that.

 

Hank[9:27pm]: I’m glad to hear that.

Hank[9:27pm]: Neither do I.

 

Connor[9:28pm]: I ne

Connor[9:28pm]: I need a little time.*

 

Hank[9:29pm]: I understand.

 

Connor was about to set his phone down when it buzzed again.

 

Hank[9:30pm]: Connor?

 

Connor[9:30pm]: yea

 

Hank[9:30pm]: May I make a request?

 

Connor[9:30pm]: ?

 

Hank[9:32pm]: Stay away from Elijah Kamski.

 

“Oh what the fuck?!” Connor groaned and tossed his phone on the counter by the sink, more violently than he’d planned to before stripping out of his clothes. Sighing heavily he braced his elbows on the counter and rested his forehead against it's cool surface, clasping his hands above his head.

He wasn’t going to dignify that request with a response.

What the fuck did he mean? He was almost scared to find out. He recalled Hank’s statement about miracles and things happening quickly and seemingly out of nowhere being, more often than not, the work of demons. Elijah’s current level of success had seemed to have happened overnight. So was Elijah under one of those contracts? Or was Hank just jealous of the other man, because Connor had expressed interest in him? Did he have a right to be jealous, all things considered?  Was this him being protective, or just him not wanting Connor screwing around?

_God, his fucking heart couldn’t take this rollercoaster of emotions._

He looked up at himself in the mirror, his eyes instantly finding both of the raised purplish marks in the shape of Hanks teeth along his neck and shoulder, one more healed and yellowing around the edges than the other. He reached up with a trembling hand and traced his fingers along the edge of the mark tenderly. He moved his fingertips up to his cheek bone, where the bruises there were almost fully healed, now just a pale yellow under the surface, barely a shadow of a reminder of that night.

He touched his top lip, where the split had completely healed, then rested his fingers gently against the swell of his bottom lip as he stared at his own reflection.

If Hank took away his addiction, things like that wouldn't happen anymore… his brother wouldn't need to worry. He could stop sneaking around and stop lying to his parents and causing trouble for everyone… he… could be with Hank until the contract ran up, couldn't he?

It… was worth considering.

An easy out.

_But at what cost?_

Connor shook his head at himself and finished his shower quickly, washing up and getting out quickly when the water started to get cold then heading into the kitchen to get dinner started for the three of them.

In the midst of his fugue state, he somehow decided on just making chicken caesar salad, not being too hungry but figuring it would be enough to make sure they didn't go hungry.

So he managed to wash and shred the lettuce and dice some tomatoes, shredded some cheese, and grilled the chicken on the stovetop all without incident.

Connor didn't even feel when the blade sliced into his finger, and didn't notice he was bleeding until be caught a glimpse of red coating the piece of chicken he was slicing, causing him to bark out a curse, more in annoyance than pain, and drop the meat into the garbage. Looking over the rest of the food and not seeing blood anywhere else, he sighed in annoyance and moved to rinse his bloody finger off.

Hearing the commotion, Gavin got up from his seat in the living room and came into the kitchen, approaching Connor who stood with his hand under the running water from the sink.

“The fuck did you do?” He asked, giving Connor a concerned look and reaching for his hand, glancing up at Niles who already had the first aid kit in hand.

“I just cut myself a little. S'fine. I didn't even feel it.” Connor tried to pull his hand away, even the little bit of contact from his friend in his current state causing his skin to crawl, only to have Gavin grab him again.

He gawked openly, taking Connors injured hand in his and staring at the way Connors fingers trembled almost violently, his expression twisting into one of obvious anger. “For fucks sake Connor.” he growled, grabbing a bandage from the kit by his side. “You shouldn't even be handling a fucking knife in this state. Christ, You coulda taken your fuckin finger off. How long have you been like this?”

Connor shook his head, mumbling a thanks for the bandage and turning back to the counter to pick the knife back up.

_Fuck, how long **had** his body been screaming at him?_

“A couple of hours? I'm fine.”

Gavin audibly scoffed. “No you're fucking not.” He tried to place his hands gently on Connors shoulders as he turned away, clearly ignoring him. “Seriously, Con. I know you haven't been having to deal with your usual shit all too much lately, but that doesn't mean it's up and gone away.” When Connor just shrugged him off with another mumbled ‘I'm fine.’ Gavin turned to Niles, his tone exasperated as he motioned to Connor. “Ni, say something!”

Connor heard his brother sigh and glanced back to see him closing up the first aid kit and leaning back against the counter behind him. “He's not wrong Connor. You've kept your episodes in check over the years not because you're getting better but because you've been feeding into it. Hard to withdrawal when you never quit to begin with.” He came over and wrapped his arms around Connors shoulders, successfully stilling his movements and pulling a sigh from him as he pressed a tender kiss behind his ear. “Why now? Why are you trying to be strong all of a sudden? We want to help you, so why are you suddenly so adverse to it?”

Connor stopped, closing his eyes and setting the knife down. Niles voice was so soft and warm, the quiet concern obvious in his tone making his eyes sting. “Because…. I…”

Shit, why _was_ he acting so weird? Niles was entirely right. Normally when he would start to get this sort of itch he would just go take care of it with some quick meaningless fuck. At the very least he usually knew his brother or Gavin would be down for something quick to take the edge off. But now… he just... didn't _want_ to.

Not after Hank.

He turned to face his brother, swallowing thickly as he tried to hide the tears he felt on his cheeks by burying his face into Niles’ shoulder. “I don't know…” he whispered, hating the way his voice trembled. “It’s not fair.” He whispered, clinging a bit tighter to Niles. Nothing about any of this was remotely fair.

_Why did this have to happen?_

Niles let out a sigh against his hair, keeping his arms securely wrapped around him as he shared a glance with Gavin over his head. “Shhh. I've got you.” He placed another kiss on Connors head, slowly leading him away from the counter and in the direction of their bedroom.

Once inside the darkened room, he sat Connor on the edge of the bed and walked over to close the door behind them before coming back to kneel in front of him. Connor watched with a detached sort of sadness as Niles’ hands came up and rested on top of his in his lap, his brother leaning down to keep eye contact with Connor’s dropped gaze.

_Fuck. They were so blue. It only made things worse._

Connor closed his eyes as he felt Niles’ hands rest on either side of his cheeks, letting out a shaky sigh. “Let me take care of you.” He whispered, leaning up to kiss Connor softly. “I’m proud of you, for trying.” He muttered, kissing each of Connors eyelids as a few tears slipped out. “And I’m glad you found a moment of respite. But you won't get better without seeking professional help, Connor. You know that.” He sighed, sitting back on his heels and stroking Connor’s cheek with his thumb gently until he opened his eyes again to look down at him. “Let’s get you through this first, and we’ll talk more later, ok?”

Connor glanced at the closed door, clenching his teeth for a second as he refused to let his bottom lip tremble. He sighed for what felt like the millionth time before looking down at his brother again. “What about Gavin?”

Niles shook his head, reaching up to brush the hair off of Connor’s forehead. “No Gavin. It’s just us right now.” He leaned up to kiss him once more, moving a little closer so that he was in between Connor’s thighs.  

He kissed him again, his hands reaching down to undo the buttons down Connor’s pajama top. Every touch was so gentle and cautious, as if he were afraid he would break him if he moved too quickly.

_Maybe he would._

Connor felt as though he were going to cry more and more with every passing second.

He hated this raw, vulnerable feeling Hank had left him with. All he wanted to do was crawl into a hole and be miserable and cry alone, but his damned body apparently had completely different plans. He wasn't even sure why he felt so fucking broken. Maybe it wasn't about Hank so much as it was everything else. Maybe he was mourning the loss of everything he thought may be in his future. He had actually started to feel hopeful with Hank around, and now that sort of feeling just seemed... wrong. 

But here was his brother, offering help where he sure as hell didn't deserve it, and God damn it. That only made him feel worse.

As Niles wrapped a firm hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to kiss him again he let out a breathy sigh, finally unable to keep his tears in check.

He let Niles continue to kiss him, muttering soft apologies in between the tender kisses.

Niles just shushed him quietly, climbing up into the bed and taking Connor with him, popping open the last button on his pajama top and trailing soft kisses down his chest.

"Connor, are you alright?" Niles looked up at Connor from his spot between his legs, placing tender kisses along his hip bones. 

Connor let out a shaky sigh and shook his head, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyelids until he saw spots. 

"What would you like from me?" Niles whispered, pressing a kiss to just below Connors belly button as he undid the drawstring on the waist of his pajama bottoms. "Do you want to stop?"

Connor shook his head again. He was painfully hard and his skin was on fire. The pain in his chest and constant feeling of bile in his throat would have to take a backseat right now. 

Niles nodded working Connors pants down his legs and slipping them off of his feet before climbing back up and placing kisses along his thighs. "If you'd like me to stop at any point, I will. If you want to cry your way through it, I'm fine with that too." He climbed his way up Connors body again, forcing his way between his brothers thighs and grabbing his wrists to pull his hands away from his face. "Talk to me Connor. What do you need? Would you like me to be gentle? Or do you want it rough?" 

Connor had to really contemplate the appeal of letting Niles rough him up. Hurt him and fuck him until he cant feel anything anymore. It's... tempting. And the physical release would be a wonderful distraction from his warring mind.

Instead, he just sighed, biting the inside of his cheek as he reached up and wrapped his arms around Niles neck, trying to fight back more tears. "Just love me." 

Soon they were both naked, Niles hovering over Connor with his brothers legs propped up onto his shoulders and fucking into him slowly while continuously peppering him with kisses. It was slow, almost reverent the way Niles moved their hips together, and tenderness had Connor muttering soft thank yous all the while. Whenever his brothers lips would press against the healing bite marks along his shoulder, Connor felt his breath hitch and had to stop himself from crying all over again.

They both came fairly quickly, with Connor keeping his arms wrapped tightly around his brothers neck.

Once it was all said and done, with his head much more clear, he lay there next to Niles, his head on his brother shoulder.

He sighed softly, trailing his fingers up and down his brothers sternum absently. “It’s been so long since it was just the two of us…" he mused quietly. "When was the last time it was just you and me?"

"Midnight. Our 21st birthday" Niles laughed without missing a beat.

Connor laughed, blinking in surprise as the realization hit him. "Oh shit… that's right." He stretched out on his back, stretching his arms above his head. "That was a good night."

"It was. Coincidentally, it was also the first night you let me tie you to the bed."

Connor sputtered out a little laugh. "Mm. Yeah. Good night." He repeated, distinctly remembering the feeling of one of their belts(Connor was pretty sure it was one of the nicer ones Niles usually wore to church on Sunday, because his brother loved the irony) digging into his wrists where his brother had tied them to his bed frame.

Niles smiled down at him, a knowing look on his face. "Hey, you know I have much better alternatives now, if you wanna try again."

"Nope. I'm good, thanks"

Niles laughed, shaking his head. "Suit yourself." He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and reaching for his pants. As he shuffled into them then sat back down with his shirt in hand,  Connor crawled over and pressed a kiss to his twins shoulder.

"Thank you, Niles." He muttered, wrapping his arms around Niles' chest and smiling when a hand came up to rest on top of one of his.

“Of course, Connor…" Niles sighed, his thumb stroking the back of Connors hand. "Gavin so graciously informed me that I’ve been… a little too hard on you. And I’m sorry, if that’s been the case. I realize it's… unfair, and unrealistic of me to expect you to change overnight. I… suppose I just forgot how bad things can get." He turned and placed a hand on Connors cheek, offering him a little smile before leaning back to kiss him again. "But for what it's worth, I do believe you’re trying. I just want to help however I can.”

Connor nodded, his heart sinking. "Thank you." He mumbled again.

It was all pointless.

Niles wanted to help. He knew that. His brother had already helped in more ways than one, and the knowledge that Connor was beyond help, despite everyone's good intentions only made him feel worse.

The two got dressed and headed back out into the living room, where Gavin sat on the couch, half finished bowl of salad in his lap as he watched a movie.

Connor sat down next to his friend as Niles went into the kitchen to fix them both food as well.

They all ate sitting on the couch while Gavin filled them in on the greater plot points of the movie that they had missed.

Somewhere during a slower part towards the end of the movie Connor told them about his lunch with dad, and the conversation they'd had. Niles was just as surprised as Connor had been at the revelation of their potential third brother and the three spent the rest of the movie discussing what their other brother might have turned out like.

By the time they all decided to turn in for the night it was well past midnight, and as Connor crawled into bed his body finally realized how thoroughly exhausted he really was. He barely had the energy to plug in his phone and didn't even think twice when he instinctively sent a reply to the good night text from Hank.

 

~~~~

 

The morning of Simon's birthday party, Connor lost count of all of the shitty things that kept happening. As if the universe was having a big laugh at his expense. He ran out of pomade, so his curls were wildly untamed and kept falling into his face, driving him fucking mad. He burnt his breakfast and had to change his shirt because he'd spilled coffee on it, only to realize that it was his last clean one and having to settle for wearing his black one with his collar.  He left the house early, fully prepared to go to the store and pick up the remaining party supplies he needed, drove halfway to the store then realized he forgot his wallet and had to turn around. He ran up the steps to the apartment and grabbed his wallet off of the kitchen counter where he'd set it while he finished wrapping Simon's present.

Of course then he had been in such a rush leave again he completely lost his phone. 

_Somehow._

He realized sometime halfway through shopping that it wasn't in his pocket, and made a point to dig through his car before leaving again, with no luck.

_Oh well._

Hopefully he dropped it at home.

Luckily, even though he was a bit late, setting up for the party was pretty straightforward, and Connor breathed a small sigh of relief as everyone started to arrive, having brought their assigned gifts and dishes, so things, for once, seemed to be going according to plan.

Connor was actually excited for the chance at regaining some normalcy, so when Simon showed up with Markus, 15 minutes early, without his mom in toe and in tears, Connor couldn't help the 'of fucking course' that went through his mind.

Naturally, everyone crowded around out of concern, demanding to know what had happened and Connor had to stand off to the side, desperately trying to avoid the crowd of people while simultaneously trying to listen in.

Simon's mother was suppose to be released for several hours today, just so that she could attend her son's birthday party.

As it turned out, not only was she being released today, but she was being released permanently. Simon attempted to explain as best he could through his tears, that everyone now realized, thankfully, were tears of joy, but ultimately shut up when Markus took over the explanation. Apparently sometime over the last couple of days Simon's mom had made a miraculous recovery. The doctors didn't know too much, but Markus was sure it had been something they had been monitoring for a while, but didn't want to give anyone false hope so they kept it quiet.

Simon's dad was currently working on her discharge paperwork and then they were going to join everyone.

By the time Simon made his way over to Connor, a million things were going through his head. He didn't know what to think. As Simon hugged him tightly and started mumbling thank yous for all of his support and prayers, Connor hugged back and said his congratulations, naturally, but his stomach was already churning.

He couldn't shake the anxious feeling clawing at the back of his mind all throughout the party. He smiled, and mingled, and hugged people, and sang happy birthday, and did everything a good friend would do, but every time he looked at Simon his heart sank.

He wanted to be happy for his friend.

He wanted this to be a miracle.

But the only thing he could think about was his conversation with Hank and the actual likelihood of 'miracles' happening.

 _He felt sick._  

Connor stormed into the apartment, pulse going a mile a minute as he looked around frantically. It was already dark, and surely his brother would be home sooner rather than later. "Niles? Gav? You guys home?" He poked his head into their cracked bedroom door, and when he was met with silence he hightailed it to his own room, tossing his bag haphazardly on the bed and shutting his door behind him, just in case.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

God, what the hell was he doing?

He had no idea if this would even work. 

But… he needed to try.

"Hank?!" He called out, eyes shooting to the ceiling as he internally screamed at himself for being so stupid. When there was no answer he put a hand on his hip and rubbed his forehead.

Of course not. What the fuck did he think was gonna happen... He was gonna just--

"There's no need to look so distressed, little one."

When that deep voice reached his ears Connor almost jumped out if his skin. "Jesus fucking christ!"

Hank laughed, crossing his legs where he was perched on the end of Connors bed. "Oh man. I love it when you use the Lord's name in vain. Especially dressed like that. Fucking beautiful."

Connor scoffed, reaching up to yank his collar out of his shirt and undoing the top button as he tossed the thing onto his dresser. "Shut up."

Hank leaned back on Connors bed and just grinned, tilting his head a bit. "Well. That's no way to speak to me after calling me here, now is it?"

“For fucks sake... Just... Stop." Connor rubbed his forehead, holding out a hand to shut him up as he tried to gather his thoughts again. "I... I just need to ask something." He dropped both hands and came to stand in front of Hank with his hands on his hips, purposely keeping eye contact while he attempted to ignore the pounding of his heart.

As much as he hated himself for it, being in such close proximity to this man, this... demon did things to Connor that he didn't want to think about.

Especially when Hank spread his legs, reached out and grabbed him by the hips, pulling Connor closer to stand between his open thighs. "Anything." Hanks voice didn't waver, and Connor heart did a stupid flip at the realization that this demon would indeed do anything for him. Probably _could_ do anything for him.

Swallowing and keeping his face set in determination Connor looked down at him, staying where he was and refusing to give in to the sudden stifling urge to climb into that damned lap. "I need to know if Simon is under one of those... Contracts. Can you tell me that?"

"Oh sure." Hank scoffed. "Lemme just grab my big book of every human under contract."

Connor scowled. "So you can't tell me." He made like he was going to back away from Hank. "Look, if you can't then I have no need for you to be here. So you can just--"

"Well hang on now." Hank leaned forward with Connor, readjusting his grip to his ass and pulling him back again until Connors hips were pressed flush to his stomach and he could wrap his large forearms around his waist, successfully holding him still. "I didn't say i _couldn't_ lets get that straight. I meant I couldn't right now. Id need to... At _least_ see the kid or somethin."

Connor squirmed a bit in his hold, hating the feeling of heat rising up the back of his neck at Hank holding him so closely.

"Why you wanna know, anyway?" Hank asked, reaching up with one hand and popping open two more buttons on Connors shirt, then leaning forward to press a kiss to his collarbone, making him shiver. "And what's in it for me to find out for you, hm? It's generally not looked upon kindly to stick one's nose in someone else's business."  
Connor glared at the ceiling, trying to focus his frustration and his attention anywhere but the demon that held him locked in his grip. When sharp teeth brushed his throat Connor closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

He could feel his resolve slipping by the second, that infernal tingling that had been buzzing away under the surface of his skin for the last day an all too unpleasant reminder of just how little self control he really had. "Would it help if I said please?" He muttered lamely.

Hank just hummed against his throat in response, and Connor could feel the smirk pulling at those lips. "Well, that depends entirely upon how you say it, little one."

Connor swallowed and looked down at Hank, the demon looking back up at him with all the patience in the world, as if he would wait an eternity for Connor to answer.  
Sighing, Connor shifted, pulling one knee then the other up onto the bed on either side of Hanks large lap, straddling him and placing his hands on his shoulders.  
God… despite everything, Connor still couldn't help but be astounded by the firmness under his shirt. Nothing but pure muscle and power under Connors hands, and fuck if that wasn't a massive turn on.. he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Hanks jaw, trailing kisses up one whiskery cheek until he reached his ear, then biting down on the lobe. "Please?" He whispered, pressing kisses just under Hanks ear.

"Oh, come on." Hank shifted him a bit, gripping his ass harder. "You can do better than that."

Connor bit his bottom lip, slipping his arms all the way around Hanks shoulders and rolling his hips slightly, pulling a sigh from the demon. "Pretty please?" He muttered, picking a spot under Hanks jaw and sucking on the flesh there for a moment, earning him a little hum of approval and one of Hanks hands in his hair.

Just before Hank could respond however, Connor's bedroom door swung open, causing Connor to gasp and jerk around, meeting eyes with his brother.

_Shit!_

Niles paused, whatever he had been saying previously completely forgotten, his eyebrows drawing down as he took in the sight in front of him of Connor perched on Hanks lap.  
"Connor, I'm sorry… could i speak with you for a moment?"

"Uh... Yeah. Yeah, of course." Connor scrambled off of Hanks lap, face burning as he followed his brother out of the room and shut the door behind himself.

"Niles, I--"

Niles held up a hand, stopping Connor mid sentence. "I'm not interested in what's happening in there. I'm only going to ask _one more time_ that you  _please_ don't bring your random sexual conquests into our home." He sighed and rubbed at his forehead looking distressed. "I know there's no real middle ground here, Connor, but there has to be a better option. I know you don't want to come to us every time. I get that. But, you can't keep lurking around in alleys and I don't want you bringing them home. Maybe… I don't know. Maybe I can pay for a hotel? I don't want to enable you, but I know you're going to do it anyway… I'm at a loss here Con.”

"I dont lurk…" Connor muttered sheepishly as he bit his bottom lip, quickly averting his stare to his feet so as to avoid the cold glare from his brother. "But, this guy… he's.. Not really random though." He muttered.

"Oh?" Niles looked surprised as Connor twisted his hands in his shirt nervously.

"I've... Seen him a handful of times now.. He's.. Not random. I… like him, I guess?"  
Truthfully, and not for the first time, Connor realized he wasn't even sure how to describe what Hank was to him… a friend? Acquaintance? Some guy… demon… thing he was apparently screwing on the regular? But a 'random sexual conquest' was certainly not it.

Not anymore.

When he looked up at his brother he was surprised to see that his expression had softened and he reached down to cup Connors cheek, offering him a little smile. "Well... good then. Maybe when you're not in the middle of scandalous activities you can properly introduce us." He leaned down and kissed Connors forehead before patting his cheek gently. "Now go have fun. I'll be in my room if you need me. Please don't let him wander about the apartment, alright?"

Connor flushed but nodded and headed back into the room nonetheless, walking over to Hank and climbing into his lap without a second thought. He looked down at him, fully prepared to continue where they'd left off, only to realize that Hank was now paying him very little attention his eyes staying on the door behind Connor for a second before looking back at him and raising his eyebrows with a low whistle. “Your twin, huh?”

Connor blinked, his gut reaction being ‘uh, yeah, wasn't that obvious?’ and wondering why Hank was giving him that _look._ However, given the nature of their previous conversation about his brother, and their… less than normal relationship, Connor's face flushed at the realization, his eyebrows drawing down in mild annoyance as he gripped Hanks chin in his hand and forced the demons eyes back on himself and off of the door behind him.

“Hey. No. Not gonna happen.”

Hank laughed, his expression twisting into an amused one as he quirked an eyebrow. “What? You don't want me trying to fuck your brother?” He grinned, his hands finding their way to Connor's ass and gripping gently.

Connor snorted back a laugh. “Yeah, that wouldn't happen to begin with. Niles isn't into older guys. Gavin maybe..” Hank quirked an eyebrow and Connor shrugged in explanation. “His partner. Him I could see being into you, but probably not Niles.”

"Mm… that's a shame."

"Oh, so suddenly one of me isn't good enough?"

"Now hang on. That's not what I meant."

Connor climbed off of Hanks lap again, raising his eyebrows and shrugging. "Hey, far be it from me to be the one to drag you down."

"Whoa, whoa." Hank reached out and grabbed Connor's hips again, pulling him back between his thighs. "First you don't wanna see me, now you're gonna get jealous over a hypothetical threesome with your twin?" He gave Connor a toothy grin, raising his eyebrows. He looked all kinds of pleased with himself, and let out a little laugh as Connor sputtered a little, at a loss for words.

He wasn't wrong.

Only in Hanks presence for a few minutes and Connor couldn't help but be drawn to him, all of his previous anger gone as of it were never there in the first place, brushing off the events of the other day and the revelation that had shaken him to his core like they were no big deal. His gut reaction suddenly seemed like an overreaction, even though he knew, rationally that it wasn't.

Connor sighed, pushing both hands through his hair and closing his eyes.

Fuck, why did it have to be like this?

What was the right response?

Simon.

Simon was the priority right now. Not his own stupidly fickle heart.

"You're a demon." He mumbled, more to himself than Hank, as though saying the word out loud would somehow make it more believable.

"That's right."

He dropped his hands and looked at Hank with a serious expression, balling his fists in the fabric of his pants at his sides. "Show me."

Hanks expression shifted slightly, his lips turning up at the corners. "Are you sure?" He slowly stood, moving at a hesitant pace as though afraid Connor would run if he moved too quickly.

Given his current state of mind, Connor wouldn't put it past himself, really.

Hank moved to stand in front of him, one hand reaching up to rest on the side of Connor's throat. "Are you sure you can handle that? My little display the other day had you reeling enough."

Connor closed his eyes as the feeling of Hank touching his skin made everything tingle. "I…" he swallowed, looking up into Hanks eyes. "I need to see.. something."

Hank just smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to Connor's forehead. When he pulled away, Connor had to blink rapidly as the lights went out. It wasn't even that dark out, but the room is plunged into a complete, all encompassing darkness, almost as though Connor had suddenly gone blind.

It left him gasping and gripping at Hanks shirt. He could feel something shifting under Hanks clothes, almost as though his muscles were moving and it made his nerves worse, all sorts of terrible things running through his imagination about what he was clinging to, but he couldn't bring himself to let go. When things stopped, Hank almost felt… larger, somehow. Firmer. But still very human.

When things came back into focus it took Connor a second to to adjust, his stomach clenching uncomfortably as his vision slowly began to come back.

He seemed to still be in his room, but everything seemed… off. Tinted a sickly sepia tone, as though suspended in amber. Things seemed eerily still. And cold. He managed a little nervous laugh and his breath came out of him in a white cloud. Before he realized it, one of Hanks arms were around him, and it took him a moment to realize it was the only thing keeping him upright with how badly his knees were shaking.

When he finally managed to muster up the courage to look up at Hank, all he could do was stare with a dumbfounded expression. He definitely grew a few inches, the already large man now positively imposing. His overall appearance didn't change much, honestly, but he was definitely different. Enough to give Connor goosebumps, and were it not for Hank's ridiculously warm hand against his back, he would probably question if he were dreaming.

Those blue eyes that Connor was so fond of were now completely swallowed by a similar blackness that had just engulfed the bedroom, everything including the whites turned pitch black to the point that Connor could see his own reflection clearly in them. Large, curving horns had sprouted from his head and a glance down revealed that his nails had grown to sharp points, his nails and fingertips down to the second knuckle dusted black as though his hands had been dipped in soot.

Connor took a step back and looked around the room once more, and instantly found himself missing the warmth of Hank's body. He had to swallow once before he could speak, his voice much quieter than he'd intended, but somehow still perfectly audible in the eerily silent room. "Where are we?"

There's a weird reverberation there, his voice echoing back to his own ears.

Hank smiled again, his teeth now sharpened at the tips making Connor shiver. "Still in your room…" he glanced around himself, giving the facial equivalent of a shrug before meeting Connor's eyes again. "Just… not your realm."

Connor blinked. "Is this hell?"

Hank barked out a laugh that caused Connor to flinch, the sound booming in the silent space. He stepped forward, wrapping an arm around Connors torso to pull him close again, and Connor pointedly tried to ignore the way his body instantly wanted to melt against Hanks. "No, little one. I wouldn't take you there. Think of this as just… different from your own reality. Frozen in time, in a way. I'd hate for your brother or anyone to barge in here again when I look like this."

Connor let his eyes travel up and down Hank's body once more before looking up at him and shaking his head. "This… isn't all of it, is it." He didn't really need to ask. He was sure that Hank was still keeping tight control over exactly what he was letting Connor see, but he needed to confirm it anyway.

"No." Hank leaned down and pressed another kiss to Connors forehead. "I wouldn't want to scare you off. This is a fraction of my true form, but not all of it. Maybe I'll show you the rest another time, but not today."

Connor nodded, his body on autopilot as if any of this was ok or normal, then glanced up at the horns protruding from Hanks head. Without thinking, he reached up towards one but paused before touching it. "Um… is it ok if i..?"

"Go ahead." Hank smirked and took a couple of steps back, leading Connor by the hips to the bed once more and sitting down on the edge.

Connor hesitated a moment more before reaching out and running his fingertips along the length of the right horn. It was rigid and weirdly warm under Connor's fingers, and he found himself weirdly fixated on the thing as he allowed himself to press his palm flat against it.

He was a little surprised when Hank sighed softly, yanking his hand back afraid that maybe he'd hurt something and looked down at him in concern. "You can feel that?"

Hank grinned and glanced up at him, eyebrows climbing up on his forehead as though Connor had asked a stupid question. "Well yeah. It's kind of attached." He chuckled, earning a pout from Connor.

He pulled his hands away completely and climbed off of Hanks lap, much to the demons apparent disappointment, instead clasping his hands together in front of him and nodding as he stared at the ground. "I-I've seen enough." He muttered, looking around the room in a lame attempt to calm his racing heart. He really shouldn't be turned on right now, but as always his body seemed strung tight. Part of him was afraid that too much contact with the demon would have him throwing all caution out the window and agreeing to anything just to get him in his pants. 

As Hank nodded and stood, Connor closed his eyes, not wanting to feel that disorientating shift in reality with his eyes open again.

When he felt a warm, noticeably talon-less hand press to his cheek he opened his eyes again, sighing in relief when the world comes into focus in its familiar colors and sounds. He has to blink several times, things seeming... almost too loud and vibrant after all of the muted colors from before.

He looked up at Hank, meeting those familiar blue eyes and fidgeting with the bottom button on his shirt. He has to stop himself from turning his face into Hank's hand and instead focuses on one of the buttons on his shirt, trying like hell to keep his voice level. "If I set up a meeting, like, lunch or something, could you tell me if Simon made a deal with a demon for his mom's recovery?"

Hank seemed to consider for a second before sighing and shrugging, dropping the hand on Connor's cheek to his side. "If it'll make you happy, I suppose so."

Connor pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded, taking another step back from Hank. He was trying to focus on something other than the demon in front of him, not wanting to lose control of himself again, and found himself staring at the top drawer of his dresser, where the lingerie Hank had bought him still resided. Rather than the situation at hand, he found himself instead weighing the option of going through with wearing it tomorrow.

_Damn it, focus._

"Are you afraid of me now?"

Connor's head whipped up in surprise hearing Hank ask that question so quietly. He… hadn't been expecting that. Not so much the question, but the softness with which the words were spoken. The mere fact that he looked more unsure than Connor had ever seen him, that overly confident air he usually exuded gone, made him close the distance between them again.

"No…" he whispered, reaching out despite himself and setting his hands on Hanks chest. "I…" he inhaled shakily, his eyes unfocused as he stared at his own hands. They looked so small resting on Hank's large frame, and Connor had to close his eyes before he could talk again. "God help me, I should be. But I'm not. I… don't understand it, but being around you is the only time I've ever felt comfortable in my own body. You make everything fuzzy, and ridiculously clear all at once. I thought that would change, with everything, but it hasn't….. and _that_ is what I'm terrified of. Not you." He sighed again and leaned forward, resting his forehead on Hanks chest between his hands. "What have you done to me?" He whispered.

Hank didn't answer.

And for whatever fucked up reason, his lack of response was… somehow more comforting than it should have been. Connor found himself wrapping his arms around Hank's chest and sighing when large arms encircled him in return, one hand going to his hair and stroking his scalp gently.

They stood there like that for several minutes, with Hank just running his fingers gently through Connor's hair before Connor decided to pull away. He stared at Hank's chest for a second before looking back up at him and sighing. 

He still just... looked like Hank. And as much as a part of Connor's mind kept screaming at him that this was wrong, and he shouldn't want him, and he should take his offer to erase his memory and accept his lot and life and go back to the droning miserable existence he had before, a larger, much louder part wouldn't stop screaming 'fuck that.' He liked Hank. Clearly, he liked Hank no matter what form he took. He just so happened to be different, was all. His physical and emotional reaction to being around the demon was immediate, even after finding out about what he really was, and Connor had never felt anything like that with anyone before.

So, while he knew there would be plenty of questions he wanted to ask later, and there was sure to be a multitude of things they needed to hash out, Connor decided that, at least for the time being, he would give in to the part of him saying fuck it. 

He stretched up to kiss him and couldn't stop the heavy, relieved sigh that came out of him at the contact.

When he pulled away he ran his hands down Hank's arms and took both of his hands, swallowing a bit nervously before looking up at him again. “Would you… like to meet my brother?”

 

 

 ~~~BONUS~~~

[I just kinda wanted to write a little fight between Gavin and Niles, and it didn't really feel right to cram it in somewhere randomly in the chapter. So here.]

 

 

Gavin slammed his plate into the sink, the dish hitting the metal with an angry clatter as he turned to face Niles across the small kitchen.

"He's fucking _trying_ Ni." He growled, folding his arms and planting his feet in that combative way Niles was so use to seeing directed at anyone other than him.

Niles simply scoffed in response, leaning past Gavin to gently set his plate into the sink as well before folding his arms and narrowing his eyes. "Oh yeah. Slinking off almost every night to get dicked down is _really_ trying."

"Jesus christ. You know he has a damn problem! You can't seriously sit there and tell me you don't remember what it use to be like."

Niles sighed, rubbing at his forehead in a distressed manner before shrugging his shoulders and leaning back a bit, bracing his hands against the counter behind him. "Look, I… I don't fucking know anymore… it's just--"

"Freshman year."

"What?"

"Do you remember freshman year? When we all went with your parents out to that beach house?"

"I… of course I--"

"Because I cant fucking forget that summer. We were there for two weeks, and he was fucking miserable the whole damn time. The rest of us were too busy in our selfish little bubbles having fun to notice until it was too late."

"Oh come on. It wasn't that--"

"I found him Niles. I found him huddled in the fucking shower, crying. He'd scrubbed his damn skin raw and was just sitting there, fucking miserable. And when I tried to help him he pushed me off. He apologized over and over again. Said he was ruining our vacation. I'm almost fucking positive that trip was the catalyst for him starting with the fucking pills."

"You never said.."

"He was a mess Niles, and he made me promise not to say anything to you. He doesn't want to come to us all the damn time. He feels like a fucking burden, and you talking down to him all the time really doesn't help that, FYI."

"Well I'm sorry. Should I coddle him and tell him it's all fine? We can't all have your _winning_ personality."

"Oh fuck off!" Gavin snarled, stomping off in the direction of their room, only to have Niles groan and follow him.

"Jesus. Gavin! Gavin stop!" Niles followed him halfway across the livingroom before he could reach out and grab his arm to stop him. 

Unsurprisingly, Gavin stopped, but pulled his arm away, crossing his arms and glaring up at his partner. "What? Clearly I'm not gonna get it through your thick head that he wants to get better. Cause it's obviously not possible for someone to want help but feel trapped in a situation where they cant ask for it."

Niles pressed the palms of both hands into his eyelids and let out a heavy sigh as Gavin stepped closer, the jab clearly hitting close to home just as he'd intended. 

Letting out a sigh himself, Gavin reached up and placed both hands on his partner's cheeks. "Babe…" he muttered, pulling Niles into his arms and pulling the taller mans head down to rest on his shoulder. "He loves you so damn much. You mean so fucking much to him and he only wants you to be proud of him. He treats himself like shit enough. He doesn't need you doing to for him. You remember when it was me not too long ago... his problem is no different. Same shit, different drug." He leaned back a little and looked Niles in the eyes, managing a small smile. "You got me through it, we can do the same for him." 

Niles sighed heavily, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Gavin's waist. "I just... how do I help him without enabling him?"

"We'll figure it out." Gavin smiled easily, shrugging his shoulders, causing Niles to laugh.

"I wish I shared your indefatigable optimism, love."

Gavin smiled, leaning up to peck Niles with a quick kiss. "What can I say, I'm a keeper."

"That you are." Niles laughed, taking Gavin's face in both hands and kissing the scar on the bridge of his nose before pulling away. "Now come on. Let's get cleaned up before he comes home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *(Matthew 17:15-18 kjv)
> 
> Did I do it? Did I do it justice? lol  
> If I did, or if I didn't let me know in the comments!  
> I love everyone who's been keeping up with this mess and encouraging me to continue! Seriously, you all are the best!
> 
> Feel free to hop on over to my lonely little discord and yell at me! ♥ (Please don't yell. I'm sensitive. but we can have a lovely chat!)  
> https://discord.gg/tmyqh2v


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a million years, but without further ado, here's the end!   
> This chapter turned into a monster. I'm so sorry. A lot happens and it happens quick. Please forgive me lol  
> Love you all! Enjoy!

"Is this the part where you tell me if I hurt your brother you'll kill me?" Hank all but scoffed in that gruff way of his as he leaned back on the sofa and regarded Niles with a cold sort of calculation that made Connor sweat.

_ Why did he think this was a good idea again? _

Connor looked over at his brother, seated next to the couch in one of the chairs from the dining room with his arms folded across his chest. 

He looked back and forth between them, his brother and Hank squaring off as though daring the other to blink first, and just prayed like hell the two didn't actually start a full on argument.

Things had  _ started _ pleasantly enough, with Connor knocking on Niles' and Gavin's door and asking if they'd like to meet Hank like his brother had suggested. 

They'd agreed, of course, with both men coming out into the living room and shaking Hanks hand before they all took a seat and started with some small talk. Introductions, pleasantries and the like. 

Niles and Gavin explained what they do for a living. 

Hank told them how he and Connor met that night at the bar, then again when he went out with Elijah and how Hank almost beat him to a bloody pulp thinking he'd been the one to hurt him. 

As the conversation carried on without incident, Connor had almost completely dropped his guard. He almost felt silly for being so apprehensive in the first place. 

_ What did he think was going to happen? Hank was gonna just whip out the horns and tell them the whole truth? That would be ridiculous, even for him. _

Before he could breathe a sigh of relief though, Hank had finally snapped, cutting off the current stream of conversation to ask why Niles wouldn't stop staring at him. Naturally, the atmosphere immediately turned tense, and Connor put his head in his hands with a groan.

His brother, ever the stoic, just shrugged in response, clearly not phased in the slightest at being called out for sizing the other man up. "Well, since you're asking, one would assume you're already aware, so there's no need." 

Connor sighed in annoyance, throwing his head back and glaring at the ceiling in frustration. He was mildly surprised when Gavin spoke up in his stead, his friend sounding almost as annoyed as Connor felt. "Would you two cut the shit out? Jesus. This isn't a fuckin pissing contest."

Connor heard Niles laugh, and looked over to see him crossing his legs, folding his hands over his knee still not having taken his eyes off of Hank. "Well, to be blatantly honest-"

Gavin scoffed. "When are you not?"

Niles shot him a look, but continued. "I'm not sure I  _ want  _ to trust the man who's completely ok with my brothers little  _ problem _ ." 

"Niles!" Connor gasped in surprise, giving his brother an indignant look. Even though he had already told Hank about everything, it was still a jolt to his system to hear his brother speak so flippantly about it.

Niles looked unimpressed, raising his eyebrows at Connor. "What? I would assume you've already informed him, if you're bringing him around. And I'm sorry Connor but it makes me question his morals if he's willing to just accept that sort of thing without a second thought."

Connor sat up a bit straighter, positively bristling. "How do you know he--"

"What if I told you he wouldn't be doing that anymore?"

Connor blinked and looked back as Hank interrupted him, his eyes going wide in a concerned,  _ what the fuck _ kind of way.

He didn't think Hank would outright say something incriminating. And he hadn't agreed to anything, as far as a contract went, but his nonchalance was still worrying.

Niles didn't miss a beat, his eyebrows going up as he huffed out a laugh. "I'd call you insane. Or delusional. I'm not sure which is preferable." 

Sighing, Connor sat up straighter, giving his brother a disapproving glare. "Look, can we just... stop with the bullshit, please?" He folded his arms and sat back on the couch. "If I woulda known you'd be a dick, I wouldn't have bothered with the introductions." He grumbled, leaning in towards Hank when the demons arm snaked its way around his shoulders. Hanks palm was heavy and comforting on his shoulder, the warm weight making him want to close his eyes and just take a nap right then and there. 

There was a moment of silence before he heard Niles sigh, making him realize he had indeed closed his eyes when he had to open them again to look at his brother. 

Niles had relaxed a bit, his shoulders slumping as he sat back in the chair. "If I've made you uncomfortable, I apologize. My brother has never expressed any interest in keeping someone around long enough to warrant an introduction, so I'm sure you understand my apprehension." He smiled a little, the harshness in his eyes giving way to something much softer as he shifted his gaze to Connor. "But I don't think I've seen him relax like this in the presence of anyone other than myself or Gavin. So if he's happy I suppose there's nothing to be gained from being overprotective."

Connor felt Hank laugh a little, his chest and shoulders vibrating slightly as the low rumble escaped him and the hand on his shoulder squeezed a little. "I can respect that. Honestly, I'm glad you're overprotective. Given this ones, uh, track record, I'd be concerned if you just welcomed me with open arms."

"Well I'm glad you understand. He is rather hopeless."

"I'm right here." Connor grumbled, tossing a glare back and forth between Niles and Hank, making both men laugh.

Connor couldn't help but smile as Hank leaned over and pecked his cheek with a kiss in an attempt to soothe him.

There was a soft sigh from Niles as he stood from his chair and walked around the back of the thing to pick it up and take it back to its proper place in the dining area. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Hank?" He asked, scooting the chair home under the table.

Hank smiled, his eyes following Niles into the kitchen. He seemed to consider the offer for a moment, but shook his head, shrugging a bit as he removed his arm from around Connor and rubbed his palms on his pant legs. "I should honestly probably be going." 

Connor felt his heart jump at the prospect of Hank leaving so soon, an odd, unnecessary fear gripping him. He reached out and gripped the fabric on the arm of his shirt, looking up at him pleadingly. "Please?" He whispered when the demon looked down to meet his eyes again, and let his hands travel down Hanks arm to grip his hand instead, his fingertips trembling ever so slightly in Hanks palm before grasping it firmly.

Hank seemed to take notice immediately, unsurprisingly, and tightened his grip around Connor's hand, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss to the knuckles in a surprisingly tender gesture that left Connor blushing.

"Fine. I'll stay." He muttered with a soft smile as Connor sighed in relief and mouthed a silent 'Thank you.'

Connor's attention was torn to Gavin across the couch as his friend made an over exaggerated retching noise, and he raised his eyebrows as they made eye contact.

"Y'all are adorable and I'm honestly disgusted right now." He laughed, earning a pillow thrown at him from Connor.

"Is there anything in particular you'd care to eat?" Niles asked, interrupting the impending argument as he leaned against the back of the couch where Gavin sat. 

Hank looked down at Connor and waggled his eyebrows a bit before looking back at Niles with a smile, and shrugging. "Not particularly. I don't want to be a pain and I ain’t picky. I'm good with whatever."

"Any allergies?"

"Just pine nuts."

Connor blinked, pulling away from Hank and giving him a quizzical look. "Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah?" 

"Huh."

Hank quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

"I mean… nothing.” Connor laughed a little, settling back against Hank’s arm and shrugging. “Just weird to think of…  _ you _ with some  _ normal _ allergy."

Hank shot him a funny look, but didn’t push the conversation any further, instead removing his arm from around Connor and standing to go join Niles in the kitchen. "Anything I can help with?"

As the two argued, with Niles insisting that Hank was a guest and that he didn’t need to help and Hank insisting on helping all the same, Gavin sat up from his end of the couch and scooted closer to Connor, laying himself down with his head in Connors lap and his feet dangling over the opposite arm.

"You really like this guy?" He asked quietly, his smile all good natured curiosity as he looked up at Connor.

"Yeah… I think I do." Connor was a bit surprised at how little he really needed to think about the answer to that question. While he still couldn’t be sure exactly how Hank felt about  _ him _ it was, scarily enough, becoming easier and easier to admit the simple fact that he  _ really did _ like him.

Gavin grinned, seeming pleased. "Good for you, babe. I'm happy for you. He seems nice." he shrugged. “A little old for my tastes, but nice.”

Connor smirked, looking over to where Hank was currently gathering ingredients from their pantry to help Niles with dinner. He had to bite down the urge to laugh at the knowledge of a demon being content with doing something as domestic as helping his brother cook. He could only assume he was only doing it just to get on Connors good side, but it still made his heart flutter uselessly nonetheless. "He is." he admitted.

There was a beat of silence where Connor just watched the two interact in the kitchen before Gavin shifted a little, pulling Connors attention back down to him. His expression had gained that all to familiar mischievousness, and Connor quirked an eyebrow down at him as he raised both of his own with a grin.

"So… is he…" He made a vague sizing gesture with his hands, making Connor snort.

"Hung like a horse? Oh yeah."

"Why am I not surprised?"

The two settled into hushed stories about Connor and Hanks sexual escapades until Niles, after a particularly loud laugh from Gavin, called out from the kitchen, claiming that he didn’t like all of the whispering going on, which then devolved into an argument between Gavin and Niles about how he isn’t a child. Both Connor and Niles begged to differ, which started another round of playful banter back and forth with Gavin shouting unnecessarily across the living space and ended with him throwing a pillow towards the kitchen bar, almost knocking a glass off of the edge.

Once dinner was through, stomachs full and dishes washed, the four sat around the living room making small talk until Niles deemed it to be too late, and decided that he and Gavin would turn in for the night, leaving Hank and Connor alone on the sofa. Connor noticed the wary glance Niles cast the two of them before shutting the door, and Connor could swear he heard his brother lock the door behind him.

It was silent for a moment, with Connor listening in on the hushed conversations behind Niles’ door while simultaneously trying to figure out what the hell to do now. 

He didn’t want to send Hank home yet, but felt a bit awkward about asking him to stay the night. Were they past such formalities now?

Surely they were past that sort of thing.

It wasn’t until he felt Hank’s arms come around his shoulders, pulling him back against a broad chest as his lips brushed against the side of his throat, that his body decided to relax, his muscles all loosening up at once as he leaned back against him. 

As Hank kissed along his jaw and neck he tilted his head back to look at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. 

“Hey… thank you. For sticking around tonight.” He whispered, melting into Hank’s touch as the demon cupped his cheek and leaned down to kiss him.

“Mhm.” Hank hummed, busying himself with undoing the top buttons on Connor’s shirt. “I played nice. Do I get a reward now?” He smirked, leaning down and continuing his attention to Connor’s neck, sharp teeth grazing the vein there making Connor shiver.

Smiling, he shifted, turning around on the couch and climbed into Hank’s lap, wrapping his arms around the demons neck. “Whatever you want.” at Hank’s look he laughed, raising his eyebrows. “ _ Except  _ that.” He laughed, leaning forward and pecking Hank with a quick kiss. “Whatever you want with my  _ body,  _ Hank.”

Hank laughed a little, hands coming down to grip Connor’s thighs. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.” He chuckled, thumbs stroking Connor’s thighs gently. 

“Mhmm.” Connor smirked, rolling his hips a bit. “Join me in the shower?”

Hank smiled against his lips, fingers gripping into the meat of Connors thighs enticingly. “You really think you’ll get clean if I do that?”

“You really think that’s the point?” Connor countered, making the grin on Hanks face spread even farther, revealing teeth that were considerably sharper than they were moments before, and  _ fuck _ it gave Connor goosebumps. His hands traveled around to Connor's ass and he stood, effortlessly carrying him towards the bathroom and kicking the door shut behind them.

By the time Connors bare feet touched the tile he was already tugging at Hanks shirt, working it up his back and over his head hurriedly. Hank managed  to be on him again before the fabric hit the floor, fisting a hand into the front of Connors shirt and pulling him forward to kiss him, making Connor giggle gleefully.

When their lips touched again, Connor groaned into the kiss, stretching up on his toes while simultaneously pulling Hank closer in an attempt to get as close to the demon as possible. 

He whined a little when Hank pulled away to get his shirt off too, working down the buttons quickly before pushing their bodies back together, everything going haywire within those few seconds. It was like every time he pulled away the world would spin and his ears would start ringing, only to come crashing back into sharp focus when Hank would touch him again.

Maybe it was all by design, this high, euphoric, almost drunken feeling. Something Hank was making him feel on purpose. But, if he was being honest with himself, it was fucking exhilarating and Connors skin tingled everywhere Hank's hands roamed.

At some point during their making out, Hank had reached over and turned on the shower, the bathroom slowly filling up with steam that clung to Connors skin and hair, matting it to his forehead and making him itch to get out of what remained of his clothes even more.

They both got out of their pants quickly, kicking the garments off and stepping under the running water where there was a lull in dizzying kisses as they both adjusted to the change in temperature. 

"Oh, fuck." Connor let out a drawn out sigh as he turned towards the water, pushing both hands through his hair and let his head fall back to rest in the dip of Hanks shoulder. 

The water felt so fucking good after what felt like  _ such _ a long day, and having Hank standing behind him, pressed so close while the hot water poured over them… it was like heaven.

Large arms wrapped around his torso, Hank's hands following the rivets of water down his chest before pulling him back and closer to himself by the hips, making him smile. Hank's lips found his shoulder, sucking a little mark there to join his other healing ones while Connor ran his fingertips up and down Hanks arm.

Hank pressed a kiss behind his ear then nipped at the lobe before whispering directly into it, driving a shiver down Connors spine. 

"How would you like me?" There was a curiously amused tone there that made Connor pause, but simply sighed in response when those teeth found his ear again.

Instantly Connors mind was filled with ideas on how to fuck in the shower without falling and killing himself. Before he could respond though, Hank laughed, causing Connor to give him a look over his shoulder.

"Ok, A: Rude. Get out of my head. And B: what's so funny? I'd like to get off without meeting my untimely demise, thank you."

Hank smirked, shaking his head before pressing another kiss to Connors shoulder. "Not what I meant, little one."

Connor raised his eyebrows but smiled scrubbing his hands over his face as water dripping down from his hair tickled his eyelashes. "Then what do you mean?"

He blinked water out of his eyes and froze, staring at the tile wall in front of him as the sudden feeling of shifting behind him caught him off guard. Not a natural movement, but something closer to what he had felt earlier in his bedroom when the demon had plunged them into darkness. Muscles shifting under skin. Expanding, becoming firmer. 

Connor hesitated a moment, not sure if he wanted to turn to witness whatever it was going on behind him, but ultimately blinked hard once and turned, mentally bracing himself for whatever he would see. 

It wasn't enough, apparently, because it gave him a jolt anyway, the sight of the tall blonde stranger behind him taking him so by surprise that he pulled away a little too quickly and slipped, cursing loudly as he landed on his ass on the tile with a wet slap.

Hank,  _ at least he was pretty sure it was Hank, who the hell else would it be,  _ laughed loudly. 

There were a few moments of silence where Connor just stared at Hank with a dumbstruck expression, feeling even more at a loss for words than when Hank had pulled that similar stunt in his bedroom earlier. 

At least then it had still  _ looked  _ like him, just with a few extra… additions. 

The silence was only broken when someone knocked on the bathroom door, the loud pounding that could only come from a damn cop who was use to beating on doors making Connor flinch and his eyes dart back and forth between the door and Hank.

"Connor… Are you alright?" Niles voice called through the door, apprehensive. 

Connor opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, unable to find words for a second, which only succeeded in making Hank laugh. 

"He's good." Hank offered, reaching down to help Connor up. 

Niles was quiet for a second, and Connor could practically feel the wheels turning in his twins head as he undoubtedly debated on the likelihood of Hank actually murdering Connor in the shower.

"Connor?" 

Connor sighed. 

_ Of course he wouldn't give up until Connor answered for himself.  _

"I-im good." Connor tried laughing a little, accepting Hanks hand and standing with a grunt. "Just slipped."

He could almost hear Niles sigh through the door. "Alright. Be more careful."

"Yeah." Connor flinched a little at his own words coming out more of a squeak, but quickly turned his attention fully back to Hank, his eyes going up and down his body.

"Jesus…. Fucking christ…" He sighed, unable to stop himself from reaching out and pressing a hand flat to Hanks chest. 

He was… definitely still Hank. Same bone structure. Same nose. Same piercing blue eyes, large arms and broad shoulders. But he seemed to have somehow... aged  _ down  _ about 20 years, his once silver hair now golden blonde and several inches shorter, now stopping just above his ears in pretty waves. No sign of his previously full beard, now down to just the barest hint of stubble along his jaw. Flat, toned stomach and muscled thighs damn near the size of Connors waist.

Hank reached up with both hands to push the wet strands back out of his face and,  _ fuck,  _ Connor couldn't help but stare at the muscles along his arms as he did it.

_ He was literally fucking salivating.  _

"I… didn't realize you could do that…" he mumbled lamely, at a complete loss for anything intelligent to say as he ran both hands down the muscles along Hank's stomach and shuddering out a little breath.

A part of him almost missed the slight give from Hank's usual physique, the softer edges and all around 'large' appearance he usually had, but this was… nice too. Broad and toned and large in a different, more conventionally attractive, kind of way.

"There's a lot of things I can do, little one." Hank chuckled, all pure self satisfaction as he watched the awed expression on Connor's face. 

His voice was almost the same, if not a little less gravely than normal. 

He reached out, putting a hand on Connor's hip and moving them so that he had Connor pinned to the shower wall, large forearms resting on the tile next to his head. "I can be whatever you want me to be…. Older, younger, man, woman…." He leaned down to press his lips against Connor's, kissing him firmly until Connor slumped a little against the wall, making a contented noise in his throat as he lost the ability to form coherent thoughts.

"I can be whoever you want me to be." 

Connors eyes flipped open as the usual rumble of Hanks voice changed pitch, shifting eerily from his usual deep timbre to one much more similar to his own. 

_ He had sounded like Niles for a second. _

Connor swallowed.

Whether from nerves, or excitement, or just because his throat was actually dry for some reason, he wasn't sure.

"Why… what is this?" 

Hank pulled back and grinned, his eyes taking on that increasingly familiar glint. "You'd never be bored, I can promise you that. Whatever you want, I can make that happen… just say the word…" 

Connor blinked briefly, multiple thoughts going through his head before… 

Oh.

_ Oh. _

"You're…. Talking about the soul thing again… aren't you?"

Hank smiled, his eyebrows going up slightly, as though in a silent question as Connor scoffed, eyes rolling before reaching out and giving the demons shoulder a slight shove.

"Look, maybe I'm not privy to… demon etiquette or whatever, but that seems pretty rude, y’know. Like… a marriage proposal in the middle of sex or something." 

Hank blinked slightly before breaking into loud, joyous laughter that had him stepping back from Connor for a second and dropping his head into his hand.

As he composed himself again, shaking his head, Connor pursed his lips, not really finding the flippant discussion about his immortal soul all that funny. 

Once Hanks laughter died down almost completely, fading into soft chuckles he stepped forward again, this time pressing his hips flush to Connors and placing a hand at the side of his throat, thumb pushing Connors chin up to maintain eye contact. 

"I'm sorry, little one. Would you like me to plan some… elaborate proposal for you? Would that make things easier?" He pecked Connor with a kiss, sharp teeth nipping his bottom lip as he pulled away slightly. "I'll happily get down on one knee, if that's what it takes…" he tilted his head down, trailing kisses down the side of Connors neck. "Or both…" 

Connor shuddered, barely biting back a whine, his hands coming up to rest on Hanks chest briefly before the demon started to lower himself down onto his knees, seemingly to prove a point. He trailed kisses down Connors chest and stomach, keeping his eyes trained on Connors face all the while as he nipped along his hip bones carefully. 

Connor watched him closely, mouth going slack as Hank took his semi hard cock into his mouth without hesitation.

All he could do was watch and try not to yelp in surprise as Hank lifted one of his legs to hoist over his shoulder, immediately followed by the other, impossibly steady arms holding him up against the wall as he trailed his tongue lazily up the length of his cock. One arm wrapped around his thigh to press his hand to Connor's hips, holding him steady against the wall. 

Such a small gesture, and it rendered him almost completely immobile, and Connor was, yet again, completely floored by how being so at the demons mercy left him  _ achingly  _ turned on.

He let out a shuddering sigh when Hank took him down to the base again, his head tilting back against the tile. The demon wasted no time in getting to business, his mouth and tongue working expertly along his length as he bobbed his head up and down.

He lasted for all of a few minutes before he came, barely managing to mumble out a warning before Hank took him all the way down and swallowed every drop.

He kept him there, held up against the shower wall, for several minutes even after he'd cum, just kissing along his thighs and hips. It wasn't until he had to pull Hank away by the hair when things got a little too sensitive that Hank finally put him down, gently setting one foot then the other onto the tile and standing with a hand on Connor's chest to make sure he was steady. 

Connor grinned as Hank stood and leaned down to kiss him, making it increasingly more difficult for him to catch his breath.

"This… doesn't mean you get to take my soul now, you know." he mumbled, pushing his hands through Hanks hair and huffing out another shaky laugh "Even if I do feel like it just got sucked out of me."

Hank just smiled against his lips. "I know."

When Connor finally stepped back he sighed, pushing hair out of his eyes and turning back towards the shower spray. He reached for his shampoo, figuring he may as well make an attempt at getting cleaned while the water was still warm.

He got as far as lathering the soap in his hair before Hanks hands were on him again. He smiled when he realized they were soaped up with his body wash, Connor’s loofah in one hand, and Hank made slow, methodical work of scrubbing down Connors body. 

When Hank seemed to deem him clean enough he put the loofah back down in its proper spot and proceeded to pull him back against him, large hands coming around his torso and just holding him there.

Connor smiled, glancing back over his shoulder and raising his eyebrows. "And here I thought you were done with me."

Hank grinned, leaning down to kiss his shoulder as he reached forward and shut the water off. "Never."

The next thing Connor knew, Hank was wrapping a towel around his waist and helping him out of the shower before grabbing his own towel and proceeding to scrub at his hair. Connor found himself transfixed, watching the demon attempt to dry himself, his eyes gluing themselves to his biceps while they worked the towel on those blonde waves. When Hank took notice, he grinned and winked at Connor through the mirror, turning to lean back against the counter and pulling Connor by the hips against him.

"Would you like me to stay like this?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. 

Connor found himself blinking, his eyebrows drawing down as he really tried to consider such an option. He hadn’t really considered the possibility of Hank…  _ staying _ in this form. "That'd be a little weird, don’t you think? After I introduced you to my brother and everything." He shook his head.

Hank made a face, shrugging his shoulders. "I could adjust their memories, make them think this is how I've looked the entire time." 

Hank stared down at him, eyebrows raised as he waited for Connor to respond. Connor chewed his bottom lip slightly, running his hands down Hanks chest and letting his eyes wander down the toned expanse of his stomach. "Huh…” He weighed the idea of spending… however long he had with Hank, with this version of him, and the thought made him frown. It… didn’t seem right, for some reason. “No.” He said at last, looking back up at Hank. “No, this is… nice. But I prefer the other you.” He smiled a little, leaning up to kiss him once more and then pulling back as a thought occurred to him. “Unless… that's what you want?" He offered, raising his own eyebrows in curiosity. 

If Hank had a form he preferred, Connor really didn’t care one way or the other, honestly, and it occurred to him that it would be selfish to force his own preferred image onto him… right?

Hank looked a little taken aback by the comment though, blinking a few times, his smile faltering slightly as though he hadn’t expected that sort of answer. 

He recovered quickly enough though, smiling again and shaking his head before leaning down to kiss him with that same softness that somehow still managed to surprise Connor. "Let's get you to bed."

~~~~

As the alarm on his phone chimed incessantly, Connor groaned and rolled over to swipe the screen into silence. He squinted at the time briefly before sighing and dropping the thing again, then closed his eyes, determined to get in at least a  _ little  _ more sleep. 

He flinched a little in surprise when an arm wrapped around him unexpectedly and pulled him back against a ridiculously warm body. 

It had been so long, years, since he'd woken up next to someone that wasn't his brother or Gavin, so naturally the broad chest the nestled against his back caught him completely off guard.

He had a fleeting moment of panic, where he wondered what on earth he had done the previous night, and who he had brought home, but that moment was quickly dashed as the tickle of a full beard against the back of his neck confirmed it was Hank behind him. Once his heart stopped its hammering, he sighed as he rolled over and snuggled down into the comforting warmth the demon offered.

Hank pressed a kiss to the top of his head and Connor smiled, trailing his fingers absently through the little tufts of grey hair on Hanks chest. 

This was ok… right? To take just a moment to enjoy this. The quiet twitter of birds outside his window. The soft, early morning sunshine that poked its way through the curtains, casting everything in a warm, comforting glow. The sound and feeling of Hanks breathing, steady and comforting under his palm. A small part of himself still felt… wrong, for wanting to just be happy in this moment. As though everything he'd done wrong in his life suddenly made him unworthy, somehow, of the lighthearted feeling that had nestled it's way into his chest.

"Mornin', little one." Hank whispered, pulling Connor from his thoughts as a large palm rubbed circles between his shoulder blades. It made his eyelids droop even more, sleep threatening to pull him under again. 

Connor mumbled out an incoherent 'morning.' and snuggled further under the covers, clearly not wanting to actually get up just yet. He had to will his brain to just  _ stop _ , determined to enjoy as much of this quiet morning as he was able.

He pulled back from Hank, eyebrows furrowing in surprise when his phone started going off again, this time with his generic ringtone and not an alarm.

He turned with a curious expression, reaching for the device and blinking at the name on the screen for a second before sitting up quickly and putting it to his ear.

"Hello? ...Yes, this is he." He swung his feet off of the bed and pushed his hair out of his face as the woman on the other end started talking. "oh, alright…." Connor stood and began pacing around the room in front of the bed, keeping silent as he waited for the person on the other end of the line to finish what they were saying. "Yes, thank you very much." He muttered softly into the receiver after a moment, coming to a stop next to the bed and hanging up. 

"Everything ok?" Hank asked, propping himself up on his elbow and regarding Connor with a concerned expression.

Connor dropped his weight onto the edge of the bed, cell phone still clutched in his hands as he stared out across the room.

"Yeah…" he mumbled, blinking down at his phone for a second before seeming to realize he was still holding it and turning to his nightstand to set the device down. "It was my doctor." He shrugged slightly, glancing back at Hank. "Clean bill of health. No STIs or STDs to speak of." He flopped backwards on the bed, letting out a drawn out groan and pushing his palms into his eyes. The relief that washed over him was immediate, making all of his bones feel like jelly and making him want to cry and laugh at the same time.

With all of the event of the past few days he'd almost completely forgotten about his little incident in the alley and the subsequent tests he'd gotten done as a result. As the barrage of memories came back to him in a rush he breathed out a steady breath, fighting off the resulting wave of nausea that came with it.

When he lowered his hands finally he tilted his head back and looked at Hank, a curious smile pulling at his lips. "You weren't even worried…" he mused softly. "Would you have been able to cure me… if something had--"

Hank huffed out a laugh, leaning down to kiss Connor softly, cutting him off. " 'Course. Who do you think you're talking to?" 

Connor stared up at him for a second, watching him upside down as the realization dawned on him.  "I.. really don't know anymore." He laughed a little, unable to take his eyes off of Hank's. He reached up and rested his hand on Hank's cheek, thumb gently stroking the wiry hairs along the edge of his beard, staring into his eyes as though if he looked long enough, hard enough, that maybe he would see past the facade and the carefully crafted persona and see who he really was. What made him tick. Who 'Hank' really was.

Was this actually him?

Or was he just what Connor wanted him to be?

Would he ever  _ really  _ know that for sure?

He was surprised to realize that part of him didn't particularly care one way or another.

If this Hank was the Hank that the demon most wanted him to see, that was ok. 

Forgetting what you are to become what someone needs you to be… maybe that was good enough…

He smiled a little and leaned up to kiss him again, Hank returning the gesture with matched tenderness. 

"Breakfast?" He suggested, tucking a strand of silver hair behind Hank's ear. 

Hank grinned easily. "Sounds great."

Whether he had no idea of the arguments going on in Connors mind, or if he simply didn't care enough to make note of them, Connor wasn't sure, but the demons relaxed attitude was contagious.

Smiling, Connor sat up, letting out a loud yawn before standing and lazily stretching his arms over his head, rising up onto his tiptoes to stretch his legs a bit. He threw on some pajamas and shuffled his way out of his room, heading across the hall to the bathroom and shutting the door behind himself. 

When he exited the bathroom he poked his head into his bedroom briefly, only to find Hank had already left it, no doubt having gone into the kitchen to poke around for something for breakfast. Just as he turned to head into the living area, Connor caught a bark of laughter from Gavin that made him flinch in surprise.

He walked a little faster down the hallway, eyebrows drawing down in confusion as he rounded the corner to the kitchen, only to come face to face with what seemed to be a debacle frozen in time, an awkward silence having settled over the two in the kitchen while Gavin, unhelpfully, was busying himself with laughing up a storm from the living room, no doubt having seen the entire thing unfold.

Hank was standing there with his arms wrapped around a figure that, while hunched over like he was, looked almost identical to his own. Niles was standing with the fridge open, apparently halfway through having bent over to get the milk out when Hank had, no doubt thinking he was Connor, come up behind him and wrapped his arms around his twins torso. Connor could only imagine a kiss was placed somewhere on his twins neck, knowing Hank, and the mental image had Connor blinking, at a loss for what a proper reaction would be, given the current situation. Connor watched his twin stiffen in Hanks grasp, blue eyes looking back at the older man with what Connor could only see as mild annoyance. "I'm going to assume you were under the impression that I'm my brother, and politely ask you to remove your hands from my person." 

Connor choked back a laugh of his own, drawing both Hank and Niles attention to him.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Connor laughed, folding his arms and motioning between the two of them as Hank pulled away and Niles straightened up to his full height and closed the fridge. “Did you two need a minute? I can leave and come back.”

Hank seemed to actually consider things and made a face, giving Niles a sideways glance. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Niles scoffed, straightening his shirt and turning away to pour some of the milk into his coffee mug that sat on the counter by the fridge. He put the carton back in the fridge and grabbed his mug, turning to leave the kitchen but pausing next to Connor. 

“Did you tell him everything?” He mumbled, almost under his breath as Connor looked up at him in confusion. 

It took him a second to realize what Niles was referring to, but Connor eventually nodded, putting his hands on his hips. “Well, yeah. Why?”

Niles just nodded, switching his coffee mug to his right hand and using his left to grab Connor by the front of his pajama top, yanking him forcefully forward as he leaned down and claimed Connors mouth in a kiss. 

All of the residual chuckles from Gavin ceased as soon as their lips made contact, the only noise in the room now being the other mans soft “oh..” from the living room.

Connors eyes immediately found Hanks across the kitchen, the demon gaping at the two with a look that Connor could only describe as a mix of shocked and impressed.

Niles let go with a harsh bite to Connors bottom lip, making him squeeze his eyes shut and let out a soft noise, before his twin pat his shoulder. When he opened his eyes again, Niles was smirking at him, straightening up and taking a sip of his coffee as he jogged his eyebrows and looked over to Hank.

“Payback.” He said simply, as though that explained things, shrugging and heading into the livingroom to sit with Gavin.

While Gavin made a comment about the balls a move like that took, Connor blinked and headed all the way into the kitchen, dipping into the fridge himself to grab the eggs and some bacon for the two of them. He put a pan on the stovetop and started going around the kitchen for the necessary utensils as Hank watched him quietly. 

While the bacon was cooking, Hank leaned against the counter next to Connor, arms folded across his chest and a knowing smile on his face as he watched him.

Connor shot Hank a glance, unable to keep the smirk off of his face. “You knew it was Niles, didn't you?” he mumbled, quirking an eyebrow.

Hank just grinned, seemingly unapologetic for his actions as he looked down at Connor. “I was curious.” he laughed with a wink, stepping forward to wrap his arms around Connors waist and resting his chin on his shoulder as the bacon sizzled. “Can’t say I was disappointed with the result.”

Connor snorted and shot Hank a wry look, elbowing him gently in the side as he pulled away and moved to pull a few cooked pieces out of the pan and put them on the waiting paper towel lined plate. "You're an ass."

Hank reached out again, this time placing one hand on Connors shoulder and the other on his hip as he leaned down and pressed a kiss behind his ear. "You love me." He whispered teasingly, laughing more as Connor grinned and shrugged him off again with a noncommittal "Mm."

Connor finished up breakfast and the two ate standing in the kitchen while they talked, Gavin coming in periodically to steal strips of bacon off of Connors plate. 

By the time they were finished and Connor set about washing their plates, it was already half past noon. Connor wished he could say he was surprised when his otherwise peaceful morning was interrupted by his phone going off in his bedroom, the obnoxiously familiar tone ringing faintly over the sound of Niles’ and Gavin’s TV show, but in reality he was more annoyed than anything. He sighed and set his plate in the drying rack, turning off the water and drying his hands as Hank looked at him curiously.

“Connor, where are you?” Gavins voice echoed from the living room, shrill and grating, as though mocking Connor’s mom, causing both Connor and Niles to laugh in surprise. 

“Don’t be mean.” Connor laughed, shooting him a look as he walked past, towards his bedroom in order to get the phone. 

He got dressed while talking to mom, who of course chastised him for not showing up, again, for the morning service and seemed to drone on for what felt like hours about… Connor couldn’t care enough to remember.

He was doing up the last buttons on his shirt, phone sandwiched between his ear and shoulder, when Hank knocked gently on the door and let himself in, blue eyes giving Connor a slow once over before stepping into the room and closing the door behind himself. Connor gave him a quizzical look as the demon approached him, circling behind him and wrapping his arms around Connors waist.

He had to switch the phone to his other ear, mumbling a halfassed reply to mom as Hank leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. He leaned away from Hank a bit, trying to pay more attention to whatever it was that mom was saying, only to have Hank drag sharp teeth across the pulse point at his neck, making him gasp softly. 

“N-nothing! Sorry. Just… just tripped a little.” He stammered into the phone when questioned, pulling away from Hank and swatting his hands away as the demon grinned in amusement. He mumbled out a quick goodbye, assuring mom that they’d see one another tonight and hanging up before Hank could do anything else detrimental.

"I'll say it again: you're an ass." He laughed, tossing his phone onto the bed and turning to the mirror above his dresser to fix his hair.

Hanks arms wrapped around him again, the demon grinning at him in the mirror. "And you're not freaking out." He noted candidly, chin resting on Connors shoulder.

Connor blinked, giving Hank a funny look in the mirror before realizing that… yeah. He was right. 

While previously the mere thought that his mom may overhear something that could be interpreted (correctly) for something inappropriate would have left him on the verge of a panic attack, right now he… just didn't care. 

It was more of a mild nuisance than a terror inducing catastrophe. 

“Holy shit.” He breathed, turning a bit to look at Hank properly, his confusion clearly showing on his face as Hank just laughed.

“Hey, don’t look at me. I got nothin’ to do with it.”

“Oh, I beg to differ, sir.” he laughed, giving Hank a skeptical look.

Hank grinned, turning Connor around fully and lifting him up onto the dresser. He slotted himself easily between Connors legs, leaning in close. "Hey, if you wanna give me credit, I won't complain." He chuckled, pulling Connor forward a bit more by the hips so they were flush against one another. "But I haven't done much of anything. No miracles at work here, little one. It's all you."

Connor wrapped his arms around Hanks neck, smiling as he leaned backwards so that his back hit the mirror behind him. "Hm… Maybe I'm just legitimately happy for once." He muttered quietly, his fingertips tracing patterns in the skin on the back of Hanks neck.

"Maybe." Hank smiled, pecking Connor with a quick kiss.

Hanks hands found their way down to Connors ass, squeezing gently and making Connor laugh. He let the demon fondle him for a second, enjoying the feeling of his hands on him, but, remembering they had somewhere to be in a little under an hour he shook his head and took hold of Hanks wrists. "Hey, now. We don't have time for that." He pushed Hank off, grinning a little as the demon looked at him in mild surprise. 

They were quiet for a second, just staring at one another. Hank reached up and pressed a hand to the side of Connor's neck, his fingertips trailing through the short hairs at the base of his skull and making him shiver. 

Connor's tongue darted out to lick his lips as Hanks eyes flicked between his mouth and his eyes with an unreadable expression. 

It was an odd sort of standoff, as though they were each daring the other to make the first move.

Before Connor could open his mouth to say anything else Hank lifted him up off of the dresser, causing him to gasp in surprise, and carried him over to the bed. He couldn't help but let out a delighted giggle as Hank dropped him onto the mattress and climbed on top of him, slipping his hands underneath Connors ass and pulling their hips together again.

Connor sighed as the familiar weight of Hank's body settled on top of him and wrapped his arms more securely around his neck, unable to stop the grin that spread across his face as he stared up at him.

" _ Well _ . I suppose I don't have a say in this anymore, huh?" He laughed, winding a strand of Hanks hair around his index finger.

"Not even a little." Hank chuckled, leaning down to kiss Connor softly.

Connor sighed into the kiss, opening up when Hank passed his tongue over his lips and letting him undo his belt and slowly work his pants down his legs without protest.

Just as Connor was starting to feel dizzy from the languid kisses, Hank pulled away and started trailing kisses down his neck, making him sigh.

Every touch, every brush of his fingers over Connors skin was slow and feather light, and Connor shuddered under the attention. It was such a change of pace from their usual hot and heavy routine, where Connor's skin felt like it was on fire and Hank was the only one who could do anything about it. 

It was such a change of pace from  _ Connor's _ usual routine. From the start, everything about sex with Hank was different, new, exciting, fulfilling in a way Connor was steadily becoming use to and spoiled by, but this...

This was… so much more than all of that.

_ Love _ .

Love was the only word that came to mind when Connor attempted to describe the feeling these soft touches gave him.

Maybe it was just because Hank had put that dirty four letter word in his head earlier, but it was still there nonetheless, front and center, and Connor found himself having more and more trouble breathing as Hank trailed kisses down his chest.

Seeming to notice the slight change in atmosphere, Hank stopped his exploration and looked up, giving Connor a concerned expression.

"You alright?" He asked, moving back up Connors body and putting a large hand on his cheek.

Connor turned his head into the touch, smiling a little before reaching up and taking Hanks face in his hands. "Yeah… yeah I'm fine." He whispered, leaning up more to kiss Hank again.

Hank kissed him back, slowly at first, as though afraid Connors shift in mood would cause him to change his mind about the current events unfolding. When Connor sat up a bit more, crawling into Hanks lap and reaching for his belt, he felt the demon smile against his lips, those hands going to his ass and shifting him a bit so that Connor could straddle him properly and pull his half hard cock out of his pants.

"Do I actually get to look at you this time?" He asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow as he slowly closed his fist around Hanks shaft and gave him a few strokes.

Hank laughed a bit, gripping Connors ass firmly in both hands. "Don't get cheeky." He chuckled, closing his eyes for a second and sighing as Connor continued to stroke him.

Once he was worked up to full hardness, Connor smiled, leaning back a little to reach into his bedside drawer. He rooted around blindly for a second before his hand finally clasped around the little bottle he was searching for. 

Grinning triumphantly, he straightened up and uncapped the thing, squirting a little of the slick liquid onto his fingertips and gripping Hanks cock again.

He shifted his hips forward a bit, letting out a shuddering sigh feeling the slick glide of Hanks cock against his own.

"Fuck, you're so big." Connor almost whined, watching them intently as he continued moving his hips, his hand just barely able to wrap around their combined girth. 

Hank just responded by gripping his chin and kissing him again, licking his way into his mouth with a groan. 

Connor kissed him until he felt like he might pass out from lack of oxygen, barely registering the telltale click of the bottle of lube being opened again until slick fingers were pressing to his hole.

He groaned softly into Hank's mouth as a finger pushed into him, Hank expertly working it in and out for a moment before sliding another one in with it.

Connor rounded his hips a bit, pressing down against Hanks fingers with an eager sort of sigh, before gasping as a sudden sharp jolt of pain radiated from his lip.

He pulled back quickly, gingerly touching the spot on his bottom lip where Hank had bit. 

When his finger came away with an angry little smear of red he gave Hank an (admittedly halfhearted) glare. "What the hell was that about?"

Hank smirked, tongue traveling over sharpened canines. "Nothin' really." He gripped Connors chin with his free hand, pulling him forward and trailing that damn tongue over his lip with an agonizing slowness that left Connors skin tingling in its wake. "Just wanted to taste you."

Connor smiled, eyebrows going up in amusement.  "What? Are you some kinda vampire now or something?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Hank scoffed "I'm way better than one of those bottom feeders."

"Wait, are--" his question was quickly cut off by Hanks mouth on his again, the demon kissing him with renewed fervor, licking into his mouth and successfully silencing any further questions as Connors mind blanked out again. "You're so fucked." He breathed with a laugh against Hanks lips, shifting his hips a bit and biting back a moan at the combined feeling of Hanks fingers in him, and their cocks still flush against one another. "So what's the verdict?" He whispered, breath hitching a little as Hank did something damn miraculous with his fingers. 

He opened his eyes long enough to see Hank quirk an eyebrow and laughed, tilting his head in order to sink his teeth gently into the demons ear lobe. "How do I taste?" He clarified, rolling his hips up into his own hand then back onto Hanks. 

A soft laugh rumbled up from Hank as he twisted his fingers just right again making Connor see stars before pulling him into another kiss. "Best fucking thing I've ever tasted."

"Mm. Flattery will get you everywhere." Connor laughed, deciding he couldn't wait anymore and sitting up on his knees more, reaching behind him to guide Hanks cock towards his hole. 

"Someone's impatient." Hank smiled against his lips, moving Connors hand away and instead angling himself to just slide between his cheeks, making Connor groan in annoyance.

"Very. I told you we don't have much time." He rolled his hips again, the underside of his cock now pressing up against the swell of Hanks stomach making him practically whimper. "And just… fuck, I need you in me."

"Oh?"

"Like, right fucking now."

Hank let out another laugh that made Connor simultaneously want to punch him and fuck his brains out. Preferably the latter. Hank angled himself so that he just barely pushed against Connors rim before his hands quickly grabbed Connors hips, successfully stopping Connor from doing what he  _ wanted  _ to do and sink down all the way.

Realizing that, yet again, he was completely immobile at Hanks hands, had Connor whining in frustration, actual tears prickling the corner of his vision.

"Noo. No no no. Not again." He dropped his head to Hanks shoulder. "I fucking hate you."

"Do you, though?"

Connor lightly punched Hanks shoulder, the complete and utter lack of any response from the demon, other than laughter, driving him mad. "Yes." He huffed as he tried to move his hips again, desperate for some kind of friction. When there was zero yield in Hanks grip, Connor grit his teeth. "God damn it, Hank."

"You want it? Beg for it." Hanks hands squeezed a bit more as he shifted his hips upwards a bit, just enough to make Connor whine into his shoulder and attempt once more to squirm out of his hold. 

Biting back another pitiful noise that threatened to escape him, Connor wrapped his arms tighter around Hanks neck and sunk his teeth into the soft flesh at the base of his throat. He bit down until Hank hissed in a soft breath, those hands around his hips tightening incrementally again, before pulling away and trailing his tongue over the little indents left behind. 

"Pretty please?" He whispered, trying to move his hips again. "God, please Hank." Hanks hold on him loosened ever so slightly, letting Connor take the head of his dick inside and forcing a half relieved, half frustrated sigh out of him. Still unable to move his hips how he wanted, Connor settled for clenching around him, biting his lip and whining softly as his body screamed 'not enough'.

He pushed a hand into Hanks hair and kissed along his jaw. "Please, daddy? Please, I need you inside of me." He clenched up again, his heart fluttering as he listened to the slight hitch in Hanks breathing. "Please, please, please."

"God, you're so good." Hank laughed a little before tightening his hold on Connors hips once more and lowering him with a maddening slowness until Connor was fully seated on his cock.

Connor let out a long, shuddering sigh as his eyes slipped closed on their own, rocking his hips freely now in an attempt to bare down further onto Hanks cock. 

"Better?" 

Connor smiled at the smugness in Hanks voice but nodded all the same. "So much better."

Hanks hands drifted to Connors ass and he squeezed gently, carefully lifting him up a bit a giving things a little jiggle, making Connor grin, before lowering him back down. 

Connor pulled back just enough to kiss Hank again, groaning into his mouth as shifted his knees enough to slowly start moving himself. Hanks hands roamed aimlessly the whole time, squeezing his thighs, traveling up his sides and down his back. Every movement Connor made caused his own cock to slide against Hanks stomach, quickly turning him into a panting mess. 

“Fuck.” Connor breathed, pulling away from their kiss in order to look down between them.

He was just able to see Hank sliding out of him when he pulled up, and had trouble focusing between that and the sight of the lube and his own precum coating a section of gray hair under Hanks belly button in a shiny, slippery patch of slick as he slid against him.

“Maybe…” 

Connor attention was torn from the sight between them up to Hank’s blue eyes as he spoke, that increasingly familiar glint of mischief in his eyes. 

“Maybe,” He continued, a hand wrapping around Connor’s cock. “I should fill you up with my cum and plug you up. Have you go the rest of the day just full of me.”

Connor shuddered, his first thought being one of mild panic at the idea even as his cheeks heated up.

“Every time you moved you’d feel it. Breed you like the little slut you are and make you walk around with it, reminding you who you belong to.”

Connor wanted to laugh, but only managed a pitiful whimper as Hank stroked him, perfectly matching Connors slowed pace up and down. 

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you Little one?” Hanks lips found his throat and Connor gasped as he sucked a bruise into the flesh there, a hand going into his hair. 

All Connor could manage was a soft “Fuck… yes, please.” as he picked up his pace, Hanks hand around his cock quickening its movements to match. Hank then shifted himself a little, free arm wrapping around Connors waist and fucking up into him. 

Connor placed his hands on either side of Hanks face and kissed him, moaning softly into his mouth as he came all over their stomachs. Hank continued fucking him, holding him tighter as his own orgasm built until Connor felt himself being filled, Hank pushing all the way up into him with a deep groan.

Their kisses turned lighter, less heated in the afterglow of their orgasms, until Connor pecked him with one last lingering kiss and pulled away, hands still rested on either side of the demons face. When Hank opened his eyes to look at him Connor smiled, briefly catching the last remnants of black being absorbed into his pupil. Had he not known better, he’d have thought Hank’s eyes were simply dilated, but the sight now had him laugh a little, scratching his nails along the hairs along Hank’s jaw.  

“What?” Hank quirked an eyebrow, smiling.

Connor shook his head. “Nothing.” He brushed a thumb along the outer corner of Hanks left eye, raising his own eyebrows in curiosity. “They always do that?”

Hank blinked for a second before seeming to realize what Connor was talking about. “Nah. Only sometimes.” He took Connor’s hand and kissed the knuckles softly. “More often with you, apparently.”

Connor laughed, pulling away from Hank and watching with amusement as his soft dick unstuck itself from the mess on Hanks stomach. “Guess I should take that as a compliment, huh?” He reached for the tissues on his nightstand drawer to set about cleaning them both up a little. “I’m just special like that.”

“Very.” Hanks tone was uncharacteristically serious, causing Connor to look up from his task and quirk an eyebrow with an amused smirk.

“Ok.” He laughed, clearly disbelieving. He cleaned them up as best he could before grabbing his phone from the other side of the bed where he’d tossed it earlier to check the time. He cursed under his breath, quickly grabbing his pants from the floor and shoving his feet into them. When Hank made no move to do the same Connor raised his eyebrows, trying to look annoyed around the smile that wouldn’t leave his face. “Come on. We’re already late.” He did his pants up and moved to tuck his shirt in, grimacing a little as he felt a bit of slick trail down his thigh. He sighed in annoyance and turned towards the door. “I need to clean up properly or Im gonna feel sticky for the rest of the day.” He pointed accusingly to Hank as he opened the door. “Get dressed.” He laughed, shaking his head as Hank sighed as though Connor were asking for the world.

Connor was more than a little grateful when he texted Simon that they would be running about 10 minutes late, and the other man replied with a relieved text of his own, saying they were stuck in traffic and that they were running late as well.

He gave Hank a pointed look, but made no comment as the demon just grinned and shrugged his shoulders, trying to look innocent. Connor had attempted to invite Niles and Gavin along to the lunch, to avoid any possible awkwardness that may have ensued from bringing Hank along, but the two had declined, claiming they had other plans already. Naturally, Connor promised to give Simon their best as he and Hank left the apartment.

Luckily it was a short drive to the restaurant Simon had picked out, and Connor and Hank managed to get inside and get seated just before Simon and Markus walked through the door. 

Connor stood and hugged the two before turning to introduce Hank. Unsurprisingly the couple seemed rather surprised upon spotting Hank at the table with Connor, and Connor would almost feel bad about dragging him along, had he not made it clear when he'd invited them out that he would be bringing a date along for them to meet. And they'd seemed excited about the prospect, ensuring Connor that they were excited to finally meet someone Connor was 'seeing.' No doubt just the sheer fact of Hank being… Hank, was the main reason for their somewhat blank expressions upon initially catching a glimpse of the large, older man sitting next to him. 

They both recovered quickly enough though, giving welcoming smiles and shaking his hand before the four all sat down to order.

By the time they were through with their meals the conversation had shifted multiple times from Simon's family, to work, to church, to how Hank and Connor met(a very censored version), and back to families again, things carrying on smoothly, all things considered, and Connor was happy with the lack of any awkward pauses in conversation as Hank talked with them naturally at occasional intervals.

Connor smiled and leaned back in the booth, folding his hands in his lap as he turned his attention to Markus.

"How  _ is _ Carl doing?"

Markus smiled, mismatched eyes going to his plate as he set his napkin on top of it before returning to Connor across the table. "He's doing well. Actually, since you mentioned it, he does have an exhibit coming up soon, I'm sure he'd love it if you stopped by."

"Of course." Connor glanced at Hank, shrugging a shoulder. "Markus' dad is a painter. A rather famous one at that." He explained, flashing Markus a smile across the table.

"Carl…" Hank mused out loud, leaning back in his seat and adjusting his jacket around himself. "Carl Manfred?"

Markus smiled, sitting up a little straighter and nodding, a habit no doubt born from both inherent pride and years of having to act properly around his fathers friends and colleagues. "Yes. I'm assuming you know of him?"

"Don't know anyone with a pulse from Detroit who doesn't." Hank grinned, the gap between his teeth catching Connors attention and making him smile as well. His relaxed posture seemed to have the intended effect, setting Markus at ease once more. "Think I actually met him once or twice, in his younger years."

Connor shot Hank a furtive glance, the demon only responding with a nonchalant look of his own, making a face and shaking his head minutely, successfully dashing any of Connor's possible concerns. 

"Oh, my." Markus laughed. "You'll have to tell me stories some time. I heard he was quite the party animal back in the day."

As Connor breathed out a little sigh of relief he returned his attention to Markus and Simon, the former continuing the stream of conversation to tell Connor where the art exhibit was being held, which Connor only half listened to.

_ He felt silly, really. _

Suddenly, since Hanks little revelation, he found himself questioning  _ everything _ . Every little act of kindness given or bit of success gained setting him on edge with  _ what ifs. _

The simple knowledge that Carl Manfred, at least, had earned his way with good old fashioned talent and hard work was… a welcome breath of fresh air. 

"What about you, Hank?"

Connor flinched a little, surprised as Markus addressed Hank suddenly, leaning his elbows on the table and looking at him with a kind smile. "We've all been babbling on about our families and everything. What about you? Any family here in town?"

Connor glanced back and forth between his friend and Hank, trying not to let his eagerness show as Markus breached a subject Connor had felt too awkward to address himself.

He… might finally learn something. 

Connor noticed the way Hank’s smile faltered ever so slightly, the demon palming the back of his neck and shrugging his shoulders. "Oh, boy… well, my folks are long dead and buried. No surprise there." He laughed a little, motioning vaguely to himself in a self-deprecating kind of way. "No relatives to speak of. I... did have a kid, long time ago."

Connor stared, his eyebrows drawing down as Hank spoke. He couldn’t be sure if what he was saying was the truth, or a lie to pass as human, but as he stared at Hank’s expression as he spoke Connor couldn’t help but think that there may be, at least some, truth to what he was saying.

Markus leaned forward with interest. "Oh?"

"Yeah… he, uh, passed away." Hank took a sip of his water, not making eye contact.

Markus’ expression immediately fell. "I'm so sorry."

Hank shook his head, offering a crooked smile. "S'alright. I've long since made my peace with it."

"How long ago?"

Hank stared down at his hands. "Lifetimes."

Connor didn’t even try to stop himself from putting his hand on Hank’s thigh, hoping to comfort him in some way. When Hank looked at him the demon smiled, putting a hand over Connors and squeezing slightly, as though telling him everything were ok. They stared at one another for a moment, with Connor desperately trying to read Hank’s expression, before he turned away again and posed a question to Simon, successfully diverting the conversation from himself.

After a moment Hank stood, ending the current conversation as the three around the table turned their attention to him in surprise. 

"Sorry. Gonna hit the restroom. Back in a sec." He explained, placing a hand on Connors shoulder and leaning down to peck his cheek with a kiss before walking off in the direction of the bathrooms.

There was a moment of silence where the group stared after him, before Markus leaned forward a little more.

"So… Connor." He smiled kindly, glancing at Simon then back at Connor. "Not that I'm not happy for you, but how exactly did this happen?"

Connor blinked, setting down his glass of water and giving Markus a confused look. "We told you-"

Markus held up his hands, shaking his head with a smile "I understand  _ how _ you met. But… are you… actually in a  _ relationship _ ? I mean…” His brow furrowed a little, as though he were trying to think of the nicest way to phrase his statement. “Isn't he a bit old?"

Connor bristled a little. Niles and Gavin, he could understand and accept this line of questioning from, but coming from Markus who of  _ all _ people knew how hard things could be when two people in a relationship are seen differently in the eyes of society... he couldn't help but take offense. "He's not  _ that--" _

"I like him."

Connor and Markus both turned to look at Simon as he spoke up, cutting Connor off. He looked weirdly excited, his blue eyes bright as he smiled at Connor across the table.

He sat back a little, looking a little embarrassed by his outburst. "Well…" he continued, shrugging. "He seems like a nice guy. And if Connors happy, that's all that matters right?" He looked at Markus, who sat there staring at him for a second before smiling and nodding. "So I'm happy for you, Connor." He added, reaching across the table to squeeze Connors hand slightly. 

"Thank you." Connor mumbled, his shoulders relaxing.

Markus glanced at his phone as it let out a little chime, his eyebrows going up. 

"Shit." He muttered under his breath, reaching over to place a hand on Simon's thigh. "Babe, we've gotta get going."

Simon blinked then nodded quickly, as though remembering whatever plans they had made after this.

Connor stood as they did, his friends smiling at him apologetically across the table.

"Sorry, Connor. Make our excuses to Hank? It was nice meeting him." 

"Of course." Connor smiled back, hugging each of them in turn as they said their goodbyes. 

Simon held onto Connors biceps for a bit longer when they pulled away, smiling and giving Connors arms an affectionate squeeze. "It was great seeing you, Con. Thank you, for lunch and… everything, again." 

Connor shook his head, fully prepared to brush off his friends unwarranted gratitude when he was being pulled into another, shorter, hug before Simon pulled away fully finally. "Really. I mean it. And I'm really happy you finally found someone who makes you so happy." He started backing away, giving Connor a wink. "Don't let this one get away, ok?"

Once the two were gone, Connor sat back down, tapping his fingers on his thighs for a second, looking around the restaurant. All of the other patrons were so… unassuming, just sitting around, eating their lunches, talking amongst themselves. Nobody… cared that he was essentially on a double date with a much older man. Nobody bat an eye when Hank had kissed his cheek before leaving. Nobody stood up and screamed. As silly as it was, Connor was relieved.

He hadn't really  _ expected  _ some great scandal to emerge from just his being out in public with Hank, but it was still incredibly freeing to act so normal.

Connor glanced at his own phone nervously, checking the time, before standing and heading towards the restroom.

He smiled, immediately seeing Hank upon entering the men's room. The demon was currently in the process of washing his hands and seeing Connor crouch down briefly to glance under the stalls, Hank raised a curious eyebrow. "Everything ok?"

Apparently satisfied that there was nobody in the room with them, Connor leaned back against the door and turned the lock, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth with a grin.

Hank just looked at him sideways. "Yes?" He drawled, his look growing even more skeptical as Connor made his way across the room and hopped up onto the counter next to Hank.

He reached out and pulled Hank by the shirt to stand between his thighs, his calves immediately wrapping around Hank's waist. It was almost too perfect, the way their hips met just right with the height of the counter, and Connors mind was instantly filled with all sorts of things they could accomplish in the span of the next few minutes.

At Hanks dubious expression he waggled his eyebrows, trying to give the demon his most charming smile.

"How about a quickie?" He suggested, as casually as possible while batting his eyelashes.

Hank just laughed, his eyes rolling even as his hands found Connors hips. "You really are fucking insatiable when you have easy access to willing dick, huh?"

Connor quirked an eyebrow, his expression becoming sardonic as he lowered his chin a bit. "Hi, my name’s Connor. I'm a sex addict. Nice to meet you." 

"Point taken." Hank laughed, making a face. "But--"

Connor blinked, shaking his head in disbelief as he placed a hand on Hanks chest and leaned back a bit to look him directly in the eyes. "I'm sorry, are you complaining, Hank?"

Hank sighed affectionately, shaking his head and leaning forward to kiss Connor softly. "Nah, kid. Not at all."

"Hank..." Connor grumbled, face screwing up in distaste at the diminutive.

Hank grinned, knowing full well what he was doing. "What about your friends?" He nodded towards the door.

Connor smirked, allowing Hank to change the subject, and leaned forward to wrap his arms around his neck. "Left already." He pressed a few kisses to Hanks jaw. "Any more lame excuses, Mr.  _ Big bad demon _ ?"

Hank laughed, his fingers gripping Connors hips and yanking him forward a bit more, making him let out a pleased little gasp. "Alright, smartass. Did you wanna at least know about your friend? You know, the whole reason you dragged me along here in the first place?"

Connor blinked, a little taken aback. Truth be told, he'd honestly forgotten about the whole reason he'd dragged Hank out here today, and he pulled back a little. "Um… well…. Yeah." He felt a bit bad, having forgotten about everything, and stared down at his hands for a second where they rested on Hanks pecs. When the demon didn't say anything for a minute, Connor looked back up at him, his eyebrows going up in a show of impatience. " _ And _ ? Are you gonna tell me, or leave me high and dry in more ways than one?"

Hank grinned, cupping Connors cheek in his hand and pecking him with a quick kiss. "He's clean."

Connor blinked, his mouth falling open slightly. "Wait, seriously?! He… he didn't--"

Hank shook his head. "Nope. Pure as the driven snow, that one."

"Oh-oh my god!"

He kissed Connor again, only to have him pull back with a laugh, unable to hide the relief that had washed over him, making Hank grin. "Congratulations, little one. You've witnessed yourself a genu-INE miracle."

Connors grin only spread as he wrapped his arms tightly around Hank once more. "Oh my god, That's such a relief! Thank you!"

"Hey. I didn't do anything."

"I know but… still." Connor leaned back, unable to keep the smile off of his face as he looked up into Hanks eyes attempting to fully portray the extent of what he was feeling. "Thank you for coming with me. Indulging me. I feel… a lot better."

As Connor breathed an audible sigh of relief, Hank smiled, pulling Connor closer once more and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'm glad." He leaned down to kiss along Connors neck, smirking as the unexpected action brought goosebumps up along Connors arms. " _ Now _ I'll indulge you in more ways than one, if you're still up for it."

Connor smiled, locking his legs around Hanks waist and giving him a sly look. "Oh so now  _ you're _ trying to tempt  _ me, _ is that it?"

Hank feigned looking offended. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Said the demon to the priest."

Hank barked out a laugh, pushing a hand between them and cupping Connor through his jeans, making him shudder. "Insolent little thing." He chuckled before capturing Connors mouth in another kiss, this one much more feverish than the last few chaste pecks. His hands moved to undo Connors jeans, then with one quick yank that made Connor grin against his lips, pulled them down just enough so that the waistband was around the middle of his thighs.

When Hank pulled away from their kiss, his lips were quickly replaced by his fingers, Connor looking up at the demon through his eyelashes as he took the thick digits into his mouth and sucked gently while Hank busied himself with undoing his own pants just enough to free his erection.

They stared at one another for a moment, Connor swirling his tongue around Hanks fingers and doing his best to get the digits as wet as possible while Hank watched him.

His free hand moved to Connors hair and pulled slightly as he removed his fingers from his mouth, quickly pushing it between them and pressing them into Connor’s hole, making him sigh. Hank made quick work of prepping him, working him open just enough so he could press the head of his dick in.

He paused, clearly feeling a little apprehensive and gave Connor a questioning look. “You sure you don’t wanna--”

Connor responded by grabbing the sides of Hanks pants and pulling him forward a little with an impatient sigh. “I’ve done more with less, just fuck me already.”

Hank laughed darkly, clearly taking the statement as a challenge as he gripped Connors hips in both hands and slammed home, making him gasp.    
He let himself lean back more against the mirror behind him and closed his eyes, soft moans escaping him as Hank leaned forward and rested his forehead on Connors shoulder, focusing on fucking him.

Already feeling close, Connor's hand moved to stroke himself off, only to have his wrist grabbed by Hank. He looked up at the demon as he pulled his hand away from his cock, the confusion obvious on his face as Hank just smirked. He placed both of his hands over top of Connors on the countertop, holding them there and leaned into his ear, his hips snapping forward a few rough times forcing little gasps out of him. 

"You're gonna cum on my cock." He whispered, dragging his teeth along Connor’s ear lobe.

Connor whimpered slightly as Hank’s hips just kept moving, not giving him time or willpower to argue. The position wasn’t ideal for friction against his cock, but the angle caused fairly consistent pressure on his prostate and Connor tried to direct most of his focus to that feeling as Hank continued to pound into him. 

He came after a particularly harsh thrust, Hank pushing all the way into him and pausing as Connor came onto his stomach, Hank whispering sweet praise into his ear. It wasn’t until he felt a faint twitch inside of him followed by Hank slowly pulling out that he realized the demon had cum too, and Connor let out a shaky laugh, pushing curls out of his face as he tried to sit up a bit.

“ _ Well.” _ He huffed, fanning himself as he attempted to regain control of his breathing while Hank grabbed some paper towels to clean them up. 

“You said a quickie.” He laughed with a shrug, wiping the cum off of Connors stomach. 

Connor nodded and sat there for a second, letting Hank clean them off while he caught his breath, then smiled as the demon offered a hand to help him off of the counter. 

“I should…” He looked around, as though trying to remember where they were before smiling up at Hank as he did up his pants. “I should head home and get a shower and get myself in a less… thoroughly screwed state for tonight.”

Hank nodded in agreement, putting an arm around Connors shoulder and leading him towards the exit. “I should take off for a bit anyway.”

“Oh.” Connor nodded, trying not to let his disappointment show as Hank opened his car door for him. He sat in the drivers seat and put his car in the ignition on reflex before looking up at Hank, who had leaned down into the window with an amused look on his face.

_ He could see right through him, couldn’t he? _

Connor smiled, trying to seem casual. “Will i see you again tonight?”

Hank’s smile widened. “Would you like to?”

Connors hands tightened on his steering wheel. “I think so..”

“Then I’ll be there.” Hank leaned into the car more, taking Connor’s chin in hand and kissing him softly before removing his body from the window and stepping back from the car with a wave. 

Connor stared at him for a second before reminding himself he needed to get going, and putting the car in reverse. 

_ He had to get ready. _

  
  


~~~~

As Connor stood in front of the full length mirror on the back of his door and eyeballed his reflection he sighed.   
He should probably be surprised that the garment fit as well as it did, hugging his hips perfectly and nipping his waist in slightly due to the little channels of boning going through the sheer mesh. Despite not even having tried it on, it fit like it was made for him, and knowing Hank Connor wouldn’t be surprised if it actually had been. Even the black underwear seemed perfect, as if it were designed for a man, with his flaccid cock tucked comfortably into the bit of extra fabric at the front.    
_ And he was pretty damn positive that shop didn’t carry mens lingerie. _

He attached the last garter strap to the black lace at the top of his stocking and turned partly to look at things from the back, trying his best to gauge whether or not things were attached properly. He gave them an experimental tug and, when he was sure they weren’t going to randomly snap off in the middle of his sermon, proceeded to dress himself. 

Once fully clothed, contacts in and hair appropriately styled for what felt like the first time in ages he felt… much more relaxed. For whatever reason, he felt more calm and at ease than he had in a long time, and even with the naughty little secret hiding under his conservative clothing he welcomed the complete lack of panic in the back of his brain. 

He looked himself over in the mirror one more time, making sure no lace was visible under his clothes, and that no marks were visible above his collar, then grabbed his phone and headed towards the kitchen to grab a snack.

He grabbed a granola bar from the pantry, then ducked into the fridge for a bottle of water and laughed as his ass received a firm smack just as his hand grasped around a bottle in the back He straightened up, taking a sip of his water and raised an eyebrow at Gavin who was currently busying himself grabbing a cup from the cabinet by the sink. 

“Well hi to you too.” He laughed, closing the fridge with is hip.

“Heading out?” His friend asked innocently, opening the fridge again and pulling the carton of juice from the door.

Connor answered with a simple ‘uh huh’ as he grabbed his keys from the kitchen bar where he’d left them earlier.

Gavin set the carton next to his glass on the counter and made a face that Connor could only interpret as pouting, making him laugh. 

“What?” 

“I don’t even get a goodbye or anything.” Gavin scoffed playfully as Connor gave him a disbelieving look. He turned to pour his juice, giving an overdramatic sniffle. “It’s fine. I get it. Got yourself a man now and suddenly you don’t need me.” 

Connor laughed, walking over to his friend. “Oh my god. You are ridiculous.“ He pulled Gavin into a hug, the shorter man giving a halfassed protest and turning his head away as Connor leaned down to kiss him. After two attempts Connor scoffed, gripping Gavin’s chin in his hand to hold him still and finally kissing him, his friend responding by kissing him back and reaching down to grab two handfulls of Connor’s ass, giving him a good squeeze. 

Connor felt the garters against his thighs pull in protest at the severe handling of his backside before Gavin pulled away, blinking as his eyebrows went up.

_ Shit.  _

“Whoa, wait a sec, are y--”

“ _ I gotta go.” _ Connor pulled away from his friend quickly, cheeks burning as he grabbed his water and granola bar off of the counter and quickly walked towards the door, desperate to not have to explain his current choice of underwear to his friend. 

_ Fuck buddies or not, Gavin had a sick sense of humor and there was no way he would let Connor live this down if they got to talking about it. _

_ Nope. Not going there. _

“Hang on! Connor, what--” Gavin rounded the counter after him as Connor just shook his head, already halfway out the door. 

“Sorry, I’m late! Really can’t talk! I’ll see you later, love you, bye!” 

He closed the door on his friends laughter, already dreading coming home to have to talk about this later.

The drive to church was, thankfully, enough time to clear his head and stop the rather obvious blushing his face insisted upon. 

Things went… according to schedule after that. Nothing big or crazy happened. No accidents or slip ups. His sermon was well received and, from what he could tell, nobody was any the wiser what he was hiding under his clothes.

He even managed to sit down with mom and dad in his office afterwards and talk for a bit without feeling like he wanted to jump out of his skin.

By the time everyone had left and everything was cleaned up Connor had almost forgotten about his impending meeting with Hank.

_ Almost. _ _  
_ Once he was sure everything was cleaned up Connor locked up and went to his office to grab his bag, glancing at the clock on his phone with a mildly dejected expression. Hank usually showed up after everyone else left, if past experiences were to be taken as an example, and Connor frowned at his phone as he debated on sending the demon a text. He wasn’t sure if Hank had planned on coming here tonight. He’d said they’d see one another again, but maybe he meant at the apartment? Would he be silly to sit around and wait if Hank wasn’t going to show up?

Then again, Hank was a demon. And he’d just… appeared out of thin air last time Connor had called him. Should he do that again?

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, thumb hovering over Hanks contact information, when a soft knock at his closed door made him sigh. 

_ He’d thought everyone was gone for the night. _

He probably shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was when he opened the door to see Hank standing there, but he’d gotten so use to the demon just  _ showing up  _ and not knocking or anything a normal person would do, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he opened the door and it was indeed him on the other side. 

“Thank God.” He laughed, tucking his phone into his back pocket.

Hank raised an eyebrow, stepping into the office and closing the door behind himself. 

“Weird person to thank for  _ me  _ showing up, but ok.”

Connor shot him a look, shaking his head and leaning back against his desk. “Here I was worried I’d have to deal with people again.”

Hank came to stand in front of him, leaning down to kiss him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

“Since when do you knock?” Connor asked as he pulled away, folding his arms across his chest as Hank just shrugged.

“Wanted to keep you on your toes. I don’t wanna be predictable or something.”

“Uh huh.”

Hank smirked, his hands coming to rest on either side of Connors hips on the desk top. He leaned in to kiss him once more, a hand moving to the back of his neck to unclip the collar there then slipping it out of the front of his shirt and dropping it somewhere out of sight. 

Before he could even consider protesting, Hank had Connors shirt halfway unbuttoned and he leaned back a bit as his hand touched the material covering Connors torso.

Remembering what he was wearing, Connor smiled and finished unbuttoning his shirt himself while stepping out of his shoes.

“Don’t tell me you forgot.” He laughed as Hank looked over him in what appeared to be surprise. He undid his pants and shimmied out of them, kicking the garment aside and seating himself on the edge of his desk. 

It was nice, seeing Hank almost dumbstruck for a second as the demon let his eyes travel slowly up and down Connor’s body, taking a step back and running a finger over his lower lip as he drank in the sight in front of him.

“Didn’t forget.” He clarified after a second, his eyes lighting up as though he remembered Connor had spoken in the first place. “Just… misjudged how…” He shook his head. “Fucking perfect you would look in it.”

Connor grinned, snapping one of the garter straps at his thigh and raising an eyebrow at Hank. “Seems like everything fit a little  _ too  _ well.” He pointed out, smirking as Hank stepped forward to stand between his thighs. “Did you make them or something?” He asked, wrapping his arms around Hanks neck.

“Made some…  minor alterations.” Hank ran his hands up Connor’s sides, feeling the material there, then reached down to grip Connors thighs. He leaned down to kiss Connor again, pulling him a bit closer and groaning softly into his mouth as Connor purposely ground his hips against the straining bulge in Hanks pants. 

He pushed his hands through Hanks hair and pulled him a little closer, fingers digging into the long strands and tugging gently as the demon pulled away just a little, pulling Connors bottom lip between his teeth and making him wince at the slight sting.

When they pulled away from one another finally, Connor stared up at the demon above him, an idea popping into his head before he could stop it, making him squirm a little.

Connor hesitated a second, perhaps a second longer than he should have, his hands paused halfway through Hanks hair and his eyes glued to a spot just over Hanks head. 

_ He wasn't sure how to ask for what he wanted… _

"Could… could you--" before he could finish his sentence, as though he knew exactly what was on Connors mind, Hank let out a small laugh and leaned forward to kiss him again. 

As soon as their lips touched, Connor felt his fingers pushed apart as those horns slowly protruded from Hanks head. 

When he pulled back Connor looked up at them with an awestruck expression. They were fascinating, really. A little odd, but fascinating. And honestly pretty fucking beautiful. 

He reached up tentatively, running his fingers along the ridges like he'd done in his room before. They were dark, a deep brown, almost black, with an almost iridescent hue to them, the color shifting ever so slightly in the dim light, from brown to gold to reddish purple. Probably as long as Connors forearm, curving with a sort of elegance out from just behind his hairline and turning up at the ends. 

Captivated and more than a little curious, Connor sat up more, stretching his spine out in order to lean up and press a few soft kisses along the base of one. 

Hanks reaction didn't disappoint, his shoulders stiffening under Connors fingers, body tensing a bit. When Connor carefully licked along the spot he'd kissed Hanks breath stalled a little, before breathing in a suspiciously slow inhale. 

Connor couldn't help but grin. 

This was  _ really _ fascinating. 

All things considered, sex was… kind of his  _ thing. _ So finding something unique like this that he'd never experienced before, that elicited such a reaction from his lover, was exhilarating to say the least. 

Connor felt Hank smile where he was pressed to his chest, his lips stretching slowly as he let out a low chuckle.

"You're playing a dangerous game here, little one." 

Connor pulled back a bit and watched as the whites of Hanks eyes were swallowed up by that deep black, driving an inadvertent shiver down his spine. 

Smirking, Connor kept his eyes on Hank's, trailing his fingers gently along both horns. "Oh, am I now?"

Hank jogged his eyebrows a bit, fingers digging into the meat of Connor’s thighs, making him acutely aware of the slight scratch of his nails elongating slightly. He inhaled deeply and Connor watched with obvious fascination as his chest visibly expanded and he seemed to stand a bit taller. 

“Holy shit.” He breathed, unable to help himself as Hank leaned down again and licked his way up the side of his throat, his tongue even seeming longer than normal.

With a harsh yank, Hank pulled Connor off of the desk, and all he could do was stare up at him as the realization dawned on him  _ just how much taller Hank was. _

He swallowed the saliva that suddenly pooled in his mouth, his mind instantly brought back to that first night meeting Hank, and how imposing he had seemed, before he was being turned around. A large hand pressed between his shoulderblades and he was being bent over his desk. There was rustling behind him as Connor stretched out on top of the wood, gripping the other edge of the desk and attempting to look behind him as Hank used one foot to nudge Connor’s legs further apart. He breathed out a shaky sigh and dropped his forehead to the wood as Hank lowered himself to his knees and gripped Connor’s ass in both hands.    
He gripped his cheeks briefly, squishing them together and pulling them apart with an approving hum before reaching down to unclasp the garters on Connor’s stockings.

He started with the two in the front, undoing them with surprising fluidity, despite how long it had taken Connor to figure out how to work the damn things earlier, then moved to the two at the back, snapping the thin strands against his thighs briefly before undoing them as well. 

Once the stockings were freed, Hank slid his hands up the little garment, pushing the hem of the thing up so he could grasp the edge of the panties and pull them down his thighs. 

Connor closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip, counting the seconds before Hanks hands found his cheeks again and the demon inhaled slightly.  

“Oh, little one.” Hank sighed, fingers gripping Connor’s ass as he leaned forward and trailed his tongue along the flat end of the plug Connor had inserted there earlier. 

Connor sighed from the contact of Hanks tongue around the edge of the plug. “Didn’t want you worrying.” He whispered in a lame attempt at an explanation.

Hank just laughed, one hand coming to press against the base of the plug and rocking it gently, making Connor groan and push back against him.

He kept at it, rocking the plug inside of him as he took Connors cock in his other hand and slowly trailed his tongue along the underside before taking one of his balls into his mouth and sucking gently, making Connor practically mewl. 

He pressed his forehead into the wood of his desk, unable to focus on anything other than the pounding of his own heart and the feeling of… everything Hank was doing behind him. He was faintly aware of the brush of Hank’s horns against the backs of his thighs whenever he would turn his head a certain way, and the heat coming off of the things almost made them feel like a second set of hands on his skin.

When Hank finally stood again, Connor was already sweating, gripping the edge of the desk as Hank leaned over him, pressing him down with his body into the wood and worked the plug out of him carefully. He assumed Hank set it aside somewhere quickly, because as soon as he lifted his head to look back at Hank again, there was the familiar feeling of the blunt head of Hanks cock pressing into him. 

All he could do was sigh and drop his head again, his back arching as Hank pushed all the way in and trailed both hands up along his spine. A hand gripped the back of his neck, pressing him down firmly into the wood under him as Hank started moving, making Connors stomach clench with heavy arousal and a series of pitiful moans escape him every time Hank would slam home.

When Hank pulled him back up to kiss him, hips still moving relentlessly, Connor reached up blindly with one hand and gripped one of his horns. A soft growl rumbled through his back as the noise left Hank, his hips pistoning even harder. 

Connor took note of the way his movements stalled ever so slightly as he undoubtedly got closer to orgasm and he made a pointed effort to grip the horn in his hand a bit harder. 

When one of Hanks hands wrapped around his cock and started pumping, Connor lost all semblance of balance, letting himself be pressed into the desk by Hanks sheer weight. He was pretty sure, were it not for the fact that his eyes were already closed, they would have rolled back into his head.

After a few more thrusts Hanks teeth were at his neck again, biting into the tender flesh and making Connor cry out as his orgasm punched out of him, quickly followed by Hanks as he clenched around him.

They laid there for a second, Hanks hand still on his cock, his teeth still at his throat, before they finally started to peel off of one another carefully. 

Connor uncurled his fist from around Hanks horn and slowly let go of the edge of the desk, flexing his fingers as the blood slowly returned to them. 

Hank slowly let go of Connors cock and neck at the same time, lapping delicately at the marks his teeth had made before sitting up fully. 

Hank helped Connor up and made sure he was steady before taking a step back and pushing his hair out of his face. 

His horns retracted as his hands ran through his hair and he huffed out a breath, giving Connor a sideways look and smiling. 

"Well that was new." 

Connor reached for his pants, pulling them up his legs and raising his eyebrows at Hank. "We've fucked here before." He pointed out, shrugging his shirt on.

"Not what I meant." Hank laughed, tucking himself into his pants and stepping towards him to rest a hand on his hip.

Feeling like a lightbulb was lit, Connor smiled, leaning into Hanks chest and kissing him softly. "Mm. What, you've never fucked someone in that form before?" 

"Can't say that I have."

"Good." Connor grinned, kissing him again before turning and gathering the rest of his things. 

He made sure there weren't any traces of semen coating any of the surfaces of the desk where they'd fucked before ushering Hank out the door and shutting the lights out behind them.

As they made their way to the exit, Hank sighed, coming to a stop next to Connor as he locked the front doors behind them. They were quiet for a second, Connor turning around to see Hank staring up at the night sky with an odd look on his face.

"Something wrong?" He asked, pocketing his keys and looking up at the demon in concern.

Hank shrugged, pushing his hands into his pockets and looking down at Connor with a somewhat rueful smile. "I'm sure you'll be upset with me, but there's still the subject of a contract we need to discuss."

Connor sighed, dropping his hand from Hanks arm and shaking his head. He walked across the street with Hank in toe, climbing over the fence into the little park beyond, making his way over to the swings.

"Why does it matter?" He asked, putting his hands on his hips and turning away from the swing.

"Because… it just does." Hank muttered, seeming annoyed as he shrugged and came to stand in front of him.

Connor sighed, dropping his weight into one of the swings. The old chains clattered and shook noisily as Connor lifted his hands then dropped them into his lap in frustration. "Why?" He asked, looking up at Hank in confusion, clasping his hands together. "Why do you need me to agree to it so bad? Why can't we just be together and--?"

Hank sighed and turned away partially, the exasperated roll of those blue eyes obvious, even in the dim light. "That's not how it works, little one."

"Well, why the hell not?"

"Because I can't  _ protect you _ ." It was Hanks turn to glare, looking down at Connor fiercely before sighing and sitting himself on the swing next to Connors. He took a deep breath before continuing, as though trying to choose his words carefully so that it would make sense. "…not all of my kind are as patient as I am. Most of us… we operate off of a code of ethics. We don't take any action until a contract is agreed upon. But not all of them do. And not all of them are going to require a full verbal agreement. Some may take extreme measures to get you to agree to something you don't realize."

Connor scoffed. "I'm not gonna just--"

"You don't know that, Connor!" Connor flinched, his eyes widening a fraction as Hank snapped at him. "For fucks sake…" he growled, rubbing a hand over his jaw and looking around the empty park, as though it were taking every ounce of his strength to not snap. "You need to understand, I'm not the only one who wants you, Con, and you've already been fooled by one of my kind. Some of them will do and say  _ anything _ . If I have you under contract, no one will touch you."

Connor sighed, pushing both hands through his hair with a groan. When he dropped them again he stared up at the streetlight ahead of them, trying to gather his thoughts. The subject he and Hank had been dancing around for days was bound to come to a head at some point… he'd just hoped he would have a little more time to pretend things were normal.

"I just…" he sighed, returning his gaze to Hank's "I need to know more. I can't just… sign away my immortal soul because  _ you  _ say it'd be better for me, Hank."

Hank knelt in front of Connors swing, taking both of his hands in his much larger ones and pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. "So ask. Ask anything. I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Anything that will make you more comfortable."

Connor nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. He had… _ so _ many questions. Theological questions. Questions about life and death. Questions about the extent of Hanks powers. So many things he wanted answered, and the only thing looping inside his head was that he  _ still _ didn't really know anything about the demon. He was pretty sure Hank wasn't his real name. He didn't even know if he  _ had  _ a real name. Barely knew what he really looked like under that facade. Didn't know where he came from, or even what he liked to do in his spare time when he wasn't doing… 'demon things'. There was so much that he wanted to know. So much he needed to know. 

"...Can I ask a personal question?"

Hank smirked, shrugging his shoulders. Something in his expression made Connor think he was already regretting this. "I said anything." He sighed. 

He took a deep breath, clasping his hands together in his lap. "Ok… you said you had a son, before? Was that true? Was he… human?" He gave Hank a funny look, clearly saying he had no idea what he was talking about. "Or… how does that work?"

Hank laughed a little, shaking his head as he sat back on his heels.  "Not letting me off easy, are ya?" He clasped his own hands together, looking Connor in the eye. "It was the truth. I had a kid. Long,  _ long  _ time ago. He was human.. so was I, once." At Connors clearly surprised expression Hank smiled. "I wasn't born what I am."

"What happened?"

Hank sighed, pulling out a cigarette and lighting the thing before answering. "Same thing that happens to a lot of us. Sold my soul. Rather than kick the bucket, I had to stick around for a bit."

Connor blinked rapidly, shaking his head and leaning back slightly on his swing as though he were so surprised it threw him off balance. "Wait. That's a choice?"

Hank just shrugged, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "Technically, not that I was given one. Wouldn't recommend it."

Connor felt as though he’d had all the air forced out of his lungs as once. He stared down at his feet for a moment, trying to wrap his brain around the information Hank had given him. “How long  _ have _ you been around?”

Hank sighed, standing and sitting in the swing next to Connor’s, only taking his eyes off of him long enough to flick a bit of ash off of his cigarette before fixing him with his attention again. “A… really long fucking time.”

Connor turned a little more towards Hank, raising his eyebrows. “So, who was  _ your  _ demon?” 

“My demon.” Hank snorted, fixing Connor with an amused look. “Make it sound romantic or something.”

Connor gave him a crooked smile. “Is it not usually?”

“Not really, no. It's usually a business transaction. But he was just some low rent jackass too big for his britches. Killed him first chance I got.”

“Oh…” Connor frowned. “Why? Didn't he do what you wanted?”

“Yeah. With some pretty fucked fine print.” he shrugged, motioning towards himself. “I told you. Some just wanna do the bare minimum and trick you into shit you don't realize you're agreeing to. Asshole just… I dunno, thought it was funny or something. Wanted to try it out? Fuck if I know.” He finished his cigarette and flicked the butt into the darkness of the park, outside of the glow of streetlight.

Connor’s mouth screwed up in a curious expression, his eyebrows drawing down as he watched Hank swing absently in the silence. He felt as though he were finally learning something. Finally shedding a little sliver of light on the great mystery that was this man next to him. “Well, why did you do it?” When Hank looked back over at him and raised a curious eyebrow, Connor shrugged. “Sell your soul? Was it because of what happened to your son?”

Hank puffed out his cheeks, hunching over on his swing and scratching at his scalp. “The plot thickens.” He let out a laugh that Connor could only hear as nervous before straightening back up and rubbing his palms on his thighs, his eyes going up to the sky above them. Connor leaned forward, hanging on to his every word. "Yeah. When he… when it happened, I said I'd do anything to get him back, and here we are. Not much else to say.”

“Huh..”

“Yup.” Hank stood, beginning to pace. Connor’s eyes followed him, noting every movement he made as though they held some great secret that Connor just had to watch long enough to decipher. Every little shift of muscle under his shirt. Every twitch of his fingers.

When Connor spoke again, he did so softly, as though afraid of pushing his luck. “What happened to him? Your son.”

Hank shrugged again, hands going into his pockets. “Lived a full happy life with a family that had nothing to do with me.” 

“Oh…” He chewed his bottom lip. "I'm sorry."

Hank looked away. "It's fine."

“What… what was your name before? When you were human?”

Hank stopped pacing, his eyebrows drawing down in apparent confusion. He hesitated a second, eyes staring at a spot by his feet. “..huh… i… don't remember.” 

“Hm..” Connor stretched his hands out in front of him, stretching slightly before grabbing the chains on either side of him again and swinging himself slightly.

They were quiet for a few moments, the conversation weighed down by the gravity of the previous line of questions, before Connor finally spoke again, his eyes going up to the dark sky overhead. 

“You've taken other souls before.”

Hank looked at him again, smirking. “That wasn't a question.” 

Connor stared back, his expression serious. “I know. How many?”

Another shrug. “Hundreds?”

“Was that a question?”

Hank scratched his head, uncomfortable. “They all run together after a while.”

"Were they all consensual?”

“No.”

“How many weren't?”

“Two.”

Connor’s hands tightened around the chains of his swing. “Why me? How is this any different?”

“You're special.”

Connor snorted. “Bullshit.”

Hank gave him a crooked smile. “I'm many things, little one. A liar is not one of them.”

Connor looked at him skeptically, mouth screwing up in disbelief before he shook his head. 

“How long have you…. I dunno, been after me? You knew about me before we met that night at the bar, didn't you? You came right for me… that wasn't a coincidence.” 

“I've been watching you for a very long time, little one.”

Connor stared out at the church, slowing his swing to a stop with his feet. There were so many thoughts running through his head right now, but one in particular was screaming like an alarm bell, sending goosebumps down his arms and tickling his fight or flight response. “How long is ‘a long time' Hank?” he muttered into the silence, his eyebrows wrinkling as though afraid of the answer.

Hank sighed from somewhere next to him, his swing creaking as he stood again. “Well…" he ran a hand through his hair, looking uncomfortable. Something told Connor he was regretting promising to tell him everything. 

He sighed before answering. "Almost continuously the past 6 or 7 years. But prior to that semi-regularly ever since you were a child.” 

Connors head whipped around to stare at him, his stomach sinking and making him feel nauseous.  “Since I was…. Holy… shit.” He stood and shook his head, shaky fingers struggling for a second before finally managing to pull another cigarette from his crumpled carton and light the thing. After a second of pacing and puffing on the thing he turned to face the demon again, hating the way his stupid heart  _ still _ fluttered when he made eye contact. 

He had assumed Hank had spotted him at some point after he'd come home from college. Maybe a  _ little _ before, even. He'd thought… .maybe the demon had taken an interest in him from across one of the bars he visited and had decided to pursue him, purposely tracking Connor to bump into him like that night with Elijah, or that time at the coffee shop.

_ This…   _ this was a totally different level of fucked. “Were you..  _ there _ when I slept with Elijah?” He took another long inhale from the cigarette then flicked the ash off the end as he slowly exhaled, not daring to take his eyes off of Hank.

“Unfortunately." Hank snorted out a bitter little laugh, crossing his arms over his chest and shrugging. Connor blinked, caught a little off guard as Hank bared his teeth and a sound rumbled in the air between them. It took him a second to realize that the sound was coming from Hank. 

He… was growling. 

_ Shit. _

"He had a good laugh rubbing it in, too.”

Connor swallowed down the fucked up part of his perpetually horny brain telling him that it was hot in order to continue his questions. “So... that's why you were so hostile towards him that night we met..” he laughed. “Shoulda known you coming to my rescue like a battered girlfriend was too good to be true.”

Hank scoffed, pushing his hands into his pockets. “He's an asshole. I'm just lucky he was easy to get rid of.”

Connor paused, blinking with his cigarette halfway to his mouth. “Wait, that text he got that made him leave… was that you?”

Hank grinned, the light from the streetlamp making his teeth look sharper than normal. “A little threatening goes a long way.” He shrugged. “And I wanted you to myself.”

Connor shook his head, taking one final drag from his cigarette before dropping it and snuffing it out with his shoe. As much as he wanted to ignore the persistent sinking feeling setting up shop in his stomach he knew he couldn't. He took a step closer to Hank, kicking his chin up to keep eye contact while his hands stayed down by his sides. He was barely swallowing the urge to just run and hide. Stop asking questions and go back to ignorant bliss.

He really didn't want to ask the next question.. he was pretty sure of the answer, but part of him, the part that still wanted _ desperately _ to believe everything was ok, hoped it would be a different answer. “Were you there that night?”

Silence.

He didn't need to clarify. Hank knew exactly which night he meant, and the longer the silence stretched out the colder Connor felt.

“HANK. Were you there? Or… shit,  _ any _ of the nights shit went sideways?”

“Yes.”

Connors fists clenched at his sides as he swallowed, trying to ignore the closed off feeling beginning to constrict his throat. “And… you… just let them do those things to me…”

Hank actually sighed at that, shaking his head and, looking away from Connor. “Yes. We don't interfere. I wanted to rip their throats out, but that's not how things are done. You make your bed, you need to lie in it. That's the way the game is played.”

Connor stared at him in disbelief, his body beginning to shake uncontrollably with all of the feelings bombarding him.   
He was indignant, sad, and confused.   
But more than anything, as seemed to  _ persistently _ be the case with Hank, he was  **_so angry_ ** .   
"How many times?" He whispered, looking up at Hank with an appalled expression. Hank opened his mouth to respond and Connor cut him off, raising his voice. "How many times have I been.... At my wits end,  hating myself, taken advantage of. How many times have you just... Let it fucking happen?!" He reached out with both hands, shoving every ounce of strength and anger he had against the demons chest. When he only took a single step back Connor did it again, the lack of response on Hanks part only feuling him more. "You're the  _ one _ person who could have stopped it all. I-I-I've been beaten, raped and treated like human  _ garbage _ ! Those assholes left me to rot in a fucking alley. I've  _ literally _ had my teeth kicked in. Jimmy fucking Peterson took  _ pictures  _ of me and threatened to tell my family and everyone I knew, and I tried to-to fucking kill myself, and you've  _ never _ stepped in to help! Not  _ once,  _ except for when it was  _ convenient  _ for you! Why!? All because you wanted… w-what?? To see how long it would take me to fucking crack? For some stupid fucking  _ game _ ?" 

Hank stared at him, his expression unreadable. "I didn't care." was all he said, his voice barely a whisper.

Connor barked out a laugh, the sound desperate and pained. "Oh! And now you do? Big  _ fucking _ surprise! Guy gets his dick wet a couple of times and suddenly gives a shit." He laughed again, closing his eyes and turning away from Hank, his jaw clenched shut and teeth grinding as he tried to regain some control. He took a couple of steps away, before turning back, raising his hands in a show of exasperation. "And you have the fucking...  _ Nerve _ to ask me to stay with you? Jesus fucking christ..." He blinked rapidly, turning away again and fisting both hands in his hair, refusing to let himself cry as his emotions went haywire. 

When he turned back to him, Hank was just… watching him. His shoulders had slumped, and he seemed… smaller, somehow. That large ego deflated by the hatred seeping out of Connors every pore.

He just pushed his hands in his pockets, watching Connor closely as he started talking quietly. "I've watched so many humans destroy themselves. I've egged most of then on. I make no excuses for that, you just… get numb to it after a while. When you've been around as long as I have, you don't get attached. It's too dangerous. Too painful. I've rubbed salt in your wounds and even encouraged your self destructive behavior, thinking it was the only way to get you to come to me. It was just… means to an end, at first. I'm not foolish enough to ask you to forgive me. I can only hope you'll believe me that… it's different, now. That I do want to help you, however I can."

Connor ate up the space between them again with a few fast strides, glaring up at him. "You don't want to help me, you self interested, duplicitous piece of shit!" He snarled, giving Hank one more shove for good measure. "You want to help  **_you_ ** _. God,  _ how the hell was I so  **_stupid?!_ ** " He let out a humorless laugh, and shook his head before turning away one more time, staring up at the night sky. Above the glow of the streetlights everything was pitch black, dotted with stars blinking back at him.

It… almost reminded him of Hank's eyes, endless pools of black with pinpricks of light freckled throughout, if you looked at the right angle. 

He took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm his racing heart, then let out a drawn out sigh, turning back to the demon with his hands on his hips. "Fuck you." He looked up into Hanks eyes, trying to glare everything he was feeling into him and taking a step back when the demon attempted to step towards him. "Fuck. You. Stay the fuck away from me. Don't text me, don't call me, don't fucking follow me." His voice had died down, the heat replaced by a quiet resignation as he took a couple more steps back. He turned away and walked back towards his car without another word, not bothering to look behind him.   
He knew Hank would be gone.

He wasn't sure which bar be ended up at. He drove for several minutes and the next thing he knew he was being jostled around a noisy dance floor. He wound up doing shots of something disgusting that burned like a bitch going down. Didn't know how many he was in before someone approached him at the bar and started flirting, which suited him just fine. He didn't know what the little white pill that somehow made its way into his palm was. Wasn't even completely sure who gave it to him. Didn't care. He downed the thing without thinking. Chased it with another shot. Then another. And another.

He wasn't even sure who kept offering to buy him drinks. There was a brunette, a blonde(who he quickly dismissed), a guy named Jake. A guy named Nick. Before he knew it he wound up on the dance floor again with a beer in his hand.

He couldn't remember the guys name he was grinding against for the better part of the night. 

He laughed it a few times as they made out.

Before he realized it had happened he was at home, fumbling with his keys while his companion, Greg(?) kissed on the back of his neck

He giggled. Dropped the keys once. Finally managed to push the door open, shushing George(?) between laughing and kissing him.

He led Gavin(?No. Not that wasn't right.) to his room and locked the door behind them, sighing as hands shoved his jacket off and pawed at him.

God, what was his fucking name?

He didn't remember the sex. He remembered muffling himself in his pillow, and eventually finishing down the guys throat before his body finally decided it was fed up with his bullshit and he passed out.

**_Wake up_ **

He came to with a start, sure he'd heard someone in his ear.

He sat up only to have the world spin and his stomach lurch, threatening to chuck it's contents all over his floor.

Between the ringing in his ears, the pounding behind his eyelids and the sound of his own retching as he grabbed his little waste paper basket and retched into it futilely, he didn't hear the first pop.

He definitely heard the second, though. As well as all of the shouting, suddenly so loud it was as if it were inside his own head, and any blood that was left in his face definitely drained from it.

_ Oh no. _

_ No no no. _

It took him all of two seconds to pull his pajama bottoms up(when did he even put those on?) then fling his useless body across his room and throw his door open. 

He stepped out into the hall just in time to see Niles jump over the couch and race out the front door at full speed, clearly after someone who's name Connor still couldn't remember.

Ignoring the churning in his stomach he raced down the hall, skidding to a halt in the living room entryway.

There. On the floor in front of the entertainment center was Gavin, his best friend laying there, clutching his stomach, eyebrows drawn down in pain but still very much alive.

Oh. God, There was so much blood..

Connors stomach gave another valiant lurch and he had to swallow it down as he ran into the kitchen and grabbed the first hand towel he saw, then quickly dropped to his knees by his friends side and attempted to pinpoint where exactly the wound was through all of the blood and his own tears making it incredibly hard to see.

Gavin winced as Connor moved his hands and pushed the towel to the wound, trying to apply enough pressure to maybe stem the bleeding.

There was noise from the stairwell, a scuffle, panicked shouts turning frantic, and then becoming garbled. Connor could swear he heard something crack, but didn't want to think about what it might have been as his stomach clenched again.

"Con." 

Gavins soft mutter from under him snapped his attention from the front door back down to his friend. 

He lifted a blood covered hand, pointing to one of the drawers in the entertainment center. "T-top drawer. There's a spare key, fer this." He threaded a finger through the chain at his neck for demonstration. "Could you…"

Connor was already moving, pulling open the drawer quickly and rooting around inside for a second before finally finding the  key in question. He looked at Gavin curiously, one hand moving to touch the padlock. "You, uh, want me to take it off?" 

Gavin nodded, letting Connor undo the little lock and slip it off of his neck. He muttered a quiet thank you as Connor dropped the chain into his waiting palm before resuming holding the towel to his stomach. 

Connor was acutely aware of the noise having died down from outside. There was soft talking from Niles, his twin no doubt calling for an ambulance.

Connor closed his eyes, swallowing down more bile before looking down at Gavin again. 

"I'm so sorry…" he finally managed.

"Hey. It's cool." Gavin shifted a little and winced. "This is how I normally spend my nights off, y'know?" 

Connor laughed a little, despite the tears still flowing freely down his face, only managing to mumble out another apology.

"Con. Hey, babe, look at me. It's ok. Just…" another wince. "shit… don't… don't let Ni be too hard on you. It's not your fault."

Connor could feel his bottom lip trembling, the voice in his head screaming about how wrong he was. "But, I--" 

"Don't care." Gavin shifted a little again, as though he couldn't stand being so still, and hissed a breath in through his teeth. "Y-you ain't the one who decided to try to rob a fucking cop. Fucker would probably have hit someone tonight." Gavin grinned a little. "Wrong fuckin house, asshole."

Connors attention was yet again brought to the front door as Niles came back in, walking into the apartment with the slightest limp as he rounded the couch back to where Gavin lay. 

He looked… almost ominous framed by the light from outside the front door, his features cast in sharp shadows, making him look much older than their twenty five years. It took Connor a second to realize that his brother was completely covered in blood and seemed totally unbothered by it.

Gavin snorted a little, apparently thinking the same thing as Connor as he looked up at his partner. "Shit, babe. S'there anything left of him?"

Niles glanced down at the red coating his knuckles, splatters of muddy reddish-brown flecked up his arms and across his face. Making a disdainful face he flung some of the blood off with an angry flick of his hand before looking down at Gavin once more. His eyes travelled over Connor, still kneeling there with both hands pressed to the wound, eyes blurry with tears as he stared up at his brother.    
As he took a step towards them he let his eyes rest on Gavin, going over him several times, no doubt assessing the damage.    
"Please step away, Connor." He said cooly, coming to stand next to them.   
"But..." Connors eyes followed him the whole time, flicking between his bloodsplattered fist and his eyes. "W-we need to keep pressure--"   
"Connor." Niles didn't let him finish. "I don't suppose you're aware of what a stomach wound is capable of doing to a person, but I've just beaten a man within an inch of his life and if paramedics do not arrive  _ very shortly,  _ Gavin and that man may very well bleed out on my floor and I am currently in no frame of mind to be arguing, so please,  **_do not_ ** make me put my hands on you right now." His brother spoke quickly, closing his eyes as though he couldn't stand to look at Connor while he did. 

He knelt down next to Gavin as Connor let go, reaching out and rolling the other onto his side as gingerly as possible.

“Mother **_fucking_ ** _ cocksucker!” _ Gavin growled in pain, letting out a drawn out whine while Niles leaned over him and lifted the back of his shirt, examining things with a critical eye, despite Gavin repeatedly punching him in the thigh while whining “I thought you loved me. Why would you do this?”

Niles’ eyebrows pinched in the middle, looking as though he were in just as much pain as Gavin as the other gripped his pant leg tightly, his fingers twisting into the fabric of his sweats until his bloody knuckles turned white. 

“I know, I know. I'm sorry…” he whispered as he scrutinized the wound “Clean exit wound though.. good. At least they won't be fishing out bullet fragments.”

Gavin barked out a pained laugh as Niles slowly maneuvered him so that his head was on his lap while applying pressure to the entrance and exit wounds. “Oh, good. Yeah.  **_Cool_ ** .. Cause that's my concern right now. Not all the blood I'm losing.” 

“I'm worried about the long term dear.” Niles sighed, a small smile tugging at his lips as he locked eyes with Gavin.

Gavin sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah ya always are.” He laughed again, the sound a bit more like a wheeze. “ ‘Sides, you know those 9mms don't shatter on impact, dumbass.”

Niles quirked an eyebrow. “No but if it hit a rib it  _ could _ have.”

“Please.” His eyelids fluttered shut once, staying closed for a few beats before he opened them again slowly. “At that range it's more likely to shatter my rib not the damn bullet.”

Niles smirked. “Crossed my mind. Would you like me to start poking around to check?”

Gavin coughed out another laugh, squeezing his eyes shut for a second as though trying not to groan in pain. “Oh yeah babe, just stick your damn finger in my bullet wound. Y'know that  _ really _ gets me going.”

Niles barked out a laugh at that, and even in the dim light Connor could see the way his bottom lip trembled the slightest bit as it left him. “You're an asshole.”

Gavin just grinned, all toothy satisfaction at making Niles laugh. “Yep. You married me though. Ya  _ sucker.” _

“I did. And I'd do it again.” Niles leaned over Gavin, pressing a lingering kiss to his temple. “Should I have gotten you a ring?” he mumbled against his skin, earning a halfhearted scoff from Gavin.

“You're so fuckin gay.”

“Fuck you.” Nikes let out another small laugh before sitting up and blinking as his eyes fell on Gavins bare throat. “Wait, where's your--”

“S'here…” Gavin held up the collar, blinking slowly. “Those fuckers in the ER’d cut it off anyway. Didn't want that.”

Niles took the thing from him, giving him a mildly annoyed expression as he pocketed it and resumed holding the towel to Gavins stomach. “You got blood on it.” he pointed out.

“No shit sherlock.” He laughed weakly. “Kinda a lotta that goin’ around right now..” Gavin grinned again, pointing to the growing puddle of blood on the floor. “Got blood on the carpet too. And there, and there. And…” he craned his neck around, looking back at the TV that was now toppled backwards off of the entertainment center, a massive spider webbed crack fracturing out from one corner where the first bullet had no doubt hit. “Shit. Sorry Ni, we're... prolly gonna need a new tv.”

Niles pulled a mockingly shocked expression, letting his head bobble a little. “Oh  _ really _ ?”

Gavin winced once before grinning again, lifting a hand in a half shrug. “Aayyy, you can get a nice one outta the life insurance.”

“You're  _ such _ an asshole.” Niles sputtered out another laugh, shaking his head and leaning over Gavin again, the rest of their exchange carrying on through whispers that Connor couldn't overhear.

Instead he just sat there, watching them closely while clutching his own stomach, reminding himself over and over that he was not going to throw up, no matter how badly his body was wanting to.

_ This was all his fault. _

By the time paramedics rushed into the apartment, Gavin had stopped talking, instead just laying there breathing and listening to whatever it was Niles was saying to him. Every so often Niles would ask him to nod or react in some way, but it wasn't until he was being lifted carefully onto a stretcher that he finally opened his eyes again.   
Connor followed them downstairs and out to the ambulance, only sparing a glance at the guy he'd brought into their apartment, currently being pushed up into a separate ambulance on his own stretcher. His face was completely wrapped in gauze and padding, making it impossible to see anything. 

Connor could barely remember what he looked like to begin with.

As the paramedic walking next to Gavin laughed a little, Connor looked back over, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Jesus, Reed. You look like shit." The guy snorted, hanging up the IV bag and securing things appropriately. 

Gavin grinned, one hand absently reaching upwards for Niles to grab hold of. "heh. Yeah. You should see the other guy."   
The paramedic raised his eyebrows, sparing Niles a look. "I did, actually. Your handiwork?"

Niles just shrugged, his eyes not having left the screens of the machines they'd hooked Gavin too since entering the ambulance.

Gavin waved his free hand weakly, still smiling as the paramedics started talking amongst themselves. "Hey. I think imma have to call out sick tomorrow." 

Niles smiled, eyes still glued to those monitors. "No shit, Sherlock."

What felt like an eternity later, Niles and Connor sat outside, in the designated smoking section a stones throw from the hospital entrance.

They had been sitting in the waiting room for thirty minutes before Connor had come out alone, desperate for a bit of nicotine with all of the stress from the night. He was only partially surprised when his brother came to join him. 

Niles didn't ask, just reached over and took the pack from Connors shirt pocket then grunted in lieu of a thank you when Connor offered his lighter.

"I thought you didn't smoke." Connor mumbled lamely, hugging himself and focusing on the puddle of light at their feet from the floodlight above them.

He could practically feel Niles glaring through a cloud of cigarette smoke.

"I  _ quit  _ smoking. But I'd say my husband getting shot in our own home warrants starting back up, huh?"

Connor closed his eyes, fighting back the sick feeling in his stomach before glancing at his brother. "Niles, I'm so sorry…"

Niles closed his eyes, looking like he was very much holding back. "Save it, Connor. If I have to sit here and listen to any more of your obsequious apologies I may very well put you in there with him."

Connor tightened his arms around himself and stood there silently as Niles angrily puffed on his cigarette. 

After a minute, he had to listen a little more closely as Niles started grumbling, more to himself than Connor. 

"I can't believe I let him talk me into it. I  _ knew  _ you couldn't change. You're incapable of it." 

"What?" Connor chanced a glance at Niles, immediately looking away upon seeing the icy look in his brothers eyes.

"You, moving in." He said, loud enough for Connor to hear clearly. "I was against it.  Gavin fucking begged me until I relented. Convinced me you were trying to change." He huffed out a little laugh, shaking his head. "I fucking knew you hadn't."

Connor ducked his head, closing his eyes as he tried desperately to not start crying again. "I know. I'm sorry."

Niles scoffed. "Of course you're sorry. You're always sorry. Tell that to the fucking month I spent sleeping in my car in Gavins back yard."

Connor did look up at that, annoyed with his brothers audacity to bring up something he had thought they were over already. "And what? Me getting kicked out with you would have  _ somehow _ fixed things?"

Niles stopped his pacing and turned towards Connor, his heel skidding angrily on the pavement as he did. "No, but it would have been nice to see you stand up for one thing in your damn life. Like an idiot I figured if you'd do anything it would be so we wouldn't be dealing with the blowback alone. Shows what a moron I was."

"I thought you were over all of that." Connor hugged himself a little tighter.

I am. Because unlike you, connor, I care about my mental wellbeing and I've seen a therapist. But it doesn't change the fact that  _ you  _ are still the same sad, scared kid you were back then." Connor watched his brother as he finished off his cigarette and threw it angrily onto the pavement.“Five fucking years. We've been doing this shit for  _ five  _ fucking years and we've managed to stay out of a fucking ER. And it all goes to shit in one fucking night.” Niles ran a hand through his hair, tousling the normally slicked back curls. He looked so uncharacteristically dishevelled, Connor would have found it funny, in any other situation.

“Look, Niles, I'm not trying to make excuses. I fucked up.”

“Just stop.” Niles rubbed at his temple, slicing a hand through the air in an attempt to silence Connor. I can't deal with your bullshit anymore. I'm fucking done.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, his face screwing up in annoyance. “You need to leave."

"Niles, I--"

"Just stop, Connor. I don't want to hear any more of your excuses. It's always fucking something."

Connor sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Niles, I'm…  dealing with a lot right now. You don't understand--"

"No,  **_you_ ** don't understand." Niles was yelling now, jabbing an accusatory finger in Connors direction. " **_I_ ** deal with stress, Connor. Every fucking day.  _ Literal _ life and death. Dead  _ children  _ and  _ families _ cross my desk almost daily. You can't even begin to comprehend the meaning of the word stress, so please save your pity party bullshit."

"Niles… I didn't--"

"Didn't what? Didn't realize? Didn't think about it? Of  _ course _ not…. you never fucking do." Niles turned away, shoving both hands into his hair and taking a deep breath in through his nose as though trying to force himself to calm down. When he spoke again, it was much quieter, an eerie, sad sort of amusement in his tone as he looked around the parking lot. "You know, after you moved away, I was happy for you. I was. I honestly thought you were trying to get better. That you were gonna get out from under mom's thumb and make something of yourself." He shuffled his foot a little, kicking a pebble out of the light from the lamp over their heads. "But I was… so...  _ scared _ . At least while you lived with mom and dad your cowardice and inability to stand up to them stopped you from doing anything too stupid. But out on your own, without me, without them, without…  _ someone  _ to keep you in check… I worried. I checked newspapers and police reports every day Connor. Every fucking day. Any time a John Doe turned up in a coroner's office anywhere from here to cambridge, I thought…. This is it. He finally fucked up for good." He sighed, shaking his head. "And y'know… the really fucked up part? Part of me always thought… maybe it's for the best."

Connors ears were ringing, as though all of the blood rushed to his head at once. He couldn't look at Niles, and instead just stared down at their feet as his stomach lurched. "You don't mean that." He breathed, praying Niles would agree with him.

Niles let out a laugh, the noise coming out quiet and bitter. "No. I really do, and that's the worst of it." He heard his brother sigh again, the rustling of his clothes getting louder and Niles came to stand next to him again. "I've tried to detach myself from you over the years. I didn't… I didn't want to experience the fucking rollercoaster of emotions that inevitably follows you around. You can't help it. It's not your fault. I know that. But that doesn't change the facts.. I love you Connor, but I'm done. I'm done enabling you. I'm done… worrying myself sick waiting for you to come home at night. I'm just… fucking done." He watched Niles shoes as he started to turn away, his voice quiet. "Gavin will probably be here for a few days, at least. I want you out of the apartment before he goes home. I want you to leave, and please don't contact us again. If you start going to therapy and get the help you need, I'll reconsider, but I won't be a part of your self destructive bullshit anymore. I can't." Niles shook his head, pulling his coat tighter around himself and turning to walk back into the hospital without another word, leaving Connor standing there alone.

Connor didn't realize he'd started walking. 

One moment he was standing next to Niles outside, then Niles was gone, leaving nothing but a bottomless pit feeling in Connors stomach, and then he was walking.

Walking.

Walking.

Until he pushed his way through a bathroom door, and found himself on the floor in front of the toilet, retching. 

Finally, his stomach evacuated its contents, the last remnants of whatever he'd had to eat that night, and all of the alcohol he'd consumed, going straight into the porcelain bowl.

He heaved until his stomach had nothing left to offer, waiting for a second with his hand on the lever to make sure it was done before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and flopping over onto his ass. 

_ What the fuck did he do? _

_ How many times did Niles warn him? _

_ He'd fucked it up, again. _

_ He couldn't come back from this. _

_ Oh God, where was he going to go?  _

_ He couldn't move back in with mom and dad.  _

_ He wouldn't. _

**_Fuck!_ **

He kicked the stall wall in front of him, the plastic partition rattling violently in protest and echoing off the walls, then let his head fall back against the wall behind him, pushing both hands into his hair.

Connor wound up parked in front of his church. He wasn't sure when he decided to go here. Sometime between climbing into his car and realizing he couldn't go home. Didn't really want to with all of the blood everywhere.

He sat there for what felt like an eternity, white knuckling the steering wheel with his forehead pressed to the cool leather. 

_ What was he going to do? _

When he finally managed to peel his hands from the wheel he sat back in his seat and stared up at the building.

His eyes felt like sandpaper. His throat was raw and burned from throwing up so much. He needed some fucking water and to sleep for a week. 

He settled for climbing out of the car slowly and heading inside. Water he could manage. Sleep would likely be a much harder task to accomplish. 

He felt like he would never sleep peacefully again. 

He shuffled into his office and dropped his keys… somewhere, probably on the desk, and grabbed a tiny bottle of water from the mini fridge. He chugged the thing in a few gulps and dropped it into the waste paper basket, then grabbed another and headed back into the church proper. 

He dropped his weight heavily into one of the pews and… stared at the blood still caked under his fingernails. Just when he thought he didn't have any tears left, his body surprised him.

He found himself staring instead up at the large effigy behind the pulpit, bleary eyed and no doubt delirious from the cocktail of drugs and alcohol he'd ingested earlier, a question he hadn't asked in years clawing at the back of his throat. 

He swallowed it down, knowing well enough by now that asking 'why' in situations like this did no good, but an answer came nonetheless, a familiar voice that still made his chest ache reaching his ears.

"He doesn't have any answers for you, little one."

Connor hung his head, resting his elbows on the back of the seat in front of him and clasping his hands above his head, squeezing his skull between his arms. As if he closed his eyes tightly enough and somehow blocked out the sounds around him, everything would turn out to be a bad dream. 

He still heard the hands come to rest on either side of the wood in front of him though and he let out a shaky sigh, sitting back to look up at Hank.

"We've already had this conversation Hank. Please… I can't do this with you. Not right now.” 

There was no anger left in him. No fire lingering in his belly. He was just… so tired. As a hand reached out and brushed tears off of his cheek he sighed, inadvertently turning his cheek into that warm palm.

Many words flew through his head, every bad book he'd read and shitty counseling session he'd seen on TV lighting up words like toxic, manipulative, bad for each other, all flashing through his mind like a goddamn neon sign.

When Hank pulled away and came around to sit next to him, Connor stated blankly ahead, his jaw clenching as his body debated on moving away, or scooting closer.

He forced himself to sit still. "Did you have anything to do with what happened tonight?" He asked, voice barely a whisper.

He could feel Hanks eyes on him. Saw him stiffen out of the corner of his eye. "Connor..."

Connor closed his eyes, his fists clenching in his lap. "Hank. No bullshit." He looked over at Hank finally. "You woke me up, didn't you? That…" he lifted a shaking hand up by his ear, screwing his eyes shut tightly as he shook his head. "That damn _ voice _ in the back of my head. I've always thought… it was just my brain playing tricks on me. But it was you. It's always been you, hasn't it?" 

Hank sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity, looking more conflicted than Connor had ever seen him. He almost looked like he felt guilty. 

"What did you do, Hank?" He sighed.

Hank shook his head, his eyes staring ahead as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the back of the pew in front of them. "Nothing. I didn't follow you, because you told me not to. By the time I decided to check on you it was already too late."

Connor sighed, slumping back in his seat. "Not like it would have done any good if you had." He muttered, shaking his head and waving a hand dismissively as Hank opened his mouth to say something. "It's fine… That's not how it works, I know." He stared up at the ceiling, a sad smile tugging the corners of his lips as a few tears forced their way out. "I guess I can't really be too mad, huh? Not like you've purposely fucked my life up. I did that just fine on my own. Wouldn't have mattered anyway, if you had stepped in to help, like some… demonic guardian angel. I woulda just taken advantage of you just like I take advantage of my brother and everyone else in my life." He laughed sadly, shaking his head and putting both hands over his face as a soft sob tore it's way out of his throat. Once the tears started up again it took him several moments to stop them, digging the heels of his hands into his eyelids as he tried to calm his breathing. He could feel Hank next to him, could practically see the demon wrestling with the urge to put an arm around him. 

He was glad he didn't. He didn't trust himself to do the right thing and push him away right now. "I'm so fucked." He sighed, finally putting his hands down when he felt like the tears had stopped again. They were silent for a few moments, with Hank staring at Connors profile. When he finally looked at him, he couldn't pinpoint the look in the demons eyes, but refused to let himself linger on it.

"You just want to... eat me or something right? Eat my soul?" He laughed humorlessly, wiping tear tracks off of his cheek with the back of his hand. "Why don't you just do it then?" He shook his head, staring forward again. "Why let me go through all of this bullshit? You just want to torture me? To prolong my suffering? Let me fuck my life up so much that I have no choice but to come crawling to you. Well… congratulations." He opened his arms, motioning towards himself with. "This is the fucking bottom, Hank. What more do you want?"   
Hank sighed, leaning more towards him and tucking a stray curl behind Connors ear. "You. Nothing more,  nothing less."   
Connor managed to scoff, ignoring his body's urge to lean into that touch and instead standing and taking a few steps away. "You're such an asshole."   
There was a growl behind him, and it took a tremendous amount of strength for Connor not to turn around and look at Hank. Before he even realized Hank had moved, a hand wrapped around his elbow, stopping him, and Connor instinctively yanked it away with a glare directed at the floor, still refusing to look at Hank. 

Hank didn't care for that, apparently.

Large arms locked around his shoulders, pulling him back against a broad chest and Connor had to force himself to struggle against the demons hold.

When it was apparent he was going nowhere, Connor sighed, gripping Hanks forearms. "Let me go." He mumbled, the words coming out sounding much more like a plea than he'd intended. 

"You're so stubborn." Hank grumbled as he held him tighter. "You don't want that."

Connor leaned his head back against Hanks shoulder, keeping his eyes closed. It was a constant battle, stopping himself from just melting into Hanks arms. He couldn't allow himself to be pulled in again.

He wouldn't. 

He clenched his teeth together, nails digging uselessly into Hanks arms. "Why are you doing this to me?" 

He felt Hank smile. "Admit it. You love it. You've never felt more alive than you do right now." That massive arm locked tighter around his neck, further constricting his airflow. "Act like you hate me all you want, but your body doesn't lie." One of Hanks hands came to rest over his heart, his voice quiet but so loud in Connors ears. "This traitorous little organ beats like crazy every time you look at me." 

"Fuck you!" He grit out, not even caring about the tears burning the corners of his vision. 

Why the hell was this all so hard?

Hank sighed, his hold on Connor loosening up slightly. “I'm a selfish creature by nature. I've nudged you in the past. Made things worse because I wanted to break you. But I want to help you now… wont you let me?"   
"I hate you." He breathed, closing his eyes as a chuckle rippled though his back and Hanks arms held him tighter.    
" _ No _ you don't little one. You're  **_afraid_ ** . You've always been afraid. Your whole life you've been running scared." He felt a kiss being pressed to his shoulder. “Let me take care of you. All of this pain. This hurt you're feeling. I can make it all go away. Let me make things right."

Connor took a steadying breath and made an effort to struggle again, pulling against Hanks hold to no avail.

"You're lashing out, little one. I get it. You're mad. You're scared. You're allowed to be mad. Get mad. Hit me. Yell at me. Do whatever you need to do. Get out what you're feeling so you can  _ get over it _ and I can help you."

"Fuck. You." 

  
Connor felt his head being turned and didnt have it in him to fight as Hank kissed him. He felt his knees grow weak and had to swallow down the little noise that tried to escape him as Hank held him tighter.

When the demon finally loosened his hold, letting go of Connor and taking a step back he had to force his legs not to give out on him.

He pushed his hands through his hair and turned away from Hank, taking a couple more steps and breathing through his nose.

Why was this so hard?

It should be easy. 

Tell him to fuck off and go about his life.

But... what the hell was the point in that anymore.

What did he have left?

In the end, this was probably all his plan, so that Hank was all he had left.

He was getting what he wanted, and a large part of Connors brain was just telling him to give in and go with it.

He hugged himself,  refusing to look at Hank. "How long would I have? Before you..."

He heard Hank inhale slightly, as though he were somehow surprised Connor had asked what he did.

"As long as you want."

He looked at him, frowning. "And that's it? You're just willing to… wait?"

Hank shrugged. "I've waited this long."

Connor stared at him for a long moment after that, just watching the emotions that crossed the demons face. Maybe it was just his stupid heart telling him shit that wasn't true, but Connor liked to think in the short time they'd known one another, hed gotten pretty good at reading the microexpressions that crossed his face when he wasn't trying to mask them. The twitch of an eyebrow. The slightest flick of his eyes or quirk to his mouth. 

"I think I finally understand you, Hank." He whispered, dropping his hands to his sides and watching the look of confusion that crossed Hanks face. "You're no better than me." As Hanks frown deepened he shook his head, trying to solidify the thoughts in his head before Hank could speak and derail him again. "You're bored. You're... tired of living your life waiting for the next prize to come along." He took a step closer, keeping his eyes on Hanks face. "You need me. That's what this is… isnt it? You're… lonely. Lonely, bored, scared of living out the rest of your life alone. That's why you won't just sign some cheap, superficial contract and be done with it. We could have done that  _ years  _ ago. You... _ need _ me to want you. You don't just want my soul. You want forever.." 

And that was it. 

Connor saw something flash, just for a moment, in the demons eyes that he wouldn't have thought was possible had he not seen it for himself: vulnerability. For a faction of a second, Hank looked… scared.

Of what, Connor wasn't sure.

Being alone?

Being called out?

The possibility of Connor actually rejecting him, once and for all?

He…. Was the one holding the cards here.

Ok.

Connor took a deep breath and closed the distance between them. He gripped the front of Hanks shirt, twisting his fingers into the fabric until he had a solid hold and yanking the demon down so that their noses touched. For once, his tone was unwavering, solid in its conviction. 

He had power here, and he was going to fucking use it. 

  
"You want me? Fine." He stared directly into Hanks eyes, his eyebrows drawing down in determination. "You can do whatever you want. If you want my soul, fine. Take it. Take my useless body, take my soul. Take everything you want. I'll agree to your damn contract. But... I want my family… they need to be happy. I want my parents to get off of their holier than thou bullshit and reconnect with my brother and I want Gavin to make a full recovery. The fucker who did this needs to serve time, at the very least."

Hanks hands came up to rest on Connors, gentle as a feather. "And you?"

Connor swallowed. "I want you to take me far away from here. Somewhere.... somewhere I can live out the rest of my miserable fucking life in peace." He gripped the shirt in his hands a little tighter, giving Hank a little shake for emphasis. "And Hank?" He looked Hank in the eyes, searching for recognition that what he was saying was getting through, ignoring the slight shake in his hands where he held Hanks shirt. "Don't  you  **_ever_ ** fucking leave me."   


Hank watched him, listening intently as his eyes shifted back and forth between Connors, searching. Looking for any sign of insecurity or doubt where Connor knew there was none.   
He'd never been more sure of anything in his life.   
He'd caused so much harm in his life. Maybe disappearing from everyone elses for a little while could be the one good thing he could do for them.   
Then, the demon smiled, shark like teeth spreading into an inhuman grin as he reached out and wrapped both arms around Connors waist, yanking him close with an absurd strength that made Connors knees weak.   
  
"I can do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it! We reached the end! The completion of my first fic!  
> I've said it before and I'll say it again, thank you SO much to everyone who's kept up with this thing and encouraged me to keep writing! Yall are seriously amazing and I'm so happy if you've enjoyed it!  
> Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought!  
> (I will also be putting up an epilogue. So stay tuned for that too!)
> 
> Feel free to hop on over to my lonely little discord if you wanna chat! 
> 
> https://discord.gg/tmyqh2v


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